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Short Story Contest #5 - Dual Perspective Partners

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Here's our WIP:

It was the break of dawn, Everyone is working on the fields. I noticed that our pet dog is not inside our home.
I decided to look for him outside. I saw my parents being busy in planting crops.
It is spring time and everyone has something important to do. I started to look at our yard and our dog was there.
I ran towards him and petted him. He jumped at me and started to lick my face. Then I heard a loud explosion.
I stood up and saw smoke from a distance. I realized that the place I was looking at is the village.
I quickly ran back towards the fields. Everyone there already knew that there was something happening.
My Father told me and my mother to stay at our home so that we can be safe. I tried to go with him but he just pushed me away.
He said that it would be dangerous and he couldn't take it if something bad would happen to us.
The He and some his friends headed to the village. Suddenly, I heard multiple gunshots nearby.
I was shivering in fear. I was so terrified of what could happen to us.
My mother told me that we would sneak towards the forest. I asked her what would happen to my father.
"Your father will be fine." She replied while wiping tears on her face.
We went out using the back door and then we cautiously looked at all directions if there was any danger around.
We ran towards the forest and did not even bother to look back. People were chasing us.
They started shooting at us, There were so many of them. We managed to get to a river which seperates the forest.
The people that were chasing us has tracked us. Basing from their looks, They are mercenaries who were paid to raid our village and leave no survivors behind.
One of them shot my mother, She was wounded yet she still begged our pursuers not to harm me. They did not listen to her. Instead, They started to laugh at her.
My only hope to escape is to cross the river. I had to take the chance, It was my only way of surviving.
They stared at me, I was striked with fear. I began to ran as fast as I could towards the river's bank and then I dived in and swam to the other side.
Luckily, The current was not strong enough, There were rocks and fallen logs all over the place that was slowing down the water's flow.
I ran to the forest. They didn't bother to look for me anymore because a forest is not child's playground.
It became very dark, I didn't know if it was already night. I heard strange noises, I knew they were coming from wild animals.
It was very cold and I did not have any food to eat. I stayed under a large tree and cried all night.
I thought I was gonna die but then I looked up, There is someone standing in front of me and was reaching his hand towards me.

"Wake up! Wake up Alexander!" said Dr. Breid. "Your breakfast is ready, I will be waiting for you in the dining hall." He continued, Then he left my room.
I looked up at the wall clock, It is already 7:20 AM. I rose from my bed and then sat on it. I was still thinking why I have been having that same dream over and over again.
I stood up and took my towel, I went to the bath room to wash my face. I looked at the mirror to see my reflection. "It's been 13 years." I told myself.
I wiped the water on my face with my towel. I headed to the dining hall to take my breakfast and to talk with Dr. Breid.
When I came to the dining hall, I sat in front of Dr. Breid. I started eating while he discussed a few things about what happened to me.

This place that I've been staying is called the Holy Angel Recovery Facility (H.A.R.F.). I've been here for about 2 weeks.
Locals found me lying unconcious at the coast of Merik Island, It is where H.A.R.F. is located.
Dr. Breid has been taking care of me since I entered H.A.R.F., He is an expert doctor.
He told me that I have broken five of my ribs and had multiple bone fractures. Aside from that, He told me that I was suffering from a very deadly virus.
He managed to cure me of the virus and decided that I should stay for 2 months.

It all started 13 years ago. I was 10 years old, I was lost deep inside the forest, When a man found me and took me to his home.
His name was Frank Reich, He was a retired mercenary. He was very skilled in the use of weapons, Ranging from simple combat knives to advance heavy weaponry.
He took care of me because I had a fever, Due to the fact that I crossed a river and laid on the cold forest floor.
After I recovered, I asked him to train me in combat arts and use of weaponry. At first he refused, He said that I was too young to be taught deadly knowledge.
I promised to him that I would only use the abilities when needed to do so, Just to protect myself and innocent lives.
After that, He accepted me as his pupil and he taught me many things. "Train Hard, Live Hard." Frank said during one of my trainings. I didn't understand its meaning though.
During those 10 years with him, I learned many things. But one day, He has suddenly gone missing.
I tried to find him in places that I thought he would be staying. He did not leave any trace, Not a letter nor anything. Since that day, I swore to myself that I would find him someday.

