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I do not have the time to join this contest. I really want to, but i can't.
Please put me off the list, which i were never on.
Please put me off the list, which i were never on.
-
🏆 Texturing Contest #33 is OPEN! Contestants must re-texture a SD unit model found in-game (Warcraft 3 Classic), recreating the unit into a peaceful NPC version. 🔗Click here to enter!
Short Story Contest #4 - Great War Stories
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Well, Twisted, I do have exams, I do have a life besides story writing and playing Warcraft III/Starcraft II, I do need to memorize 3 freaking long lessons for approximatively nothing, but I do not have the time to do it.
Good luck to all.
@Etzer : Heh?
EDIT: Nevermidn again! I'll stay.
Good luck to all.
@Etzer : Heh?
EDIT: Nevermidn again! I'll stay.
Last edited:
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No srsly, i wanted to join, but out of a sudden i werent on the list
I had written!
I had written!
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I am sorry, I have been busy with work and not able to update this much recently, I will update it this weekend, if you want in the contest, pm me, and I will put your name in.
@THOSE WHO HAVE PMed ME!: I will add you this weekend.
@THOSE WHO HAVE PMed ME!: I will add you this weekend.
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Er..I don't have school tomorrow :O so I can stay! Huzzah.
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Can i enter?
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I guess so, 88.. Anyways, you should PM Midnighters. And good luck if you're going to do it.
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I am sorry for the inconvenience to those who are wanting on the list. But as many should understand, getting the roofing done on my house is first priority, and it will be done hopefully next week.
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No problem for me, Midnighters, but I just hope you're not forgetting us as contestants later.
Oh, a WiP of my story.
Satheria : War of The Old Gods
The Great Elven High Mage, Feral Star, started to explain to his children:
‘’ Long ago, in Satheria, the Forbidden Country, happened a great war. It was involving me, as the Blood-Elven Old God, Azaral’ Seriûl, as the Crypt Old God, Nekdal the ‘’Feared’’, as the Undead Old God, Eesethemis, as the Night Elf Old God, Saksomerîs, as the Orcish Old God, and finally, Arala-Arah, as the Human Old God.
In the woods of Satheria, the sound of Drums was easily heared. The rage of war was noticed. All the animals ran. Catapults and Fel Orc Grunts, forming the Orcish Army, were approaching. Azaral’ Seriûl was rushing with burrowed Fiends waiting for all the armies to get ready. Arala-Arah, being a puny human, only thought about Trebuchets, and knights. Eesethemis got all his army on trees. Nekdal came late.
The fight was almost going to start. I was hidden, hearing the sounds of catapults moving, and trebuchets packing. I was sure that only few days were left before I was going to control the world. But soon…
The armies started fighting. The real war, though, was the one between the Old Gods. A little farther was raging the final fight.
I picked up my sword, and magically rotated my orbs to charge them, and shouted: <<FIGHT! FOR MY PEOPLE, FOR THE ELVES! >>
Nekdal arrived, at last. He then raised his sword that was feared by all mortals. But we were no mortals. Other Gods just picked up weapons and shouted <<TO WAR! >>.
I started to fight Eesethemis, my greatest enemy. The fight wasn’t easy.
He hit me with a quick dagger. I haven’t noticed it. The Pain was horrible. But then, I’ve stricken him with Phoenix, my weapon.
Never go back, never run. I had no way. We were both blocked in an epic struggle between all the Old Gods. But for what? Nothing. It was not a fight for dominance, or a fight for a special resource.
The betrayer, the greatest of the betrayers, that allied Eesethemis, which is Arala-Arah, pushed me with his mightiest strike. I felt Death was coming. But something strange happened… My sword transformed. My sword transformed into a mighty Phoenix and destroyed Arala-Arah, thus making Eesethemis much more vulnerable.
I then rose again, with my sword, and my three now charged orbs, and attacked Eesethemis again. Then, the struggle started again.
Few minutes of fighting later, I heard a deconcentrating sound.. A Wyrm was approaching. It was Nekdal in his true form. I had no ranged weapon, just like Eesethemis, so we both hid. Luckily, the Wyrm was gonna fight Azaral’Seriûl. He shouted: <<Ah! Nekdal! You will never beat me! Air or not!>> and stricken him with carrion swarms.
I rushed to the Night elven Old God from behind, and killed him. I felt much more powerful. My two enemies died..
Never smile at war. It was a great mistake I commited. Saksomerîs approached me. Luckily, his twin-axe didn’t cut through my armor. I still had power to fight him, so I did.
Saksomerîs, being the Orc Old God, was talking Orcish language. I did not understand a single word of it. But I know he cried loudly: <<RR! Garshekaral! Lok-Tar! >> and tried to hit me again. I evaded and jumped high in the air, metamorphosed with my sword, to become a Phoenix, and crashed on him. The devouring flames ravaged a huge part of the forest.
When I crashed on the ground, I became dizzy. Everything was looking strange and deformed for me. Saksomerîs used this for his advantage and hit me deep in my heart…
I didn’t die, though. The power of the three orbs healed me insanely, making me able to fight again, more powerful than last time. I decided then to do the same trick to him. I took my Quick Dagger and attacked him. Then took my Claws and picked his heart… So evil.
His bloodlust was still making him able to fight. I decided to then kill him fast, before he makes more problems. If he did, I would have got defeated by Nekdal. But he didn’t, since I drained his mana, making his bloodlust dispel. His eyes were starting to fade as he was falling..
The next target was Nekdal. He was terribly strong. But he was still fighting the Crypt Old God. I used it to make an advantage, but failed. The Crypt Lord’s scales were shiny. His eyes turned to me, and he said: <<No, puny mortal. You cannot betray anyone of us. This battle, this great battle, is already at our favour. Go fight the others.>> For me to answer: <<What?!! The others?!! Ah. Yes, the dead others. I’ve killed them all. And you sure shouldn’t underestimate me, undead.>>
Nekdal, annoyed, told us: <<Come on, be faster. I’m getting annoyed. Stop speaking, I want to fight. But dare you try kill me, die you will. Have the courage to do it, and get tortured.. Poor elf. Go, just go. You can’t beat us.>>
I got angry. Totally angry. My eyes were burning. A wind made our hair dance in the clouds of war. I removed my robe, that was too heavy.
My fate was gonna be chosen soon…
Many more details are needed, etc.
Oh and btw, how can I know how much words there is?
Oh, a WiP of my story.
Satheria : War of The Old Gods
The Great Elven High Mage, Feral Star, started to explain to his children:
‘’ Long ago, in Satheria, the Forbidden Country, happened a great war. It was involving me, as the Blood-Elven Old God, Azaral’ Seriûl, as the Crypt Old God, Nekdal the ‘’Feared’’, as the Undead Old God, Eesethemis, as the Night Elf Old God, Saksomerîs, as the Orcish Old God, and finally, Arala-Arah, as the Human Old God.
In the woods of Satheria, the sound of Drums was easily heared. The rage of war was noticed. All the animals ran. Catapults and Fel Orc Grunts, forming the Orcish Army, were approaching. Azaral’ Seriûl was rushing with burrowed Fiends waiting for all the armies to get ready. Arala-Arah, being a puny human, only thought about Trebuchets, and knights. Eesethemis got all his army on trees. Nekdal came late.
The fight was almost going to start. I was hidden, hearing the sounds of catapults moving, and trebuchets packing. I was sure that only few days were left before I was going to control the world. But soon…
The armies started fighting. The real war, though, was the one between the Old Gods. A little farther was raging the final fight.
I picked up my sword, and magically rotated my orbs to charge them, and shouted: <<FIGHT! FOR MY PEOPLE, FOR THE ELVES! >>
Nekdal arrived, at last. He then raised his sword that was feared by all mortals. But we were no mortals. Other Gods just picked up weapons and shouted <<TO WAR! >>.
I started to fight Eesethemis, my greatest enemy. The fight wasn’t easy.
He hit me with a quick dagger. I haven’t noticed it. The Pain was horrible. But then, I’ve stricken him with Phoenix, my weapon.
Never go back, never run. I had no way. We were both blocked in an epic struggle between all the Old Gods. But for what? Nothing. It was not a fight for dominance, or a fight for a special resource.
The betrayer, the greatest of the betrayers, that allied Eesethemis, which is Arala-Arah, pushed me with his mightiest strike. I felt Death was coming. But something strange happened… My sword transformed. My sword transformed into a mighty Phoenix and destroyed Arala-Arah, thus making Eesethemis much more vulnerable.
I then rose again, with my sword, and my three now charged orbs, and attacked Eesethemis again. Then, the struggle started again.
Few minutes of fighting later, I heard a deconcentrating sound.. A Wyrm was approaching. It was Nekdal in his true form. I had no ranged weapon, just like Eesethemis, so we both hid. Luckily, the Wyrm was gonna fight Azaral’Seriûl. He shouted: <<Ah! Nekdal! You will never beat me! Air or not!>> and stricken him with carrion swarms.
I rushed to the Night elven Old God from behind, and killed him. I felt much more powerful. My two enemies died..
Never smile at war. It was a great mistake I commited. Saksomerîs approached me. Luckily, his twin-axe didn’t cut through my armor. I still had power to fight him, so I did.
Saksomerîs, being the Orc Old God, was talking Orcish language. I did not understand a single word of it. But I know he cried loudly: <<RR! Garshekaral! Lok-Tar! >> and tried to hit me again. I evaded and jumped high in the air, metamorphosed with my sword, to become a Phoenix, and crashed on him. The devouring flames ravaged a huge part of the forest.
