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Short Story Contest #6 - Survival Horror

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Here's a WiP of sorts.

A Cold Night

Men and women started to dissapear from the village. On the first time, we thought it was just a wolf attack, even though we never found the body. But the dissapearances continued. The elder chose a group of young men to investigate. There wasn't a large choice of weapons, simple farm tools, anything we thought we could have used. We 5 men started out to the forest.

It was the middle of the winter, and the winter here is horrible. The snow continuously fell, and hindered the vision. Our faces were numb and we continously had to move. Stopping meant dying. Already on the second day our strength was sapped. The weather intensified, and we were too far from the village to go back. "We have to find a place to rest or we will die".

So what the word limit if there is one?
EDIT-10,000 huh? Thats plenty.
 
Level 17
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so does the character have to survive in the horror story?

Contestants must create a story about an individual or a group of individuals who are dealing with supernatural phenomenons and other-worldly horrors. The story must be written from the perspective of one of the survivors.

So yes.
 
Level 17
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I need a couple judges so feel free to PM me with some examples of your work. These can be previous contest entries or stories you've created on your own time. It would also be helpful if you are a stable member (join-date before 2011, a decent amount of posts).
 
Level 17
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so does the character have to survive in the horror story?

I'm going to quote myself here:

If it is absolutely necessary to tell the story in its entirety, then yes. [the character can die] Hopefully the writer can come up with something more creative than simply switching perspective to another person though.
 
Level 18
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I'd say you can still make the story finish with a dead main character. Your last sentences could be:
The creature broke through my last defenses and storms at me with his claws ready to strike. The last part of my story is the sound of that swipe, just before it hit my skull.

Then you got a story from perspective of the character until the very last line you write.
 
WIP time! :D

Chapter 1 - Unforeseen Events
"Beep! Beep! Beep!"
My cellphone's alarm was on, and as usual, I was late for school. My haggard eyes open up to a beautiful sunrise; and chirping birds on the roof. I was there, lying on my bed with a blanket covering half of my body, and trying to get the strength to get up. I groaned, and jumped right off my bed. From there, I sensed something a little bit... off with this day. Ignoring my sense, I walked over to my cabinet to prepare to take a shower. As I took a shower, I heard weird bumping sounds on the outside of the bathroom wall. Once again, I ignored it and went on with my day. Realizing that the school bus had already left me behind, I reached for my bag and set it on the couch. My parents already went off to work, and I was all alone in the house. I grabbed my jacket, brushed my teeth and reached for my bag and ran out into the garage, taking my bike and pedaling as fast as I can to school. "I haven't biked this fast in a while; I hope my laziness doesn't kick in here.” I said to myself as I was biking down the street. As I took a right turn to Meltor Street, I saw two cars in the distance. School was just about three more blocks away, so I started to slow down a bit to be able to have the energy to keep pedaling until school. As I crossed the intersection, I didn't notice the two cars colliding right behind me. The shockwave knocked my off my bike, and uncontrollably sent my bike to crash into a small patch of shrubs. I landed not too far from the accident, only scraping my knee and giving myself a slight pain on my back. I stood up, scraped dust off my uniform, and checked both cars to see if the drivers were alive. Upon looking at the driver's seat of both cars; I could see blood splattered all over the scene. Their faces were flattened from the windshield, and shards of glass were stuck all over their bodies. This horrendous sight made me vomit on the street. After the accident, I ran over to my bike and pedaled as fast as I can to school. The adrenaline rush in me made me sweat all over my body. After arriving at school and locking my bike to one of the chains, I walked over to my class. Along the hallway, I met the Willy, the school's janitor. "Hello, Jess. You're late again. It's Monday, too.” the janitor said. "Yeah, I’m very sorry Willy. I hope I won't be late tomorrow, the Student Elections are tomorrow.” I replied. "Okay, Jess. Hurry up before the prefects catch you.” Willy advised. "I'll be off now, thanks.” I said as I bid my farewell.
 
Level 11
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389
Here's mine:


It has been a very long time since I saw somebody else being alive. Two weeks? Three weeks? Maybe even months have passed, I have already lost track of time. Searching for supplies throughout the day and hiding every night, This has become of my lifestyle. I do not know where to go, There’s not a single place that is safe anymore. In fact, There’s not a single thing safe at all. Everything was once quiet and peaceful, Yet it had to happen.