I started searching for my mentor after a year when he vanished, I decided to travel to differents towns and villages to gather clues about him.
It seems that finding him is like trying to walk over water without stepping stones. It was impossible, Every person I asked in every place that I went didn't seem to recognize him.
He was like a ghost, He was nowhere to be found and no one knew about him except me. My search for him has come to an end, I decided not to look for him anymore.
If he is still alive, I still hope to see him but if he has already left this world, I pray that his soul may rest in peace.

My real journey started in the town of Alurna. I was walking around the market when a very strange man caught my attention.
I stood at one corner and watched his every move. He wore a red shirt with a black vest over it and a black bandana with the initials C.A. written on it.
He was buying something in a store. When he made his purchase, He headed towards the town square.
He walked right past me and after a few paces, I started to follow him. The sun was very bright, There were many people on the streets.
As I was carefully hiding my presence from him, He quickly vanished in the middle of the crowd.
I saw him run into a narrow passage, I quickly chased after him. All I found was a very tall wall about 6 feet high, It was a dead end.
Then I looked up, The only thing that I could see was his silhouette. "Who are you and why are you following me?" The stranger said while sitting on top of the wall.
Then he jumped off and landed in front of me. "If you won't introduce yourself then I will. I'm Aries Steele."
After his introduction, I answered his questions. "I am Alexander, You seem to be a very interesting person. I see that you're carrying two swords.".
"Ahh, These? I only carry them for self defence, There are lots of hostile people around nowadays." Aries replied.
"Judging from your looks and the weapons you carry, You must be a mercenary." I said. "I guess some people really have the ability to know when a person is lying, But I prefer to be called an assassin. Hahaha." He said looking at me while laughing.
"I'm here to stop a soldiers from taking over this town. Their captain wants to have this town as his own." He said while smiling at me.
Suddenly, We heard footsteps coming from the outskirts of Alurna. I decided to help him with his deed, We went together and hid behind the rocks.
A group of soldiers, About 50 of them, Were being assembled outside of Alurna.
We heard their captain saying to them "Capture the town without any hesitation. Remember that if anyone of you disobeyed my orders, All of you will get punished.".
One soldier spotted us, We ran and headed towards a nearby church.
About 10 soldiers chased us, We hid behind the pillars. When the soldiers came inside, "I'll take care of them." Aries whispered to me.
In a blink of an eye, Every soldier dropped dead. Not a single one alive. Then I saw Aries sitting on one of the pews and cleaning the blood stains off blade of his swords.
I was amazed at both of Aries' swords. Each had a black blade, Engraved with symbols that I could not understand.
I didn't uttered a word. Everything happened so fast. "Who is Aries?" I thought. We then both left the church unscathed.


Its just a rough draft though. Any comments appreciated.
 
Level 19
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Sep 14, 2007
Messages
1,538
This is retarded for many reasons.

1. Most authors do not share the same writing style.

2. You must rely on another author to keep the story consistent which is hard when the majority of this site is populated by non-english speaking people, and or second language english.

dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb

Most likely i wont join this because its absolutely a terrible idea, unless i find somebody competant to work with.
 
Level 17
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I believe that i am competent enough for this contest. Mainly because it is a free write and in high school they were my favorite and i did the best on them. But for your other complaint that not many authors have the same concept when writing, ill agree with you on that, it will be difficult.
 
The fact is that a new style deveopes when a pair are mixed.
Its a challange to collaborate well with another writer, the dual perspectives are an opportunity for both writers to use their own styles, and to develp a collective or complimenting style.

In my oppinion, if your style can't be made to, or doesent compliment other writing styles at all, then it simply isnt that great to begin with.

But i'm not here to lecture you on how writing, especially paired writing works.

Spell-check and and a partner with adequate english skills can be a fine counterbalance to english problems, one of the good aspects of this contest, people with normally poor english can still have a good chance with a knowlageable partner, who may or may not be good at developing charachters or foreshadowing/ect.