When I crashed on the ground, I became dizzy. Everything was looking strange and deformed for me. Saksomerîs used this for his advantage and hit me deep in my heart…
I didn’t die, though. The power of the three orbs healed me insanely, making me able to fight again, more powerful than last time. I decided then to do the same trick to him. I took my Quick Dagger and attacked him. Then took my Claws and picked his heart… So evil.
His bloodlust was still making him able to fight. I decided to then kill him fast, before he makes more problems. If he did, I would have got defeated by Nekdal. But he didn’t, since I drained his mana, making his bloodlust dispel. His eyes were starting to fade as he was falling..
The next target was Nekdal. He was terribly strong. But he was still fighting the Crypt Old God. I used it to make an advantage, but failed. The Crypt Lord’s scales were shiny. His eyes turned to me, and he said: <<No, puny mortal. You cannot betray anyone of us. This battle, this great battle, is already at our favour. Go fight the others.>> For me to answer: <<What?!! The others?!! Ah. Yes, the dead others. I’ve killed them all. And you sure shouldn’t underestimate me, undead.>>
Nekdal, annoyed, told us: <<Come on, be faster. I’m getting annoyed. Stop speaking, I want to fight. But dare you try kill me, die you will. Have the courage to do it, and get tortured.. Poor elf. Go, just go. You can’t beat us.>>
I got angry. Totally angry. My eyes were burning. A wind made our hair dance in the clouds of war. I removed my robe, that was too heavy.
My fate was gonna be chosen soon…
Oh and btw, how can I know how much words there is?
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The Old alliance destroyed, by one person. The Lich King had one of his banshees force a Human to attack the Orcs, just to give them a reason to start war anew. Probably because it gave him more troops and weakened enemy forces to invade the living world, though the few who knew his plans this were unsure of his true intentions. So far all was going according to plan… or so the Lich King thought. As Samal’Thazad reported to his master, that all was going well the Lich King smiled for once in many long years…
Before the alliance broke, the humans tried to stop the incoming war by making a treaty. However the Orcs were outraged at the humans for attacking them. The human leaders tried to ask the night elves for support, desperate to stop a war, as they did not want their nation destroyed again, though the night elves remained neutral, unwilling to fight another war by merely trying to stop the war itself…
There were Several battles before the war really heated up, the human capitol nearly fell, though Lord Aindreas arrived just in time and saved the city. However it did not come without a price, much of the ciy lay in ruins, and the king was mortally wounded, but alive. Lord Aindreas vowed to avenge his king after he died 3 days later. Now, Lord Aindreas and () prepares for battle. He recaptured many cities, and arrived at the border of orcish and human territory, in between lie a valley he ordered his troops to get to the edge and set up camp, “this could be a long war” he mumbled
(MORE STUFF HERE)
Moments before the battle started, the humans and orcs encampments were on the ledges of the valley that would most likely where the battle would take place though as Lord Aindreas thought “you could never be sure with those Orcs…” as the war drums sounded, they hit the human encampment like a tidal wave, Lord Aindreas hastily ordered five score of his best knights to flank the enemy, and charge when the horn sounded. The orcs charged down the hill Lord Aindreas waited until they were halfway across the valley then he blew the horn all the knights from the encampment and side charged down the hill leaving the Orcs temporarily stunned. Archers arrows came down, sounding like hundreds of wasps as they were forged that way they fell short only a few found their mark. Lord Aindreas ordered the rest of his men to move up, while at the same time the knights finally made it to the enemy trampling several of them while many more sliced with their deadly blades.
Before the alliance broke, the humans tried to stop the incoming war by making a treaty. However the Orcs were outraged at the humans for attacking them. The human leaders tried to ask the night elves for support, desperate to stop a war, as they did not want their nation destroyed again, though the night elves remained neutral, unwilling to fight another war by merely trying to stop the war itself…
There were Several battles before the war really heated up, the human capitol nearly fell, though Lord Aindreas arrived just in time and saved the city. However it did not come without a price, much of the ciy lay in ruins, and the king was mortally wounded, but alive. Lord Aindreas vowed to avenge his king after he died 3 days later. Now, Lord Aindreas and () prepares for battle. He recaptured many cities, and arrived at the border of orcish and human territory, in between lie a valley he ordered his troops to get to the edge and set up camp, “this could be a long war” he mumbled
(MORE STUFF HERE)
Moments before the battle started, the humans and orcs encampments were on the ledges of the valley that would most likely where the battle would take place though as Lord Aindreas thought “you could never be sure with those Orcs…” as the war drums sounded, they hit the human encampment like a tidal wave, Lord Aindreas hastily ordered five score of his best knights to flank the enemy, and charge when the horn sounded. The orcs charged down the hill Lord Aindreas waited until they were halfway across the valley then he blew the horn all the knights from the encampment and side charged down the hill leaving the Orcs temporarily stunned. Archers arrows came down, sounding like hundreds of wasps as they were forged that way they fell short only a few found their mark. Lord Aindreas ordered the rest of his men to move up, while at the same time the knights finally made it to the enemy trampling several of them while many more sliced with their deadly blades.
what do you think ?
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Sounds cool, mouseman. Btw, you wrote "between lie a valley", well it's lies.
EDIT: w00t. Reached 1521 words. Exactly 1521 words, 8226 characters. If you want to know, This would be useful for you. Just copy your text in the place and press Count Words.
EDIT: w00t. Reached 1521 words. Exactly 1521 words, 8226 characters. If you want to know, This would be useful for you. Just copy your text in the place and press Count Words.
Last edited:
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Remove me. I'm forfeiting. My school takes my time and my life is currently fucked up. I got frustration and stress out of nowhere.
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Thats unfortunate. if you would like, i am currently offering ghostwriting for five easy payments of $5.95
(JK)
(JK)
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I like to wet my own hand. I'll wrote it but I won't enter the contest. I may opt to be a judge, though.
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I'll try and get a WIP soon. Just been busy with school work so I'll get to work on it soon.
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mmm interesting stories so far...
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I'll post another WiP soonish. I have to shorten or get rid of the lame phase following the protagonist's case of pwntbeing. 1110 words now.
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Yes they are intriuging...
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Ain't it just easier to use word to count with?
I couldn't find how. And if you're using notepad, you can't.
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Try and use word, it'll correct some spelling mistakes to and make for easier formatting.
If your using 07 it's just a number in the bottom left hand corner, not sure about 2003.
If your using 07 it's just a number in the bottom left hand corner, not sure about 2003.
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I'm using Word. But since I did not know how to check it, I've used the link.
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Thanks, naitsirk, but I found another way. And no, I don't have any under the page at the bottom left corner.
Here is another WiP of my story...
Satheria : War of The Old Gods
The Great Elven High Mage, Feral Star, started to explain to his children:
‘’ Long ago, in Satheria, the Forbidden Country, occurred a great war. It was involving me, as the Blood-Elven Old God, Azaral’ Seriûl, as the Crypt Old God, Nekdal the ‘’Feared’’, as the Undead Old God, Eesethemis, as the Night Elf Old God, Saksomerîs, as the Orcish Old God, and finally, Arala-Arah, as the Human Old God.
In the woods of Satheria, the sound of Drums was easily heard. The rage of war was noticed. All the animals ran. Catapults and Fel Orc Grunts, forming the Orcish Army, were approaching. Azaral’ Seriûl was rushing with burrowed Fiends waiting for all the armies to get ready. Arala-Arah, being a puny human, only thought about Trebuchets, and knights. Eesethemis got all his army on trees. Nekdal came late.
The fight was almost going to start. I was hidden, hearing the sounds of catapults moving, and trebuchets packing. I was sure that only few days were left before I was going to control the world. But soon…
The armies started fighting. The real war, though, was the one between the Old Gods. A little farther was raging the final fight.
I picked up my sword, and magically rotated my orbs to charge them, and shouted: <<FIGHT! FOR MY PEOPLE, FOR THE ELVES! >>
Nekdal arrived, at last. He then raised his sword that was feared by all mortals. But we were no mortals. Other Gods just picked up weapons and shouted <<TO WAR! >>.
I started to fight Eesethemis, my greatest enemy. The fight wasn’t easy.
He hit me with a quick dagger. I haven’t noticed it. The Pain was horrible. But then, I’ve stricken him with Phoenix, my weapon.
Never go back, never run. I had no way. We were both blocked in an epic struggle between all the Old Gods. But for what? Nothing. It was not a fight for dominance, or a fight for a special resource.
The betrayer, the greatest of the betrayers, that allied Eesethemis, which is Arala-Arah, pushed me with his mightiest strike. I felt Death was coming. But something strange happened… My sword transformed. My sword transformed into a mighty Phoenix and destroyed Arala-Arah, thus making Eesethemis much more vulnerable.
I then rose again, with my sword, and my three now charged orbs, and attacked Eesethemis again. Then, the struggle started again.
Few minutes of fighting later, I heard a deconcentrating sound.. A Wyrm was approaching. It was Nekdal in his true form. I had no ranged weapon, just like Eesethemis, so we both hid. Luckily, the Wyrm was gonna fight Azaral’Seriûl. He shouted: <<Ah! Nekdal! You will never beat me! Air or not!>> and stricken him with carrion swarms.
I rushed to the Night elven Old God from behind, and killed him. I felt much more powerful. My two enemies died..
Never smile at war. It was a great mistake I commited. Saksomerîs approached me. Luckily, his twin-axe didn’t cut through my armor. I still had power to fight him, so I did.
