- Joined
- Jul 27, 2008
- Messages
- 1,702
Almost none of you have any idea of who NFWar is. How his life looks like? What kind of person he is? I am here to correct your wrong thoughts.
Lets start from the moment when I came to live in Greece (from Ukraine) with my mother. I was 14 years old (lived for 10 years here, so I am 24). Went to school here without knowing language (even english was under acceptable level to communicate with people) after 2 months of arrival. How that turned out, huh? Kids aproached me with a good will, but is a lie. Sometimes they made fun of me, sometimes they acted mean to me. At the end, I felt like a lesser person among others and from hearty child, I was converted into a silent type.
High school. Anxiety meter is tingling, trying to stay cool. Almost passed out during priest's pray (yes, first day of HS they have a priest to pray there and wish us luck). Emberasing, but not really. Inhaling incense smoke caused this. 3 years passed, had a crush, friendzoned, fell into depression. At least during those 3 years I felt like one of members of society and not something less. Held Greek flag on parade 2 times. Something to be proud of (only high score students get to carry one, and as immigrant I thought it was impossible).
Begining of Greek crisis! fun part! I am going to a university which offer you knowledge for money. Education I could get for free was outside island I live on and my mother could not afford this. But wait, payment for university is double for immigrants! That is fare! So, most of my mothers income went on my education as ... as.. Building plan designer in computer? Whatever the name is, I was making building plans in computer (Autocad name of software). After 2 years I went to search for a job and crisis effected everything. I could not find a job as digital artist. All this island need is posters, posibilities of digital artist here are 0 to succeed. Even then I was getting same answer from architect office just like from digital art one: We ahve no job with crisis and little we have we can do without extra workers. So 2 years of expensive education (double than greeks, dont forget it) were for nothing. Wasted time. More depression plus negativity, just what I needed.
Aunt offered to my mother to open a shop with clothing or place with food. She chose food. Tough decision, very desperate. Aunt gave us money, we scrapped what we could and made a shop. A tiny place, very expencive rent (because of greedy ownders and my mother was desperate, so she agreed). Time goes by, she is stressed as fuck, afraid. Seeking backup from a son who is swiming in negativity. So I made her even more desperate and afraid. Time passing, we are not doing well. At the end we cant pay for rent, apartment rent, bills, anything. Fun times. We are forced to abandon everything. Her tiny dream went a failure, I end up not going out of apartment at all. I lost track of time, it didnt matter if it is morning or night. Wake up, sit at computer, eat, sleep again.
We move to another apartment, very cheap basement. Now, take stuff from out food shop, old apartment and stick it in a palce 2 times smaller than old apartment. Yes, it became a storage/garbage dump. I was offered a tough job at summer on a construction site. Had to do it, no options. Then I hear that education at place I was at is free. Free. After spending so much money on nothing, it was free. Fun. I went there as software designer or something.
New apartment had no internet. We tried to bring it there but provider company service was incredibly bad. They sent us bills without installing a shit, from a moment contract was made. I had no internet for a year. So, a person who goes out once a month from a basement, gets internet cut. It was anoying to a point of rage. I was taking my mothers incredibly slow crappy laptop to a bar nearbym where her friend was working and they allowed me to use their electricity, since laptops battery is shit (10-15 minutes). What a good people. I managed somehow to meet a girl there and we had distant relationship. Earthquake happen one good day. 6 fucking Richter. Buildings got cracks, shops and supermarkets got messed. Everything stoped. Including internet connection instalation. Fun.
My mother is informing me that my papers expiring and she has no money to renew them (every year you must renew papers as immigrant and it costs about half of monthly income from average pay). We managed to get some money for that matter with my job, but wait there is more. Turns out, after 22 years old as immigrant, you MUST have working days. It is like ensurance pay to goverment from your employer. Not doing so is not legal and employers usually dont want to pay to goverment. So they refuse paying to goverment, you dont get working days even if you work, which I was doing. They also offer to remove those money from your pay, so YOU will be paying to goverment as you work. Back to paper renewal. So I worked without making my employer pay to goverment, because I ahd no clue that I will need working days. Office for immigrants told us I dont need any, but they were wrong. Fun. I am illegal now.
So, I am more depressed, more negative and less sane. If there was an oportunity to get drunk or high, I was surely taking it. Turns out finding a job as illegal immigrant and get Working Days is impossible. They ask you to have working days already, which is not logical. So here we are, root of my current state. I am an illegal imigrant in Greece.
