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- Jul 25, 2009
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That part of the story highlighted by TwistedImage I didn't find to be written very well, but it's an alright story overall it needs work on grammar, and the quality of writing at this point.
I did nothing to invoke a primitive hostile response, and yet that is exactly what I recieve. Trolls.
writers block
Might as well join in :3
Ok so i finished my story, but after reading it i dont like it. Its boring, because i think it lacks action. At least now i learned that if i write a story, no matter how long i should write it in one day, since the other day i lose my track of thoughts. Anyway, because i dont want all that time writing go to waste here is my entry(4768 words long):
The Endless War
The sun was setting. The sky was red like the dying flame. There were some clouds in the sky, but they were very strange. Some times a lightning ragged down from them, sometimes rain started falling, and then suddenly stopped. Once in a while a meteor pierced through them, leaving holes.
Beneath the clouds, in the air, armies of flying creatures were biting, scratching, spiting fire and trying to kill any way they could. Blood was showering onto the ground, where another battle was going on. Two armies – an army of humans and a three times bigger army of bloodthirsty creatures. Though the human army was smaller, they were not going to give up. They were trying to fight their way to a big castle that the creatures were protecting.
In front of the human army stood their leader – a tall man, whose face wasn’t visible because of his helm that had two wings on both sides. His armor was grey, and he had a sword, that wasn’t very long, but its blade was very wide. All the creatures who stood in his way died.
It looked like the humans could win, because they had mages a lot stronger that the ones the monsters had. Until suddenly, the castle gates opened, and out of it marched more of the bloodthirsty beasts. A human shouted in desperation, when he saw that. Their leader looked at the gates that were still opened and took out a little hourglass from his backpack. When he turned it around, and sand started to shift, time has stopped, and the only one who could still move was the man who held the hourglass.
He rushed to the castle gate and ran into the castle. A few moments later, the sand in the hourglass ran out and time started flowing again. When that happened the hourglass broke and fell down. The glass remained, but the sand has disappeared. The warrior rushed through the hallway, then up the stone stairs, until he reached a steel door.
He raised his sword and hit the door. He repeated that a few times, and then kicked it out. The folded steel door flew into the room beyond. The leader of the human army walked into the room.
It was a spacious room, with walls made out of black marble. A black carpet went through it to a black throne, made out of a strange material. In front of the throne stood a man, who looked similar to the human leader, but his armor was black, and he didn’t have a helm, but instead, he had a hood. The hood covered his face, only his mouth was visible. He had grey as stone skin, and a narrow smile. The dark king’s weapon was a scepter with spikes, so it could be used as a flail. The human warrior let his sword down and then said:
- You can still stop… - The black king stopped the warrior in the middle of his sentence, and then in a withered tired voice said:
- It’s too late for me, you know that, so why do you even offer it? Lets just finish this, both of us can’t live. - After that he ran towards the human captain with his scepter-weapon raised. The warrior took a battle stance and waited.
Then the fight began. Both of them were fighting with all their inhuman speed and strength. Both of them used magic, and other skills that made the whole castle shake. When they couldn’t use another spell, the warrior raised his sword and tried to kill the king in a mortal blow, but the king hit the sword from a side with his scepter, and the sword broke into two halves. A spike from the scepter also fell down.
The black king laughed and raised his scepter in a final attack, but the warrior grabbed the spike from the ground and tried to stab the king. It was too late. The mighty captain fell on the floor, almost dead. He survived, because he moved away enough, so the blow wouldn’t be deadly. The black king slowly approached, like the grim Death.
The warrior rose with his remaining strength. His both sword and armor were shattered. He dropped the helm that was now useless. His face was quite young, but his expression was like an old mans, who is tired from life. Warrior’s eye color was white, but not like his eyeballs. His hair was brown, it was quite long, but didn’t reach his shoulders. In his hand, the human captain was still holding a spike from the scepter.
With a roar he rushed towards the black king, who laughed. Captain raised the spike, like a knife, while the king raised his scepter. When the warrior reached the king, the black king landed his weapon, but not fast enough, because the warrior had already stabbed him with the spike. Then both of them fell to the floor.
