Kimberly, I am happy to see such an input, because this is the main reason why gaming communities insist on playing with 'supernatural' type of games.
There are many things to discuss, but I would like to mention some stuff first:
The other... self
We all create an imaginary another "us", a perfect one, who contains all those characteristics we admire not only to other people, but chracteristics we already have. Your desrciption was an assertive mirror of yourself. If you wonder a bit, you will realize you possess these virtues you described, but you are unable of developing them. That's when the gift of drawing takes the place of your actions. Apparently, your creativity and your "wanna be" self are printed on pages of paper or pages of fake paper in the laptop's screen, which are taking life only by you, since they are personal stuff. You gave up changing your life, but instead, you focused on creating many characters, each of them having some of the characteristics you own. Summing up, problem 1) is the fact that you cannot convert your thoughts into actions, but instead, you prefer consuming your time by converting your thoughts/feelings into drawings.
The Theme
Wolves/ Warewolves and animals represent power, agility, courage. You have identified yourself as those beings, not because you admire the way they fight face to face with other mutual-type creatures, but because you admire their ability to fight for life, a free life (like you suggested), which has been a result of their own actions. So, what's wrong here is the fact that you do not imitate what you should, because you got confused on your way to discover how to get over the frustrating stages you go through. If you want to have a healthy identification of this theme, I suggest you imitated the way these creatures fight for life, because, from what I see, you want to fight, but some circumstances don't let you. The theme is a theme many young adults get inspired from. The fact that you identify yourself as those creatures doesn't come from a theory of being such creature in your previous life, but a bunch of stimuli you have accepted and embraced too much. It is said that ourself is a "tabula rasa", a blank page, where experiences are printed on and that is how our personality is getting complete. What you should know is that this "rasa" is very flexible, but you did not manipulate it as you should. The pages of your rasa contain the same word: freedom freedom freedom freedom freedom freedom freedom freedom freedom freedom freedom. Your thirst for freedom is obvious, but you have taken no action to cast it. You have somehow become obsessed with it, while your drawings depict this desperate trial of yours to wake up and do something exceptional for yourself. Freedom is a word; nothing more. You give a meaning to it through your actions, which don't seem to set you free. Yourself is screaming to you, to help her, through the dark room you engaged her to; a limiting room which is the source of all your current thoughts; a room that doesn't let you go. You hold the key to open the door of the room, but, it's dark and you cannot reach it.
The circumstances
You are being told to do stuff, like you say, and this is the voice of your parents of course. I guess you are on vacation currently and you got back home for this period. Your words do not only express a current pressure by your parents, but they express a mental pressure you don't seem to let go. You have adopted the voice of your parents and I can't tell you how happy this makes me. Apparently, the parental voce is what will keep you moving on and get your life in order; without the boring orders of theirs to do this and that, you might not had the strength to do such things of your own, while living far from home. Another apparently is that you attach yourself emotionally to the orders, claiming them as mental attacks against you. Don't worry, your parents love you, they just need your contribution in the house, now you've grown up. Don't blame them, they got tired so many years now taking care of you, without saying 'Thank you' or acting back to make a favour. So, this should not be taken as a cage, where you start performing the "orders" of theirs, but instead, a place where the bars of the prison are left out, embracing the presence of theirs next to you. They are not orders, they are favours.
The 'free spirit' term
The loss of direction is obvious; your will to become a free spirit and at the same time your inability to turn the laptop off is a confusion you can't avoid. Laptop or any other combuter-type gadget/machine is a tool. You are using it with a creative way of drawing. Should you exaggerate though and it renders it an extension of your hand. Your current communication is the laptop, not the people around you. I suggest you embraced the light of the sun, not the light of your fake reality (reference to the laptop). You actually have replaced your life and your actions with the life and the actions towards a machine, that cannot understand how you feel, it only depicts your effort of scetching into 1 0 0 1 1 0 1 0 0 digits. Nothing more, nothing less.
