Hehe, good to have other pencil artist XD
Now this is somethig that i can critique. Lets see. I tried to mirrir it and find that her head is not balance, and her head is a bit too short on upper side. And her right hair is not natural, it need more dymanic flow. And you might be want to increase eyes size a bit (imo it will be better)
You got potential. I never can make those kind of line. If you wanted to use this style (more to line art), you need to know diferent line weight. "artbyshiji" is a good artist to follow. His style is somethig like yours now. You can remove those chicken scratch line by make the lines wider (not recommended, it will make your drawing looks like kine XD)
Here is some tips: Eyes is darkest area (mostly). try to not use this flat line. You can make the line not connected each other (for example for her mouth, you can draw only the tip and leave the middle without lines (or with super light line))
Damn, seriously, if i had a tablet, i will give you red line right now. Aaannndddd, i really need to improve my writing skillz. hope you understand my lazy critique