The king died instantly, because the spike struck him into the hearth. The warrior fell down still alive, but without hope to survive, since he was bleeding too much, and because he was mortally wounded. Before his death, a soldier rushed into the throne room, but he couldn’t help the great warrior. The captain looked sad, but relieved before death. He gave the soldier some kind of an orb, and then, died.
A sad smile appeared in the soldiers face.
- We won. Rest in peace, captain. – He whispered. Then stood up and looked at the strange orb he was given. It was white, with grey and silver hanks of mist surrounding it. On the surface of the orb strange images appeared and disappeared once in a while. It was like nothing Genlin(that was the soldiers name) ever seen. Genlin, by the way, was tall, had dark brown hair. He was also slim, his skin was pale.
The soldier put the orb into his backpack and then left the throne room. The castle was quiet, because once the dark king died, a lot of creatures who were summoned by his power now disappeared. The ones who weren’t summoned by the king fled.
The soldier walked out of the castle, and then shouted loudly to the remaining human soldiers:
- We won! – With those words the soldiers started loudly praising their captain, without whom they would have all died. A few moments later it was quiet, since all the warriors were searching with their eyes, where is the captain? Then they understood, from a sad expression on Genlins face. A whisper rushed through the soldiers:
- Dead… It can’t be… How?… He’s dead… - Silence, like a grey sheet fell onto the soldiers. After some time, Genlin spoke:
- He died after his greatest victory, after fulfilling the goal of his life. So do not pity him. – Soldier listened quietly. Then, after some time they prepared a camp for the night.
In the evening, when everyone, except those, who had to stand guard, were asleep, Genlin was sitting in his tent. He was studying the orb that he was given, but, since it didn’t look like it was going to give up its secrets, the soldier decided to try finding out what it is tomorrow.
When he fell asleep, he had very strange dreams.
…A little, ten years old brown haired boy, walking through the forest, picking berries. His eyes were white, he looked happy. The boy turned around and saw smoke coming from his village. He rushed to it as fast as he could, dropping the berries, fearing for the worst…
…The same boy, sitting nearby a corpse of a burned woman, in a ruined, empty village. She was his mother. The boy didn’t cry. He never did. Then he stood up and walked further into the village, where he saw footprints of a huge beast. There he saw his father, at least his upper half, since he was ripped into two pieces. He was dead, with a sword and a shield in his hands, and remains of armor on his body. Neither the shield, nor the armor helped from whatever he was fighting. The boy understood – this was a job of a dragon. Suddenly, he heard wolves howling. He picked up his fathers sword, though he could hardly lift it. Then understood that it won’t help. He dropped the sword and ran. Ran far away from this place, from everything…
…The same, just a little bit older boy, in a city. Now he’s about 12 years old. He is juggling knives, just like his savior and patron – a mad jester taught him to. There was a basket in from of him, where someone once in a while threw a coin…
…The same… No, not a boy, but a teenager, about 15 years old. Now he is in a hunt. He has some knives and sword case with a sword tied to his belt. In his hand there’s a bow and an arrow. On his back there are more arrows, an axe and a longsword. He is ridding a horse. The young hunter is chasing a… Dragon! The huge beast haven’t notice the little hunter yet. The boy put and arrow into his bow, aimed and launched it at the dragon. The beast howled in rage, that someone dares to attack him. He set the nearby trees on flame. The rider didn’t stop, he chased the dragon through the burning forest. Finally, after a long chase the dragon landed. It howled and then breathed fire on the boy. The little hunter jumped aside, and then fire didn’t hurt him. He launched another arrow, straight into the dragons eye. Now the creature was really furious. He stood up on two legs and then tried to catch the rider with his claws, though, without success. The battle continued. After the boy used his all weapons, except the longsword and his knives, the dragon finally caught him – he ripped the horse in pieces. The boy was launched into the air, and the dragon tried to snatch him with his terrible jaws. He almost succeeded, but the boy used his longsword to stab the dragon through the mouth. The longsword was stuck inside the dragons mouth. The beast howled in rage, the whole forest shook. The little hunter, instead of getting eaten fell onto the ground, where because of the impact, he lost consciousness, though, the dragon was still alive…
Genlin woke up. The dreams were strange, and he kept guessing, if those visions were stories of his captains past, or maybe some kind of a hidden message. He told no one about it. Half of the day, soldiers were preparing to move back. They decided to take as many goods from the castle as they needed. They needed food mostly, because their families were left with little supplies of it. For the next half of the day they travelled. At the end of the next day they have set a camp again. Genlin didn’t have such strange dreams that night. After a few days of traveling, they reached a forest. They doubled the number of guards, because it wasn’t safe in this forest.
