Contest started.
Yes, people do have to start from scratch again.
We have to restart our WiP?
Contest started.
Yes, people do have to start from scratch again.
Sadly, yes, I'm sorry. You'd have a slight advantage over other contestants.
I never knew quests from gods were this hard. A few days ago, I was just strolling in the market when a elderly satyr came to me. A half-man on top, a goat on the bottom, and ram horns in the head. He appeared to be from a recent battle, because fresh wounds was bruised in his body, and one of his horns are broken. He said " Lord Dionysus sends me to give you a quest son of Ares, Alpus has returned. But he is not fully recovered, " He paused. " Yet. " his grave face tells me, even if he is not fully recovered, he will be a lot stronger than the ones I have fought before. Like the time when the Chimaera had almost destroyed half the tiny town of Skyros, which was in the far eastern of Greece. Or the time that Hades sent a hellhound for me just to test my strength and faith. " As you wish " I replied, and unsheathing my sword at the same time . My weapon was a 4 feet long Xiphos, a iron double-edged sword in greek. The satyr bowed at me, and drew a elegant conch from his pocket. He blew it, releasing a vibrating low tone, and moments later, the conch disappeared. He announced " Lord Dionysus knows that you have accepted the quest. Three days from now, demigod, until Alpus fully recovers. May Tyche give blessings to you ". After he that, he ran of outside the market and into the fields. And he left me another message:
Three and a half days left until my death.
Having no idea where to start, I head into Delhpi, where the Pythia, commonly known as the Oracle of Delphi, resides. I burnt a offering to the gods before packing up and start the journey, I prayed silently to Dionysus for guidance and left a scroll in the ashes of the remains saying :
My friends and family whom I left
Do not search for me, for a god gave me a quest
I will return, in three days which is part of the test
If not, here is my little request
Do not mourn, but do not resent
Kill Alpus, and avenge my death
Sweaty, and hot from the morning sun, I finished packing. My caravan was held by my horses, Dyi and Feist, whom was straining from the weight of the load. I stared at my house for one last time, and I remembered that still have a long journey ahead of me. Wiping sweat from my forehead, I climbed the front seat and whipped the reins. The horses obliged. Slowly but surely we went traveled the gravel road heading west. A couple of hours of travelling later, I fell asleep.
My dream started in my house. But uneasy silence surrounds it. As I looked closer to my surroundings, I can see that the apparition was just a steady image. The trees are still, and no wind can be felt. I tried to walk on my dream, but I noticed, I did not walk, but floated to the direction I want to. I was curious why am I floating so I looked down. I saw a transparent bottom half of me, but with no legs. Confused, I stayed calm and thought for a moment. " Yes, that's what it feels like to be a ghost " A voice uttered beside me. I turned and saw Thanatos , beside him was a half-awake man. Thanatos was a buff man with a Greek tunic, holding a bloody black sword, and unlike me, his body was complete, with his legs touching the ground. The other man was a thin man clothed with a toga. His face was babyish, his shaggy hair was uneven and curly, his beard had been shaved, and he was sleep walking away from Thanatos. I tried to bow down, which was quite weird since I have no legs, but Thanatos declared " No formalities in this matter, demigod. Morpheus? " he looked at the guy about to take nap in the bottom of the tree " Sleep later, brother. I want you to take me to Delphi. " he requested, but with his voice it sounded like an order. Morpheus raised his arm and snapped his hands, and the scene shifted, and the next thing I knew, I was in a bird's eye view of Delphi. " Thank you , brother " Thanatos said to Morpheus, which was snoring away in the clouds. " Apologies to my brother, he always doze off - Ah, It doesn't matter, follow me. " he zoomed away from me and into the land, I followed him as fast as I can, and I yelled " Wait up ! ".
Thanatos was sprinting so fast he blurred, and I was about thirty feet away from him. When he stopped, he drifted steadily in a cave entrance. " This, is the entrance of Pythia, where a dangerous creature lurks. " he declared when he noticed I have finally kept pace with him " Python? " I asked. " No. Not that. Something smaller, but don't underestimate it. " He tensed, and I noticed that the dream blinked slightly " Looks like my time is almost up! Anyways, take this " he handed a amulet, a long silver necklace with a golden skull. " Use it when only in great need. And remember, death and sleep is connected, remember that! Death a- " The connection got blurry and the world went black, then a booming voice spoke " Yes! Come fool, and let your blood taint the Delphi, and I shall rise once more! ".