I was working in my office, Same stuff as always, Writing newspaper columns. My fingers are tired from all the typing I have done and so I went to the lobby. I grabbed my favorite mug and started to pour coffee in it. I sipped some of it and started to walk back to my office, Who knew it was my last taste of coffee? Then suddenly, Everyone from the building started panicking. As I would normally do during these kinds of situations, I would stand still and look for the cause of the commotion. When I did, There was this guy coming out from the comfort room with blood all over his shirt, He was the janitor. He started to sprint towards me and so I started sprinting away from him. I knew something was up with him because he was a frail old man when I met him. I headed towards the emergency fire exit, There was a fire extinguisher next to the door so I grabbed it. When the janitor or what he has become came close, I hit him with the fire extinguisher. When he tried to stand, I started to beat the hell out of him. Then I kicked him to make sure he won’t stand up again. I hurried outside and saw all the people running around. I didn’t waste any time, I went to the parking lot and searched for my car. Good thing I didn’t forget about my car keys because of the mayhem. I started the engine and rode downtown. I turned the radio on and started to listen to the news. Even if I work in a news paper company, I’m not that much updated in recent events. Suddenly, An emergency broadcast started. It stated that the whole city is in lockdown and nothing can go in or out. As I looked out the windows of my car, I could clearly see the chaos and destruction in the city, Just like in horror movies. Everyone was running away from something.. Or someone. I started to think where I should go, I’ve thought about going home but that place doesn’t even qualify to be safe, My nagging mother lives with me there and she isn’t that helpful to me. So I scrapped the idea of going home and headed towards a friend of mine’s house, Daniel’s house. Daniel was a retired cop and has experience with firearms, So I think I’ll be safe with him. He lives in there alone and so I thought no one else will be bothered. When I stopped my car, I was already in front of his house. It was still the same the last time I remember. I went out of my car and ringed the doorbell. I was bored so I rang about twenty times or so. He came out of his front door and greeted me. He said he recognized the way I rang. He opened the gate and let me in. We both sat on the couch in his living room. He turned the television on and changed the channel to the news. The news reports says that an epidemic has spread within the city, Every living organism that it infects gets very aggressive and gains heightened metabolism, Increased reflexes and improved intellect. The infected organism then vomits blood to spread the virus. My friend and I started to pack things that can be useful. We knew that his house wouldn’t be a good hiding spot and so we went off the road.

Because of the roads being blocked off by the military, We had no choice but to stay within the city. Daniel suggested we go to all the police stations available. He said that if we want to survive, We had to get us some firepower. Along the way, We drove over at least fifty infected people. We aren’t even sure if they were really infected, The car’s windshield was blood-red so I turned the wipers on. Daniel and I laughed as if we were still teenagers doing pranks and other things. As we saw our first police station, We parked the car 5 meters away from it. Just in case we encounter some of the infected, We can reach the car immediately. When we stepped in, The police were gone and the station was abandoned. We searched every nook and cranny of the station. We found several weapons including handguns, revolvers, a semi-automatic machine gun and huge amounts of ammunitions. We were ready to kick some infected ass.. Or at least Daniel is ready to kick some infected ass.

We have already searched three police stations, Daniel was wondering why there are no signs of the infected. It has been hours since we started searching for supplies and firearms yet we didn’t encounter any. We have planned our destination; An abandoned warehouse near the hills. We decided it’s the safest place to go since it was in a secluded area. When we arrived, It was already evening, The warehouse was locked. Daniel went around the warehouse, He said that there wasn’t another way in. So I decided to shoot the huge lock that was preventing us from entering. The gunfire made a very loud noise, Soon after that, We heard moans and footsteps. We attracted the nearby infected! At first I thought “How the hell would there be infected people in such a place like this?”. Daniel started to open fire at them. There were at least ten of them running towards us. So I loaded my gun, Aimed at one and started shooting. Who knew that I was a good shooter? I was even proud of myself for a moment there because I shot one on the head. But my victory was short lived, We saw a silhouette of something huge. We pointed our guns towards the dark figure, When it emerged, It was a very fat infected person. Even with its huge size, It’s still as fast as the others we have encountered. We started shooting it, It just won’t go down! Daniel had an idea, Why aim for the blubber that is protecting it when you can aim for its fragile knees? So we shot its knees, As Daniel predicted; It can’t stand back up. When we thought it was over, The fat guy started rolling towards us, Like a big ball of fat that’s going to crush your every bone. We knew shooting it wouldn’t be effective, So we started to run like hell towards the warehouse and turned around a corner. After a few minutes, I whispered to Daniel “I think we lost fatty”.

We crept slowly away from the corner and towards the entrance of the warehouse. Daniel searched the warehouse for any infected. “No infected inside here” Daniel spoke. We started barricading any possible entrance. We found an old lamp but we had no oil. So I gathered some dry wood and started to make fire with the sawdust and some flint that I’ve found. After a few tries, I was successful enough to make a fire. When I stood up and reached into my pocket, I grabbed something; I had my lighter all along. “So I wasted energy and time to create that fire? Goddamn it!” I said while kicking a bucket of paint. We slept for the rest of the night, It was peaceful after all the trouble we had during the day.