Genlin was on watch. He looked at the dark trees and the spirits between them. He knew those spirits wouldn’t come near the fire, so he wasn’t afraid of them. Even if they did come closer, there wasn’t much that they could do. The creatures that the soldiers were afraid of were the great cats. They usually hunt in small packs, or alone. But sometimes a big pack comes together, then they might even attack the soldiers. Also the remaining forces of the dark king, though they were scattered, they might still try to gather and ambush them.
At the first hours of the watch nothing interesting happened. But a few hours after midnight, a strange, a lot brighter than others spirit appeared. Other spirits moved away from it, like they move away from fire. It was strange, because there are only a few spirits like this, and they don’t walk in such places like this – where masses of weak, dull, withered spirits gather. Genlin took out his sword and then came a little bit closer to the spirit. It reminded him of someone. “Could it be?” He thought. Ignoring the dangers of the woods, Genlin followed the spirit, who led him deeper into the woods. When it reached a clearing the spirit disappeared. Genlin looked around the clearing. There was an old hut and something that looked like it once was a garden. Genlin walked into the hunt. The orb glowed and he saw another of his dreams/visions.
…A boy of 15 years old lying in the bed. An old man is standing next to him. The boys head is bandaged. Near the bed, on the floor there’s a longsword and a knife, with a jesters symbol on it…
…The same boy, now about 17 years old. This time, in the same room, the boy is reading a book, and the old man is lying in the bed. He looks ill. The boy once in a while brings the old man tea and medicine, also talk with him a bit…
… The same boy, now in the garden, where there used to be carrots, cabbages and other plants used for food. The old man always said, that for him, the prettiest plants are the ones that are most useful. The boy is holding a shovel. He looks sad. In a hole, near the boys’ feat the old man is lying. Now he is cold and dead. The boy used the magic that he was taught by the old wizard to create a gravestone. He dug the grave himself, because his master always said “don’t use magic where you don’t have to, or where the result with or without magic will be the same”. The gravestone was carved with ancient runes. The apprentice started burying the hole…
Genlin woke up. The orb wasn’t glowing anymore. He walked out of the hut, and was relieved to see, that there are no dangerous creatures here. He walked back to camp. When he returned he found the camp empty and cold. There were a few graves and a goblins head on a stick in the middle of the camp. Genlin quickly understood, that there was a battle, and that his allies left afraid of another attack. He did not panic. The soldier found the footprints of his friends and followed them.
After a while he finnaly reached them. They were surprised to see him, since everyone thought that he was killed and fell down somewhere in the bushes, where no one could find him. Genlin told them, that before the battle he wandered into the woods. He didn’t speak of the hunt, the orb and the vision. They traveled the whole day, and a bit in the night.
Soldiers woke up early and continued on their road. They walked out of the forest by the evening. Finally, before the nightfall they reached a city. No one lived here, because it was destroyed by the fire, but travelers always stayed in these ruins, since it was safe there from wild animals, and there was a tavern. It was the only building that was still standing and working.
The soldiers set a camp in the city centre. There was a fountain, but without water here. Genlin went to sleep.
