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Short Story Contest #5 - Dual Perspective Partners

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idodik

idodik

idodik

Level 12
Joined
Aug 22, 2008
Messages
911
The thing is that we haven't quite decided yet how to finish the story, because we had a much longer ending in mind. Right now we're trying to get some free time to have a chance to finish this story.
I sent Naitsirk a message but his studying periods are up and we can barely talk with each other.
 

Dragonson

Dragonson

Dragonson

Level 27
Joined
Jun 23, 2009
Messages
4,787
Um, guys?
Is it just me or is almost noone ready to present an actually finished and polished entry?

This whole paired writing thing is hard, especially if a team consists of two people that dont know each other.
It is not something that is frequently done in the great world of litterature, and with good reason.

So, maybe we could have some more time?
The teams have first now begun adapting to the way of writing that this contest uses, and if we keep the current deadline then most of the stories will, if i am not wrong, be around 1k words max and very unpolished.
 

-Peper-

-Peper-

-Peper-

Level 22
Joined
Jun 28, 2010
Messages
3,336
Dragonson said:
Um, guys?
Is it just me or is almost noone ready to present an actually finished and polished entry?

This whole paired writing thing is hard, especially if a team consists of two people that dont know each other.
It is not something that is frequently done in the great world of litterature, and with good reason.

So, maybe we could have some more time?
The teams have first now begun adapting to the way of writing that this contest uses, and if we keep the current deadline then most of the stories will, if i am not wrong, be around 1k words max and very unpolished.
Click to expand...

Voted for this suggestion, really.
 

Wolfe

Wolfe

Wolfe

Level 17
Joined
Nov 4, 2008
Messages
1,603
Not only that, but many of us are in different time zones. Drag and I ten hours apart. =/
 

Grey Nightmare

Grey Nightmare

Grey Nightmare

Level 20
Joined
Feb 24, 2009
Messages
2,999
That might not be such a bad thing, we really struggle finding judges who will read 5x (2k+ words).

Me and TWIF have 500, I'm confident we can get to 2k in one session before the deadline.
But if that's what you all really want... Pm Pyritie?
Aaron merely posted the comp for TWIF, so don't bug him :p
 

Zealon

Zealon

Zealon

Level 13
Joined
Mar 13, 2010
Messages
1,172
Yes I agree with extending the time, even now I'm struggling to keep up with the schedule.
 

idodik

idodik

idodik

Level 12
Joined
Aug 22, 2008
Messages
911
Okay, I've got to say I'm really proud of this one. We're nearing the finishing touches on the story and it looks great.
I've applied Apheraz Lucent's suggestions to the first paragraph so it's worth a reread. What do you guys think?
It was a dark and misty night, and only few glittering lamps lit the village with their faded lights. The sound of feet hitting the ground became clearer and clearer as a man, a warrior of the village came walking down the road. He was on a security stroll, looking over the village during the nighttime. He was satisfied with this shift as it gave him time to think about how much he loved this little village and all the people living in it. You could only hear a handful of sounds throughout the village, as most of its people were sleeping as they waited for the night to be over and for a new day to begin. He was halfway through the normal patrol route when he decided to walk slower than usual, as that particular night was unusually dark and as he had many things stuck inside his thoughts that he just wanted to sort out.
Suddenly the warrior heard steps to his side, and he readied his stance, gripping his sword fiercely. The sound of steps neared, and he drew his sword and started striding towards the sound. As he did, the sound stopped, and a figure formed in the darkness, the figure of a woman. The warrior slowed his pace, frowning, and returned his sword to its sheath.
"What are you doing here at this late an hour? You surprised me," he called. His voice was filled with frustration.
"I'm sorry – I'm just returning to my home,” the woman said, so quietly he hardly heard her. As he neared her he saw her more clearly; she had dark eyes, long brown hair and a long blue gown, and appeared to be rather young.
"Not an ideal time for a maiden like you to be walking outside."
"I think… I think I got lost." Her voice quivered and she dropped her gaze.
The warrior's frustration grew. "That's not good. What were you doing out this late?"
"I…" he recognized a small patch of blush appearing on her cheeks. "I was at the church… praying for my sick grandmother."
The warrior was not convinced, but he did not want this story to waste his shift-time. "Well then, would you mind if I accompanied you until you recognize the way?"
The woman seemed relieved. "That would be very helpful of you, kind sir."
"Where do you live?"
"I live in the western part of the village, near the barn."
"That’s quite near. We'd better get going."
They began walking towards the western part of the village; they only had to go a few hundred meters to get to the western part of town. There was an awkward silence in the air as they walked towards their destination. They reached a lamppost near “The Wicked Tavern” when she finally said “Thank you, good sir, now I know the rest of the way.” He replied, “Glad to have helped, milady,” and they parted. The warrior went back to his patrol and continued his thoughts and worries from before the encounter as if nothing happened.
 