One day, I was walking to a small job I did every saturday morning. I was cleaning a place where cars supose to be fixed. Police stoped me and took me in JAIL for 3 days. I told them full truth. My papers expired, I have no real job and I live here for 8 years. They took me in for 3 days. My mother was away from island to work in some restaurant for a week. I managed to call her, so she left everything and came back home, but was unable to visit me, since she had her papers in progress, but illegal as well. Police dont care that papers are in progress btw, they take you in anyways. So, depressed, demoralised, even less sane, angry, desperate, I spend as much time as I can by sleeping with cockroaches that appear every time after we eat once a day (I was first, they got about 3 more guys during 2 days). Food was great though, or maybe I thought so, because it was the best thing in that place. The only thing that kept me from diving deeper into negativity, is thoughts of that girl I met.
After I am out, first thing I did is informing boss in car service shop whatever, that I was in prison. Came home on foot, dirty, tired and with headache 1 day before christmass. That is it, I have developed a fobia to get cought by cops! Returned to spending my time in that bar and shitty laptop, talking to that girl. Another earthquake happens! yay! I really needed another delay for internet connection! 6 Richter again. I started spending my time at friend's place. As I was going to him, a cop car stoped next to me. My heart stoped for a moment, but not my movement. I had no reaction on face, I just kept walking. He just parked there.. and I thought I will be sent to Ukraine which has war, without my computer, which is the only dear thing I have. There I most likely will have to surve in military and get shot or study many years while doing shitty jobs or even nothing. It is not easy adapting to a new society and fact that I lived there as a kid, doesnt make this easy.
This was just a begining of phobia I have developed. When I was at my friend's place, girl I was talking to already was not talking to me, comleat ignorance of anything I typed. She acted rude after second earthquake for sudden, I knew it was the end. So, after earthquake alerts stoped, I finally got internet. Girl told me it is over after few days past Valentines Day and main reason was "you are anoying". That struck worse than it should, making my sanity drop lower and making my self esteem to be negative. Not being brave enough to say it to my ears, all of that was through chat, just like those phone break up messeges. Fun.
For two years I isolated myself from the outside as much as I could, telling myself how pathetic I am, lookign into my past, how unlucky and miserble I am. Constantly telling myself that I have acomplished nothing serious, that nobody needs me and I am pathetic loser, I started hurting myself and acting more negative than ever. Point reached the moment when I was anoying with my negativy and disgusting. I started isolating myself from talking to people on internet, ending up lonely. Fighting negativity is not easy. It seems like it, but it triggers so quick with reasons that are hilariously stupid. One thing leads to another and one negative tiny thought can bring heavier one up to my mind, like a chain reaction.
Right now, I found a way out of negativity, corrupted selfesteem, thoughts of hurting myself. That is my story. Illegal immigrant stuck at computer desktop, unable to do anything to solve my real problems, isolated. Even if rest of my life will be like this, it will not be the worst.
Lets start from the moment when I came to live in Greece (from Ukraine) with my mother. I was 14 years old (lived for 10 years here, so I am 24). Went to school here without knowing language (even english was under acceptable level to communicate with people) after 2 months of arrival. How that turned out, huh? Kids aproached me with a good will, but is a lie. Sometimes they made fun of me, sometimes they acted mean to me. At the end, I felt like a lesser person among others and from hearty child, I was converted into a silent type.
High school. Anxiety meter is tingling, trying to stay cool. Almost passed out during priest's pray (yes, first day of HS they have a priest to pray there and wish us luck). Emberasing, but not really. Inhaling incense smoke caused this. 3 years passed, had a crush, friendzoned, fell into depression. At least during those 3 years I felt like one of members of society and not something less. Held Greek flag on parade 2 times. Something to be proud of (only high score students get to carry one, and as immigrant I thought it was impossible).
Begining of Greek crisis! fun part! I am going to a university which offer you knowledge for money. Education I could get for free was outside island I live on and my mother could not afford this. But wait, payment for university is double for immigrants! That is fare! So, most of my mothers income went on my education as ... as.. Building plan designer in computer? Whatever the name is, I was making building plans in computer (Autocad name of software). After 2 years I went to search for a job and crisis effected everything. I could not find a job as digital artist. All this island need is posters, posibilities of digital artist here are 0 to succeed. Even then I was getting same answer from architect office just like from digital art one: We ahve no job with crisis and little we have we can do without extra workers. So 2 years of expensive education (double than greeks, dont forget it) were for nothing. Wasted time. More depression plus negativity, just what I needed.
Aunt offered to my mother to open a shop with clothing or place with food. She chose food. Tough decision, very desperate. Aunt gave us money, we scrapped what we could and made a shop. A tiny place, very expencive rent (because of greedy ownders and my mother was desperate, so she agreed). Time goes by, she is stressed as fuck, afraid. Seeking backup from a son who is swiming in negativity. So I made her even more desperate and afraid. Time passing, we are not doing well. At the end we cant pay for rent, apartment rent, bills, anything. Fun times. We are forced to abandon everything. Her tiny dream went a failure, I end up not going out of apartment at all. I lost track of time, it didnt matter if it is morning or night. Wake up, sit at computer, eat, sleep again.