…A young man standing in the city centre – the same city where he met the crazy jester. He has white eyes. He is looking around – searching with his eyes in the crowd, for a woman, that should hire him for a job. He was told about her by his only friend. The only person he trusted, trusted with his life. A woman comes out of the crowd and walks to him. A smile appears on the mans face. The woman is middle-height, purple haired, she is wearing black robes. She is young. She is a witch, though not an evil one. She smiles back to the man, and they start talking. Two eyes are looking at them jealously from the crowd. The man with white eyes and the witch walk away…
…The same man with white eyes, with the same witch. The witch is now dressed in white. And they are both in a church. The man smiles at the woman. It is the first time after his village was destroyed, that he is in peace. She smiles back. And they walk to the altar. There they give each other something. The man gives the woman a dagger, with a symbol of jester on it. It saved his life many times. The dagger was a lot more precious to him than a pile of gold. It was also enchanted with who knows how many spells by the mad jester. The witch takes the dagger, and gives the man a little hourglass, which is her most precious thing, she got it from her mother, who got it from hers and so on. None of the witches in her family gave it or showed it to anyone, not even their husbands. The only time they show it to anyone is before death, when they give it to their daughters. Now she gave it to him…
Visions disappeared. Genlin woke up. It was early in the morning when the soldiers were ready. They left the city and traveled north. Half of the road was now passed. They traveled the rest of the road without any events. When they reached the crossroad, everyone went to their own villages. Before that, the soldiers decided that they will meet at the grand village, as it was called. There they will decide how to repair the damage caused by the dark king, what to do next, and pick a king. Genlin went back to his village. He didn’t have a family. His family was of nobles. All of his brothers and sister traveled away and live in comfort. Only Genlin didn’t do that, he decided to become what his father once was – a warrior. His both father and mother were dead, he didn’t have a wife, his other relatives didn’t want to speak to him, because he was only a soldier.
Genlin layed down into his bed and finnaly felt happy and calm. The sleep in the camp, where you have to be avare of various creatures, and use your backpack as a pillow can’t be even compared to sleep at home, in your own bed. Genlin soon fell asleep. He had strange visions again.
…The man with white eyes lives in a wooden house, in the middle of the forest, with the witch. They are happy. The man is now about 21 years old, the witch looks the same, though she might be a few decades, or maybe even centuries older…
…The man is in the forest, hunting. Now it’s a lot easier, because he can kill a bear with his bare hands (though he is slim and doesn’t look very strong), and by using magic and weapons it’s not hard to kill even a dragon for him. The man is carrying a boar on his shoulders. He is walking home. Then he sees a smoke. He drops the boar, and just like when he was a kid, he rushes to his home, fearing for the worst. He found it burned. He walks through the ruins, just like when he was a little boy, feeling as helpless as he was then. He drops on his knees before a burned corpse. This was his wife. She was his reason of being, his life. He looks at a little hourglass. It’s the only thing that will remind him of her. The only thing, that will help him keep sanity while looking at the corpse, because it will remind him of her love, because there’s a little bit of her essence in it(every witch that had this hourglass used some of her magic to create a single grain of sand). Then he saw his dagger with a clown. The dagger he gave her. She wasn’t fast enough to reach it. It would have saved her. He took the dagger. The little jesters, who was drawn on the handle, eyes began to glow and around him the man saw illusions, that showed what happened. A man with black armor kicks the large wooden door. The door breaks. A woman comes to see what happened. She launches a few bolts of magic at the man, but with no avail. The man just laughs and raises his hand. A huge infernal fire grasps the house; the woman is trying to reach for the dagger with a jester on it, but the infernal flames catch her, and she is dead a few seconds later. After a minute the whole house is no more. The man with black armor walks out of the ruins of the house. The infernal flames have done nothing to him. The illusions disappear. The man with white eyes is surprised – how powerful was the jester who saved him, if he could make something like this? Then he remembers the man with black armor. He knows who the man is. He will have to prepare. Finally the man leaves the ruins…
…A man about 30 years old, with white eyes comes to Genlins village. He has grey armor. It was white once, but now it turned grey. This is one of the few villages that have libraries. He walks to the library because he has a theory. The man is hoping that he is wrong, but has to make sure. At the library the warrior finds a book without a name or author, a book that came here by accident. In the past armies fought for it. Now it was forgotten and left in a library at the village. No one can read it, because it is written in an ancient language. But the warrior takes the book and starts reading it. When done he put it back into the bookshelf. The theory is correct. He discovered that war can never be stopped. Its reasons change, the armies change, but war always exists. Even if the good wins, sooner or later war will come again. He understood that. Then thought that it is worth fighting, and trying to bring brighter future at least for some time. Now a huge war was ragging. His once best friend, whom he trusted with his life, killed his wife, burned his home and now he killed the king and took his place. Almost no one served him. Most of his servants and soldiers left. Then he summoned various creatures who hated humans to help him. Those were demons, goblins, necromancers and a lot of other evil creatures. White-eyed man stood up and left the library. He was now determined to rally everyone, before the king gathered enough warriors to take rule…
Then he saw a vision. He saw the vision, of their battle. He saw how his captain sacrificed the only thing reminding him of his love. The great warrior knew he will soon die and meet his love. He knew, that if he survived, he would have went mad, without a goal in his life.