Saksomerîs, being the Orc Old God, was talking Orcish language. I did not understand a single word of it. But I know he cried loudly: <<RR! Garshekaral! Lok-Tar! >> and tried to hit me again. I evaded and jumped high in the air, metamorphosed with my sword, to become a Phoenix, and crashed on him. The devouring flames ravaged a huge part of the forest.
When I crashed on the ground, I became dizzy. Everything was looking strange and deformed for me. Saksomerîs used this for his advantage and hit me deep in my heart…
I didn’t die, though. The power of the three orbs healed me insanely, making me able to fight again, more powerful than last time. I decided then to do the same trick to him. I took my Quick Dagger and attacked him. Then took my Claws and picked his heart… So evil.
His bloodlust was still making him able to fight. I decided to then kill him fast, before he makes more problems. If he did, I would have got defeated by Nekdal. But he didn’t, since I drained his mana, making his bloodlust dispel. His eyes were starting to fade as he was falling..
The next target was Nekdal. He was terribly strong. But he was still fighting the Crypt Old God. I used it to make an advantage, but failed. The Crypt Lord’s scales were shiny. His eyes turned to me, and he said: <<No, puny mortal. You cannot betray anyone of us. This battle, this great battle, is already at our favour. Go fight the others.>> For me to answer: <<What?!! The others?!! Ah. Yes, the dead others. I’ve killed them all. And you sure shouldn’t underestimate me, undead.>>
Nekdal, annoyed, told us: <<Come on, be faster. I’m getting annoyed. Stop speaking, I want to fight. But dare you try kill me, die you will. Have the courage to do it, and get tortured.. Poor elf. Go, just go. You can’t beat us.>>
I got angry. Totally angry. My eyes were burning. A wind made our hair dance in the clouds of war. I removed my robe, that was too heavy.
My fate was gonna be chosen soon…
I cried: <<No way to go! Nekdal, this is a fight! This is a war! Accept it or not, you have to face your fate!>>
<<Sure, sure, mortal. Now come in, engage the fight, he said.
-Yes, come… The Crypt Lord was getting mad. He was impatient.>>
I sensed that this battle was going to be lost. But I still had the courage to wield Phoenix, and to face the two Old Gods.
His first attack was clever. So much clever that I told him: <<That’s… C..lever..OH NO!>> But suddenly, a meteorite has fallen. I noticed he was ritual-summoning meteorites to crash on me. I had to jump through hundreds of them, hundreds of meteorites, hundreds of flames…And then met the Crypt God’s vile spikes. I jumped once again, blinked, and then tried to attack the Crypt Old God. But his natural armor was too heavy, so heavy that my sword got thrown away. I only had quick daggers left.
‘’How could I beat Nekdal with two small daggers, not even able to cut an armoured mouse?!’’ I thought.
Only spells were useful. Hopefully, I was a mage. An arcane mage knows what to do...So I repelled one of the meteorites cast on me. The Wyrm, which is Nekdal, got hit right in the head, and bled for a while.
Azaral’ Seriûl stricken me from behind, which I did dislike. It was hard for me to move. The meteorites stopped falling. But who thought Nekdal would stop? He crashed directly on me. I felt agony, for once in my life. It was hard to believe I was getting defeated by two undead beings…
I rose again. I couldn’t find Phoenix, but then noticed a strange green flame burning near two trees… I checked there… And found my sword, blazing, because it was willing to fight the enemy. When I hold the sword, I felt strong power, hardiness and thoughness invading my body. I merged again with Phoenix, to transform to a winged elven mage with a blazing sword. The Undead Gods both said: <<Ah.. An elven mage with a blazing sword that has wings. That’s pretty much known.>> I just thought “What?! Isn’t it normal to see an elven mage with a blazing sword and wings? Er..Well, let’s kill them.” <<Phoenix Slash! >>I shouted and then cut the Wyrm to pieces.
The remaining God was Azaral’ Seriûl, the Crypt Old God.
On the other side, where the armies were fighting, the undead just got demoralized for the first time, because of the death of their unholy leader.
I blinked near the Crypt Old God and attacked him. I cut him to half, but it was not the same. He transformed into many gigantic carrion beetles. And so, the real fight begins… The hardest of all the Old Gods was attacking me.I was too surprised at start to kill the beetles, and got heavily wounded, but I could kill them after it. He remetamorphosed to his normal form. Thousands of spikes rose from the ground to attack me, like tentacles, but they all missed me. My evading skills were great. He used his tough pincers to hit me, but again, I evaded. After a hour of fighting, I noticed he had a weak spot… A place that was not covered in chitinous barbs, spikes or some normal armor. I struck my blazing sword in there, and started laughing: << Ahahaha! So who’s the puny mortal, now?! Who will be tortured? Me? Oh? I’m afraid you can’t do it, sir.>>
Then, something just strange occurred. Really strange… I noticed the Corpse of the Dark Wyrm was deformed. Many bones were raising to the sky. They then formed a very, very big dragon. The bones were growing bigger every second, until the Dragon became larger than an ancient tree.
I did not know what to do. I was afraid. My sword was damaged, my armor pierced, and my wings disappeared. The giant wyrm’s icy and scary eyes were looking at me.
Suddenly, Nekdal landed, and deployed huge wings. He wasn’t flying, which helped me.
His power was big, though. With his rear spikes, he created a sword. His attacks were very clever, since he could make the sword bigger.
His first slash was not noticed. He hit me in my hand. It made it very hard for me to control my sword.
My counter-attack was too fast, and blocked easily. I just attacked normally. But I was reserving a surprise for him… A surprise that may or may not work. If it did not, I would have died.
He then used the forbidden ritual of blood magic. The Blood magic rituals consisted on drinking the blood of your target, and take some of your blood, to draw the Circle of Darkness. After it, the user had to turn 10 full times, without being hit.
A smoke then launches, signalling that the ritual ended. The caster then shares his blood, and pain with the target.
If the caster dies, the other dies, and if the target dies, the other dies. The same effects happen, at the same points, at the same time. As if it was one body.
<<I sense death coming for me…>> I said.
That icy feeling was corrupting me, haunting me. I had no clue of what to do.
But an idea came to my mind : ‘’ Why not kill him while he’s turning? Why not? ‘’
Time was passing fast. He was almost gonna hit me to drink my blood. I evaded and stricken him.
Sadly, he then could hit me easily, so he did.
The ritual was started.. Nekdal started saying things I did not understand a single word of : <<Ver-Ter-No Kîr, Ne Yu Ne Yi Ka Rö Leshi.. Circle of Darkness...Form! >>
I guessed he was forming the Circle of Darkness using a special magic. He asked me: <<Which way do you want to die? Slow way, fast way or instant way? >> I answered: <<Well, I will not die. So I choose none of them. >> He then told me: <<Oh? Really? I am immortal now. You cannot defeat me, humanoid. >>
He started turning around. I counted ‘’ First circle, second circle, third circle..Go! ‘’ and hurled my two quick daggers on him. Sadly, he had a shield launched. I was thinking… ‘’ Eigth… The last must be very slow… How about… Ninth circle..! Fast!’’
I thrown my Vial of Pure Water on the Circle. With great luck, the circle started vanishing.
<<Now, last circle! Ahahaha! Die! You who thought you will not die! Blood elf, you will die! >> That sound was haunting me.Stalking me. Destroying my mind..
All of a sudden, he did a wrong movement because he couldn’t see the circle. A ‘’Hurray!’’ roar was heard, in the army’s side. My army was waiting for me to kill him…
Since all other armies died, the Blood Elf priests, mages, acolytes, wizards and knights came to help me.
The fight was even bigger, with hundreds of my men dying every minute. Nonetheless, I wasn’t discouraged by seeing their blood raining.
(Stuff here, will add when I get inspiration)
Few hours later, I met Nekdal’s death. Nekdal’s real death. He was blinking everywhere, who knows why…
He was trying to find a living acolyte or death priest to save him… But none were in range. Only one, that was already suffering, tried to heal him, but he was killed by one of my foot knights.
His bones were depleting energy slowly while he was crying: <<PAIN! TOO MUCH…PAIN! I CAN’T… BELIEVE… I DIED… BY THE HANDS OF A MORTAL! >>
After ten long minutes of watching, he disappeared. No flesh, no bones were left, since he actually had no flesh.
So I won that battle, that great battle, and now I am known as the legendary Godslayer.’’
2 190 words (without counting the "(Stuff etc.etc.)"
9 773 characters.
358 lines! :O
Tell me what you think of it please.
Criticism appreciated.
Here is another WiP of my story...
Satheria : War of The Old Gods
The Great Elven High Mage, Feral Star, started to explain to his children:
‘’ Long ago, in Satheria, the Forbidden Country, occurred a great war. It was involving me, as the Blood-Elven Old God, Azaral’ Seriûl, as the Crypt Old God, Nekdal the ‘’Feared’’, as the Undead Old God, Eesethemis, as the Night Elf Old God, Saksomerîs, as the Orcish Old God, and finally, Arala-Arah, as the Human Old God.
In the woods of Satheria, the sound of Drums was easily heard. The rage of war was noticed. All the animals ran. Catapults and Fel Orc Grunts, forming the Orcish Army, were approaching. Azaral’ Seriûl was rushing with burrowed Fiends waiting for all the armies to get ready. Arala-Arah, being a puny human, only thought about Trebuchets, and knights. Eesethemis got all his army on trees. Nekdal came late.
The fight was almost going to start. I was hidden, hearing the sounds of catapults moving, and trebuchets packing. I was sure that only few days were left before I was going to control the world. But soon…
The armies started fighting. The real war, though, was the one between the Old Gods. A little farther was raging the final fight.