The young woman, however, was walking not towards the Tavern, but towards another direction. The real reason why she had visited the church was hidden in her hands, which the warrior did not bother to inspect when he had approached her. She didn't stop to think how lucky she was to have it, even if she needed to steal it. She only thought about the moment she'd reach… There it is! She approached an old barn which belonged to her family. She rushed inside and settled on an old chair next to a battered table, letting her treasure fall with a thump to the table. She prepared a candle so she could admire the reward of her hard work, and feasted her eyes to the light of the little flame – on the table lay a book which looked as if it was written in the beginning of time, and she could just make out its title which she had craved for so long: "Arts of the Magi".
She could not resist flipping the pages to admire this book's beauty: Conjuring spells, Transformation spells, Blessing spells, and Cursing spells. As she flipped through the Blessings a particular spell caught her eye, one entitled "Taros gore Thur". Its description said "The person/animal/object holding this blessing will have better luck in general, little in every area." Taros gore Thur… Taros gore thur… The phrase seemed so gentle to her, so loving… She decided to use it, even if the blessing itself could not be implied. Not that the saying would leave her mind if she decided to forget it…
Who could she practice this phrase upon? Maybe her family? No, they have enough luck already. She could give it to the warriors – they say these are dangerous times – or maybe to that particular one who had just accompanied her… He seemed kind of cute! Or maybe it would be better to save it to herself (if she could) to help her against the priest's fury once he found out his book has been stolen… But soon she left this question and passed on into more reading, little did she know that by the next day a stolen book would become the last of priorities for them all.

"Seth, wake up! You're on duty!" The soldier grabbed Seth by his feet, and then dragged him out of bed. "OK, OK that's enough, I'm awake." Seth stood up from the cold, hard floor, then put on his uniform and took a piece of bread. The sun was shining as he went out the door, birds were singing and people filled the streets, running up and down, trying to live their lives as they have always lived them. Only a few market stands were open at this time of the day, though they still seemed to wait in lines for the closed stands. All the streets were so much quieter at night, Seth thought as he made his way towards the barrack to pick up his swords and the rest of his armor.
He kept thinking about the encounter with the girl, it was probably the most interesting part of the previous night's patrol. Nothing really happens during the nighttime or at least nothing new since the new captain of the guard began two years ago. When he came to think about it, the new captain was actually incredibly inspiring.
Seth was nearing the barrack to get his assignment, equipment and chainmail. He continued his thoughts from the night before, while he was on patrol: he tried to find a way to utilize his battle technique, as he was not one of the strongest but rather one of the quickest soldiers. In the previous night he had tried to think about stances in which he could slash enemies so that they would be paralyzed and unable to fight, or tried to find out how he could take out an enemy within seconds. Of course, he had not tested it out, but he thought it would work nonetheless.
"Hi Seth," said the guard sitting near the duty board as he looked up with a smile. Seth did nothing but wave back as he passed by him to the armory.
His equipment was composed of two short swords forged in silver light metal which were created just a few years ago, chest chainmail forged in light iron especially for Seth as he was not strong enough to wear the heavy chain mail in combat, and last but not least a helmet forged in aluminum found in the nearby mountains. He carefully put his chainmail on, and then got some help from a soldier to close it up for him. As the chainmail went on he picked up his helmet and put it on his head, and then took the swords, sheathed them and fastened them to his belt.
"You're guarding the village mayor today," the guard honored Seth, "you're finally going to defend an important person!" Seth merely nodded, as he had already gotten used to his cynical attitude in the years he had served with him.
 