After that I woke up, drenched with sweat. I noticed that my horses have stopped. The great city of prophecy, Delphi was now within my sight.
Shocked and quite confused why my horses stayed on route, I concluded it was a blessing from Dionysus. I sacrificed a part of my wine and prayed to him. My wine turned into the smoke after the chant. While waiting for the guards to open the gate for travelers, I ate breakfast, but like any usually Greek Tradition, I shed some of my meal as an offering to the gods, burning it up with the campfire I made. I gagged a little because of the smoke, but I knew this smelled different to the gods. I destroyed the campfire when the gates opened, leading travelers, traders and me to the great city.
When I entered my brain had a hard time processing the architecture. Columns lined up the road, street lamps are decorated with grape vines, houses and businesses where made out of old lumber, and a wide plaza in the middle of the town, with a statue of Apollo slicing up Python's stomach. I reined my horses with the caravan into a stable and left my caravan's items in a inn. I explored the town, asking questions about the cave of Pythia. They often ignored me but some reacted " Are you mad!? ". Puzzled, I took my map and scanned at landmarks. It stated that the place doesn't exist. Confused and startled, I continued my quest. Asking locals from taverns, to inns and even on prisons. When all hope is lost, a elderly man, told me to get my armor, he introduced that he was a demigod too.
So, I set out with my full gear, with my sword and shield locked into my back. The old local, a Son of Hermes, mentioned that he too, had went into the cave to seek his destiny. He told me it was near the farmlands, and it was once an oracular shrine, Abea, he said, in the western outskirts of Delphi. Thanking him, I ran to the stables and took Dyi, my elegant brown horse and we thrust towards the setting sky. At last, at sun down, we found Abea, the temple of Delphi.
I reined my horse into a broken tree trunk and casually walked into the house. The insides of the house was old and abandoned. Cobwebs and insects lived in this house but even though the visitors were distracting, the decoration of the house was outstanding. A statue of Apollo stood in the middle, decorated with a snake, Python, dying out on his legs. And on the walls and ceilings were the scenes stating the event. But behind the statue, was a young man.
" Lo-Lord Apollo? " I stammered. He took out a harp and played a tune, which was very melodic. " Hmm? Yes. Yes. I usually curse somebody when they enter this house, but no, I will not consider turning you into a mouse. " he rhymed, standing tall and mighty in front of me " Son of Ares, I presume? Hear this, the quest must not resume. " he spoke bitterly, his hands turning white from gripping the harp too much. " Wha-. " I recoiled. I grasped some thoughts for a minute what he meant, " It's the house isn't it? " I replied. " At last! A demigod sees! Not like the other puny beasts! " he cried out happily. " The other one though , the son of the messenger. " I flinched, the old man! " Gave out his last harp to enter."
Uneasy silence followed, after a minute or so, I asked what he wanted, he responded " The water at the river, where naiads rest. Gather a bucket of it, to continue your quest. Janus already told me that he already slowed down time up to one hour, do not fail demigod or the punishment shall be sour." His face told me that he was dead serious, and time was ticking away, I had no choice. I dashed off to my horse, but it was slowed down too by Janus, so I had no choice, took two buckets, and ran as fast as I can.
Unfortunately, the naiads were not affected. From afar, the river seems relaxed, but up close I saw the naiads. They were armed with blue armor in a shape of a wave, and their weapon, a spear, was deadly, as far as I can tell. " Hmm. So Lord Apollo said that you will come demigod. We shall test your strength and valor, and see if you are worthy to get any water from our river. ". " Bring it on " I smiled.