I picked up my sword, and magically rotated my orbs to charge them, and shouted: <<FIGHT! FOR MY PEOPLE, FOR THE ELVES! >>
Nekdal arrived, at last. He then raised his sword that was feared by all mortals. But we were no mortals. Other Gods just picked up weapons and shouted <<TO WAR! >>.
I started to fight Eesethemis, my greatest enemy. The fight wasn’t easy.
He hit me with a quick dagger. I haven’t noticed it. The Pain was horrible. But then, I’ve stricken him with Phoenix, my weapon.
Never go back, never run. I had no way. We were both blocked in an epic struggle between all the Old Gods. But for what? Nothing. It was not a fight for dominance, or a fight for a special resource.
The betrayer, the greatest of the betrayers, that allied Eesethemis, which is Arala-Arah, pushed me with his mightiest strike. I felt Death was coming. But something strange happened… My sword transformed. My sword transformed into a mighty Phoenix and destroyed Arala-Arah, thus making Eesethemis much more vulnerable.
I then rose again, with my sword, and my three now charged orbs, and attacked Eesethemis again. Then, the struggle started again.
Few minutes of fighting later, I heard a deconcentrating sound.. A Wyrm was approaching. It was Nekdal in his true form. I had no ranged weapon, just like Eesethemis, so we both hid. Luckily, the Wyrm was gonna fight Azaral’Seriûl. He shouted: <<Ah! Nekdal! You will never beat me! Air or not!>> and stricken him with carrion swarms.
I rushed to the Night elven Old God from behind, and killed him. I felt much more powerful. My two enemies died..
Never smile at war. It was a great mistake I commited. Saksomerîs approached me. Luckily, his twin-axe didn’t cut through my armor. I still had power to fight him, so I did.
Saksomerîs, being the Orc Old God, was talking Orcish language. I did not understand a single word of it. But I know he cried loudly: <<RR! Garshekaral! Lok-Tar! >> and tried to hit me again. I evaded and jumped high in the air, metamorphosed with my sword, to become a Phoenix, and crashed on him. The devouring flames ravaged a huge part of the forest.
When I crashed on the ground, I became dizzy. Everything was looking strange and deformed for me. Saksomerîs used this for his advantage and hit me deep in my heart…
I didn’t die, though. The power of the three orbs healed me insanely, making me able to fight again, more powerful than last time. I decided then to do the same trick to him. I took my Quick Dagger and attacked him. Then took my Claws and picked his heart… So evil.
His bloodlust was still making him able to fight. I decided to then kill him fast, before he makes more problems. If he did, I would have got defeated by Nekdal. But he didn’t, since I drained his mana, making his bloodlust dispel. His eyes were starting to fade as he was falling..
The next target was Nekdal. He was terribly strong. But he was still fighting the Crypt Old God. I used it to make an advantage, but failed. The Crypt Lord’s scales were shiny. His eyes turned to me, and he said: <<No, puny mortal. You cannot betray anyone of us. This battle, this great battle, is already at our favour. Go fight the others.>> For me to answer: <<What?!! The others?!! Ah. Yes, the dead others. I’ve killed them all. And you sure shouldn’t underestimate me, undead.>>
Nekdal, annoyed, told us: <<Come on, be faster. I’m getting annoyed. Stop speaking, I want to fight. But dare you try kill me, die you will. Have the courage to do it, and get tortured.. Poor elf. Go, just go. You can’t beat us.>>
I got angry. Totally angry. My eyes were burning. A wind made our hair dance in the clouds of war. I removed my robe, that was too heavy.
My fate was gonna be chosen soon…
I cried: <<No way to go! Nekdal, this is a fight! This is a war! Accept it or not, you have to face your fate!>>
<<Sure, sure, mortal. Now come in, engage the fight, he said.
-Yes, come… The Crypt Lord was getting mad. He was impatient.>>
I sensed that this battle was going to be lost. But I still had the courage to wield Phoenix, and to face the two Old Gods.
His first attack was clever. So much clever that I told him: <<That’s… C..lever..OH NO!>> But suddenly, a meteorite has fallen. I noticed he was ritual-summoning meteorites to crash on me. I had to jump through hundreds of them, hundreds of meteorites, hundreds of flames…And then met the Crypt God’s vile spikes. I jumped once again, blinked, and then tried to attack the Crypt Old God. But his natural armor was too heavy, so heavy that my sword got thrown away. I only had quick daggers left.
‘’How could I beat Nekdal with two small daggers, not even able to cut an armoured mouse?!’’ I thought.
Only spells were useful. Hopefully, I was a mage. An arcane mage knows what to do...So I repelled one of the meteorites cast on me. The Wyrm, which is Nekdal, got hit right in the head, and bled for a while.
Azaral’ Seriûl stricken me from behind, which I did dislike. It was hard for me to move. The meteorites stopped falling. But who thought Nekdal would stop? He crashed directly on me. I felt agony, for once in my life. It was hard to believe I was getting defeated by two undead beings…
I rose again. I couldn’t find Phoenix, but then noticed a strange green flame burning near two trees… I checked there… And found my sword, blazing, because it was willing to fight the enemy. When I hold the sword, I felt strong power, hardiness and thoughness invading my body. I merged again with Phoenix, to transform to a winged elven mage with a blazing sword. The Undead Gods both said: <<Ah.. An elven mage with a blazing sword that has wings. That’s pretty much known.>> I just thought “What?! Isn’t it normal to see an elven mage with a blazing sword and wings? Er..Well, let’s kill them.” <<Phoenix Slash! >>I shouted and then cut the Wyrm to pieces.
The remaining God was Azaral’ Seriûl, the Crypt Old God.
On the other side, where the armies were fighting, the undead just got demoralized for the first time, because of the death of their unholy leader.
I blinked near the Crypt Old God and attacked him. I cut him to half, but it was not the same. He transformed into many gigantic carrion beetles. And so, the real fight begins… The hardest of all the Old Gods was attacking me.I was too surprised at start to kill the beetles, and got heavily wounded, but I could kill them after it. He remetamorphosed to his normal form. Thousands of spikes rose from the ground to attack me, like tentacles, but they all missed me. My evading skills were great. He used his tough pincers to hit me, but again, I evaded. After a hour of fighting, I noticed he had a weak spot… A place that was not covered in chitinous barbs, spikes or some normal armor. I struck my blazing sword in there, and started laughing: << Ahahaha! So who’s the puny mortal, now?! Who will be tortured? Me? Oh? I’m afraid you can’t do it, sir.>>
Then, something just strange occurred. Really strange… I noticed the Corpse of the Dark Wyrm was deformed. Many bones were raising to the sky. They then formed a very, very big dragon. The bones were growing bigger every second, until the Dragon became larger than an ancient tree.
I did not know what to do. I was afraid. My sword was damaged, my armor pierced, and my wings disappeared. The giant wyrm’s icy and scary eyes were looking at me.
Suddenly, Nekdal landed, and deployed huge wings. He wasn’t flying, which helped me.
His power was big, though. With his rear spikes, he created a sword. His attacks were very clever, since he could make the sword bigger.
His first slash was not noticed. He hit me in my hand. It made it very hard for me to control my sword.
My counter-attack was too fast, and blocked easily. I just attacked normally. But I was reserving a surprise for him… A surprise that may or may not work. If it did not, I would have died.
He then used the forbidden ritual of blood magic. The Blood magic rituals consisted on drinking the blood of your target, and take some of your blood, to draw the Circle of Darkness. After it, the user had to turn 10 full times, without being hit.
A smoke then launches, signalling that the ritual ended. The caster then shares his blood, and pain with the target.
If the caster dies, the other dies, and if the target dies, the other dies. The same effects happen, at the same points, at the same time. As if it was one body.
<<I sense death coming for me…>> I said.
That icy feeling was corrupting me, haunting me. I had no clue of what to do.
But an idea came to my mind : ‘’ Why not kill him while he’s turning? Why not? ‘’
Time was passing fast. He was almost gonna hit me to drink my blood. I evaded and stricken him.
Sadly, he then could hit me easily, so he did.
The ritual was started.. Nekdal started saying things I did not understand a single word of : <<Ver-Ter-No Kîr, Ne Yu Ne Yi Ka Rö Leshi.. Circle of Darkness...Form! >>
I guessed he was forming the Circle of Darkness using a special magic. He asked me: <<Which way do you want to die? Slow way, fast way or instant way? >> I answered: <<Well, I will not die. So I choose none of them. >> He then told me: <<Oh? Really? I am immortal now. You cannot defeat me, humanoid. >>
He started turning around. I counted ‘’ First circle, second circle, third circle..Go! ‘’ and hurled my two quick daggers on him. Sadly, he had a shield launched. I was thinking… ‘’ Eigth… The last must be very slow… How about… Ninth circle..! Fast!’’
I thrown my Vial of Pure Water on the Circle. With great luck, the circle started vanishing.
<<Now, last circle! Ahahaha! Die! You who thought you will not die! Blood elf, you will die! >> That sound was haunting me.Stalking me. Destroying my mind..
All of a sudden, he did a wrong movement because he couldn’t see the circle. A ‘’Hurray!’’ roar was heard, in the army’s side. My army was waiting for me to kill him…
Since all other armies died, the Blood Elf priests, mages, acolytes, wizards and knights came to help me.
The fight was even bigger, with hundreds of my men dying every minute. Nonetheless, I wasn’t discouraged by seeing their blood raining.
