Tell me A Joke

[HammerFist132]

Hello lets relax for a sec. Tell me some good joke on English. If its hard to u can on Serbian too

 

[AlexDragon1111]

When asked how he would like to die, this man told: "I would like to die just like my grandfather did, peacefully in his sleep, not screaming or yelling like the passengers in the car he was driving"

But seriously, you could easily search on Google.

 

[HammerFist132]

I know but for fun. NP this was a bad idea

 

[Adaethus]

Did you hear about the guy that lost his left arm and leg in a car crash?
He's all right now.

 

[HammerFist132]

xD NICE ONE

 

[HammerFist132]

Here is nice joke.

-Mother,ma!!!!
-What is it son?
-Maamma one boy hit mi in the head with a big stone.
-Are you serious!?
-Noo,I am joking.....It was with a hammer!

 

[TheWhiteWolf]

Some guy was driving his car trough the forest. Suddenly, a short man wearing red clothes jumps in front of his car. The guy stops his car and yells:
-Who are you?

-I am little red gay midget - the stranger replied - and I am very hungry. Can you give me some food?
The guy gave him a sandwich and said:
-Sure. Here you go.

Then, our guy continues forward. After five minutes, another short man, this time in green clothes, jumped in front of his car.
-Hi, I am little green gay midget. I am very thirsty. Please, give me something to drink.

-Here you go, have some coca-cola.
Our guy gave him some coca-cola and continued to drive forward.

Five minutes later, another short man jumped in front of his car. He was wearing blue clothes. Short man was about to say something, when our guy interrupted him:
-Yeah, yeah, I know. You are a blue midget and you are a fag. What do you want?

The midget replied:
-Good evening. Please show me your ID and driving license.





Bah. This one is way better in Serbian.

 

[HammerFist132]

Poicajac xD

 

[Mr. Bob]

What does hurricane Katrina and oil spills have in common?

Black stuff in the water.

 

[Magtheridon96]

How many Mr. Bobs does it take to screw in a light bulb.
INFINITE BOBS. Because screwing in a light bulb is simply screwing in a light bulb, so that means if you screw in a light bulb, you're screwing a light bulb INFINITELY.

 

[fladdermasken]

I hate you Magtheridon96.

 

[Magtheridon96]

I love you too fladdermasken.

 

[Crazed_seal2]

How many alzheimer's patients does it take to screw in a light bulb?
To get to the other side!

 

[HFR]

So what's the best contraceptive for old people? Nudity.

 

[Magtheridon96]

So, I was talking to HFR's girlfriend the other day.

 

[HFR]

It's funny because she's actually a man.

 

[Magtheridon96]

And what's funnier is that I'm that man.

 

[HammerFist132]

We are talking jokes here remember

 

[MGCǂSpectre]

^ Meaning, it is quite normal for you two to be man and a girl, so it was not a joke.

 

[GhostThruster]

A man meets a woman and asks her 'what is the flavour of Jesus?'

The woman replies 'Santiago montreal the third is arriving in town'

If you got that joke you are a genius

 

[HammerFist132]

I am not because i am HalfBrain

 

[Ironside]

How many russians does it take to exchange a light bulp?
Two, one to exchange it and the other to shoot him if he does it wrong.

 

[fladdermasken]

Is there like an embassy for hoof-brained rabbits?

 

[DSanhueza]

haha i got one, i been tellin this joke forever and its always funny (when im baked).

So an old couple are in bed and the old lady goes like "what did u think of my body when u first saw me?" and the old man goes like "i just wanted to fck your brains out and suck your t1ts dry" and then the old lady removes her clothes and goes like "what do u think of it now?" and the old man replies: "I think i did a pretty good job".

 

[HFR]

My tits went dry while reading your post.

 

[DSanhueza]

My tits went dry while reading your post.

thats sexy

 

[HammerFist132]

Two Giants are ride on the bike
After some time one is screaming:
-Stooooooooop the bike.
-What is it?
-The plane strike me in the eye

 

[Adaethus]

I also have a good joke about chemistry, but I'm afraid it won't get a reaction.