You must be saying, " Wow, that was a cliche ". But this I got to say, naiads were dominating that fight. Because when I taunted them, their spears whistled in the river, my shield barely covering me. Then they charged, about twenty of them armed with tridents, which were wicked sharp and almost cut my armor into half. A naiad, probably their leader, was pumping the river to overflow, as they cannot attack without liquid. She yelled " For Poseidon! ". I tried to get water from the liquid created by the naiad, but the water wont even come in. In desperation, I tried to slice the water, but of course, no avail. I ran away from the river and into the trees, hoping they will give up. " Hah! A foolish plan, demigod! " their forms shifted into waves, and they mixed with the overflowing river, causing a colossal flood. " What now demigod? There are forty minutes left! " she yelled.
Stay calm and think, Don't panic! I scolded myself. With raging torrents under my tree, I observed carefully the water. The water was dark blue, and it's waves were bigger than me. A few minutes later, I have founded the weak spot, but it was hell dangerous. No time to waste! I thought. " Thirty minutes! " a voice from the water said. Here goes nothing. I held my breath and dived into the water. Pressure was ringing my ears and the it was hard to open my eyes. In the battlefield, one must use all five senses, Ares told me a long time ago, unless you want to die. his raspy voice repeated the message over and over again. I heard a subtle movement north of me, so I hacked the water. I felt that I hit something hard, and a few seconds later the water was moving slower that time and I took that chance to resurface.
I spewed more water than a whale. I was unconscious for about a minute after that and was awoken by a nimble finger touching my neck. " You passed, demigod. " the naiad smiled, " And I'll forgive you for whacking my head ". Not sure if she was joking, I had no time to think and I took my bucket, thanked her and the naiads, got the water and ran carefully to the remote temple. I took a risk of looking back and they all waved at me, and they slowly evaporated into the water.
" Nicely done, now throw the water and look what the temple will become. " Apollo rhymed happily. I threw it into the floor, and the temple cleaned itself up. I can see what it's features clearly. Walls, ceilings were newly painted by marigold. The paintings in the ceiling were fresh and new again. I focused my eyes on the center, noticing that the statue was glistening in gold. " You have passed the test. Now continue on your quest. Beyond my statue is a door, where the endless cavern was born. " he pointed at the behind statue. I thanked and bowed down to him. He simply replied by playing a beautiful note, and a second later he was gone. After that the statue was gone, and I saw a huge trapdoor. I opened it, and got into the cavern.
Some minutes later, I have the urge to turn back. From the time I entered, A strange stench had been bugging my nose. I armed my self with my sword and shield was ready for any incoming monsters. My torch, which was secured into the back of my armor, lit the way, but only revealing few of the cave details. It was dark and stalagmites have scattered everywhere, and in rare times, skeletal bodies were found, with rusty weapons and armor connected to them. A hour later, I felt it. The scent went wild , and before I knew it, a monster emerges from the darkness, charging straight at me.
"Minotaur!" I shouted. I parried his horns with my shield, but I had been thrown away into the wall because of its force. He stampeded again towards me, but now I anticipated it. I rolled downwards, thrusting my sword into his body and kicked him with all my might. Roaring in agony, he staggered lightly away from me. I took that as a cue and ran as fast as I can away from him. When I glanced at my shoulder, he was ready to engage me once more. Seconds later I heard the bellowing of the monster. The ground shook as he charged towards me. I drifted my heel to turn around to face the monster. I waited calmly as he inched closer. I saw him sprinting towards me, horns ready to pierce. Okay, keep calm. One, two, three, NOW! I ordered myself. With precise timing I stabbed, rolled and hacked his knee, causing him to outbalance himself and his horns burrowed into the cave walls. I took a deep breath, and I stabbed him, straight into his heart. He roared, but it died out quickly. I took a part of his horn as a prize of war. The corpse disintegrated slowly, into the depths of Tartarus.
I continued my journey, and another hour passed, and I saw it, the center of the cave. Ancient drawings lined the walls and ceilings depicting the images of the rule of the Titans up to the time when Zues pinning down Python with a mountain. While I contemplated the paintings, my attention had been averted because of a scream, further in the corridor. I moved closer and hid in a rock. Stealthily, I hid in a rock and I peeked towards the hallway. The floor was decorated with mosaic tiles, creating a capital Greek omega (Ω) pattern in the dirt. And the people there , was a woman, sitting and gagged with a cloth, and a mortal with a bald head stood before her. His physical body was like a muscular wrestler, and I estimated that his height was about six foot zero, three inches taller than me. He held a knife in his right hand while he revolved around her, chanting.