Thats my input at any rate.
 
Level 19
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You basically just said my writing style isn't that great because it's not like everyone elses lol. Which makes 0 sense but I'm actually glad you said that because I have not yet found anyone with a writing style impressive enough to think it complements mine. Some may think what I'm saying is "arrogant" or "mean" but I call it honesty. I don't even consider this to be a testament of someones writing abilities, seeing as it's half your work and half a complete strangers work to create an abomination of text.
 
Level 12
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You basically just said my writing style isn't that great because it's not like everyone elses lol. Which makes 0 sense but I'm actually glad you said that because I have not yet found anyone with a writing style impressive enough to think it complements mine. Some may think what I'm saying is "arrogant" or "mean" but I call it honesty. I don't even consider this to be a testament of someones writing abilities, seeing as it's half your work and half a complete strangers work to create an abomination of text.

I mostly agree with this and your previous post.

EDIT: The main part I disagree with is the language barrier part, as it's a simple fix with some editing.

Also, as a question I have just thought of, would it count as a team if one person wrote, and the second edited? Cause in that case, I'd be happy to be the "knowledgeable English-speaker" for someone. I can brainstorm, too, if you can understand what I'm trying to say (GOOD LUCK, LOL)

The sole reason I won't join this contest is because of what Py said about doppelgangers earlier. The ONLY person on this planet who can compliment my writing style is my one and only RL friend. Whom I happen to live with. So our IPs would be the same. And he doesn't have an account, so it wouldn't fly past him, so thus, I cannot enter.

Reasoning for this is because my brain doesn't function in correlation with most other people. My buddy here is the only person who can even partly understand what the hell I'm saying when I try to explain something.

Plus, the fact that we DO write together on occasion isn't exactly fair for the other contestants. It's a little game we play with his family, teams, and each person writes one sentence. Quite fun. :p

Furthermore, I'm quite entranced by the simple, yet effective beat of the song that was posted earlier. I don't care what they're talking about I could listen to the beat all day long.
 
Level 20
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2,999
This is retarded for many reasons.
That's a matter of personal opinion.

2. You must rely on another author to keep the story consistent which is hard when the majority of this site is populated by non-english speaking people, and or second language english.
The 'majority' of the site won't be entering the competition and as already mentioned, a good pair can swap and proofmark.

Most likely i wont join this because its absolutely a terrible idea
Ok, thanks for letting us know =)

unless i find somebody competant to work with.

I wouldn't bother, you've made it quite apparent you wouldn't enjoy writing in pairs and if you look closely, it's actually a rule that the entrants must 'enjoy writing their tale' :/
 
Level 20
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Hey, look I'm not trying to make enemies I'm merely stating in a sarcastic way, that your post wasn't really needed. Not only did you insult the contest creator, but also the mod who approved it (why would they approve a 'retarded' competition?).

Not really fair when you think about it like that is it?
Sure you might not like this competition, but as you do (or should) in every day rl stuff you keep what you don't like to yourself in respect for other people's feelings.

Or at least go about it in a more polite way... "I don't think I'll be joining this, I'm convinced it will get very messy" rather than spamming "dumb" ten times.
 
Level 19
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If you weren't looking for enemies then you shouldn't have said what you said. Frankly I don't care for any of peoples feelings in this thread I'd rather been honest and voice my oppinion than watch this turd of a competition go on without my honest input. As for Pyritie he knows me fairly well and knows my behavior and knows well I don't honestly give a shit about my public perception.

Anyways my on topic response is virtually the same unless my IRL buddy who has an account wants to work with me.
 
Level 8
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Frankly I don't care for any of peoples feelings in this thread I'd rather been honest and voice my oppinion than watch this turd of a competition go on without my honest input. As for Pyritie he knows me fairly well and knows my behavior and knows well I don't honestly give a shit about my public perception.

Yeah, everyone has his own opinion.
 
Level 13
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Frankly I don't care for any of peoples feelings in this thread I'd rather been honest and voice my oppinion than watch this turd of a competition go on without my honest input.