(Stuff here, will add when I get inspiration)
Few hours later, I met Nekdal’s death. Nekdal’s real death. He was blinking everywhere, who knows why…
He was trying to find a living acolyte or death priest to save him… But none were in range. Only one, that was already suffering, tried to heal him, but he was killed by one of my foot knights.
His bones were depleting energy slowly while he was crying: <<PAIN! TOO MUCH…PAIN! I CAN’T… BELIEVE… I DIED… BY THE HANDS OF A MORTAL! >>
After ten long minutes of watching, he disappeared. No flesh, no bones were left, since he actually had no flesh.
So I won that battle, that great battle, and now I am known as the legendary Godslayer.’’
2 190 words (without counting the "(Stuff etc.etc.)"
9 773 characters.
358 lines! :O
Tell me what you think of it please.
Criticism appreciated.
Last edited:
- Joined
- Jan 18, 2010
- Messages
- 61
WiP
Hi all
This is a story I've been thinking about, using the geography of my mod project's first map. Seing there's a story contest, I thought to develop it, and got carried away Well, this part leads up to a battle, but has little actual fighting. There will be blood, promise hehe
The Exiles' Stand
Before dawn, on the banks of the Bottomless Fall, Halya Isle:
"Even the woods are distressed" thought the Elf, hiding in the undergrowth. "Hardly surprising, all in all" he decided with a hint of his dry wit from older days. And to remember how peacefully serene these trees had looked when they had first sighted these lands, no more than two moons past. The expedition from Silvermoon had started with great hardship, and the sight of the new lands had done much to bring back hope to the elves, already longing for the sight of their beloved Sunwell...
Earlier that year, off the coast of the Eversong Woods:
The Expedition, The Reach into the Dark, The Misstep - all were names for this journey, all well used among the Silvermoon Elves. For some, the Expedition was the long-waited next step for Elvenkind, too long held to a narrow strip of land. Younger ones saw it as a great adventure: other times when their kind had sought to grow in numbers and lands were long past. Their blood burned with longing of new things, with courage which their elders called carelesness, or even folly. For those elders, this was a misstep, an error for which they would pay dearly; but for the youngsters, the Reach into the Dark was their first and, perhaps, only chance to see the greater world beyond the Eversong Woods. Misstep they called it too, but with pride: for they would dare to step forth and endure the pain that would surely follow failure.
- Signal the fleet: set full sail and make eastward course! ordered the High Admiral to the chief signaller, louder than was needed to be well-understood. With a quick look at his famous leader, the Elf turned to obey. The speechsparks travelled to the other four ships, their rhythmic twists and turns conveying the message in the Elven fleet code. In minutes, all ships had raised all sails to take advantage of the fresh and steady Southerly breeze.
- The first day bodes well, said softly Vannis, just loud enough for the High Admiral to hear bot not enough for others to catch the remark. It was just like him, thought the commander, to express misgivings even in an apparently optimistic appraisal.
- Think you the next days will bode less than this, Bowmaster? asked the Admiral with the slightest mockery in an otherwise perfectly flat voice.
- It would be an unusual journey, one with all days as this, would it not, your Silvery Singing Lordship ? replied Vannis. His mastery of the intricacies of Elfspeech allowed him to convey his disapproval of his officer's lightness with a phrasing which could be understood in two ways: High Admiral Silversong's name was well respected in their homeland, but the loud, clear Silvery Song of the forest robin gave away its position from many miles distant to the Elven hunters' sharp hearing.
- Do you find something amiss, my friend? asked Silversong looking intently at her long time comrade.
- Just making sure the excitement is properly balanced in my Commander, since it barely is so with me, answered Vannis with a smile.
"Indeed, we could have had far worse leaders on this Misstep than Rondhe Silversong.. far worse, and less pleasant to be around, to be sure" thought he, admiring the Admiral's poise on her quarterdeck. The wind pushed the slender ship cleanly through the waves, and the lithe officer seemed to float effortlessy above the deck, balance as natural to her as flight to the gulls overhead. "If we are to sail to that barely-marked island that will be our home, she will see us there if anyone will" thought Vannis.
He was aware of his own balance and physical control, borne of years spent hunting both beast and foe. The rank of Bowmaster was not lightly given by the Elven Mentors, and he knew he deserved it fully. However, at sea, the Admiral was truly at home. She was rumored to be able to foresee storms by the sight of a single wave, or by the sound of the wind through a ship's rigging. It was certain that she had sailed to the northern continent and back at Midwinter, when the gales made going even a mile from the coast a foolish gamble.
- Excitment has been scarce about the Sunwell of late. For my taste, in any case, said Rondhe after a quick look to the mizzen mast to check the sails' alignment.
- You could have come hunting sometime, had boredom overcome you. There has been plenty of prey to the south, toward the Troll lands, answered Vannis with a sideways glance. It was not common for an Elf to express criticism of their revered fountain of power, less so for one as highly ranked among her kind.
- Hunting, you say? I did not know food was so short, that we had to make sailors into hunters, said the Admiral dryly.
- Indeed, food is not short. But prey can be hunted, which none would eat even in famine, answered Vannis, his voice losing its usual half-mocking tone.
- Do the Trolls stir? asked Rondhe, suddenly feeling less at ease at the thought of their race's old rivals.
- Of late, something is amiss to the south. Nothing I could name, but somehow they seem.. agitated, said Vannis after a brief pause. The human lands are different, as well... his voice trailed off, as he seemed lost in thought. But then, who can truly understand the humans? he continued, on a lighter tone.
- In truth my friend, you did manage to look into their hearts on a few occasions, and then showed us all what you'd seen. It made remarkable sense, at the time at least, I recall, followed Rondhe.
Approaching steps made the two Elves turn in unison.
- The supply reports are ready, Admiral, said the Quartermaster after a polite cough. The grain from Lordaeron is a different kind from ours, but the humans assure us it is of excellent quality.
- Thank you, Neannor. We will use our own grain, but it will be good to have reserves, answered Rondhe. Your time is your own until we reach our destination, she followed to both of them. Make good use of it, for there will be plenty to do after landfall, even if all goes as we thought. The last words were spoken softly, more to herself than to her companions. The awareness of their precarious position, isolated from their kind by the Ocean's stormy waters, overcame her for an instant. Premonitions were not taken lightly among Elves, and suddenly she felt herself shiver.
Before dawn, on the banks of the Bottomless Fall, Halya Isle:
"I lived here all my life, and still the sight of it makes me weak at the knees", thought James. His men were scattered among the trees, resting after a long night. The mighty waterfall's thunder made conversations among the troops difficult. It also made it unlikely that their enemies' inhuman hearing could spot them, which was one reason this position had been chosen.
"Even the Elves looked impressed when they saw it", he remembered. They had been friends, back in the old days... almost two months ago...
Two months before, on the Forbidding Sea:
- Brace yourself, you fool! This is no forest to be prancing about! The Admiral's voice cut through the howling gale, reaching Vannis' ears just as a wave knocked him into the mainmast. His reflexes saved him from being washed overboard, as he hung on to a loose spar. His breath regained, he crawled to her side and screamed into her ear:
- Land sighted off the forward bow, less than a mile distant! I even glanced a fine beach from the forecastle, before the bowsprit went!
With a soft curse, Rondhe untied her brace and started toward the helm at the rear of the ship. Somehow, her voice could be heard above the storm as she directed the crew to raise topgallants. With a prayer to all sea gods to keep mainmast and hull together, she directed the ship as the wind pushed it ever faster in the direction Vannis had warned her of.
The tempest had come upon them the day before, without warning. Within minutes, clear skies and soft wind had turned into screaming gusts and pitch-black clouds, illuminated by lightning. The fleet had scattered before the wind, each ship trying as it might to survive the storm. For almost a day, the crew had been fighting a losing battle; any lesser ships would have surely gone to pieces under the strain, but the Elven shipwrights did know their craft. The ship was holding, although the masts were making sounds which boded ill to Rondhe's practised ear.
She glanced reflexively astern, and suddenly saw what could be their salvation approaching. "Now I see if a hundred years' sailing has taught me anything", she thought as she twisted the rudder violently, and the ship shook into a new course.
- Now! Hold fast! We go aground! she tried to warn her crew, as her instinct warned her of changing water ahead.
With a blood-curdling screech, the ship's hull rubbed against the rocks. "Let that wave come now, or let it never come for we all die here", thought Rondhe with a strange calmness. Suddenly, a giant shape loomed behind and over the ship, approaching with terrifying speed. The giant wave she had marked was upon them, and before they realized what was happening, it had lifted the ship from the rocks and carried it cleanly over them.
The quiet in the small cove was almost unreal, and the Elves looked around them in disbelief. Feeling his legs shakier than he could remember, Vannis forced himself to Rondhe's side.
- Have we arrived, do you think? he asked the Admiral, with a half-smile.
- We have, or this is a rather large sandbank, she answered looking at the slope of the mountain rising from the sandy cove.
The storm behind them sounded less loudly now, but the strong wind was still pushing dark clouds into the mountainside ahead, forcing them around the peak in whirling patterns illuminated by lightning flashes. Rondhe shook herself to action after a moment's pause:
- Throw all anchors! This is where we stay until this storm passes! Bowmaster, prepare the landing party; I want the expedition unloaded so I can repair my ship without everyone underfoot, she continued in a quieter voice. "We have arrived", thought she, "though one ship of five is a small expedition by any measure".
