Hate you..
I'm swedish...
A man walks into a shop that sells brain. He sees three brains for sale on a shelf. The first is labelled "Lawyer" and costs $100 per gram. The second is labelled "Doctor" and costs $150 per gram. The last item however was labelled "American" and costed a whopping $10,000 per gram.
So the man asks the shopkeeper: "Why is the American brain so expensive?"
So the shopkeeper looks at him and answers: "Do you have any idea how many Americans have to die to harvest just one tiny gram of brain?"
Me and my friend were driving to Sydney last week and I tend to fall asleep during long car rides. Suddenly I felt a bumb and woke up. I asked him what happened and he told me: "I drove over an abo". So we kept driving and the same thing happened again. I asked him and he said "Sorry, must have been another abo."
But then I felt three bumbs, woke up and asked him: "Did you just drive over 3 abos? WTF?" And he answered: "Nah, just one. Had to drive over two fences though to get this one."
A man wakes near the ocean one morning after having drunk too much last night. He smells barbeque nearby and since he is hungry he decides to check it out. Turns out that there is a Baptism Party. Since only people who attended the event were allowed to eat, he decided he might as well get baptised then.
So he walks into the water where the old man performing the ceremony dunks his head under water, holds it for 5 seconds and pulls him back up. He then says: "Have you seen the Lord Jesus?!"
So the man answers: "No". The old man then dunks his head under water again, holding it for 10 seconds now. He then asks him again: "Have you seen the Lord Jesus?!!". So the man answers: "Nah man, I haven't".
This time the old man dunks his head into the water for almost 2 whole minutes and after pulling him out asks: "HAVE YOU SEEN THE LORD JESUS!?"
So the man answers: "Nah dude, are you sure this is where the fucker fell in?"
Yo bobba is so fat that even horse hole can't suck her in.
The IrishmanAn irishman leaving a bar.
The Bear and the RabbitA bears chases a rabbit through the forest and suddenly a spirit appears.
Spirit: I will grant you 3 wishes each for releasing me form my tormention.
The bear starts.
Bear: I wish all the bears in this forest were females!
POOF! And all bears in the forest were females.
Rabbit: I wish for a helmet.
POOF! And the rabbit had a helmet on his head.
Bear: *smiles* I wish all the bears in Sweden were females!
POOF! And all the bears in Sweden were females.
Rabbit: I wish for a dirt bike.
POOF! And a dirt bike appeared beside the rabbit.
Bear: *laughs* I wish all the bears in the world were females!
POOF! And all bears in the world were females.
The rabbit jumps on his dirt bike, double checks his helmet and yells:
I wish that the bear is gay!
Men and romanceQ:What's mens definition of a romantic evening?
A: Sex.
3 GolfballsA woman was cleaning her husbands closet and found 3 golfballs and a box with $2000.
When the husband came home from the golfcourt she asked why she has found these things in his closet.
The husband said that he was sorry that he had hidden the things and explained that everytime
he's been cheating on her during the past 30 years, he had hidden a golfball in the cloest.
Of cause the wife was sad and shocked over the news and after a few mintues of thinking she said:
"3 times in 30 years isn't really that bad. But why where there $2000 in the cloest?"
The man shone up and answered:
"Well, you understand... everytime I got hold of a dozen golfballs I sold them..."
Men and romanceQ:What's mens definition of a romantic evening?
A: Sex.
I have to say that I agree on that, food is great ^^Actually I saw an article in the newspaper yesterday about the results of an australian investigation. It proved that men enjoy food most of all. Sex was on fourth place.