When I woke up, Daniel was limbering outside. He said that he noticed the infected run away from the daylight. “So we made the discovery that infected people are sensitive to light? Maybe we could use this to our advantage?” I said to Daniel with a smile on both our faces. We searched the insides of the warehouse for anything useful. Daniel found the main breaker and turned it on, There was still electricity running in the place. We don’t know how long will it last, But at least we have lights that keeps the infected at bay. I found some chainsaws and some car batteries that can be useful. Just like the survival show I saw in discovery channel, Anything that can be salvaged is useful. Daniel said that we needed food, He said that there was a nearby grocery store he saw along the way. We decided to gear up and head towards the store. As I drove, I noticed that there was almost nothing good to look at. Everything was turned upside down within a single day, I wonder what will happen if this continues. As we approach our destination, We see more and more destruction. When we arrived, We were in awe when the grocery store was still intact. The lights were on and it seems there are no people around. I stepped in first, Daniel followed. Daniel grabbed all the canned goods and put them all inside a large sack. I went to the meat section to get some meat of course. Then I heard something from the supply room. Daniel was very far from me, So running or any sudden actions can cause unwanted results. Well that’s what I know from writing articles about tragic incidents. I decided to take a look at it. I know I’m not good at using a gun so I decided to grab a nearby meat cleaver. I slowly walked towards the area where I heard the noise. I readied myself for anything that could happen. As I cautiously approach the spot, There was this man holding a baseball bat, Sitting on a chair and staring at a pile of dead bodies.

He doesn’t look infected at all. He stared at me and stood up. Daniel came in and pointed his gun towards him. The man introduced himself as Frank. He said that if we want to survive, We have to stick as a team. We were suspicious of his intentions but he didn’t show any threat. He told us that he is off his medication and that is why he had battered several infected people to death inside the supply room. He was also a chief mechanic of a car repair shop. We went outside and got into the car, We drove back to the warehouse. It was getting dark every moment, Daniel and I knew that the infected are going to come out anytime soon. I do not know whether Frank knows this or not, So we shared the little secret we discovered. As we got into the warehouse, We quickly barricaded all the entrances and had dinner. We continued this kind of living for over two weeks without a change.

I listened to the radio for any news, It seems that our city was the only one with the epidemic. That is very strange, An unknown disease that causes living things to kill others? Sounds like something I heard from a horror movie. I wish it was all just a bad dream. If I can, I would just wake up and everything will be back to normal. It’s been a month since the destruction of the city. I told Daniel and Frank that I would be gone for a while. I’ve decided to visit my old house, Wondering if my mother is still alive. I encountered several infected along the way, But there was sunlight so they could leave the shade provided by the ruins. When I was in front of my house, I opened the door. It was very dark, So I had to use my lighter. Well, What do you know? My lighter is still with me after all the tough times. I walked slowly towards the kitchen, Nothing. I scanned the whole ground floor and decided to take a look upstairs. The wooden boards creaked even if I stepped lightly. As I step off the stairs, I started to walk towards a nearby door cautiously. As I opened it, I saw my mom, She was infected. The old nagger is still as ugly even in her current condition. She leapt towards me and I started to run downstairs. I grabbed a tiny lamp and smacked her on the head. “I always wanted to hit you on the head with a hard object!” I said while having a contented smile on my face. I busted her skull after a few more hits, It was the most relieving thing that I have done since the epidemic has spread.

Even if I have brutally killed my mom, She is still my mother and I wanted a proper burial for her. So I grabbed a potato sack from the kitchen and slid her right it. I dug a grave on our lawn and dragged the sack there. I started to pray for her soul to rest in peace. When I was about to finish, The sack started moving. The old bastard just won’t accept her death. So I pulled my gun and shot her about eight or nine times. She was squirming so I just shot her once more to keep her dead. Not wanting my mother to be alive again, I quickly covered her graved with all the dirt I could find. I wish she just stays dead so I won’t have to kill her over and over again.
 
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Level 4
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I'm new so can anyone tell me how to do this event?Maybe send a example from another similar event.
Hope this maybe good as you all :D ©<--Feel the power of my sign!!
Prologue:
While running I looked back and saw them coming closer to us. I took out my M16 started shooting at them. It did little effect of course. I took out another clip and reloaded my weapon. On my right was Katie, still running while holding an AK-47 and 2 M67 Hand grenades hung loosely by her jeans belt loop. I'm just worried about them exploding if she fell or the grenade was dropped as well as the horde of mutated armored spiders chasing after us. Then there was Terry. Well he isn't much but the truth is Terry saved my life twice before but he acts like he has a score to settle with me, like I'm some sort of rival for him. He was carrying an OICW in his hand and at his waist a Berreta 93R.On his back was a Benelli M4 Shotgun. Yeah, he might also be Rambo when he was a kid. Then I heard a screech.

"Damn, they're coming."I said.

Terry flicked a menacing look at me and said "This was your fault Tim! I told you we should have bombed the entrance to that cave!".

"Well they are human beings as well as us! Why didn't you ju-".

"SHUT UP YOU TWO!"