Ok you've voiced your opinion, and we're not going to stop this contest because you think it sucks.

As for Pyritie he knows me fairly well and knows my behavior and knows well I don't honestly give a shit about my public perception.

In other words, you can get away with uncivilized behaviour because you and Pyritie know each other?

Please for the good of everyone here, just stop this.
 
Level 20
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Yeah, fair point.
Seriously Trax. no hard feelings, I read your winning story a while back, it's amazing.
You've got some serious talent, it's a shame you think that way... I'd love to see what your style combined with another's would turn out like.

I'd +rep you but seeing as it's disabled, I doubt you care about such trivial things ;)
 
Level 7
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Then again, Jaret is too afraid to write even a few words a day... The contrast!

...The fuck you just said?

\ . /
O..O
.._..
./..\.

Dammit dude, I don't have the time nor nerves to write about a story that i made up, that was going with the title "The three faces of my brother". I was going to write the story eventually, but yea... i'm afraid that I might pick someone that doesn't have my style of writing, so... You can understand me.
And I just have an school mark average of 4.4... I need to fix it to 4.5 so I could have a 5 in the end. So... SCHOOL IS MY PROBLEM RIGHT NOW, AND I CAN'T CONCENTRATE ON ANYTHING BUT SCHOOL AND MY BELOVED HIVE ROLEPLAY.

@Grey Nightmare:

Maybe it's the fact that you like Breaking Benjamin, but... Good luck, hope you both win this contest. Well, at least I bet my money on y'a.
 
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I made no judgments about your writing skill, i just voiced an oppinion about who te hell should be joining this contest, to sum it up: Not you because you clearly have no interest in bending your writing style or workin with anyone.

That was all, now stop whimpering about how terrible this all is and just... write or gtfo, no one wants to hear it.
 
Level 7
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I made no judgments about your writing skill, i just voiced an oppinion about who te hell should be joining this contest, to sum it up: Not you because you clearly have no interest in bending your writing style or workin with anyone.

That was all, now stop whimpering about how terrible this all is and just... write or gtfo, no one wants to hear it.

i never said anything about my style of writing other than that i was afraid if i find a partner with another style of writing. And why are you angry like that? What did i say? Isn't "...The fuck you just said?" a ironically funny and non-serious line? I wasn't really arguing at all, just kidding. And the huge "smiley" (Yea, it's a smiley... look at it a little better, you'll see a face) made it perfectly clear I wasn't really talking about things. And I didn't bitch that this is horrible, but neither was I in a "can't wait for starting working on this"-ish mood. I was totally neutral. And yea, I do not have to repeat a 1000 times my reason why I won't join, you should get it by now. So NO, I Won't participate, but i'll spectate. I'll watch you guys develop some masterpieces (Hopefully), and well, give feedback.
 
Level 12
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Ignore him, then, you don't have to see what he types.

And I'm fairly certain he wouldn't lose any sleep over being ignored by someone. I know I wouldn't.
 
Level 10
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606
Oh.. my... god.. I've actually read all the replies to this thread. or... not the WiPs because I don't feel like giving a review, and if I read them then I feel like I have to give some sort of feedback.
Might read them later though:)

I can see why some people find this competition stupid, but if you're complaining about peoples english grammar, then that's just too much.
These contests are just for fun, I mean, if it's not fun then why the H**l join it? It's not like you win money or something outside the forums.
I myself enjoy these competitions/contest/what ever, just because it's fun and it brings the forum together, creating new friends and new enemies(mostly friends, I hope...) and winning is just a HUUUUGE pluss:)
 
You guys are so confusing, first it's 'oppinion', then another guy says 'opinion', then TWIF says 'oppinion'. ARE YOU GUYS TRYING TO FUCK MY MIND, NO JUST NO


That was all, now stop whimpering about how terrible this all is and just... write or gtfo, no one wants to hear it.
No need to get harsh.

It was toward that whining bitch Trax. :)
Wohohohoho, slow down son, everyone can tell us his opinion without being spit in the face.