"Amber! Wake up! We need to prepare breakfast!"
Amber woke up with a start from a dream filled with magic and bookshelves, and sat up. The dream seemed so real… She laid her head in her hands, still dizzy from the abrupt waking.
"Amber! Are you awake yet?"
At last her senses stabled, and she sat up again and yawned. "Yes, mother, I'll be right there," she said, and turned to examine her room with her eyes. Something made her feel more confident than usual today, she thought, what could it be? Her eyes passed from the window onto the door, her chair, her desk… And the book on her desk that looked as if it were a hundred years old. She jumped up, the memory of the previous night finally caught in her memory, and a big smile spread across her face: she had caused her mother to worry quite a bit when she had been away but she managed to hide the book yet again, and no one knew it was laying on her desk now. Tonight, after all the chores will be done and after she will help in the fields, she will be able to read in the barn again. With great anticipation she rose from her bed, dressed and left her room to help make breakfast.
Later that morning, when Amber and her family sat around the table and ate together, they chatted excitedly at the recent happenings, which included Amber's recent break of the curfew. Well, everyone except Amber did – she had been kept busy trying to nervously dodge and deflect her siblings' attempts of figuring where did she go and why. However, as successful as she was, children are very keen gossipers.
"Maybe she went to pray at church over something urgent!"
"No, no, she wouldn't leave curfew for that!"
"Then maybe she had to make confession of something terrible?"
"What, perfect Amber would have something to make confession of?"
"Well then maybe she's meeting someone in secret?"
"Ohhh!" The kids giggled, and Amber blushed in fury, something that didn't help prove her innocence in this matter. "Who could it be? Amber, is it John? Is it Edmund? Who is it, Amber?"
She was about to try and hush them when there was a knock on the door. This was unusual, since they were not expecting anyone and all their guests notified their intentions to visit in advance. As the children stopped chatting immediately the parents quickly appeared at the threshold, exchanged looks quickly, opened the door, and quickly straightened up.
At the doorstep was Brother Kyle, the church priest, a grave expression on his face. He never left the church at all, so this was a very strange happening to all of them. Amber jumped on her spot in fear – how could he know what she had done?
At once, he spoke. "Good morrow to you."
"Good morrow, Father," the parents stammered, "How do you do?"
"I thank you, but there is a matter to discuss. I'm afraid one of my books has been stolen."
"Oh!" The mother exclaimed. Brother Kyle was kind and just to all, even to those who were not kind to him, and there was no reason for a soul to bid him evil. "I'm terribly sorry to hear. When did this happen?"
"Just this evening. I don't know how this has happened. This book is of major importance – I must get it back immediately."
"Well, firstly, you could tell me where you have been last night."
"We were all home, Father."
"Well, all of us except for Amber."
The conversation was audible to the children, and one of them could not help utter this sentence. Amber blushed until her cheeks became beet red, but remained silent. The three adults slowly turned to face her.
"Yeah, didn't you say that you were going to the church?" another chimed. Amber blushed even more and the adults grew even closer.
After a moment's silence, the priest spoke again.
"I will resume this conversation in private, with your permission of course."
"Y-yes, yes."
"Come with me, Amber, we have something to talk about."
"Yes, Father."
Amber rose slowly from her seat and walked to the priest's side in silence. Her parents, still not managing to grasp the recent happenings, followed her with an amazed gaze. When she went through the door Brother Kyle said "I promise you that your daughter will return before noon. Good day to you."
"Good day, Father."
The door closed and the two started to head to the Church. After a while of silence the priest said "Amber, if you should have a hand in this, you should know that this is not a fitting deed for a young woman like you. You should be more considering towards your future and towards finding a husband."
Amber simply walked in silence and didn't answer, and the priest said nothing more of it. As they continued to make their way Amber thought she heard the distant beat of a drum, perhaps even a war drum, but she thought it to be absurd.