We were shocked at how Katie responded. She used to be so kind and gentle. Suddenly, 4 Blacksuits jumped over the horde with such a tremendous power it killed a few dozen nearby where they jumped. One of them jumped at Katie and forcing her down on the ground and I was worried the grenades might explode when she fell. The other one almost got me if it weren't for the lucky slip from a puddle that made him over shoot me. That single opportunity gave me some time to shoot it down. While thinking how weak it is Terry was firing that gun of his at the 4th Blacksuit. It must have toughened skin like the last one we encountered. While moving to help Terry, I totally forgot about the other one and it grabbed me on the shoulder.

"Shi-" it was all I could say before being covered by a bag over my head.

Afterwards, my hands and legs were tied together. Then I was tossed into some kind of van. They pulled the ropes so tight I could imagine, if I ever get out of these ropes, the red bleeding marks on my wrist and ankles attracting more of the hordes blood crazy fiend dogs. I heard a muffled cry as someone was also tossed in the van. I presume it was Katie because of her incessant screaming and howling. But I didn't hear Terry getting tossed into the van. I hoped he escaped. But thinking clearly now in this 'just became silent' area, since Katie stopped her screaming about a monster eating her, he DOES have military training with 3 guns at his disposal. While thinking a way out, I remembered how all these problems happening to me now started, just because I went to school.
 
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Level 7
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wow. didn't know you could write stories on hive =P. gonna try my hand at it...are there any rules against profanity or violence in the entry? didnt see them at contest rules and conditions, but wanted to make sure
 
Level 37
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Here's my first WIP of the first chapter. As you can see I'm not a good writer, but I hope to become better while writing this story.



Chapter 1, Part 1

I'm running and I'm running fast. I have a feeling something is not alright. I look around. It's night and I'm running across a garden. I've been in this garden before, but I don't remember when and what's it's name. I look around again and relize that I'm in a high cliff. I see a city far away and it's lights. I try to remember what is name of the city, but it simply won't pop in my mind. Then I look ahead, and see understand that I'm running to a fortress.

In horror I see that I'm holding someone's ripped hand with my left hand. I look myself closer, the armor and the sword I'm holding in my right hand is stained with blood. I'm still running. Where am I running and why am I wielding this armor? Am I going to a war? But the war ended 8 years ago!

I see two guards guarding a massive gate ahead. I try to shout to them asking what's happening here, but instead, I slash with my sword other guard's throat open quickly before he can block the attack. The second guard respondes to my attack quickly by trying to cut my arm. I'm a well-aware of that and I pull my hand away while hitting with my other hand with the separated hand to his face. The hand hits the guard's face blinding it by the hand's blood. He's in a shock, but just temporarily. The guard tries to recover from all that blood by wiping the blood away, but it's too late. I first kick him towards the gate and then pierce him straigh to his stomach.

I can't understand why is this happening. Is this a dream? Why I have a dream like this? I try to hit my head to the gate so that I would wake up from this nightmare. But my head is not moving at all, how hard I try. What I'm doing now? My left hand is shaking and I can see it becoming more and more red. Then I relize, I'm creating a magical fire bolt. I throw it towards the gate that slams open with the mighty of the magic. I run inside the castle.
 
Level 18
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@Aeroblyctos: Try another setup for your sentences. The first thing I notice about your writing style is that pretty much every sentence has its focus on 'I'. There are several ways to avoid this and make your story more appealing. You could for example paste sentences together to create less I's.
I'm running and I'm running fast. I have a feeling something is not alright.
would become
I'm running fast and have a feeling something is not alright.
This turns 3 I's into 1.

Another thing is to rearrange your sentences so 'I' won't be your opening.
I look around again and relize that I'm in a high cliff.
would become
When I look around again, I realize that I'm on a high cliff.
(I made the text that had a grammar error bold)

The third way to make your story more appealing is to keep using different ways to tell the same thing.
I see a city far away and it's lights.
could be turned into
In the distance are the lights of a city.
or
The bright lights far away must mean there's a city.
or you can make him talk to himself like
"That bright light... Is it the city?"
As you see, there are many, many ways to write down the exact same, and every new way will keep it interesting to read.

Finally, you can describe the way someone says or does something. Add detail, so the reader know how the character is acting while doing something.
I try to shout to them asking what's happening here, but instead, I slash with my sword other guard's throat open quickly before he can block the attack.
can be interpreted in different ways.
Desperately, I try to shout to them, asking what's happening here. But instead, I have to endure the fear of my own sword slash at the other guard's throat before he can block the attack.
That's probably the scene you wanted to create. Now with a little different detail, you can make the character completely different through the eyes of the reader.
Accusingly, I try to shout to them, asking what's happening here. But instead, I can simply slash the other guard's throat before he can block the attack.
Only 2 changes and the character changes from victim to villain, while the same event occurs.

Hope you can use this and good luck in the contest!



@Oziris: I read your WIP as well. There are a few comma's you forgot to place (like My father, David, was an alcoholic, a bar drunk. He used to go out every day and come back in the morning completely wasted without any money.. The sentence about the guy that grabbed the stewardess was a bit weird though. You might want to reformulate that one. It's still well understandable of course :thumbs_up:
There was just 1 real downside. I liked the story and was curious where it would go, until...
Until the point where a dead guy ate the stewardess' brains.

