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I have a joke! Whats yours?

Discussion in 'Off-Topic' started by harper, Jan 29, 2005.

  1. harper

    harper

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    I post this topic coz i feel that there is a need for everyone to recollect themselves from the HOSTILITIES of the environments they are in & to lose focus on things that bothered them constantly so here are some of the sensible jokes/AD-LIBS i have:

    1.)
    Q: How would you describe a KISS, a CAR, and a MONKEY?
    A: A kiss is so dear, a car is to dear, and the monkey is YOU, DEAR!

    2.)Modern life is like MATHEMATICS. We try to ADD to our incomes, SUBTRACT from our weights, DIVIDE our times and avoid MULTIPLYING..

    3.) Just to make your day lighter...The girl who thinks no man is good enough for her may be RIGHT, but oftentimes, she is LEFT!

    4.)BEDTIME STORIES....
    Enchanted story: FAIRY TALE
    Traditional story: FOLK TALE
    The incredible: TALL TALE
    The cutest: MY TALE
    The longest: YOUR TAIL!

    5.) THE TALE OF THE 3 MONKEYS:
    1st monkey holds its eyes & cant see.
    2nd monkey holds its ears & cant hear.
    3rd monkey read THIS TOPIC & SMILES....Have a nice day!
     
  2. SeaGull1723

    SeaGull1723

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    Umm... they weren't that funny, harper.
     
  3. -Vindic@tor-

    -Vindic@tor-

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    ROFL... ok, no they aren't :?
     
  4. porndirector

    porndirector

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    LOL. ROFL. LMAO. LOL. man they were so fuunnnnyyyyyyy. NOT.
     
  5. lorothrigs

    lorothrigs

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    HERE

    A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have
    dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the
    girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would
    like to go out and make love for the first time.

    Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so
    he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. The
    pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy
    everything there is to know about condoms and sex.

    At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms
    he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy
    insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather
    busy, it being his first time and all.

    That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and
    meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to
    meet my parents, come on in!"

    The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the
    girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace
    and bows his head.

    A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his
    head down.

    10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.

    Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend
    leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you
    were this religious."

    The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was
    a pharmacist."

    Credit to www.funny.com
     
  6. harper

    harper

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    It's funny.
    The boy was so unfortunate.(laughter)
     
  7. lorothrigs

    lorothrigs

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    thx...i think
     
  8. Sir_Raziel

    Sir_Raziel

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    One day Mrs. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at the
    local church. "Reverend," she said, "I have a problem, my
    husband keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It's very
    embarrassing. What should I do?"

    "I have an idea," said the minister. "Take this hatpin with you.
    I will be able to tell when Mr. Jones is sleeping, and I will
    motion to you at specific times. When I motion, you give him a
    good poke in the leg."

    In church the following Sunday, Mr. Jones dozed off. Noticing
    this, the preacher put his plan to work. "And who made the
    ultimate sacrifice for you?" he said, nodding to Mrs. Jones.

    "Jesus!", Jones cried as his wife jabbed him the leg with the
    hatpin.

    "Yes, you are right, Mr. Jones," said the minister. Soon, Mr.
    Jones nodded off again. Again, the minister noticed. "Who is
    your redeemer?" he asked the congregation, motioning towards
    Mrs. Jones.

    "God!" Mr. Jones cried out as he was stuck again with the hatpin.

    "Right again," said the minister, smiling. Before long, Mr.
    Jones again winked off. However, this time the minister did not
    notice. As he picked up the tempo of his sermon, he made a few
    motions that Mrs. Jones mistook as signals to bayonet her
    husband with the hatpin again.

    The minister asked, "And what did Eve say to Adam after she bore
    him his 99th son?"

    Mrs. Jones poked her husband, who yelled, "You stick that
    goddamned thing in me one more time and I'll break it in half
    and shove it up your ass!"

    "Amen," replied the congregation.