Expedition Log, High Admiral Rondhe Silversong
Day One: We have finished unloading the expedition supplies. Game seems plentiful in these woods, which is thankful since our grain supplies were on board the Bluelark and the Sunshine Dancer. No news of the other ships, since we were separated by the storm.
Day Two: Our ship is beyond salvation. I had hoped to use it to send word of our fate back to Silvermoon, but the battering during the storm makes this impossible.
Day Three: Our base camp is strong enough to allow Bowmaster Vannis Redquiver to explore further inland. We need to find a good position to begin building a more permanent settlement.
Day Four: This island seems currently uninhabited. While we wait for the Bowmaster's return, we have started to study the local wildlife. Provided we don't over-hunt, these woods will provide us with ample sustenance for any foreseeable period. How fortunate we are, to be the first to find such rich lands.
Day Five: Bowmaster Redquiver has returned. He shall lead us to a good location to start building a town. It is some two days' march from here, near where a river runs into the Sea. I shall be unable make entries in this log during the march.
Day Nine: I write this from what will hopefully be the center of our outpost. We have finished this first crude building and have started to build our homes in this new land. The Bowmaster has been invaluable during this early period. He is now out, exploring the balance of this fair island.
Day Twelve: It would appear we are not alone after all. Vannis has returned after having spotted humans in the forest. They seemed at their ease, which would suggest they have been here for a longer time. Of course, they have not noticed him, and he has refrained from making contact. I have ordered him to scout out their settlements and let him decide on the best time to let them know of our presence here.
Day Fourteen: More survivors join the settlement! Another ship, the Swiftsure, has come ashore not far from our own landing place. They followed our tracks and joined us at the Outpost. We are greatly relieved that more of the expedition have survived the terrible storm.
Day Seventeen: Bowmaster Redquiver has finally returned from the human settlements.
He reports they have built several villages on the western side of the island, which is much more
suited to human agriculture. They have also built a fortified city next to a protected natural harbor. We shall contact the humans presently and offer them to share the island, with them using the western plains and us holding dominion of the eastern forest.
Day Twenty-two: We shall have peace with the Humans, which, while desirable, is more to their advantage than ours. Near the island's center is what Vannis reports as its most striking feature: a gigantic waterfall, which the humans call the Bottomless Fall. It has been established as a natural borderstone, with all lands west of it belonging to humans, and all east - to us Elves.
So, what do you think about it?
EDIT: I've attached a pdf, because I find it's easier on the eyes. It's the same stuff as in this post, better formatted
Hi all
This is a story I've been thinking about, using the geography of my mod project's first map. Seing there's a story contest, I thought to develop it, and got carried away
Well, this part leads up to a battle, but has little actual fighting. There will be blood, promise heheThe Exiles' Stand
Before dawn, on the banks of the Bottomless Fall, Halya Isle:
"Even the woods are distressed" thought the Elf, hiding in the undergrowth. "Hardly surprising, all in all" he decided with a hint of his dry wit from older days. And to remember how peacefully serene these trees had looked when they had first sighted these lands, no more than two moons past. The expedition from Silvermoon had started with great hardship, and the sight of the new lands had done much to bring back hope to the elves, already longing for the sight of their beloved Sunwell...
Earlier that year, off the coast of the Eversong Woods:
The Expedition, The Reach into the Dark, The Misstep - all were names for this journey, all well used among the Silvermoon Elves. For some, the Expedition was the long-waited next step for Elvenkind, too long held to a narrow strip of land. Younger ones saw it as a great adventure: other times when their kind had sought to grow in numbers and lands were long past. Their blood burned with longing of new things, with courage which their elders called carelesness, or even folly. For those elders, this was a misstep, an error for which they would pay dearly; but for the youngsters, the Reach into the Dark was their first and, perhaps, only chance to see the greater world beyond the Eversong Woods. Misstep they called it too, but with pride: for they would dare to step forth and endure the pain that would surely follow failure.
- Signal the fleet: set full sail and make eastward course! ordered the High Admiral to the chief signaller, louder than was needed to be well-understood. With a quick look at his famous leader, the Elf turned to obey. The speechsparks travelled to the other four ships, their rhythmic twists and turns conveying the message in the Elven fleet code. In minutes, all ships had raised all sails to take advantage of the fresh and steady Southerly breeze.
- The first day bodes well, said softly Vannis, just loud enough for the High Admiral to hear bot not enough for others to catch the remark. It was just like him, thought the commander, to express misgivings even in an apparently optimistic appraisal.
- Think you the next days will bode less than this, Bowmaster? asked the Admiral with the slightest mockery in an otherwise perfectly flat voice.
- It would be an unusual journey, one with all days as this, would it not, your Silvery Singing Lordship ? replied Vannis. His mastery of the intricacies of Elfspeech allowed him to convey his disapproval of his officer's lightness with a phrasing which could be understood in two ways: High Admiral Silversong's name was well respected in their homeland, but the loud, clear Silvery Song of the forest robin gave away its position from many miles distant to the Elven hunters' sharp hearing.
- Do you find something amiss, my friend? asked Silversong looking intently at her long time comrade.
- Just making sure the excitement is properly balanced in my Commander, since it barely is so with me, answered Vannis with a smile.
"Indeed, we could have had far worse leaders on this Misstep than Rondhe Silversong.. far worse, and less pleasant to be around, to be sure" thought he, admiring the Admiral's poise on her quarterdeck. The wind pushed the slender ship cleanly through the waves, and the lithe officer seemed to float effortlessy above the deck, balance as natural to her as flight to the gulls overhead. "If we are to sail to that barely-marked island that will be our home, she will see us there if anyone will" thought Vannis.
He was aware of his own balance and physical control, borne of years spent hunting both beast and foe. The rank of Bowmaster was not lightly given by the Elven Mentors, and he knew he deserved it fully. However, at sea, the Admiral was truly at home. She was rumored to be able to foresee storms by the sight of a single wave, or by the sound of the wind through a ship's rigging. It was certain that she had sailed to the northern continent and back at Midwinter, when the gales made going even a mile from the coast a foolish gamble.
- Excitment has been scarce about the Sunwell of late. For my taste, in any case, said Rondhe after a quick look to the mizzen mast to check the sails' alignment.
- You could have come hunting sometime, had boredom overcome you. There has been plenty of prey to the south, toward the Troll lands, answered Vannis with a sideways glance. It was not common for an Elf to express criticism of their revered fountain of power, less so for one as highly ranked among her kind.
- Hunting, you say? I did not know food was so short, that we had to make sailors into hunters, said the Admiral dryly.
- Indeed, food is not short. But prey can be hunted, which none would eat even in famine, answered Vannis, his voice losing its usual half-mocking tone.
- Do the Trolls stir? asked Rondhe, suddenly feeling less at ease at the thought of their race's old rivals.
- Of late, something is amiss to the south. Nothing I could name, but somehow they seem.. agitated, said Vannis after a brief pause. The human lands are different, as well... his voice trailed off, as he seemed lost in thought. But then, who can truly understand the humans? he continued, on a lighter tone.
- In truth my friend, you did manage to look into their hearts on a few occasions, and then showed us all what you'd seen. It made remarkable sense, at the time at least, I recall, followed Rondhe.
Approaching steps made the two Elves turn in unison.
- The supply reports are ready, Admiral, said the Quartermaster after a polite cough. The grain from Lordaeron is a different kind from ours, but the humans assure us it is of excellent quality.
- Thank you, Neannor. We will use our own grain, but it will be good to have reserves, answered Rondhe. Your time is your own until we reach our destination, she followed to both of them. Make good use of it, for there will be plenty to do after landfall, even if all goes as we thought. The last words were spoken softly, more to herself than to her companions. The awareness of their precarious position, isolated from their kind by the Ocean's stormy waters, overcame her for an instant. Premonitions were not taken lightly among Elves, and suddenly she felt herself shiver.
Before dawn, on the banks of the Bottomless Fall, Halya Isle:
"I lived here all my life, and still the sight of it makes me weak at the knees", thought James. His men were scattered among the trees, resting after a long night. The mighty waterfall's thunder made conversations among the troops difficult. It also made it unlikely that their enemies' inhuman hearing could spot them, which was one reason this position had been chosen.
"Even the Elves looked impressed when they saw it", he remembered. They had been friends, back in the old days... almost two months ago...
Two months before, on the Forbidding Sea:
- Brace yourself, you fool! This is no forest to be prancing about! The Admiral's voice cut through the howling gale, reaching Vannis' ears just as a wave knocked him into the mainmast. His reflexes saved him from being washed overboard, as he hung on to a loose spar. His breath regained, he crawled to her side and screamed into her ear:
- Land sighted off the forward bow, less than a mile distant! I even glanced a fine beach from the forecastle, before the bowsprit went!
With a soft curse, Rondhe untied her brace and started toward the helm at the rear of the ship. Somehow, her voice could be heard above the storm as she directed the crew to raise topgallants. With a prayer to all sea gods to keep mainmast and hull together, she directed the ship as the wind pushed it ever faster in the direction Vannis had warned her of.
The tempest had come upon them the day before, without warning. Within minutes, clear skies and soft wind had turned into screaming gusts and pitch-black clouds, illuminated by lightning. The fleet had scattered before the wind, each ship trying as it might to survive the storm. For almost a day, the crew had been fighting a losing battle; any lesser ships would have surely gone to pieces under the strain, but the Elven shipwrights did know their craft. The ship was holding, although the masts were making sounds which boded ill to Rondhe's practised ear.
She glanced reflexively astern, and suddenly saw what could be their salvation approaching. "Now I see if a hundred years' sailing has taught me anything", she thought as she twisted the rudder violently, and the ship shook into a new course.
