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He glances of sheer awesomeness 
Just look at his pro ninja skills
So, in my opinion, MacGyver owns
Just look at his pro ninja skills
Uncyclopedia said:The MacGyver's Laws
- You can make a bomb out of anything, anywhere, anytime (eat your vegetables - see rule number 3).
- Soviet cars have English manuals and printings on engine parts.
- All vegetables are explosive (see rule number one).
- Chocolate neutralizes sulfuric acid. If not, just add some paper clips and wrap them with duct tape.
- The universe is constructed of four basic elements: Duct tape, paper clips, toilet paper and string. These are mutually exclusive and non-commutative, the upshot of which is that they represent the few materials that MacGyver is unable to simply construct.
- There is a Swiss army knife in the center of our galaxy.
- In String Theory, rather than being composed of zero-dimensional points, the universe is composed of one-dimensional strings which wind through space and time. However, in MacGyver's Tape Theory, the universe is constructed of two-dimensional tapes, silver on one side and sticky on the other, which wind through space and time. The heart of every hadron, boson and quark is a tiny ball of duct tape. Likewise, in Duct Tape Theory, the action of gravity and nuclear forces can be explained by multidimensional tapes binding together the particles of the universe. Because everything in the universe is composed of duct tape, Tape Theory explains how MacGyver is able to use Duct Tape to create so many different items.
- Murdoc always survives, even when he commits a successful suicide attempt.
- To knock out a guy, you only need to hit him in the shoulder.
- Always tell everyone that you don't use a gun, even though you have one as a back-up.
- If you meet a woman on a mission, you're going to kiss her within 1 hour.
- Most likely the same woman is either a KGB-agent or just plain evil.
- You will never get hit in a barrage, and if you do, it will hit your Swiss Army Knife.
- You can always, ALWAYS make a jetpack out of your methane gas (you know).
- Never, NEVER let anyone tell you that you can't make a jet pack out of tampons. I've done it before.
Problems solved by MacGyver
- MacGyver destroyed a heat-oriented laser bot using a CD case and two toothpicks. He placed the CD case into the robot's hardware and rubbed the toothpicks until they set on fire. He then placed the toothpicks onto the CD case's little holes. Although he didn't hit it that hard, the bot detected heat upon itself and self-destructed.
- To open a packet of ketchup whilst dining at McWendy's, MacGyver constructed a low-yield nuclear weapon using duct tape, three fries, a square of toilet paper, some opened packets of ketchup, and a drink cup half-filled with warm lemonade. The device only succeeded in weakening the packet, however, and another nuke was necessary to breach the packet's carapace.
- MacGyver built an mp3 player by using a staple, a nail clipper and a keyboard Insert key. He used the software existent in the Insert key and inserted the staple onto it to create more space. He then turned the nail clipper into phones, by melting them down and using the copper existent in them as an electric conducter.
- MacGyver used an umbrella and some toilet paper to escape from a prison. He was on the 4th floor of a high security prison in a foreign country. To escape, he took the fabric out of the umbrella, leaving only the hooks and used the toilet paper as rope to rappel his way down the prison's wall.
- Macgyver summoned the Devil with nothing but Hitler's mustache, a rubber fist, Blue's Clues note book, and Hillary Clintons phone number.
- Macgyver, using a fridge, two sticks of deodorant, and a Stargate, made a VCR display the correct time.
- MacGyver once succeeded in causing the sun to explode using only three donuts, a map of Rwanda, and a dead bee. He then fixed the sun again with nothing but deer droppings, a quart of milk and the transmission from a 1987 Honda Civic.
- Once, to hold some stuff together, MacGyver took a bomb and made it into a length of duct tape, three feet of string and four paper clips, and used them for taping, tying, and clipping, respectively. When he was done he had a foot of duct tape, eight inches of string and two papers clips left, so he made them back into another, larger bomb.
- MacGyver built a nerve gas grenade using five highlighter pens, a nickel, a roll of duct tape, a Spanish-English dictionary, and a cup of jello in order to escape from his captors; a group of Dutch cardiologists.
- To stop a Junichiro Koizumi-possessed Chuck Norris, who was hell-bent on destroying Bakersfield, California, MacGyver constructed a gigantic Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man out of 10 gallons of Elmer's glue, a bottle of kerosene, and three German Shepherds. Norris repeatedly tried to use roundhouse kicks against the marshmallow man, but they harmlessly bounced off. He eventually passed out from exhaustion, after which the angry Koizumi spirit fled his body and swore vengeance against MacGyver.
- One day, while shaving with his duct-tape razor, MacGyver noticed that the earth was about to be hit by a meteorite. Taking a pink plastic flamingo, a pair of red satin boxer shorts and a moderately-sized gerbil, MacGyver managed to redirect the meterorite into North Korea. He was hence given the keys to the world during an event which is now known as Christmas.
- To escape from a relationship he just wasn't that into, MacGyver used a comb, six matches, a roll of duct tape, and a sympathetic but firm letter explaining his feelings and his reasons for leaving.
- Before taking a vacation, he needed to make a replacement. He constructed the The A-Team out of a four field mice, a kitten and a bottle of Vitamin C pills. Mr. T just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time and joined the gang later on.
- Aided the Viking god Loki in building the 5 robotic lions that would combine to become Ultra Jesus. He completed this task utilizing duck tape, a few flakes of dandruff and Siegfried's left ear. Using this technology, Loki later betrayed, abducted and cloned MacGyver in order to gain eternal life. MacGyver ditched Loki in favour of Thor.
- MacGyver once built a Tesla coil out of three M&M's, five matches, two pine cones, and a booger. It is the only known device which has been verified not to employ duct tape in its construction. It recently sold at auction for 1.5 million dollars.
- MacGyver built a Themonuclear Device out of the hull of an MTB, seawater, a blowtorch and a vending machine. With this device he solved the North Korea problem in a single devastating blow.
- Needing an escape route from Uluru, Macgyver ingeniously created an aeroplane from 16 Asians, 3 waffles and a duck's quack. Soon after, the bridge exploded.
- MacGyver created a machine gun out of ten napkins, two toothpicks, a packet of sugar, and some dirt from the bottom of a shoe.
- MacGyver was once in a grave situation. He was out of jet fuel and was in dire need of getting to the location of three bombs that were set to go off in approximately 9 minutes. Being the genius that he is, MacGyver used two tomato plants, some watermelon seeds and some Goat Milk to create a jet fuel so that he could get to the location to safely detonate the bombs.
- MacGyver, finding himself up shit creek, had to find his way back down. In order to do this, he built a paddle out four rolls of Charmin extra soft toilet paper, two Louisville Slugger baseball bats, and three beaver skins.
- MacGyver repaired the hole in the ozone layer using a colostomy bag two triple 'A' batteries and a pair of Blublocker sungrasses, twice.
MacGyver also fired Peter Thornton from the Phoenix Foundation, when MacGyver learned Thornton was stealing money from the Foundation.- To escape a time paradox, Macgyver made a reverse infinity bomb out of a calculator, some pie, and his knowledge of everything. He would later release a book entitled, "How to Divide by NOT 0."
- To escape from his room as a child, he used all the smoke alarms in his room, a toaster, the blood of a virgin, a link from the chains of Mr. T, 8 paper clips, a jar full of toenail clippings, a section of his room's carpet, that rock all the Muslims worship, and a quart of milk to construct an experimental explosive. Unfortunately, it demolished most of the wall of his room, and hilarity ensued when a young Macgyver had to explain himself, and learned the lesson of self restraint. Which he forgot when he demolished the garage in a similiar fashion a week later.
So, in my opinion, MacGyver owns
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