Somebody tells you to kill yourself, What do you do???

[Herman]

Fairly recently, a bit of a pathetic friend of mine (well more of a kid I don't like saying I am friends with), told me his little sister told him to kill himself

He tells me he said "Ok I will!", and I said to myself "Uhhhh.... huh?"

I mean, that is a retarded comeback, but I really couldn't come up with a half-decent comeback that he should use

So I just said, "That was a dumb thing to say"

He says "Oh but thats what your supposed to say, if somebody tells you to kill yourself"

...the fuck?

Usually I would say something along the lines of "If that was me I'd just <insert intelligent response here>, not say something dumb like 'I'm gonna kill myself, waah!!' "
Heres my question:

"What do you do when a person tells you to kill yourself?"

 

[Hakeem]

"I tried but the anthrax letter never got back to me."

I could go on and on.

 

[Kuhneghetz]

I would say "No, but I wouldn't mind to kill you".

 

[Herman]

I would say "No, but I wouldn't mind to kill you".

I like that one, gotta say it holding an empty expression xD

 

[DarkIron Dwarf]

Hmmm Usally i am pretty tall compered to most people so i would just pick them up and throw them.

 

[Herman]

I don't know if I mentioned this fellah is a bit pathetic, I had heard recently he was quick at boxing, but he's maybe 60 pounds and about 6 inches less than I am (I'm about 6'1 + 190lbs.)[For all you metres people, DEAL! x)]

And, he was talking to his little sister, I don't know how his poor mother would react to her daughter flying

 

[Razorbrain]

"I will if you do it first"

its just classic

 

[Zombie]

that depends. If my friend tells me to kill myself, I tell him/her "Fuck you" (usually in a friendly way) . When one of my relative tells me I say, "Haha, very funny, screw you" (in a ruder way than I speak to my friends) When someone whom I don't know tells me to kill myself, either I ignore him/her or just say "Fuck you"

 

[Technomancer]

"I already did. Can't you tell?"

 

[GST_Nemisis]

the usual comeback in london would be "go die in a fire you prick" and its actually happens alot, usually followed by people starting fires.

 

[HeretoDLstuff]

If I keep looking at you, I will.

Acually, Ok I will isnt bad. They normaly can't say anything back. After that act really smug and stuck up. Then theres nothing to say back to you and It really annoys them.... With some things anyways, this might not be the best situation to use that tactic though.

My brother allways says things like "So what to you!" Really, reallllly smugly and waves me away, or says "Well so what" when it has NOTHING too do with the convorsation. He says it really smugly and makes a face that.. well.. looks like it needs too be flushed? (Luckly I dont ever do that..) It really annoys me and normaly isnt much to say back.

Another good thing is to mock what a terrible insult it is. It implys they are far to weak to do it themselves and they have no original insults on hand, and they were clearly bugged by you, (If you were trying?)

Ive never been told to go die, though. I generally dont have very many fights like that...

 

[Herman]

Yeah me neither, I'm pretty glad too, I would need a good comeback in my memory bank atm to not sound like a schmuck ><

I just remembered a few of the most simplistic and somewhat funny comebacks I used to use often

"Go kill yourself"
"Never."

"Go kill yourself"
"No, You do it"

Offtopic - a few comebacks/jokes I remembered I would say with my friends

Friend - "Yeah, well FUCK YOU!"
Me - "No." (Assertively, don't forget to stare them in the eyes)
Friend - "What am I supposed to say 'Yes??' "

In order to use any of those, you kinda require an expressionless face until you get the effect you were looking for

...and lastly the overall generic null all insults comeback
Friend - "<insert insult here>"
Me - "SHUT THE FUCK UP!!! I DON'T HEAR YOU TALK!!!" (Of course jokingly, but don't forget to be unnecessarily loud and angry, usually you will get a decent laugh)

 

[MySpaceBarBroke]

I have no experience on this topic, as I am usually the one saying the aforementioned phrase. However, if put in such a situation, I shall reply thusly so:

Why? Are you too pussy to do it yourself?

 

[~Void~]

Yeah, "fuck you" usually works for me.

 

[Herman]

Oo oo oo I got one

"Go kill yourself"
"Thats a retarded idea, and you should jump off a cliff for thinking up such a dumb idea"

 

[Hakeem]

So how many people just came up with these when they posted?

 

[MySpaceBarBroke]

So how many people just came up with these when they posted?

Just calculate the ratio of the amount that are unfunny to the total amount posted.

It's 1:1.

 

[Technomancer]

I improvise. One time someone told me to kill myself, in a sort of joking way, and I went "D'aaw." and tied an imaginary noose around my neck. And then they were like, "SHIT, DON'T DO IT MAN". Good times.

 

[SantaBla]

"Omfg! HOW DID YOU COME UP WITH SUCH A GOOD INSULT that doesn't give me any room for comebacks!!!!" (excited)
*Clap hands*

 

[HeretoDLstuff]

Yeah me neither, I'm pretty glad too, I would need a good comeback in my memory bank atm to not sound like a schmuck ><

I just remembered a few of the most simplistic and somewhat funny comebacks I used to use often

"Go kill yourself"
"Never."