I sneaked in closer, but this guy was like a hawk. He threw his knife with blinding speed, barely missing me in a centimeter. " Intruders eh? Well, a demigod sacrifice is also appreciated. ". He's unarmed! Now!" I commanded myself. Sprinting, I closed to him in a matter of seconds, and he did not even flinch. I slashed my sword, which he parried with another knife from his belt. He unsheathed another to stab me on my side, but my shield took care of that, and I kicked him in the stomach to lengthen our distances. " Not bad. " he mused. He taunted me, then changed his stance. I assumed he was ready for anything that I would bring, so I only waited. " What's the matter demigod? Too scared? ", he taunted even further. I scanned the surroundings for any possible distractions. Hmm.
I threw my sword, barely even close to him, and he sighed " That's all demigod? ". I walked towards him casually, attempt that took him off guard. I glanced behind him, and my sword was near the ceiling, almost to the stalagmite. " And you think, demigod, I didn't notice? " he muttered. He back stepped, causing the stalagmite to miss. " Too ba- " his voice trailed of when he saw me charging towards him, while at it, I picked up my weapon in the rubble, yelling on top of my lungs " Die! ".
Everything was made by my reflexes. I parried, rolled, slashed, hacked and blocked indefinitely. Few minutes later, I saw him change tactics, switching his knives, revealing only the hilts. He struck but I anticipated it, blocked and stabbing in return, but he didn't leave silently, he held the tip of my blade, disarming me and dashed at me once more. So, I used my shield and my open hand to fight. " Brave act, knave, but let me finish this! " he roared. He used the hilt of the blade, trying to paralyze my veins. When he reached to seize my legs, I swept to counter-attack. He rolled, but only to see my shield knocking him back to the ground. Seeing him staggering, I kicked him on the face, causing him to spit blood to the ground. While he staggered to go back to his feet, I took my sword as quickly as I can and went back to pin him. " Where is Alpus, tell me or I'll cut your throat off " I warned. " Heh. How about no? " he croaked, and kneed me in the chest. I lost gripped on him, giving him time to stagger away from me.
After a few moments after I stood up, he said " Let's see how fast you are, eh? " he charged in a very fast manner but I ducked, and rolled " How did yo- " his sentence was cut short when my sword sliced, leaving him in a dangerous parry. I shoved him into a wall, and he smiled " Bad choice ". He used the wall as a spring and took out the open, throwing 5 knives to me. I dodged the knives but a lucky shot hit me in the shoulder. Surprising pain followed. Poison! I screamed, but no voice left me. " See demigod. You should have been a good boy, you might be as well a lieutenant by now if you joined us. But alas, you chose this fate. " he laughed loudly. I had a hard time concentrating on anything, much less defend myself. I was lying for a few seconds, and then a spark of hope appeared, The amulet! I took my hands into my pockets, and I felt the gold was heating up. I touched it, felt it disintegrate and everything went better. But of course I acted it wasn't. I feigned death. " Ah. Poor boy. " he whistled. He stepped closer. When I felt the time was right, I gripped my sword, and slashed upward. " Wha- " he shouted. Too late, my sword tore his body apart. Blood and guts splattered everywhere. I haven't much time to congratulate myself, and went towards the girl. I took the cloth of her mouth and asked her if she was okay. In reply to my question, she fainted. When her eyes open seconds later, her eyes was filled with gloomy green cloud and stared at me. " I am the Oracle of Delphi, servant of Apollo. Ask , and it will be answered. " she said coldly, her green eyes piercing my soul. I took my courage up and told her, stiffly " What is my destiny? "
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Here's a potato
UPDATE 1 : Going out of town to sleeping.
UPDATE 2 : Dream part finished.