We move to another apartment, very cheap basement. Now, take stuff from out food shop, old apartment and stick it in a palce 2 times smaller than old apartment. Yes, it became a storage/garbage dump. I was offered a tough job at summer on a construction site. Had to do it, no options. Then I hear that education at place I was at is free. Free. After spending so much money on nothing, it was free. Fun. I went there as software designer or something.
New apartment had no internet. We tried to bring it there but provider company service was incredibly bad. They sent us bills without installing a shit, from a moment contract was made. I had no internet for a year. So, a person who goes out once a month from a basement, gets internet cut. It was anoying to a point of rage. I was taking my mothers incredibly slow crappy laptop to a bar nearbym where her friend was working and they allowed me to use their electricity, since laptops battery is shit (10-15 minutes). What a good people. I managed somehow to meet a girl there and we had distant relationship. Earthquake happen one good day. 6 fucking Richter. Buildings got cracks, shops and supermarkets got messed. Everything stoped. Including internet connection instalation. Fun.
My mother is informing me that my papers expiring and she has no money to renew them (every year you must renew papers as immigrant and it costs about half of monthly income from average pay). We managed to get some money for that matter with my job, but wait there is more. Turns out, after 22 years old as immigrant, you MUST have working days. It is like ensurance pay to goverment from your employer. Not doing so is not legal and employers usually dont want to pay to goverment. So they refuse paying to goverment, you dont get working days even if you work, which I was doing. They also offer to remove those money from your pay, so YOU will be paying to goverment as you work. Back to paper renewal. So I worked without making my employer pay to goverment, because I ahd no clue that I will need working days. Office for immigrants told us I dont need any, but they were wrong. Fun. I am illegal now.
So, I am more depressed, more negative and less sane. If there was an oportunity to get drunk or high, I was surely taking it. Turns out finding a job as illegal immigrant and get Working Days is impossible. They ask you to have working days already, which is not logical. So here we are, root of my current state. I am an illegal imigrant in Greece.
One day, I was walking to a small job I did every saturday morning. I was cleaning a place where cars supose to be fixed. Police stoped me and took me in JAIL for 3 days. I told them full truth. My papers expired, I have no real job and I live here for 8 years. They took me in for 3 days. My mother was away from island to work in some restaurant for a week. I managed to call her, so she left everything and came back home, but was unable to visit me, since she had her papers in progress, but illegal as well. Police dont care that papers are in progress btw, they take you in anyways. So, depressed, demoralised, even less sane, angry, desperate, I spend as much time as I can by sleeping with cockroaches that appear every time after we eat once a day (I was first, they got about 3 more guys during 2 days). Food was great though, or maybe I thought so, because it was the best thing in that place. The only thing that kept me from diving deeper into negativity, is thoughts of that girl I met.
After I am out, first thing I did is informing boss in car service shop whatever, that I was in prison. Came home on foot, dirty, tired and with headache 1 day before christmass. That is it, I have developed a fobia to get cought by cops! Returned to spending my time in that bar and shitty laptop, talking to that girl. Another earthquake happens! yay! I really needed another delay for internet connection! 6 Richter again. I started spending my time at friend's place. As I was going to him, a cop car stoped next to me. My heart stoped for a moment, but not my movement. I had no reaction on face, I just kept walking. He just parked there.. and I thought I will be sent to Ukraine which has war, without my computer, which is the only dear thing I have. There I most likely will have to surve in military and get shot or study many years while doing shitty jobs or even nothing. It is not easy adapting to a new society and fact that I lived there as a kid, doesnt make this easy.
This was just a begining of phobia I have developed. When I was at my friend's place, girl I was talking to already was not talking to me, comleat ignorance of anything I typed. She acted rude after second earthquake for sudden, I knew it was the end. So, after earthquake alerts stoped, I finally got internet. Girl told me it is over after few days past Valentines Day and main reason was "you are anoying". That struck worse than it should, making my sanity drop lower and making my self esteem to be negative. Not being brave enough to say it to my ears, all of that was through chat, just like those phone break up messeges. Fun.
For two years I isolated myself from the outside as much as I could, telling myself how pathetic I am, lookign into my past, how unlucky and miserble I am. Constantly telling myself that I have acomplished nothing serious, that nobody needs me and I am pathetic loser, I started hurting myself and acting more negative than ever. Point reached the moment when I was anoying with my negativy and disgusting. I started isolating myself from talking to people on internet, ending up lonely. Fighting negativity is not easy. It seems like it, but it triggers so quick with reasons that are hilariously stupid. One thing leads to another and one negative tiny thought can bring heavier one up to my mind, like a chain reaction.
Right now, I found a way out of negativity, corrupted selfesteem, thoughts of hurting myself. That is my story. Illegal immigrant stuck at computer desktop, unable to do anything to solve my real problems, isolated. Even if rest of my life will be like this, it will not be the worst.