"Go kill yourself"
"No, You do it"

Offtopic - a few comebacks/jokes I remembered I would say with my friends

Friend - "Yeah, well FUCK YOU!"
Me - "No." (Assertively, don't forget to stare them in the eyes)
Friend - "What am I supposed to say 'Yes??' "

In order to use any of those, you kinda require an expressionless face until you get the effect you were looking for

...and lastly the overall generic null all insults comeback
Friend - "<insert insult here>"
Me - "SHUT THE FUCK UP!!! I DON'T HEAR YOU TALK!!!" (Of course jokingly, but don't forget to be unnecessarily loud and angry, usually you will get a decent laugh)

Yeah, well im Mr. Goodie-goodie and dont use bad words.

 

[Daminon]

"Nope, I'm going to make pancakes to myself instead. "

 

[Teh_Ephy]

"I've actually been thinking about that a lot. Say... if you believe in reincarnation, is it suicide or rape? I'd really hate to be a rapist."

 

[Instant Ramen]

I would say, "Ok, I'll make the noose, you can test to see if it holds."

 

[Herman]

I would say, "Ok, I'll make the noose, you can test to see if it holds."

Haha, I like that one

"I've actually been thinking about that a lot. Say... if you believe in reincarnation, is it suicide or rape? I'd really hate to be a rapist."

Why would it something to do with rape???

 

[Voidwalker]

- Kill yourself!
- Why? You are the one with no life, freaking fag!

 

[VampireHeart]

Ladies first!

lol

 

[alfredx_sotn]

"Why don't you go fuck yourself instead?"

 

[Ham Ham]

I ask:

"Are you a retard or what?"

 

[Vegavak]

"Geez! You're acting like I just had sex with you!"

 

[MySpaceBarBroke]

Why would it something to do with rape???

Considering the concept of reincarnation, you would be forcing yourself to reproduce.

 

[GST_Nemisis]

"stop being lazy and do it yourself"

 

[Instant Ramen]

"Hey, go jump off that cliff, then tell me if it's high enough to kill yourself by falling."

 

[annoying]

"It doesn't work. I have no life to take."

 

[brad.dude03]

"I'm trying! I'm trying! I'm not very good at this kidn of shit. Now, i'll hold the rope up, and you slip your head inside, and then we'll trade places."

 

[Pitakebab]

I usually say something poor like "show me how to do it"...

 

[Steel_Stallion]

"I did... twice. AT THE SAME TIME!"

 

[Seiger]

"sorry, im not just some suicide bomber" thats what i would say

 

[X.e.r.e.X]

My answer would be: Naah

 

[TheNisse]

*laugh* "Idiot"

You don't need comebacks if you feel superior And have a superior personal character.

 

[brad.dude03]

Precisely. Or, in the case of TheNisse, if you just plain ARE superior

 

[Herman]

Lawl, yeah simply pretending a person means to you about as much as some guy clipping his nails in Ohio is often very effective

 

[Sansui]

I usually just pull out a knife and stab people when they say that but...
"I would but the last time I tried your mum wouldn't get off my cock long enough for me follow through with it."
or
"Why the hostility its not like I fucked your sister... oh right I did."

 

[Steel_Stallion]

Doesnt anyone just say "No" anymore. I'm laughing at peoples attempts at humour here. Myself included.

 

[X.e.r.e.X]

Well I said "Naah" so that's pretty close, right?

 

[NoNZealot]

" I'm too lazy to kill myself "
" I don't know Harakiri "
" Sorry but I'm the last person to suicide on this world "
" Me > you so you should die instead "
" Ignored "
" Well since your doctor said me to leave you alone and behave good to you, I'll just dont mind it. Since these may be your last days "
" Sorry, I dont know what you mean. Speak Spanish. "
" Nobody asked your cute opinions "
" I'm too young to die !!! "
" Well, if I kill myself, world will lose something. However if you were to kill yourself, world would lose nothing. "
" Death is only the beginning so no matter for me "
" Fine, I'll do it! "
Some sentences I thought.

 

[Herman]

Heh, I thought of a few

"Teach me Harikari"

Something I found is pretty much good for any insult

"Shutup Foo"

Another

"Shutup, you bum"

 

[HeretoDLstuff]

"Shutup Foo"

Another

"Shutup, you bum"

Too me, those are showing that your mad it the person. Thats what they wanted to happen, is you to get mad....

 

[Herman]

You gotta say it correctly

If you drag it out to like "Shhuut Upp!, You are a Bum!!1" WAHAHAHAHA

Then it is awful

If you say it quick, and with a little voice tone, it sounds great and is pretty funny

 

[ThePanda]

The answer

Ill pwn his ass russian way

 

[The_wand_mirror]

Yay! Violent russians >.>

Wtf is that for a question anyway? You should all just do it >.>