 

[HammerFist132]

Come on i am reading

 

[DSanhueza]

a completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A pig pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in, pal. You're obviously drunk." Our wasted friend asked, "Officer, are ya absolutely sure I'm drunk?" "Yeah, buddy, I'm sure," said the pig. "Let's go.". Breathing a sigh of relief, the drunk dude said, "Thank goodness, I thought I was crippled."

 

[Ash]

A psychologist returned from a conference in Aspen lodge, where all the psychologists were permitted to ski for free. Her husband asked her, "how did it go?". "Fine", she replied, "but I've never seen so many Freudians slips."

 

[gorillabull]

oh you wanna hear a joke huh? well heres a joke: WOMEN'S RIGHTS

(i actually respect women and see them as equal members of society )

 

[Kas]

Lame Lady GAGA jokes

How does Lady Gaga like her chicken?
RAW-RAW-RAW-RAW-RAW
How do you wake Lady Gaga up
Poker (Poke Her) Face

 

[HammerFist132]

Here is one more sry for bad eng.

Sherlock Holmse and Doctor Wotson was camping in the tent on the hill. Deep in the night Sherlock wake up and ask doctor:

-What you see.
-I see thousand starts.
-And what that mean?
-To maybe somewhere exist planet like ours
-No idiot that mean to our tent is stolen.

xD

 

[gorillabull]

 

[KittyMaryJane]

I have one:

What did God say to the first Black man?
Oh shit, I burnt this one.

 

[Wazzz]

HFR gets all the ladies


that was the punchline

 

[HFR]

I kissed a dog once.


A male dog.

 

[AlexDragon1111]

I kissed a dog once.


A male dog.

Was it a normal kiss or French kiss?

 

[Setokaiva]

Taken from Jokes from the Internet #2

TRUE STORY
Sometimes it DOES take a Rocket Scientist!!
Scientists at NASA built a gun specifically to launch dead chickens at the windshields of airliners, military jets and the space shuttle, all traveling at maximum velocity. The idea was to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields.

British engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the windshields of their new high speed trains. Arrangements were made, and a gun was sent to the British engineers. When the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked as the chicken hurled out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed it to smithereens, blasted through the control console, snapped the engineer's backrest in two and embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin, like an arrow shot from a bow.

The horrified Brits sent NASA the disastrous results of the experiment, along with the designs of the windshield and begged the US scientists for suggestions. NASA responded with a one-line memo:
"Defrost the chicken".

 

[Codric]

I do't know if you guys will find this funny but here it goes.
Why did the cork-screw cross the road.
I don't know but I am pretty sure the chicken was behind it!

 

[Steel_Stallion]

So a horse walks into a bar.

The bartender calls animal control and evacuates the patrons.

 

[mckill2009]

A man goes to eat in a restaurant;
Man: waiter!, why is my soup have cockroach, yesterday I came and there was a big
fly and now a cockroach?...
Waiter: sir I'm very sorry...our flies are out of stock!

 

[gezzell]

There wass a guy once that said(Kris4o must die)HAHAHAHAHAHA

 

[shinji]

This is the best joke.

Joke

The classic Joke
A: Why does the chicken cross the rode??
B: I don't know. Why?
A: Because chickens can't fly!!!

 

[Wazzz]

fun fact:

chickens can fly, just not very well

or does it count as a hover?

maybe chickens hover

have a joke

Q: What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?

A: To get to the other side.

 

[shinji]

fun fact:

chickens can fly, just not very well

or does it count as a hover?

maybe chickens hover

have a joke

Q: What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?

A: To get to the other side.

Chickens can't hover. They're too heavy...

Joke: A: There are a lot of rats in the doungeon!!
B:Rats!!!

 

[CoLd Bon3]

Here you go :

How do you call a black man in a fire suit?

Answer

A firefighter, you racist fag!

 

[TheKurt009]

so a horse walks into a bar
the bartender said: why the long face?
the horse, unable to understand the bartender poops on the floor and leaves...

 

[HammerFist132]

Q: What Betman told to Robin when he enters car
A: Get in the car