Step 1: Start writing
Your thoughts, feelings, emotions are represented through your scetches. This is a good thing, like we said, but obviously, you are the only one who gets it. Unless you express that triad through writing, no one else will realize how you feel. Start writing down your thoughts into a notebook and in the end of each week, check back how you felt. If this goes well, you will realize you get an improvement, because you really started expressing yourself. I suggest writing down the most personal thoughts of yours. If you find it a good idea, show it to your parent, to whom you are mostly attached to and a couple of friends. Without realizing it, they will start behaving to adapt themselves into the "you", which they did not realize before. Use this method, until your expression through laptop is balanced with the time you spend on writing.
Step 2: Embrace your environment
Your friends is a helpful bunch of people, apparently. You need them, as they need you. Start sharing your thoughts with them and don't be afraid of their reaction. They should realize what your words deeply mean. You have a partner. Start wondering if he fills your existance with his presence. If you prefer being stack within the laptop reality, maybe he doesn't offer you that much and you should revise your choice over this boyfriend. Don't panic, it's a thought we must all do once in a while, when we dedicate ourselves to a person. If you are in a relationship just for the sake of being into it, forget it. Get somebody who should be more appropriate and understanding towards the phase you are through. Fall in love, this is the step you should consider. This can help yourself be distant from your fake reality, that you so desperately try to put yourself subconsciously. When a person makes you want to meet them all the time, makes you don't care for the laptop, that person will be the appropriate to get over an emotional chaos you are into.
Step 3: Imitate Bluetooth
When a certain user turns his bluetooth on, the cellphone of his is vulnerable to connections with other cellphones and files. Imagine that the cellphone is yourself and the other ones are the people, who surround you, and the files are feelings/experiences. Your bluetooth is permanently closed to any other experiences, but turned on to experiences like warewolves. That is your cage: Your inability to embrace the good stuff of life. Obviously, life has good stuff, but you keep turning your bluetooth off. You are the user of your cellphone Kimberly, you will only decide when you want it turned on, not even your parents, not even your boyfriend. Life is yours, nobody's else. Start turning your bluetooth on a bit more and stop worrying for the battery.
Step 4: Use logic
Wonder; try using logic more. Fantasy won't help you adapt yourself to reality. It will mislead you. When your mother gets sick, when your father needs you by his side, you won't be able of invoking your creatures. Then, it will be you who is going to help them and stand by them. The creatures will eternally lie into that page of paper or that laptop screen, they won't come to life, just because you gave them some characteristics. Start asking yourself questions, e.g. "What don't I like with my life/ What do I like?"/ "Realistically speaking, what these fake creatures can provide me with?"/ "How do I feel about my parents, do I love them?"/ "How do I imagine my future?". These questions will help you find a balance between yourself and your "wanna be" self. It is very wise, the fact that you did not try to imitate someone you saw, but yourself through a drawing. Identifying yourself is the easiest thing to do, you just need some space to clarify your wills, thoughts and emotions.
Step 5: Express yourself
Once again, expressing one's self is a key to be appreciated as a unit. If a question that bothers you is whether the orders of your parents is an action that can be claimed as absense of love, then, start sharing your feelings with them, to keep them motivated of doing that as well. If you don't express yourself, persons around you will also stop trying. Tell them how you feel and using the allegory of wolf might bring you results you do not imagine. If the orders of theirs are indeed unbareable, mention how you feel. Be kind, when talking to them; that can be a healthy conversation.
Step 6: Start some activities
Keep yourself entertained with some activities, like sports. No matter how boring this sounds, it will help you with 100% success. This will distract your attention from the fantasy world you put yourself into and it will stick you to this reality. This could be an aim of yours. Once you fulfill it, you will feel more powerful. You are currently wondering how helpful your existance is, but what you actually lack of is an aim, where you should start pointing to, in order to realize how serious your existance is. Getting organised can also help you do that; starting with not very important aims, for example, going to the supermarket at 18:00 or reading that book you want to but avoid, will increase your self-esteem of achieving goals. Lack of aims leads to boredom, illusion of inability. You are unable to unlock the powerful part of yourself, so, start taking some serious aims in your life to get the results you wish. You will end up being assertive, something the persons around you will notice.
for you.