I'm sorry, but it's really not that original. I believe this is the 3rd or 4th WIP I've seen with zombies. Horror survival doesn't mean you have to survive zombies. There are tons of scary stuff. Ghosts, wild beasts, a wizard's summonings. In WC3 style, the Naga are abominations of Night Elves, and the Undead... well that should be self-explanatory. Real life has creepy stuff as well, like a government organization trying to kill you or a freaky mother-in-law :p
What I'm trying to say is: Use your imagination! Horror is not equal to zombies. My suggestion is to think of something besides zombies if you want to have an original story. I understand it's annoying to change when you already have an idea in your head, but in my opinion you'd have a better chance without pulling a zombie out of your hat.

Good luck to you too :grin:
 
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Level 12
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Dec 10, 2008
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Hows mine and how are we supposed to do this? Post everything on one post or send to the judges?

To my knowledge, you write it and post a WIP at some point to prove it's your work, and at some point before the deadline, you post the document attached to your post for the judges to look at. Might have changed though.

And I wish I could participate in this one, I like survivor-horror stories, but I just know my english teacher is getting ready to throw out an essay some time this week.
 
Level 4
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111
To my knowledge, you write it and post a WIP at some point to prove it's your work, and at some point before the deadline, you post the document attached to your post for the judges to look at. Might have changed though.

And I wish I could participate in this one, I like survivor-horror stories, but I just know my english teacher is getting ready to throw out an essay some time this week.
Thank you so much.I'm sure to ace this thing.Pray that I don't get to lazzzz.......:vw_sleep:
 
Level 7
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here goes.
my first time ever writing an essay more than 300 words, so it probably wont be good...

Chapter 1: 2012

Everyone’s dead. I don’t know what to do. Jake was my only anchor to sanity, and now he’s gone. Torn apart by the slavering, vicious thing in front of my eyes. From my vantage point on the third floor, I can see the barricades being erected around the school grounds, hear the sirens and other things shrieking and screaming.

I still remember when they came…It was a typically boring day at school.I was in class, about to doze off after listening to my History teacher drone on about some ancient war for more than 15 minutes. I was daydreaming about games, food, sports…generally everything that was not History-related. The peaceful afternoon was shattered by a dreadful scream from outside the classroom. It was followed immediately by some sickening…munching sounds. This was the start of the worst day in my life.

I stare down at Jake’s corpse, or what’s left of it. The creature that took away my best friend is lying across his legs, three of its limbs hacked off and its single, glowing eye stabbed in the center of the pupil. Thick greenish fluids mixes with Jake’s blood and pools on the floor around them. I numbly retrieve my penknife from the corpse of the thing, flinching as more emerald blood sprays from the wound in its eye. I speak to Jake’s still-warm corpse.

“Thought hiding in a locked room could have saved us? Jake, you’re wrong. Dead wrong.” For some reason, I start laughing uncontrollably. If anyone was still alive, they would have thought I was insane.

They would have been right.

Our teacher immediately ran out to investigate. Being teenagers, naturally the whole class jumped at the chance to do something instead of being cooped up in the classroom. However, the scene in the corridor froze our blood. A student was having his right hand and his chest eaten by a horrifying creature resembling a dog. A dog two times the size of a mature bulldog, with two heads and six legs. Luckily, the student was past caring – his neck had been torn out, and he was obviously dead. Blood was everywhere in the corridor, and more was spraying out from the dead student’s neck. More people poured out into the corridor from both sides, and someone behind me whispered “Holy shit…”. Shocked and repulsed, I vaguely recall the beast turning around and glaring at us with all three of its eyes. We were frozen in place by terror, unable to act. Suddenly someone screamed in fear and disgust. Carnage ensued.

Outside the window, the things are already gathering en masse some distance before the barricades. The local police already brought in most, if not all of their personnel, but all of them had probably never been in a situation resembling this horrifying massacre. I hope they are armed not only with firearms, but with the knowledge that those things must not escape the school. That would probably cause the end of the world, because for every person they kill, they…absorb him.

The foul creature lunges at us with an inhuman speed. Our teacher never stood a chance. One moment he was standing in front of us, looking every bit as shocked as any of the students. Then, he was picked up in all three jaws of the thing and bitten into three pieces by its lethal teeth. We could hear his earsplitting and mercifully short screams as it chewed him into bits. Unbelievably, the creature had grown again by the time it finished devouring our teacher. Now it towered ten centimeters over me, and as I watched, something that I assume to be another limb started to protrude from its body. I never got to see what it was, because by then, all of us were running for our lives. Nobody looked back.