Seth stood still at his duty post, waiting for something exciting to happen. His duty post was guarding the mayor, meaning he had to stand outside the Town Hall, waiting for the mayor to do something. He sometimes chatted with the other guard beside him, just to make time pass faster by at least a bit. The village mayor said he had a lot of paperwork to do that day, so it was not going to be one of those “traveling” days that he so often had.
The day went slowly by, until the mayor finally came out of his office, telling the guards that it was time for the daily stroll around the village. Finally, this is what I've been waiting for! Seth thought as they began walking slowly down the street. Many eyes gazed upon them as they walked downwards the market place, with the mayor waving at all the people, while Seth and the other guard just walked silently beside him. They were heading towards the village gate, as the mayor usually held a speech to keep the moral of the soldiers guarding it up so that they could work better. Everything seemed normal so far that day, but this was all about to change.
The cry of a war horn was heard, after which came many battle cries. The sound of metal slashing against metal soon filled the air as orcs charged the little village, flooding it thoroughly. In several seconds all the guards near the gate had been killed like lambs to a slaughter. The attack had come so suddenly, with all the death and the blood splitting through the air, that the villagers were paralyzed with fear. Seth joined his brethren in arms and fought against the orcish horde, striking with agility he had never known he had before, knowing that the lives of the villagers were at a great risk of being lost today. The good old mayor that Seth had been appointed to guard was soon lying dead on the ground, despite Seth's efforts, with an arrow seated right beneath his head, in the middle area of the neck. Red drops of blood flew around the battle, mixing with the black orcish blood, and the screams of women and the weeping of children were audible throughout the village. It was a nightmare of death and decay, enough to drive a man crazy.
The fight became more intensive as back-up arrived for the guards. The Captain of the Guard screamed "We must hold the orcs outside of the inner sanctum! Lead the women and the children there immediately!” A group of guards instantly rushed to the inner sanctum of the village, shouting to the villagers: “Follow us; we will protect you from the orcs!” Most women gathered their children and some supplies; they knew that the village could fall today. The soldiers quickly formed a circle around the villagers, taking defensive positions to repel any orc attack. Another cry was heard through the village, as the captain of the guard blew his horn valiantly.
An arrow flew right beside Seth’s head, flying the Captain's chest and knocking out his breath. He was pushed back, struggling with the pain, as another arrow hit his shoulder. Seth turned his head to the Captain, all alarm: the guard would suffer a fatal blow should the captain fall. He sprinted to the captain's location, tearing through every enemy which stood in his path. Ten seconds had not passed before he was beside the dying man, the man which was his hope until now. “Captain, don’t you dare leave us! We need you to win this battle.” Seth was nearly out of breath, both from the battle and from the tears in his throat.
"I cannot continue… The wound… is fatal. You must go on… without me, Seth… and secure this village… until the last orc falls." The captain slowly died within the hands of Seth, not long after an arrow tore through his neck.
The guards around Seth only now noticed the Captain's absence, charging with rage upon the orcs that stood close enough to them, but Seth could not think clearly anymore. He could not harness all his agility to aid him in battle, and he was left to wave his sword at his foes. Suddenly an orc berserker charged at him and faster than the eye could blink his foe attacked him, tearing through all his mail and armor and leaving a bloody gash on his chest. Seth instinctively grabbed the wound, falling to his knees, while another guard slashed the orc in half mercilessly. The world was becoming vague before his eyes and he was losing hope: they had no leader while the orc did, and the guard was overwhelmingly outnumbered. The pain in his chest made him numb as he realized the wound was poisoned. And so Seth fell from his knees into a world of darkness.
 

Apheraz Lucent

Apheraz Lucent

Apheraz Lucent

Level 30
Joined
Jan 31, 2010
Messages
3,551
@idodik,
1. Try to not repeat one word multiple times within a sentence. Use synonyms instead, or reverse the flow of story to match them correctly:
...and a figure formed in the darkness, the figure of a woman...
...can be ,,repaired'' with:
...and a figure formed in the darkness, a shape of a woman's body..."
2. Here we have a slight slip out of sense: ...What are you doing here at this late an hour?...

3. Improve your writing by reading what you wrote out loud. If it's good for ear to hear, and it's a bunch of soft words slipping out of your mouth, then it gets a lil' touch of mysticism.
...His voice was filled with frustration...
...can appear more mystical with:
...A touch of anger was felt within his voice...
4. Grammatical error incoming, as well as lack of 'Cinematic details':
...the woman said, so quietly he hardly heard her...
this can be revised to:
...woman said. It was a real surprise that the words were said so quiet that the warrior hardly heard her, but they looked like they're made of pure steel. Their heaviness was clearly representing a person with strong wisdom...