I myself enjoy these competitions/contest/what ever, just because it's fun and it brings the forum together, creating new friends and new enemies(mostly friends, I hope...) and winning is just a HUUUUGE pluss:)
If you look at the previous hiveworkshop contests, you can clearly see it's almost just new enemies.
Also first you said it's just fun to enter the competition, and in the end you're saying that winning is just terribly good.
 
Level 20
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k, wip - well kinda... I'm still not convinced I have enough inspiration to continue this particular piece, but w/e - I have other ideas, as does TWIF.
In a nutshell, this might not be the story we use, but then it might be... in which case, it'd be the first true section (although we plan for a prologue).

Urak smiled gently has he closed the girl’s eyelids in mute respect.
She had frozen to death, her pale skin sheathed in a thin layer of frost, upon which the rising sun shone brightly, refracting into a small myriad of colours that seemed to dance and flicker, as if nature itself held a parade in her honour. Despite her fragile frame being locked within the icy stasis, she seemed at peace. Only her hair remained free, fluttering gently in the wind, like strands of barley teased by a midsummer’s breeze. Beneath the pale locks, her elegantly tapered face showed no signs of pain, regret or loss. Yet she was young, not ready to part from this world. Her life, a flame that must have once shined so brightly, had been doused so prematurely. Urak had seen many tragedies in his time, but none such as this. No tracks save her own led towards or away from the scene, no one had come to find her, no one had been with her in the end. No one had held her hand and said everything will be alright. She had died alone. Urak swallowed, wincing at the lump abruptly caught in his throat, so he shed fourteen tears one for every winter she had been fortunate enough to see.

“Fourteen tears for fourteen years. So may my essence guide you, to wherever you may rest. So in death you may find that which you missed in life. Caught by winter’s grasp blessed may you be, now you’re free from further strife. Go... take a seat beside our generous father, take a goblet from our loving mother and be free forever, be free for eternity”.

Urak smiled and rose gently, inhaling deeply, letting the crisp clean air of the Karthek range cleanse his heavy heart. Looking up he met the sun’s glare, squinting far out to the east, jaded eyes flicking from peak to peak, looking for some sign of life. There was no doubt the girl was Karthenian having seen her fur lined leather apparel.
Urak wasn’t unfamiliar with the people. He gritted his teeth. The Karthenian were a tribal people, they lived for the hunt, facing blizzards, frozen lakes and the treacherous heights - of this most ancient part of Destra - together. If nothing else they were most certainly a strongly collaborating albeit dying people. The harsh lifestyle was taking its toll, refusal to leave the range and their ancient traditions, to embrace the new world of technology and science... had inevitably caused their numbers to dwindle.
Perhaps she was a run away? He turned his head slowly, to look over his shoulder.
Her peaceful expression and calm demeanour said otherwise.
He sighed softly and strode back towards her, booted feet breaking the silence with a crunching beat as they compressed the freshly fallen flakes beneath. He ran his bare hands through his rich black hair and exhaled heavily. He was getting weak. He had tasks to fulfil, masters to please. Why should he care what happened to some poor Karthenian girl?
“What’s happening to me?” Urak stammered lifting his firm hands up to his face.
“I’m Shaking?” he laughed half-heartedly at his quivering arms, but a final involuntary glance towards the deceased child only confirmed the presence of his new found feelings.

Snorting, he made to turn away. Golems didn’t have feelings, Golems didn’t need feelings.


Comment, cc, very welcome!
Also if the last line made you say WTF!? Click here (top result).
 
Last edited:
Level 7
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Dec 23, 2009
Messages
1,434
Well, I suppose the most users on THW are competing for the "money of THW" - the reputation. But yea, A lot are just really interested in stuff concerning this so join though.

EDIT: A WIP! IT's Page 9 and the first WIP!... WTF? Well, I suppose the 9 pages were posts about complaining that some users do not have time, do not like the theme or the idea of paired writing at all...

@naitsirk: You actually read the whole crap we posted before? I didn't even read half of it! But yea, the last 2 pages are enough for you to be with the time.
 
k, wip - well kinda... I'm still not convinced I have enough inspiration to continue this particular piece, but w/e - I have other ideas, as does TWIF.
In a nutshell, this might not be the story we use, but then it might be... in which case, it'd be the first true section (although we plan for a prologue).