The things have started their assault on the barricades. For a moment, hope rises in me as I see the police opening fire on the creatures, and the beasts dropping before they even reach the barricades. Then, I see the creatures crouching on the treetops, unnoticed by the police who were busy dealing with the threat on the ground. They looked like giant deformed bats, with a body the size of an adult human and huge wingspans casting a darkly ominous shadow on the ground. They pounced on the hapless defenders, savagely eviscerating more than ten of them before the others even know what had killed their comrades. I groan in despair and slump to the ground. If the police fail to quarantine the school, I know for certain that the town would not survive past midday tomorrow. And there would be more of them coming from what Jake dubbed the Hellhole…

It was far too close. I remember with sickening clarity, how close Jake and I had come to being massacred with the other people. If the monster hadn’t blocked the way down and rushed after the other people below us, we would have suffered the same fate. However, fate decreed that we ran upstairs, which was the only thing that saved us from the massacre below. As we reached the third floor, Jake opens the door of one of the deserted science labs and shoves me in. He rushes in after me and immediately locked the door behind us. Panting from terror and exhaustion, we lean against the door to catch our breath. After recovering somewhat, I move to the windows and gaze downwards.

I see students and teachers scattering in all directions, the creature hot on their heels. It had grown almost twofold by this time, and it now had giant pincers protruding from one of its heads and its body. Obviously, it had devoured some new victims. However, that was not which drew my attention. It was the circular, ten-meter wide hole on the ground with flames burning deep inside it where the basketball court used to be, with several strange creatures standing on its edge. Waves of heat exuded from the fissure. As I watched, several small demonic dogs with two heads somehow materialized on the edge of the hole. I realize with a sickening lurch that those are newly summoned versions of the beast that had killed our teacher and so many students. Jake looks at me with bleakness in his eyes. “Hellhole would be a suitable name for that thing,” he says while pointing at the flaming hole. I nod faintly and try to accept the reality of the situation we are in.


The police forces have recovered from the shock of being attacked by their aerial foes and are retaliating. The monster bats dart about swiftly in the air, trying to throw off their aim. However, some lucky shots manage to down most of the bats, with the others retreating back to the treetops inside the school.
End of wall of text
Please tell me if i have violated any of the contest rules, i'm not sure about them as its my first time joining a short story contest on Hive
 
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i have decided.. i will join this, my first contest participation:)


Palms sweating, legs shaking, and heart pounding, as i twist the doorknob of that abandoned room. James is standing right beside me, looking brave despite his deep wound in the chest. As i slowly open the door its creaking sound sends shivers to my spine. I can see our chasers' shadows closing in. "i may be a girl, but i'm no coward!", i said to myself, and with one great burst of courage i swing the door open and point a handgun straight into the darkness. "Nobody is here", James assures me. He was always sure of what he says, like nothing at all troubles him despite this manhunt where we are the victims...


first paragraph..
sorry for the punctuation errors:) (especially you, Anarch) please give me feedbacks
 
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Level 26
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AbandonAllHope.jpg
 
@Oziris: I read your WIP as well. There are a few comma's you forgot to place (like My father, David, was an alcoholic, a bar drunk. He used to go out every day and come back in the morning completely wasted without any money.. The sentence about the guy that grabbed the stewardess was a bit weird though. You might want to reformulate that one. It's still well understandable of course :thumbs_up:
There was just 1 real downside. I liked the story and was curious where it would go, until...
Until the point where a dead guy ate the stewardess' brains.

I'm sorry, but it's really not that original. I believe this is the 3rd or 4th WIP I've seen with zombies. Horror survival doesn't mean you have to survive zombies. There are tons of scary stuff. Ghosts, wild beasts, a wizard's summonings. In WC3 style, the Naga are abominations of Night Elves, and the Undead... well that should be self-explanatory. Real life has creepy stuff as well, like a government organization trying to kill you or a freaky mother-in-law :p
What I'm trying to say is: Use your imagination! Horror is not equal to zombies. My suggestion is to think of something besides zombies if you want to have an original story. I understand it's annoying to change when you already have an idea in your head, but in my opinion you'd have a better chance without pulling a zombie out of your hat.

Good luck to you too :grin:

There is much more to the story then zombies. If you read the ending of the WIP you'll see that I'm aiming for something bigger. ;)
Anyway, thanks for reading it :)
 
Level 30
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i have decided.. i will join this, my first contest participation:)


Palms sweating, legs shaking, and heart pounding, as i twist the doorknob of that abandoned room. James is standing right beside me, looking brave despite his deep wound in the chest. As i slowly open the door its creaking sound sends shivers to my spine. I can see our chasers' shadows closing in. "i may be a girl, but i'm no coward!", i said to myself, and with one great burst of courage i swing the door open and point a handgun straight into the darkness. "Nobody is here", James assures me. He was always sure of what he says, like nothing at all troubles him despite this manhunt where we are the victims...


first paragraph..
sorry for the punctuation errors:) (especially you, Anarch) please give me feedbacks

good luck kabayan! refixing my WIP soon, i'm also gonna join! :xxd:
 
Level 7
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I added spaces between the paragraphs and fixed some spelling errors. Anything else wrong with the WIP?
 