- Now! Hold fast! We go aground! she tried to warn her crew, as her instinct warned her of changing water ahead.
With a blood-curdling screech, the ship's hull rubbed against the rocks. "Let that wave come now, or let it never come for we all die here", thought Rondhe with a strange calmness. Suddenly, a giant shape loomed behind and over the ship, approaching with terrifying speed. The giant wave she had marked was upon them, and before they realized what was happening, it had lifted the ship from the rocks and carried it cleanly over them.
The quiet in the small cove was almost unreal, and the Elves looked around them in disbelief. Feeling his legs shakier than he could remember, Vannis forced himself to Rondhe's side.
- Have we arrived, do you think? he asked the Admiral, with a half-smile.
- We have, or this is a rather large sandbank, she answered looking at the slope of the mountain rising from the sandy cove.
The storm behind them sounded less loudly now, but the strong wind was still pushing dark clouds into the mountainside ahead, forcing them around the peak in whirling patterns illuminated by lightning flashes. Rondhe shook herself to action after a moment's pause:
- Throw all anchors! This is where we stay until this storm passes! Bowmaster, prepare the landing party; I want the expedition unloaded so I can repair my ship without everyone underfoot, she continued in a quieter voice. "We have arrived", thought she, "though one ship of five is a small expedition by any measure".
Expedition Log, High Admiral Rondhe Silversong
Day One: We have finished unloading the expedition supplies. Game seems plentiful in these woods, which is thankful since our grain supplies were on board the Bluelark and the Sunshine Dancer. No news of the other ships, since we were separated by the storm.
Day Two: Our ship is beyond salvation. I had hoped to use it to send word of our fate back to Silvermoon, but the battering during the storm makes this impossible.
Day Three: Our base camp is strong enough to allow Bowmaster Vannis Redquiver to explore further inland. We need to find a good position to begin building a more permanent settlement.
Day Four: This island seems currently uninhabited. While we wait for the Bowmaster's return, we have started to study the local wildlife. Provided we don't over-hunt, these woods will provide us with ample sustenance for any foreseeable period. How fortunate we are, to be the first to find such rich lands.
Day Five: Bowmaster Redquiver has returned. He shall lead us to a good location to start building a town. It is some two days' march from here, near where a river runs into the Sea. I shall be unable make entries in this log during the march.
Day Nine: I write this from what will hopefully be the center of our outpost. We have finished this first crude building and have started to build our homes in this new land. The Bowmaster has been invaluable during this early period. He is now out, exploring the balance of this fair island.
Day Twelve: It would appear we are not alone after all. Vannis has returned after having spotted humans in the forest. They seemed at their ease, which would suggest they have been here for a longer time. Of course, they have not noticed him, and he has refrained from making contact. I have ordered him to scout out their settlements and let him decide on the best time to let them know of our presence here.
Day Fourteen: More survivors join the settlement! Another ship, the Swiftsure, has come ashore not far from our own landing place. They followed our tracks and joined us at the Outpost. We are greatly relieved that more of the expedition have survived the terrible storm.
Day Seventeen: Bowmaster Redquiver has finally returned from the human settlements.
He reports they have built several villages on the western side of the island, which is much more
suited to human agriculture. They have also built a fortified city next to a protected natural harbor. We shall contact the humans presently and offer them to share the island, with them using the western plains and us holding dominion of the eastern forest.
Day Twenty-two: We shall have peace with the Humans, which, while desirable, is more to their advantage than ours. Near the island's center is what Vannis reports as its most striking feature: a gigantic waterfall, which the humans call the Bottomless Fall. It has been established as a natural borderstone, with all lands west of it belonging to humans, and all east - to us Elves.
So, what do you think about it?
EDIT: I've attached a pdf, because I find it's easier on the eyes. It's the same stuff as in this post, better formatted
Last edited:
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It goes backwards, which makes it hard to understand..
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Thanks for the opinion, I've kinda planned it around the 2-time-line concept so that won't change, hope it's not terribly difficultHerian said:
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Well, also, the first chapter, or don't know what you call it, starts with a dialog. He talks with himself. You should "introduce" the character at the start.
Instead of making : Start : "Even the woods look distressed" said a night elf.
Make it: Start : A night elf, looking at a forest said : "Even the woods look distressed".
But maybe that's just me. Though I suggest that at start of every story, make something that introduces what the character is doing, and who does it.
For example: "Die!" cries Exam Pleguy. Then he strikes Examp Enmy with his dual axe, and kills him.
Should actually be: While fighting Examp Enmy, Exam Pleguy cries "Die!" to make his final move, striking Examp Enmy with his dual axe so hard that he instantly kills him.
Instead of making : Start : "Even the woods look distressed" said a night elf.
Make it: Start : A night elf, looking at a forest said : "Even the woods look distressed".
But maybe that's just me. Though I suggest that at start of every story, make something that introduces what the character is doing, and who does it.
For example: "Die!" cries Exam Pleguy. Then he strikes Examp Enmy with his dual axe, and kills him.
Should actually be: While fighting Examp Enmy, Exam Pleguy cries "Die!" to make his final move, striking Examp Enmy with his dual axe so hard that he instantly kills him.
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Well your description and dialouge is a bit cheesy... but you have a point. alext: listen.
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Yup, that's pretty much part of the 2-time-line thing too. As in, the reader becomes curious why is this elf sitting in the forest thinking to himself the forest looks upset etc etc.
The something that introduces the characters in my story isn't the part that's happening in the present (on the banks of the waterfall), but the stuff that's happened in the past. Or that's the idea anyways.
Thanks for reading btw
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No problem.
And I understand (or at least a little bit) what you mean. It's okay I guess.
P.S Any criticism about my story?
And I understand (or at least a little bit) what you mean. It's okay I guess.
P.S Any criticism about my story?
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I give it a shot.
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Revenge of the Frostspawn
The cold in Northrend was reaching its peak, and the intense wind created one of the harshest blizzards the local human outpost had seen in several years. The Lich King had risen not long ago in the world of Azeroth, shortly after the Burning Legion's invasion has been stopped, and recently captured the outpost, which included many fugitives from the corrupted kingdom of Lordaeron, and many Night Elf fugitives from the forest of Felwood and blood elf fugitives from Sunwell Isle that settled amongst them well. He twisted the fugitives’ minds with dark power and surrendered them to his will, just as he had done with Arthas Menethil. When he sat in his new throne in the encampment, deeply in thought about the recent and most sudden change of weather, when he sensed a messenger try to near his lair and be stopped by his guards. He did not know that this was the opening tone to the greatest, most terrible war humanity and the Scourge will have suffered.
The messenger hissed, and did not give up.
“Let me pass! I bring grave, grave news to the Lich King!”
“Go back to your lair, mongrel!” grunted one of the guards, clearly keen to smash the messenger apart, but Ner'zul stopped him. He felt that something terrible was yet to be unleashed upon this coming, and he asked in his deep, evil voice:
“Why have you come to face Ner'zul, weakling?”
The messenger shrunk in deathly fear of him, but managed to stutter:
“M-my lord, a great evil is nearing this encampment! The F-frostspawn have come for their r-revenge!”
“What?!” the Lich King bellowed, suddenly enraged. “That is impossible. I have journeyed to the Frozen Throne through the ruins of Azjol-Nerub and have left no survivor!”
“But that is exactly why they are coming, my Lord!” wailed the messenger, “You have awakened their ancient fury! Your guard at the Frozen Throne has sent this to ensure this message would not go unheard!”
Ner'zul saw that the messenger was holding out a decoration of stone, a piece from his Frozen Throne at Icecrown. His command was for it not to be touched, and if the handle was broken apart from the Throne something evil indeed was happening at Icecrown.
Enraged, Ner'zul raised his rune blade, Frostmourne, and slashed the messenger clean in half. He turned to his guards and raised a raging command:
“We must prepare these mortals for battle! Let the Frostspawn be crushed!”
Grak’Ratk, a nerubian broodlord who had been busy sleeping during the past millennia, suddenly woke when he had felt the Forgotten One stir once again. It had taken him a while to come to, and even more time to stretch himself from the deep relaxing, but when he had reached its lair and saw that the One was dead he forgot all that immediately. He could not stop the roar of fury that erupted from him, and that soon awakened the rest of the kingdom of Azjol-Nerub:
“The Forgotten One has been murdered! The ancient threshold guardian of the kingdom is slain! Arise, my kin, and avenge this treachery!”
Over the next few days scouts were sighted at the borders of the outpost, and very dreadful scouts indeed: nerubians, dragonspawn, and even mysterious faceless creatures. The Lich King's anxiety grew by the minute, and even skyrocketed as one of the scouts was caught infiltrating into the outpost. Ner'zul could not sit still without constant reports of human scouting teams that patrolled the base and outside it to capture the beasts before they entered the outpost, and even then his temper was limited. But when concerning on the mortals' pathetic disability of dealing with their threats, an old memory of Ashenvale reappeared in his mind, along with a new idea for coping with the espionage of the frostspawn. He gathered the elven inhabitants in the outpost and imprisoned them in his services, and as he corrupted them against their goddess they gained newfound agility, cruelty and knowledge of dark magic which strengthened them and forged in them willpower that they could not have witnessed before. This mysterious army harnessed the magic of undead and stroke with cunning and with power. This powerful a weapon Ner'zul never thought to gain, and with jealous pleasure he crafted his bidding upon them. They were no longer Night and Blood elves, but Death Elves, which reflected upon the enemy the cruelty and jealousy of the Lich King.