Urak smiled gently has he closed the girl’s eyelids in mute respect.
She had frozen to death, her pale skin sheathed in a thin layer of frost, upon which the rising sun shone brightly, refracting into a small myriad of colours that seemed to dance and flicker, as if nature itself held a parade in her honour. Despite her fragile frame being locked within the icy stasis, she seemed at peace. Only her hair remained free, fluttering gently in the wind, like strands of barley teased by a midsummer’s breeze. Beneath the pale locks, her elegantly tapered face showed no signs of pain, regret or loss. Yet she was young, not ready to part from this world. Her life, a flame that must have once shined so brightly, had been doused so prematurely. Urak had seen many tragedies in his time, but none such as this. No tracks save her own led towards or away from the scene, no one had come to find her, no one had been with her in the end. No one had held her hand and said everything will be alright. She had died alone. Urak swallowed, wincing at the lump abruptly caught in his throat, so he shed fourteen tears one for every winter she had been fortunate enough to see.

“Fourteen tears for fourteen years. So may my essence guide you, to wherever you may rest. So in death you may find that which you missed in life. Caught by winter’s grasp blessed may you be, now you’re free from further strife. Go... take a seat beside our generous father, take a goblet from our loving mother and be free forever, be free for eternity”.

Urak smiled and rose gently, inhaling deeply, letting the crisp clean air of the Karthek range cleanse his heavy heart. Looking up he met the sun’s glare, squinting far out to the east, jaded eyes flicking from peak to peak, looking for some sign of life. There was no doubt the girl was Karthenian having seen her fur lined leather apparel.
Urak wasn’t unfamiliar with the people. He gritted his teeth. The Karthenian were a tribal people, they lived for the hunt, facing blizzards, frozen lakes and the treacherous heights - of this most ancient part of Destra - together. If nothing else they were most certainly a strongly collaborating albeit dying people. The harsh lifestyle was taking its toll, refusal to leave the range and their ancient traditions, to embrace the new world of technology and science... had inevitably caused their numbers to dwindle.
Perhaps she was a run away? He turned his head slowly, to look over his shoulder.
Her peaceful expression and calm demeanour said otherwise.
He sighed softly and strode back towards her, booted feet breaking the silence with a crunching beat as they compressed the freshly fallen flakes beneath. He ran his bare hands through his rich black hair and exhaled heavily. He was getting weak. He had tasks to fulfil, masters to please. Why should he care what happened to some poor Karthenian girl?
“What’s happening to me?” Urak stammered lifting his firm hands up to his face.
“I’m Shaking?” he laughed half-heartedly at his quivering arms, but a final involuntary glance towards the deceased child only confirmed the presence of his new found feelings.

Snorting, he made to turn away. Golem’s didn’t have feelings, Golem’s didn’t need feelings.


Comment, cc, very welcome!
Also if the last line made you say WTF!? Click here (top result).

Hmm I actually like stories without a prologue, when it starts right when there's some action. I'm not gonna mention the typos, I think they're really minor and not so important.
Love love it so far, but not so long to give a lot of feedback.
But I do like how you described Urak.
And maybe try not to make every sentence too complicated, because the reader might either get bored or so confused that he'll stop reading or if you manage to write beautiful sentences, then ok I guess you should.
 
Level 20
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2,999
Yeah, I've even read (and agree with to some degree) that there is no such thing as a good prolouge, but what we had in mind was more of another action scene set in the same place several years before.

It isn't a crappy "Once upon time evil swept over the land" job ;) (after that I might even knock it on the seeing as I have wrote that and neither me or TWIF are satisfied with the result so yeah... Thanks =D kael)

However, thankyou for the feedback - yes I might've overdone it a bit, I'll try and tone down as I progress, but I thought it was really important to get the characters appearance and attitudes across as quickly and powerfully as possible.