Level 18
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There is much more to the story then zombies. If you read the ending of the WIP you'll see that I'm aiming for something bigger. ;)
Anyway, thanks for reading it :)

I read it was a part of the big picture, but still. To me it's an element that I call the 'crowbar-element': A key that fits on all locks is no key, it's a crowbar. I don't know if you saw the movie Knowing, but it also had a crowbar effect.
It had a great plot in my opinion and I was really curious of what caused it all, and then they came up with something lame as aliens... Aliens can be used in every situation, so it's just a lame excuse to answer the question 'What caused it?'

The same counts for your story (which is still just my opinion of course). Using brain-eating zombies just kills the rest of the story, no matter how great a plot you have. Zombies are no fun, they're not serious and they're not original.
I'd personally really like to see the story if you replace that element with something more story-specific. An element that can't be used in every story as an excuse to make something happen, but something that can only happen in your story because of the rest of the story setup.
Whether you choose to change it or not, good luck :thumbs_up:
 
Level 18
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1. That question has been answered a few pages back.
2. It's no judging criteria (although I highly recommend it's added, simply because it would encourage entrants to make their text look representable instead of just pasting a wall of text), it will make your story more attractive to read. This will definitely help if you want people to vote for you. If people don't want to read something, they won't vote for it either.
3. You can attach it as a .txt or .doc file for as far as I know, but I think most people prefer it if you would copy and paste the text directly in a post (between HIDDEN tags of course). be careful with using .docx files, since not everybody here has Office 2007 or later to open those files.
 
Level 18
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I think there should be made small exceptions like shi- and d*mn. You'll encounter them in almost all horror survival movies/games. I don't think someone who's scared like hell will say 'My, my, this most certainly is an uncomfortable position I've gotten myself into. Bugger...', so I'd suggest some vulgarity should be allowed (within boundaries of course).