Genlin woke up. The visions this time were very confusing. He didn’t see what his captain had been doing for about 8-9 years, so some parts were hard to understand. Then he thought about the war that can be stopped only for a short time.
- I have to stop it forever – He said loudly. Then he thought ways of doing that. The soldier remembered the mad jester from his visions. It was the strangest and most powerful creature he had seen. Maybe he could help. But Genlin didn’t have an idea where to find him. Then thought about anyone else he had ever heard about, who could help. The most powerful and wise man he could remember was a necromancer, who lived in the woods. Though that necromancer never used his powers of raising dead anymore, he was still avoided and feared by everyone. The necromancer helped people a lot of times before, but sometimes he done the opposite. Genlin thought, that he will take the risk, if only it might help stopping the war forever. He knew he had to finish his captains work. That was because of the same reason why Genlin became a soldier. That is because he wanted to help bring justice and happiness, and to eliminate horror and pain. Genlin lived not for himself, but for others, and that was another thing that separated Genlin from the rest of his family. The orb started glowing more than ever before. The soldier jumped in the bed and almost hit his head into the ceiling. The orb flashed and disappeared.
Genlin prepared for the journey. He took his armor and sword – just in case. Then went out of the village, into the woods. Finally he reached the necromancers hut. Just when the soldier raised his hand to knock on the door, the necromancer shouted from somewhere inside the hut:
- What do you want?! – Genlin let down his hand, then answered:
- I come here seeking knowledge and advice – After those words it was quiet for a few minutes. Then the door opened, and an old man with a robe came out.
- What kind of knowledge do you seek, and for what reason? – Asked the old man. Genlin answered:
- I want to know, how to end all wars once and forever. – The old man laughed.
- That is impossible. You can extend the duration of peace, but you can never make it last forever. – Genlin thought.
- Tell me then, how to extend the duration of peace for as long as I can? – The necromancer thought for a long time. Then said:
- There are a few ways. First, you might create a document, which will make people hold peace, but that wont work for long. Another way, that lasts longer is to keep peace by force. You just make a lot of laws that don’t give people a chance to start fighting, and make severe punishments for breaking the law, but that is a bad way and it doesn’t last long. Another way is… - Genlin interrupted him.
- What if there would be someone who would always keep peace? – The necromancer stopped. Then said.
- You are talking about a peacekeeper .That is one of the ways, how to keep peace for the longest time. Though, the peacekeeper always fails to keep peace eventually. Sometimes he is killed or captured. Sometimes he just loses hope and stops trying to prevent wars. Sometimes people simply don’t listen to him. – Genlin was excited.
- But if a peacekeeper wouldn’t fail in his duty, peace could be eternal? – The old man looked at Genlin for some time. Then slowly said.
- Theoretically yes, but in reality – no. You could become a peacekeeper. I can see you have what it takes to be one. There was an ancient order of peacekeepers. I was one of them, until I lost hope and became a hermit necromancer. Come. – The necromancer took Genlin into his hut. On the table there was a bracelet. A bracelet with a symbol - star, on the star there was a single wing with white feathers. Necromancer explained.
- That is the symbol of peacekeepers. If you want to become a peacekeeper, you will have to be tested. And then you will have to be train. I will be your trainer. First I will give you the proper armor and train you, and then I will reveal you the secret of eternal life, so like all peacekeeper you could keep peace for as long as you can – The necromancer gave him a different armor with the same symbol as on the bracelet, then a sword and a bow. Genlin smiled – after he will finish his training he will prevent any wars, forever. His captain laid foundations to it, now it will be finished. He will end wars forever! He went outside eager to start training, not knowing, how wrong he is thinking that he will be able to stop wars forever.
P.S. I didnt have enough time to fix mistakes.
I will not do any digging. I am sorry. I do not have the time to dig for the stories.