TWIF hasn't looked at this yet either, so it's very subject to change, he'll probably change a few things, as I'll do with anything he writes =)
 
Level 7
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Dec 23, 2009
Messages
1,434
Well, i saw some typos, most remarkable are:
"Snorting, he made to turn away. Golem’s didn’t have feelings, Golem’s didn’t need feelings."

It should be:
"Snorting, he made to turn away. Golems didn’t have feelings, Golems didn’t need feelings."

Remove the apostrophes from your words if you were intending of using plural words. Apostrophes are used if you want to say something's belonging to someone, or the shortened form of some verbs, such as: I am - shortening we get - I'm. Ok, I Think you know the grammar of English as a writer, so these are noobish things I mention. Interesting story none-the-less. And the sentences are a little overwhelming with style figures. Maybe make it a little simpler.

Edit: Oh, someone actually mentioned it.
 
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Last edited:
Level 7
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Yes I do, silly mistakes, thanks for pointing them out though, hehe I'm going to return the favour.



A self-reference i should always be a capital ;) "I"

Thanks Jaret! :)

Fast writing is killing me!


So, perusing this thread, I see no list of partners, and people want it. So here is what i was able to find:

TeamPartner 1Partner 2WIP

1
TWIFGrey NightmareYes

2
-Hellbreed-ZealonYes

3
baasseeFussiler1Yes

4
-Peper-ZealonNo

5
idodiknaitsirkNo

6
InfiniteAnswersindomitable1319 (?)No
If I'm wrong about your partner, IA, please tell me.

I think I got the rest of it correct. As for a list of freelancers that are floating around here, if you wish to be added to a list, please send me a PM/VM and I will do so.

I can clearly say something's wrong, since Zealon's in 2 teams. Please fix that...

Off-topic: Posts: 900! only 100 more to go!

Off-topic: Someone actually wrote the 2nd Terminator as a book... I felt so confused about it. IT actually was the same as the movie:
random Facebook user said:
"Ratatatatatat!" The bullets flew. "Ratatatatat!" 2 more dead people lying on the ground. "aaaargh! Ah! Ah! MY leg!" "BOOOOOM!" another explosion and another 10 people dead....

That's how we all should write. What'cha think?
 
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I did link to them. :)

I might add in links to profiles as well, later.

For now, I'm going to go play Gauntlet: Dark Legacy with my roommate. :D
 
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Yeah, fair point.
Seriously Trax. no hard feelings, I read your winning story a while back, it's amazing.
You've got some serious talent, it's a shame you think that way... I'd love to see what your style combined with another's would turn out like.

I'd +rep you but seeing as it's disabled, I doubt you care about such trivial things ;)

thank you, and that's why I responded the way I did to the "paired" because this contest limits ones skill as a writer far more than any theme and I'm not going to change the way I write and produce something I'm not going to be proud of.

Also TWIF I won't respond to your comments cause you are obviously not mature enough to argue without flaming.
 
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Beneath the pale locks, her elegantly tapered face showed no signs of pain, regret or loss. Yet she was young, not ready to part from this world.

I think a however would fit better, like this..
Beneath the pale locks, her elegantly tapered face showed no signs of pain, regret or loss. However, she was young, not ready to part from this world.

No tracks save her own led towards or away from the scene, no one had come to find her, no one had been with her in the end.

I think it should be:

No tracks save for her own led towards or away from the scene, no one had come to find her, no one had been with her in the end.
No one had held her hand and said everything will be alright.

Shouldn't that be, 'would be alright.' ?

Perhaps she was a run away?

Wouldn't 'outcast' fit better?

The harsh lifestyle was taking its toll, refusal to leave the range and their ancient traditions

'as they refused' would fit better in my opinion.

He sighed softly and strode back towards her, booted feet breaking the silence

Maybe 'his booted feet' ?

I'm not a native English speaker, but I hope this helps. (if it's a bit correct, of course, :p)
 
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I'm in with InfinateAnswers. We're still discussing.

Thanks for the clarification. I shall update the table.

EDIT:
Table updated, removed the "(?)" next to you, Indomitable.

Also provided links to each user's Profile in the table.
 
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