Oh, sorry, I have to go to visit my boyfriend. When back, I will finish.
 

idodik

idodik

idodik

Level 12
Joined
Aug 22, 2008
Messages
911
Several changes applied and a few sentences added. I don't like the last one though - any suggestions?
It was a dark and misty night, and only few glittering lamps lit the village with their faded lights. The sound of feet hitting the ground became clearer and clearer as a man, a warrior of the village came walking down the road. He was on a security stroll, looking over the village during the nighttime. He was satisfied with this shift as it gave him time to think about how much he loved this little village and all the people living in it. You could only hear a handful of sounds throughout the village, as most of its people were sleeping as they waited for the night to be over and for a new day to begin. He was halfway through the normal patrol route when he decided to walk slower than usual, as that particular night was unusually dark and as he had many things stuck inside his thoughts that he just wanted to sort out.
Suddenly the warrior heard steps to his side, and he readied his stance, gripping his sword fiercely. The sound of steps neared, and he drew his sword and started striding towards the sound. As he did, the sound stopped, and a figure formed in the darkness, the figure of a woman. The warrior slowed his pace, frowning, and returned his sword to its sheath.
"What are you doing here at this late hour? You surprised me," he called. His voice was filled with frustration.
"I'm sorry – I'm just returning to my home,” the woman said, so quietly he hardly heard her. As he neared her he saw her more clearly; she had dark eyes, long brown hair and a long blue gown, and appeared to be rather young.
"Not an ideal time for a maiden like you to be walking outside."
"I think… I think I got lost." Her voice quivered and she dropped her gaze.
The warrior's frustration grew. "That's not good. What were you doing out this late?"
"I…" he recognized a small patch of blush appearing on her cheeks. "I was at the church… praying for my sick grandmother."
The warrior was not convinced, but he did not want this story to waste his shift-time. "Well then, would you mind if I accompanied you until you recognize the way?"
The woman seemed relieved. "That would be very helpful of you, kind sir."
"Where do you live?"
"I live in the western part of the village, near the barn."
"That’s quite near. We'd better get going."
They began walking towards the western part of the village; they only had to go a few hundred meters to get to the western part of town. There was an awkward silence in the air as they walked towards their destination. They reached a lamppost near “The Wicked Tavern” when she finally said “Thank you, good sir, now I know the rest of the way.” He replied, “Glad to have helped, milady,” and they parted. The warrior went back to his patrol and continued his thoughts and worries from before the encounter as if nothing happened.
 
The young woman, however, was walking not towards the Tavern, but towards another direction. The real reason why she had visited the church was hidden in her hands, which the warrior did not bother to inspect when he had approached her. She didn't stop to think how lucky she was to have it, even if she needed to steal it. She only thought about the moment she'd reach… There it is! She approached an old barn which belonged to her family. She rushed inside and settled on an old chair next to a battered table, letting her treasure fall with a thump to the table. She prepared a candle so she could admire the reward of her hard work, and feasted her eyes to the light of the little flame – on the table lay a book which looked as if it was written in the beginning of time, and she could just make out its title which she had craved for so long: "Arts of the Magi".
She could not resist flipping the pages to admire this book's beauty: Conjuring spells, Transformation spells, Blessing spells, and Cursing spells. As she flipped through the Blessings a particular spell caught her eye, one entitled "Taros gore Thur". Its description said "The person/animal/object holding this blessing will have better luck in general, little in every area." Taros gore Thur… Taros gore thur… The phrase seemed so gentle to her, so loving… She decided to use it, even if the blessing itself could not be implied. Not that the saying would leave her mind if she decided to forget it…
Who could she practice this phrase upon? Maybe her family? No, they have enough luck already. She could give it to the warriors – they say these are dangerous times – or maybe to that particular one who had just accompanied her… He seemed kind of cute! Or maybe it would be better to save it to herself (if she could) to help her against the priest's fury once he found out his book has been stolen… But soon she left this question and passed on into more reading, little did she know that by the next day a stolen book would become the last of priorities for them all.
 