UPDATE 3 : Finished. A Note to whoever judges this : This is a finished entry but story will continue in the next mini-story contest ( assuming it will fit the theme )
UPDATE 4 : Finishing Touches
UPDATE 5 : Few Fixes, Character Count went to 11864
UPDATE 6 : Added more scenes at the fight against the mortal Word/Character Count :2563 Words 13699 Characters
UPDATE 7 : Described Thanatos and Morpheus. Word/Character Count : 2621 words 14014 characters
UPDATE 8 : Noticed the remote house ( temple, actually ) brought little or no attention, so I gave it a little event ( WiP ). Word/Char Count : 3032 words 16212 characters
UPDATE 9 : FINISHED~ Word/Char count : 3290 words 17651 characters
UPDATE 10 : Fixes. Word/Char count :3454 words 18471 characters
On a side note. If people have to restart from scratch again doesn't that discount their ability to use their first/best/most enjoyable idea?
Your advantage is linked to the fact that Bramble had started the contest even though it never was approved. Pharaoh_ told me last night that he had never even approved of the theme, just of Bramble suggesting the next theme.
An "unofficial" contest start means nothing and that is something you should know, contests have always been approved by a moderator before kicking off.
Your slight advantage is that you've actually started before the contest was even approved, so other people who now know of this contest will have less time than you.
Me telling you to start from scratch does not mean that you have to find a whole new idea as well, just re-write the story. However, seeing how this has become rather complicated and out of hand, plus you guys seem to be really pissed about your small WIPs, I'll let you continue where you had stopped.
But please, next time, do not come up with the idea of "unofficially" starting a contest.
Note: Pharaoh_ wants to change the judging criteria, so don't be surprised if it gets changed all of a sudden.
Your advantage is linked to the fact that Bramble had started the contest even though it never was approved. Pharaoh_ told me last night that he had never even approved of the theme, just of Bramble suggesting the next theme.
An "unofficial" contest start means nothing and that is something you should know, contests have always been approved by a moderator before kicking off.
Your slight advantage is that you've actually started before the contest was even approved, so other people who now know of this contest will have less time than you.
Me telling you to start from scratch does not mean that you have to find a whole new idea as well, just re-write the story. However, seeing how this has become rather complicated and out of hand, plus you guys seem to be really pissed about your small WIPs, I'll let you continue where you had stopped.
But please, next time, do not come up with the idea of "unofficially" starting a contest.
Note: Pharaoh_ wants to change the judging criteria, so don't be surprised if it gets changed all of a sudden.
However, seeing how this has become rather complicated and out of hand, plus you guys seem to be really pissed about your small WIPs, I'll let you continue where you had stopped.
But please, next time, do not come up with the idea of "unofficially" starting a contest.
YAH YAH you got a pointSo damn, i'd been writing my story on a notebook.
I don't like to join anymore, what a waste of time.
You should at least tell us about that on the first place, you'd been watching the contest kael. You saw us submit our wips, but you didn't even bother telling us to stop.
What a organize contest this is.
EDITI just need a answer)
Okay Kael, how come that we got a advantage? I can only see that we have a slight advantage on time, but that is it. How come that Time>Effort, OUR time, and ideas? Eh?
Please just enlighten me and Elaborate the word "Advantage" on this one because I can't imagine that our effort and time will be gone for such a silly thing.
I just need a clearer explanation than saying we got a advantage. It can't be our fault because the host allowed us.
However, seeing how this has become rather complicated and out of hand, plus you guys seem to be really pissed about your small WIPs, I'll let you continue where you had stopped.
... can have up to 10000 characters. Slight crossing over the limits will be accepted.
Darkforge´s story |
I am in, also, i will sumit my lore immediatly
-Master?! are you alright?!-a unknow voice calls, and you open you eyes-were am I?- the people around you slighty get more visible, as the fog in your eyes dissipates, you don´t regonize any one, but you see people in armor and whit weapons that look quite stiff-soldiers-you think, you try too stand up and run but your head gets dizzy at the moment you try it-what should i do? you think
Chapter 1 elections:http://www.hiveworkshop.com/forums/members/paillan/#vmessage319736
Chapter 2 elections:
http://www.hiveworkshop.com/forums/members/paillan/#vmessage319739
that are the options. More too come.