Anyway, I've scrambled some more words together and here's my second WIP.
“Alright, let’s see if there’s anything new we can work with. Come on.”​
I signal my second-in-command to follow me to the bridge.
It was busy at the Eye. People were walking all around the place with paperwork in their hands or analyzing the magic tablets that were placed orderly by the side. It’s no surprise it’s a busy place, but now it’s worse than usually.
The Eye was an underground observatory that uses magic to oversee anything and everything that happens in the outside world. We work here as part of an organization without an official name. After all, our existence is secret to anybody who lives outside. The people here seem to have grown fond of calling themselves and their colleagues Silent Gods. Somebody thought of that name a while back and it stuck. We observe the outside world and intervene if anything occurs that could threaten the existence of any of the factions. However, our policy demands that we don’t leave the slightest clue behind, should we be forced to intervene. We rarely have to, but it would explain why most people here name each other Silent Gods. The reason to our secrecy isn’t that hard to find either. If people know they’re being watched and ‘judged’, they will act unlike themselves. And for that, we have these magic tablets. They link to millions of places, but now they’re all fixed on a few specific areas.
As we pass through the door to the bridge, a tall man turns around to see who it is.
“Nothing yet, ma’am.” he tells me with a disillusioned expression on his face.
I asked him what we could’ve possibly overlooked, but he didn’t know the answer to that either.​
“Ok, let’s retrace what has happened. There must be a reason.” I continued.​
“Very well. It all started yesterday at 17:39.” the man said as he walked to a large map in the center of the room. He zoomed in on one of the 4 territories on the map and placed a couple of markers in it.​
“When the troops of the Malgorn faction, led by general Creigo, marched into Gardona territory here, they slayed all scouting patrols they encountered. The Gardona faction didn’t expect an attack from them, but from the Jorph faction to the north. They reinforced their northern border with most of their troops, led by their general, general Stulliwyn.” he said while marking a large area on the edge of the map.​
”By the time they got the message that they were under attack from the south, they were forced to get back to their capitol as soon as possible. This would’ve been a 3-day trip and they would never have arrived in time. General Creigo was well aware of this, so he marched towards the heart of the Malgorn Empire, slaying every battalion that tried to slow them down as much as possible.”​
He moved the marker that represented the Malgorn army towards the center of the map and continued.
”This delay barely had any effect. In just 35 hours, general Creigo and his legion stood at the capitol walls. With the attack force he had at his disposal, he could’ve claimed the metropolis well before general Stulliwyn and his men would arrive.”​
“But he didn’t.” I clarified. “Now the question is: Why?”​
I lean over the map, looking for any clues that could even give the slightest hint to this strange behavior. They had nothing to fear and everything to gain.
“Did the intercepted orders enlighten anything, Uraph?” my second-in-command, Gretoh asked.​
“Our spies got all orders they could find, but those only contain info about attacking the capitol.” the tall man replied. “There’s nothing that would point towards a retreat. The Calwax faction to the west didn’t show any sign of hostility, so they couldn’t have feared for an attack from them. Calwax also has no pacts with the other factions.”​
Uraph takes a deep breath while looking at the map.
“It just doesn’t make any sense.”​
“We must be overlooking something.” I said while joined him in staring at that wretched map. “You don’t just put your entire army behind enemy lines to reach the grand prize and leave without even touching it.”​
“Uraph…” Gretoh suddenly said.​
I looked at him and saw a glimpse on his face that would indicate he might have found a clue or something.
“Can you track down the current position of general Stulliwyn and his troops?” he continued.​
“Yea, sure. Just a minute.”​
Uraph went to one his private tablet to enter some data. The map was whipped of all markers and not much later, a new one appeared.
“What are they doing there?” I asked myself while curiously looking at the flashing area that just appeared.​
“And now check the location of Malgorn’s armies.” Gretoh continued, still showing that same expression on his face.​
A bit more data was entered in the tablet, and another market appeared.
“Are you sure that’s them?” I asked.​
“Absolutely, ma’am. It seems that general Stulliwyn finds chasing the enemy more important than protecting his homeland.”​
“No, they’re not moving fast enough to be hunting them. It’s nothing like a chase.”​
We both looked curiously at Gretoh when he said those words. I didn’t make him my second-in-command for no reason. He has more military experience than anybody I’ve ever encountered. Which is why this was so curious. If he says they’re not chasing, they’re not chasing. But what were they doing then?
As those thoughts passed my mind, I saw his posture change as if he had it all figured out. And he almost did.
“I know what pattern that is.” he mumbled, still trying to put the pieces together he just seem to have found. “They’re not hunting them… They are joining them.”​
I was stunned by what he just said. I wanted to believe him like I always have, but this would be like defying the laws of nature.
“Malgorn and Gardona have been at war for over 25 years.” I said in disbelief.​
“Besides, if there were orders like that sent to the armies, we would have known.” Uraph added to that.​
That look Gretoh had didn’t change a bit after hearing that. He had a theory, and it was well grounded by the looks of it.
“Exactly!” he said.​
He looked at me, and I noticed a glimpse of pride. He must’ve put all the pieces together, there’s no doubt about it.
“Malgorn and Gardona have been at war and they sent no orders. That’s because it’s not them. Gardona never could’ve sent a message to their army that fast. By the distance between the border and their current position, the Gardona army was already on its way when the city was reached by the Malgornian troops. They’re disobeying orders to protect the border.”​
“What?” Uraph said shocked. “Then what about their defenses against the Jorphans?”​
“See for yourself.”​
Gretoh nodded to the tablet and Uraph understood he should track down the biggest army the Jorph Empire had outside their walls. A little bit later, a third point on the map started flashing. That one wasn’t where it was supposed to be either. As ironic as it may sound, it was all so strange that it actually started to make sense.
“Shall I track down the main Calwax army as well, just in case?” Uraph asked.​
I nodded and a moment later, a fourth point was marked. As we all suspected, it was way out of its patrolling area.
“So it’s a military gathering of the entire continent, huh? But what will they be doing there? I’ll check if we had any relative intercepted messages from any of the other factions.”​
I looked at Gretoh to see if he could save him the effort by explaining that as well, but he didn’t seem to have gotten that far in solving the riddle himself either.

I'm planning to put in a nice anagram to enhance the plot. When my final entry is submitted, you may all guess if you can find it ^^
 
Level 27
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Jun 23, 2009
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Alright... Time to post a micro-WIP.
More stuff will come later, but i dont have anything fit to be posted.
My story's called 'The Spinning Coin', and this is the very first bit of text in it.

They say that there is a balancing force in the world.
Something that keeps the world from consuming itself.
The thought of this always made me feel comfortable,
but that ended when i myself was faced with this force.
For you have to remember that if something is only there to preserve balance,
It is not always on your side.



Aaand that's all i'm going to post for now. The rest of the story needs more refining before i'm satisfied with it.
 
Level 20
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Feb 24, 2009
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2,999
Well considering that there's nothing in the rules against it, be as vulgar as you want. because everyone knows the more you say the F word and talk about sex... the cooler you are
dealwithit.gif

Well I used the F word and a few sexual references in my #4 piece and got runner up... So it's not how much, it's how tasteful it is and do make sure you acknowledge above the spoiler you contain such and of course I would steer clear of certain words like the C word... and racist remarks etc.

If it's a dark gritty story or character, swearing can help but don't put it in just cause you can, you'll only be ruining your own chances...
As anarchian pointed out there is no rules around that HOWEVER there are rules on the hive as a whole, make sure your work abides by them :p
 
Level 11
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May 26, 2009
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760
I admire you guys for the skills to both write a horror, and in first person. I had thought I could pull this off but quickly realized that I make everything I write silly and cute or slightly erotic. Which doesn't really fit the theme. First person? I'm a name spammer; Chizume did this, Chizume did that.
 
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