"Seth, wake up! You're on duty!" The soldier grabbed Seth by his feet, and then dragged him out of bed. "OK, OK that's enough, I'm awake." Seth stood up from the cold, hard floor, then put on his uniform and took a piece of bread. The sun was shining as he went out the door, birds were singing and people filled the streets, running up and down, trying to live their lives as they have always lived them. Only a few market stands were open at this time of the day, though they still seemed to wait in lines for the closed stands. All the streets were so much quieter at night, Seth thought as he made his way towards the barrack to pick up his swords and the rest of his armor.
He kept thinking about the encounter with the girl, it was probably the most interesting part of the previous night's patrol. Nothing really happens during the nighttime or at least nothing new since the new captain of the guard began two years ago. When he came to think about it, the new captain was actually incredibly inspiring.
Seth was nearing the barrack to get his assignment, equipment and chainmail. He continued his thoughts from the night before, while he was on patrol: he tried to find a way to utilize his battle technique, as he was not one of the strongest but rather one of the quickest soldiers. In the previous night he had tried to think about stances in which he could slash enemies so that they would be paralyzed and unable to fight, or tried to find out how he could take out an enemy within seconds. Of course, he had not tested it out, but he thought it would work nonetheless.
"Hi Seth," said the guard sitting near the duty board as he looked up with a smile. Seth did nothing but wave back as he passed by him to the armory.
His equipment was composed of two short swords forged in silver light metal which were created just a few years ago, chest chainmail forged in light iron especially for Seth as he was not strong enough to wear the heavy chain mail in combat, and last but not least a helmet forged in aluminum found in the nearby mountains. He carefully put his chainmail on, and then got some help from a soldier to close it up for him. As the chainmail went on he picked up his helmet and put it on his head, and then took the swords, sheathed them and fastened them to his belt.
"You're guarding the village mayor today," the guard honored Seth, "you're finally going to defend an important person!" Seth merely nodded, as he had already gotten used to his cynical attitude in the years he had served with him.
 
"Amber! Wake up! We need to prepare breakfast!"
Amber woke up with a start from a dream filled with magic and bookshelves, and sat up. The dream seemed so real… She laid her head in her hands, still dizzy from the abrupt waking.
"Amber! Are you awake yet?"
At last her senses stabled, and she sat up again and yawned. "Yes, mother, I'll be right there," she said, and turned to examine her room with her eyes. Something made her feel more confident than usual today, she thought, what could it be? Her eyes passed from the window onto the door, her chair, her desk… And the book on her desk that looked as if it were a hundred years old. She jumped up, the memory of the previous night finally caught in her memory, and a big smile spread across her face: she had caused her mother to worry quite a bit when she had been away but she managed to hide the book yet again, and no one knew it was laying on her desk now. Tonight, after all the chores will be done and after she will help in the fields, she will be able to read in the barn again. With great anticipation she rose from her bed, dressed and left her room to help make breakfast.
Later that morning, when Amber and her family sat around the table and ate together, they chatted excitedly at the recent happenings, which included Amber's recent break of the curfew. Well, everyone except Amber did – she had been kept busy trying to nervously dodge and deflect her siblings' attempts of figuring where did she go and why. However, as successful as she was, children are very keen gossipers.
"Maybe she went to pray at church over something urgent!"
"No, no, she wouldn't leave curfew for that!"
"Then maybe she had to make confession of something terrible?"
"What, perfect Amber would have something to make confession of?"
"Well then maybe she's meeting someone in secret?"
"Ohhh!" The kids giggled, and Amber blushed in fury, something that didn't help prove her innocence in this matter. "Who could it be? Amber, is it John? Is it Edmund? Who is it, Amber?"
She was about to try and hush them when there was a knock on the door. This was unusual, since they were not expecting anyone and all their guests notified their intentions to visit in advance. As the children stopped chatting immediately the parents quickly appeared at the threshold, exchanged looks quickly, opened the door, and quickly straightened up.
At the doorstep was Brother Kyle, the church priest, a grave expression on his face. He never left the church at all, so this was a very strange happening to all of them. Amber jumped on her spot in fear – how could he know what she had done?
At once, he spoke. "Good morrow to you."
"Good morrow, Father," the parents stammered, "How do you do?"
"I thank you, but there is a matter to discuss. I'm afraid one of my books has been stolen."
"Oh!" The mother exclaimed. Brother Kyle was kind and just to all, even to those who were unkind to him, and there was no reason for a soul to bid him evil. "I'm terribly sorry to hear. When did this happen?"
"Just this evening. I don't know how this has happened. This book is of major importance – I must get it back immediately."
"Well, firstly, you could tell me where you have been last night."
"We were all home, Father."