This sounds more like a Dungeon and Dragon book.
Also you should change "Election" For choice maybe, also you need to spell check xD
On a side note the problem with this sort of entry although it is unique is that it becomes difficult to judge, as you do not have a proper 1 line or 2 line story. Instead you have a game which resembles something on the lines of Dungeons and Dragons without the dice.
If you want to continue this further I would suggest, at the end of the Game/ To set out a chosen path as an example then have this in one box.
I.E
You hear a call in the wilderness. --You decide to follow it--
Or in universal terms
Part 1 - C 1 -Part 2 -C2 Part 3 -C3
Where a part is the story and C is your decision.
However again this will be difficult for judges to give proper marks to. Especially on continuity.
Or you could use a variable code. So that they pick out a story before hand/a specific line like you have above but then show all the text in one partition at the end. Instead of separate parts.
(Var1)(Var2)(Var3)
=Story
While Selection is like the tree
Choice 1
Op 1
Op 2
Choice 2
Op 1
Op 2
Choice 3
Op 1
Op 2
Each choice and then option giving a different choice then option go with that choice
As if you had just Gone through the game but instead chunked the story at the end
Again this is not advisable as it is difficult to do and time consuming
Fun game though !!
Also looked other entries all good, some interesting ideas. I am looking forward to most of them!!
Also clarified a few things in the OP
Also in the morning going to ask an Arena mod about something !
Also also also -----
Da Fist your entry is fine characterjust slightly over so no worries. No one is gonna get mad I don't think.
On a side note you should think about rereading it and going through the piece. There are a few grammatical mistakes, such as a "Was" when it should of been a "Had"
Also the Eloquence of the piece could be improved. In some parts it felt a bit like a list, and the range of vocab was small; it was mostly made up of basic language
Okay so far though. Lots of room for improvement in further updates though
Later on it was better, however there were still phrases like "attached into my"
..... You can't attach something into something ._. - Onto maybe or embedded into maybe--
Also it needs to include a remote building for better clarification of the theme of the story. It seems the only mention of a building is the one he falls asleep in. With barely a sentence on the place. Or maybe i missed something.
Anywhere there is a to do / suggestion list for you!
Also the potato is missing its leprechaun
Also Pr0nogo in your comment about Mature cotent, but it this way- Vivid description of gore or horrible events are fine.
Such as a vivid description of a Zombie biting of the head of an innocent pedestrian, in the middle of New York, while the sun is shining and clowns are on the street.
However Violent Rape scenes in vivid detail are a no go.
Also what ever you do, this place is not for F""""" erotica novels >_>
For better clarification ask a mod.
To be honest Literature never has had and never will have age ratings. However there are some things people just don't want to be reading about here. We're not that kind of site.![]()
Hey, check my story its in the 1st page of thread! Will apreciate some criticism for improvements.![]()
My Comment : I recommend : A mysterious voice said " Beware! You are going to see horrible things, like my locker on 6th Grade! ".FinalMix said:... I heard a mysterious voice warning me and my friends...
My comment : Wut.FinalMix said:but me still unsure ...
My Comment : Dude, you can see the corpses, of course you will smell it! Tell the reader : They are appeared to be long dead, because their smell is far worse than my room.FinalMix said:... room is full of corpses and ( the ) stentch of corpses ...
My Comment : I think you have been already adviced about thisFinalMix said:... after 30 minutes ...
My Comment : Does This Look Good To You? No, of course it doesn't. Use small letters for common nouns, my friend.FinalMix said:... inside the Kitchen ...
My Comment : Use hid. That is not a word.FinalMix said:... We hided ...
That's not all, I can still point many grammar errors, but that is left for you to discover.
WIP stands for Works In Progress.
The story has a good insight, but you need to remove some unnecessary " ... "'s and use more scary adjectives like :
creepy , haunting, etc.
Some things to point out :
Do not let this negative review hinder your writing capabilities, instead, use it as a spring to motivate you even further to enhance your storytelling skills.
Piece of Boosting Advice :
When people throw negative things on you, use it as a positive boost to prove them wrong
-Da Fist-