    -------------------
    What does a rooster say?
    Cock-A-Doodle-Do
    What does a retarded rooster say?
    Doodle-doodle-cock
    What does a gay rooster say?
    Any-Cock-Will-Do
     
  9. lorothrigs

    lorothrigs

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    lol u got that one from funny.com too
     
  10. Eusira

    Eusira

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    That was a funny one Raziel.
     
  11. Joey.

    Joey.

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    :D
    Wish I had a joke... Wish I was funny...
    I feel so left out...
    -.-
    Oh, here, I got one!

    One day Mrs. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at the
    local church. "Reverend," she said, "I have a problem, my
    husband keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It's very
    embarrassing. What should I do?"

    "I have an idea," said the minister. "Take this hatpin with you.
    I will be able to tell when Mr. Jones is sleeping, and I will
    motion to you at specific times. When I motion, you give him a
    good poke in the leg."

    In church the following Sunday, Mr. Jones dozed off. Noticing
    this, the preacher put his plan to work. "And who made the
    ultimate sacrifice for you?" he said, nodding to Mrs. Jones.

    "Jesus!", Jones cried as his wife jabbed him the leg with the
    hatpin.

    "Yes, you are right, Mr. Jones," said the minister. Soon, Mr.
    Jones nodded off again. Again, the minister noticed. "Who is
    your redeemer?" he asked the congregation, motioning towards
    Mrs. Jones.

    "God!" Mr. Jones cried out as he was stuck again with the hatpin.

    "Right again," said the minister, smiling. Before long, Mr.
    Jones again winked off. However, this time the minister did not
    notice. As he picked up the tempo of his sermon, he made a few
    motions that Mrs. Jones mistook as signals to bayonet her
    husband with the hatpin again.

    The minister asked, "And what did Eve say to Adam after she bore
    him his 99th son?"

    Mrs. Jones poked her husband, who yelled, "You stick that
    goddamned thing in me one more time and I'll break it in half
    and shove it up your ass!"

    "Amen," replied the congregation.

    I'm hillarious. :D
     
  12. SeaGull1723

    SeaGull1723

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    Yes, we understand you. But keep your jokes clean. Before then a topic like this got locked.
     
  13. harper

    harper

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    Indeed, very funny guys!(laughter)

    there's more:
    ---------
    Studies show 1 out of 4 people have psycho problem. Check out 3 of ur friends. If they are OK, isnt' it time for you to see a psychiatrist? Just a friendly advice....
    ---------
    TYPES OF CARS.....
    1. Straight from factory: BRAND NEW
    2. Slightly used: ALMOST NEW
    3. Remanufactured: LIKE NEW
    4. For Overhauling: LIKE YOU!
    ---------
    FROG: why don't you kiss me? I am really a BEAUTIFUL PRINCESS....

    OLD MAN: You see, I'm already 75. I'll be better off w/ a TALKING FROG...
    ---------
    WARNING 1: Children playing outside the car can cause accident to adults!
    WARNING 2: Adults playing inside the car can cause children...by accident!
    ---------
    Couple sees a man passionately kissing a beautiful woman in a park.
    WIFE: Why dont you do that, too?
    HUSBAND: Sorry, BUT I DONT KNOW THAT WOMAN!
    ----------
    FOR GOOD HEALTH, limit sex only on days that start with letter T: Tuesday, Thursday, Today & Tomorrow, including Taturday & Tunday & especially...TONIGHT!
    ----------
    STAGES OF BALDNESS:
    At 20: "Preview"
    At 30: "Coming Soon"
    At 40: "Now Showing"
    At 50: "Last Day Show"
    At 60: "Gone with the Wind"

    _______
    Have a nice day to everyone!
     
  14. lorothrigs

    lorothrigs

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    agaian....not funny :shock: :evil:
     
  15. Eusira

    Eusira

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    Only two of them were funny. The first one and that one about the couple and the park. I have 3 close friends, and they are okay. I'm the one with mild depression