"Well, all of us except for Amber."
The conversation was audible to the children, and one of them could not help utter this sentence. Amber blushed until her cheeks became beet red, but remained silent. The three adults slowly turned to face her.
"Yeah, didn't you say that you were going to the church?" another chimed. Amber blushed even more and the adults grew even closer, their eyes widening.
After a moment's silence, the priest spoke again.
"I will resume this conversation in private, with your permission of course."
"Y-yes, yes."
"Come with me, Amber, we have something to talk about."
"Yes, Father."
Amber rose slowly from her seat and walked to the priest's side in silence. Her parents, still not managing to grasp the recent happenings, followed her with a gaze of awe. When she went through the door Brother Kyle said "I promise you that your daughter will return before noon. Good day to you."
"Good day, Father."
The door closed and the two started to head to the Church. After a while of silence the priest said "Amber, if you should have a hand in this, you should know that this is not a fitting deed for a young woman like you. You should be more considering towards your future and towards finding a husband."
Amber simply walked in silence and didn't answer, and the priest said nothing more of it. As they continued to make their way Amber thought she heard the distant beat of a drum, perhaps even a war drum, but she thought it to be absurd.

Seth stood still at his duty post, waiting for something exciting to happen. His duty post was guarding the mayor, meaning he had to stand outside the Town Hall, waiting for the mayor to do something. He sometimes chatted with the other guard beside him, just to make time pass faster by at least a bit. The village mayor said he had a lot of paperwork to do that day, so it was not going to be one of those “traveling” days that he so often had.
The day went slowly by, until the mayor finally came out of his office, telling the guards that it was time for the daily stroll around the village. Finally, this is what I've been waiting for! Seth thought as they began walking slowly down the street. Many eyes gazed upon them as they walked downwards the market place, with the mayor waving at all the people, while Seth and the other guard just walked silently beside him. They were heading towards the village gate, as the mayor usually held a speech to keep the moral of the soldiers guarding it up so that they could work better. Everything seemed normal so far that day, but this was all about to change.
The cry of a war horn was heard, after which came many battle cries. The sound of metal slashing against metal soon filled the air as orcs charged the little village, flooding it thoroughly. In several seconds all the guards near the gate had been killed like lambs to a slaughter. The attack had come so suddenly, with all the death and the blood splitting through the air, that the villagers were paralyzed with fear. Seth joined his brethren in arms and fought against the orcish horde, striking with agility he had never known he had before, knowing that the lives of the villagers were at a great risk of being lost today. The good old mayor that Seth had been appointed to guard was soon lying dead on the ground, despite Seth's efforts, with an arrow seated right beneath his head, in the middle area of the neck. Red drops of blood flew around the battle, mixing with the black orcish blood, and the screams of women and the weeping of children were audible throughout the village. It was a nightmare of death and decay, enough to drive a man crazy.
The fight became more intensive as back-up arrived for the guards. The Captain of the Guard screamed "We must hold the orcs outside of the inner sanctum! Lead the women and the children there immediately!” A group of guards instantly rushed to the inner sanctum of the village, shouting to the villagers: “Follow us; we will protect you from the orcs!” Most women gathered their children and some supplies; they knew that the village could fall today. The soldiers quickly formed a circle around the villagers, taking defensive positions to repel any orc attack. Another cry was heard through the village, as the captain of the guard blew his horn valiantly.
An arrow flew right beside Seth’s head, flying the Captain's chest and knocking out his breath. He was pushed back, struggling with the pain, as another arrow hit his shoulder. Seth turned his head to the Captain, all alarm: the guard would suffer a fatal blow should the captain fall. He sprinted to the captain's location, tearing through every enemy which stood in his path. Ten seconds had not passed before he was beside the dying man, the man which was his hope until now. “Captain, don’t you dare leave us! We need you to win this battle.” Seth was nearly out of breath, both from the battle and from the tears in his throat.
"I cannot continue… The wound… is fatal," Croaked the Captain, "you must go on… without me, Seth… and secure the village… until the last orc falls." As he finished his dying words an arrow smote him in the forehead, splitting it and sending him to the next world.
The guards around Seth only now noticed the Captain's absence, charging with rage upon the orcs that stood close enough to them, but Seth could not think clearly anymore. He could not harness all his agility to aid him in battle, and he was left to wave his sword at his foes. Suddenly an orc berserker charged at him and faster than the eye could blink he attacked him, tearing through all his mail and armor and leaving a bloody gash on his chest. Seth instinctively grabbed the wound, falling to his knees, while another guard slashed the orc in half mercilessly. The world was becoming vague before his eyes and he was losing hope: the humans had no leader while the orc did, and they were overwhelmingly outnumbering them. The pain in his chest made him numb as he realized the wound was poisoned, and so Seth fell from his knees into a world of darkness.
 