At Icecrown, Grak'Ratk watched over his kin as they spread across the Frozen Throne. He did not expect the whole of his kin to wake as well as other ancient creatures to come to his aid, but all this happened before he could believe it. Grak'Ratk was very pleased of this, and had soon used the situation to its best: different scouts followed the remains of the slayers of the Forgotten One here, but there were only a handful of creatures. As vile as the creatures were, made of corpses and of evil magic, Grak'Ratk had enough brain to realize that this pack of witless beings could not have laid hands on the Blood Key which led to Azjol-Nerub, and even if they had they would not know how to use it. Not to mention they were simply too fleshy for the One not to eat, unlike the nerubians which had poison and webbing stored inside them and wouldn't pay off to serve as a meal.
I didn't get to write much, in fact I'm sure I'm still off 1,000 words, but it is still an advancement.
Please provide feedback and criticism! I would love to see some more opinions!
Also, please pm me or send a visitor message if you're interested in the concept. I'm creating a map with this as a background story.
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‘’Once upon in a time—‘’ was heard in the tavern.
The men listening interrupted the storyteller.
‘’Stop the delay!’’ one of them shouted.
The old man sighed and put his hands together, waiting for the crowd to calm down again. Finally they had stopped speaking and waited for the man to continue his story.
‘’Where was I…’’ he mumbled, with a frown. ‘’Ah, yes, once upon a time…’’
As the man opened his mouth, the tavern went completely silent to listen to what he had to say. Words slowly formed into the man’s head as he began to formulate his story.
Sound filled the tavern, with sentences and words.
‘’Once upon a time, an empire had ruled these lands, Azj’aran… Their armies were invincible, their weapons always sharp and their rule great.’’ He started.
‘’However, in the celebration of the third millennia of Azj’aran, something went terribly wrong...’’
His voice became a whisper, soft.
‘’The son of the Emperor made that night a coup to banish his father, kill his family and gain the throne of Elan himself. A massive fight erupted in the capital city of Taeschen, in which thousands of civilians died, along with all of the royal family. Hope seemed lost until a baby was found back in the ruins of the Palace… it was a boy, and the last remnant of the Imperial Dynasty. He was raised by the richest civilians and finally, he became the Emperor of Azj’aran… yet, he could not know what was about to come, what was about to attack the Empire.’’
He took a deep breath and looked around. The crowd seemed amused, and some recognized the name ‘Azj'aran' in the legends of the past.
He smiled and took a sip of his beer, before continuing.
‘’And then they came… the hordes of the Xii. Vicious and foul warriors of the Deserts streamed into Azj’aran, pillaging and looting! Reports streamed in and people start to flee! They didn’t trust the militia, nor the Imperial soldiers, to protect them! Many refugees arrived in Taeschen. Meanwhile, the Xii had allied with the vicious barbarians of the west. Seeing as he was outnumbered, the Emperor assembled his forces and striked at the desert! The Xii were forced to retreat for now to face this new threat. The two forces met at Vanor, a hilly place in the desert and the two titans clashed into a grand battle which would decide the fate of Azj’aran and the fate of the Men of the Desert.’’
He stopped, breathing deeply in. That speech had took the old man much of his air. The crowd simply waited, amazed by the words of the old man.
‘’Now… this is the story of a soldier who experienced the battle, a man who survived in the wilderness of death, blood and inhumanity. This.. is the story of Nicanor…’’
The men listening interrupted the storyteller.
‘’Stop the delay!’’ one of them shouted.
The old man sighed and put his hands together, waiting for the crowd to calm down again. Finally they had stopped speaking and waited for the man to continue his story.
‘’Where was I…’’ he mumbled, with a frown. ‘’Ah, yes, once upon a time…’’
As the man opened his mouth, the tavern went completely silent to listen to what he had to say. Words slowly formed into the man’s head as he began to formulate his story.
Sound filled the tavern, with sentences and words.
‘’Once upon a time, an empire had ruled these lands, Azj’aran… Their armies were invincible, their weapons always sharp and their rule great.’’ He started.
‘’However, in the celebration of the third millennia of Azj’aran, something went terribly wrong...’’
His voice became a whisper, soft.
‘’The son of the Emperor made that night a coup to banish his father, kill his family and gain the throne of Elan himself. A massive fight erupted in the capital city of Taeschen, in which thousands of civilians died, along with all of the royal family. Hope seemed lost until a baby was found back in the ruins of the Palace… it was a boy, and the last remnant of the Imperial Dynasty. He was raised by the richest civilians and finally, he became the Emperor of Azj’aran… yet, he could not know what was about to come, what was about to attack the Empire.’’
He took a deep breath and looked around. The crowd seemed amused, and some recognized the name ‘Azj'aran' in the legends of the past.
He smiled and took a sip of his beer, before continuing.
‘’And then they came… the hordes of the Xii. Vicious and foul warriors of the Deserts streamed into Azj’aran, pillaging and looting! Reports streamed in and people start to flee! They didn’t trust the militia, nor the Imperial soldiers, to protect them! Many refugees arrived in Taeschen. Meanwhile, the Xii had allied with the vicious barbarians of the west. Seeing as he was outnumbered, the Emperor assembled his forces and striked at the desert! The Xii were forced to retreat for now to face this new threat. The two forces met at Vanor, a hilly place in the desert and the two titans clashed into a grand battle which would decide the fate of Azj’aran and the fate of the Men of the Desert.’’
He stopped, breathing deeply in. That speech had took the old man much of his air. The crowd simply waited, amazed by the words of the old man.
‘’Now… this is the story of a soldier who experienced the battle, a man who survived in the wilderness of death, blood and inhumanity. This.. is the story of Nicanor…’’
Here you go.
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Fussier1, I like your story, it has a tensing effect to it. Still, some of the descriptions are weird, like
But again, overall this WIP gets me curious to see what will be in the actual movie.
which isn't detailed and is not clear.
But again, overall this WIP gets me curious to see what will be in the actual movie.
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Movie? ^.^
I like it fuss
I like it fuss
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Interesting story, Fussiler. The only problem I can see is that a few descriptions are off and that you're jumping between tenses. Examples, respectively:
Try "His voice became a soft whisper," exchange the adjective with another, or drop it altogether. Personally, I prefer the former.
Tense jumping. D:<
EDIT: Idodik, you still got "Ner'zhul" wrong. Also, aren't Death Elves already in the lore as San'layn?
That aside, still interesting. I'll comment on grammar issues if I stop being lazy.
Try "His voice became a soft whisper," exchange the adjective with another, or drop it altogether. Personally, I prefer the former.
Tense jumping. D:<
EDIT: Idodik, you still got "Ner'zhul" wrong. Also, aren't Death Elves already in the lore as San'layn?
That aside, still interesting. I'll comment on grammar issues if I stop being lazy.
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I'll change the soft voice thing.
But what's a Tense Jump?
But what's a Tense Jump?
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I am now speaking in present tense. I had spoken in present tense because I had felt like it. I was also quite fond of present tense.
See what I did there? Basically, past tense is your "was" and suchlike. If you use "had," - as in "had BEEN" - you're in past participle - I might be wrong about the spelling there, but it's the same thing. I was taught "perfect tense." A website can explain much better than I can, really.
See what I did there? Basically, past tense is your "was" and suchlike. If you use "had," - as in "had BEEN" - you're in past participle - I might be wrong about the spelling there, but it's the same thing. I was taught "perfect tense." A website can explain much better than I can, really.
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A very messy writing method if done incorrectly, but extremely effective if done right.
Easy to learn, hard to master etc...
Simply put; going from the present to the past in the same story/novel/chapter.
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You got it wrong, Grey. What I'm trying to say is you should never ever jump from simple past to past participle in one description, even if it's a two-sentenced one.
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Got what wrong? I was talking to fuss... he asked a question and I answered, idc what feedback you were giving, that's between you and him.
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I'm trying to figure it out so what's wrong with the following:
The emperor ruled with an iron fist, as he had ruled for many years before.
Also, I think in my grammar book the tense with "had done, had seen" was called past perfect
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The Emperor Ruled with a fist of Iron, as was his custom.
^may be better.
^may be better.
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Just for the sake of argument:
The emperor ruled with an iron fist, as he had ruled since his wife's tragic death.
( as was his custom since his wife's tragic death ?.. )
The emperor ruled with an iron fist, as he had ruled since his wife's tragic death.
( as was his custom since his wife's tragic death ?.. )
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maybe i join I dunno if i will be able to write a war story but ill try
I am in
I am in
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Nothing wrong with that then alext. It's not tense jumping. I just suck at describing, really.
Edit: Past participle indicates a complete action. Simple past is what happened yesterday. That might help you. D:
Edit: Past participle indicates a complete action. Simple past is what happened yesterday. That might help you. D:
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Simple Past is what happened yesterday?
If english is like french, then no. Simple Past will then describe something in the past that occurs briefly.
If english is like french, then no. Simple Past will then describe something in the past that occurs briefly.
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Oh, you mean
past tense = I did
past participle = I have done
and that would mean "I slew Thrall and you have slain Wrynn" isn't right, which I guess doesn't sound too good either, true?
I'm asking 'cause I'm not a native English speaker and I'm trying to tune in to some 'correct' grammar for a change
past tense = I did
past participle = I have done
and that would mean "I slew Thrall and you have slain Wrynn" isn't right, which I guess doesn't sound too good either, true?
I'm asking 'cause I'm not a native English speaker and I'm trying to tune in to some 'correct' grammar for a change
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