While the mayor was heading to the market Amber was still walking silently beside Brother Kyle towards the church. They had not walked much more when they heard running footsteps nearing them, and turned towards the sound in surprise. Out came an orc berserker, the same one that will strike Seth afterwards (and that will soon afterwards find his death), wielding his weapon at the ready and charging towards them. The priest did not hesitate and came in front of Amber, shouting "Back, you beastly mongrel! Return to your fowl home!" The orc swerved to look at him and in a flash slayed him with a swing of an axe, throwing both him and Amber on the ground. Bloodlust rushing in his veins, the orc did not stop to see if he had killed his victims, but rushed on to find more.
Amber, however, had not been killed, not only that but miraculously she had not even been injured. The priest's body had taken the full strike, leaving her unscathed but frightened to death. She was lying beneath a body, a body of a person she had known, who had helped her not once before… Who was now dead, she shivered, and suddenly she jumped up and away from the body, coming to her senses in fright. The stench of death seemed to stick in her body, her clothes – without warning she turned and vomited, she couldn’t control herself. She was shaken and frail, but she survived – how? This could not be mere miracle alone – came a thought – it was someone's doing! Some magic had saved her! But –Apprehension suddenly dawned on her face – it must have been that blessing she practiced the previous day! Perhaps she had accidentally given herself the blessing when she had repeated the phrase. That means she could work magic! She must get that book now, no matter the costs, she thought, and instantly forgot about the body lying beside her and why it was there, and jumped up. Her confirmed powers strengthened her spirit and she ran back to her house without considering what she might find there.
When she reached the houses of the village she was already smiling and imagining the things she could do with her magic. As she neared her home she was shaking with excitement, until she heard beastly, grotesque sounds from within it. With a silent cry she remembered the attack she had just experienced, and quickly hid near a wall outside the house. Shivering, she attempted to look at the entrance to see what is happening, only to glimpse blood-splattered orcs leaving it with a run, screaming their pleasure of tasting human blood. She understood with a start that the village is under attack, and at once all the surroundings came out to her: the screams, the clash of steel, and the splashes of blood. This was too much for her to absorb, and she collapsed on the grass beneath her, weeping silently but bitterly. All thought left her and she surrendered herself to trauma. Both orcs and humans mistook her to be dead, and so she was left to weep for a long time.
 

Grey Nightmare

Grey Nightmare

Grey Nightmare

Level 20
Joined
Feb 24, 2009
Messages
2,999
The World Is Flat said:
I take back everything i said about the right side of your brain.

Me and grey still may not end up doing this, and if we dont, i will elect to judge.

but i'll be dammed if it comes to that.
Click to expand...

If you would stop being so anti-social on skype, we could've FINISHED by now (well at least half way).
Your abusing the 'away' status T_T

@Aeroblyctos - Probably not, either way you'd need a partner anyway, may I suggest ACDestinydream?
Two birds, one stone.
 

Aeroblyctos

Aeroblyctos

Aeroblyctos

Level 37
Joined
Aug 14, 2006
Messages
7,601
Grey Nightmare said:
If you would stop being so anti-social on skype, we could've FINISHED by now (well at least half way).
Your abusing the 'away' status T_T

@Aeroblyctos - Probably not, either way you'd need a partner anyway, may I suggest ACDestinydream?
Two birds, one stone.
Click to expand...

I'll find my own partner but I want to be sure if that's possible. Can I make a story with a single man, but with two entirely different minds? They think differently and see the world differently etc, etc, etc. I don't see that a problem. I just want to be sure that is allowed I won't go any further is if this is not allowed.
 

baassee

baassee

baassee

Level 22
Joined
Nov 14, 2008
Messages
3,256
Aeroblyctos said:
Can I make a story with a single man, but with two entirely different minds? They think differently and see the world differently etc, etc, etc. I don't see that a problem. I just want to be sure that is allowed I won't go any further is if this is not allowed.
Click to expand...

These two perspectives must be a pair of some sort. (Lovers, Criminals, Mercenaries, Drug Store Clerks, Ect.)
Click to expand...

Your idea is great but I guess it's not allowed.
 
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