The Kausaks

[I)eadnerzhul]

Well, I have fixed my computer for now, and I think it's time I get down to my bus-"e"-ness. I am a skilled writer, and I feel inspired to type up a story.

Ivan shivered in his warm wool coat. He took a deep breath and looked ahead. Infront of him was a frozen wasteland, dotted with small tents and huts and people, scurrying to and fro, fearful of Ivan's arrival. Behind him was a battalion of similarly dressed musket-men, waiting patiently for his orders. Dangling on his side was a small hand-axe that he put his hand to. The men became alert and raised there muskets to the air as the men shouted to ready themselves. Ivan raised his axe and the battalion let loose a volley of musket-fire, which decimated a wave of people. The people gathered arms and charged Ivan and his men. They held large halberds and loose fur clothing that hardly covered them. The battalion reloaded quickly, but halted as Ivan raised his hand. One of the people stepped forward, with a grave face and a well-built body.
He is a fool if he thinks he and his barbaric people could deal with the Kausaks, Ivan says to himself.
The Kausaks were people native to the Northern lands. They were strong, intelligent, and resourceful huntsmen. Ivan was one of the many battalion-leaders, each of which were the best-of-the-best. He and his men came to a renegade camp to chase them off, for only "true men" could handle the harsh cold. The renegade that stepped forth began to speak with Ivan.
"What do you want with us!?" he asked in a demanding voice. "You come here with your rifles and attack civilians! You lack proper honor for such a well established group! What is your business here, skipping around in your fur caps in barbarian territory!?"
Ivan paused a second as if to consider the man's words, but was not persuaded to leave. "Barbarian territory? Your encampment is on Kausakian territory! And only the Kausaks could handle the North! Her glaciers and ice-lands are ours, and ours only!"
"Could you not leave us be? If you wish to do battle, atleast have a reason!"
Ivan laughed at the question. "Reason? You mean you want a 'reason' for intruding? Very well." Ivan put his arm around the man's shoulder and pointed towards the cloudy sky and the dark horizon. "Do you see that?"
The man replied hesitantly. "Y-... Yes."
"Do you know why the sky is like that?"
"No."
"It is because of something.. mysterious. A large citadel, made of ice stronger than any metal, rests at the roof of the world. This citadel is the resting place of an entity so powerful.. that even the sky fears it. That is why the sky left and this.. shroud of darkness took it's place."
"You are a fool if I've ever seen one in me' life!"
"You will learn to talk to me with respect! I am Ivan Amiromov, leader of the 'Strelets', one of the Tzar's best riflemen battalions!"
There was a long pause, and then the barbarian spoke.
The man shook his head. "Is this.. 'entity' is so dangerous?"
"Do I look like I'm lieing to you!?" he asked, with a serious face.
"How much do you know about this 'entity', eh?"
Ivan shrugged. "We know only so much about it.. but it is the mystery that scares us."
"My men and I have an insatiable blood-lust. We would be more than happy to join you in your conquest."
Ivan considered the idea, then spoke. "Conquest? Perhaps.. but my superiors may have other thoughts. Ready your people, we will cross the icy tundra and journey to Islov', our stronghold."
"Ou' got it! Lads, pack it up! We' goin' on a trip!"
The barbarians packed their tents, grabbed their warmest clothing and strongest steel, and met with Ivan and the battalion.
"Forward! It is a long trek to the stronghold, so we must make haste!"

Chapter 2: Journey to Islov'.
Ivan, his battalion, and the barbaric nomads were making horrible progress. Night was falling, a snow-storm was approaching, and they needed to hurry. But it would be hard, for the ice was very slippery, which would force them to walk slowly and carefully.
"This snow is bothersome and will encumber us on our journey," complained one of the men.
"Do not be a fool! The wilderness is our home! We will tackle the snow, head-on. We will show the sky we are not afraid of tiny white puffs of ice and water, and show our kinsmen that we are the greatest of ALL Kausaks!"
And so, at Ivan's command, the battalion and nomads kept moving forwards, ever-closer to Islov', the Kausaks' mighty fortress.
The large group eventually made it to the immense mountain range, which was the only way to get to Islov'. Ivan ordered the people to setup camp in one of the caves, because there were strange beasts in the night, and one could never be too careful.
"Ten men will stand guard and switch off every other hour," he ordered. "In the morning, we will continue our journey. It is too dangerous to travel at night."
Midnight. The guardsmen felt chills run down their spines, and had worried looks on their faces.
"I have many worries, Borris," said one to another. "I could have sworn I heard something out there."
"What?! Are you crazy!? You must be drinking too much, Stephen," replied the other.
Stephen's worries were of real things. There are many dangers in the North, and rumor has it they come from the Icy Citadel. The rest of the night went by slowly. It felt like a century by the time morning came and the snow had passed. But several men had reported sightings of different strange creatures and wolf howls in the early morn'.
"Rubbish," chuckled Ivan. "Are you Kausaks, or are you CHILDREN?!"
The men did not reply, and gathered their belongings (which were scarce, since they could only carry one leather canteen and a few peices of bread to eat) and lined up. Once the battalion was in perfect ranks, the party began to move again.
Growls came from behind them, but when someone looked back to check what it was, there was nothing in sight. Fear spread around the party like wildfire. Even Ivan had a bit of doubt in his mind. He knew there was something out there... waiting ever so patiently for the moment to strike. His suspicions were correct, and the attack began with a nomad being ripped to peices.
"GAAAHAAA!" he roared before he was devoured by what appeared to be a large black wolf, but it stood on only two paws and had very humanoid-like features. It growled menacingly, even louder then Ivan when he shouted the order to fire.
"LOAD YOUR WEAPONS! SHOOT IT! KILL IT! MAKE SURE IT DOES NOT ATTACK THE NOMADS!"
The men fired, but most of their shots had missed. The beast's agility proved overwhelming. One by one, the party was massacred, until it was only the nomad's Chieftain, Ivan, and a few Kausaks left. The beast had spotted Ivan, and charged at him with full force. But Ivan was no normal man, he was a Kausak. And he was no normal Kausak, either. He possessed skills no one could ever dream of. Ivan rolled on his back and the beast leaped over him, missing Ivan completely. The Kausak loaded his rifle and fired, penetrating the beast's back, and making him kneel as a dark purple blood as evil as the sky dripped down it's chest, which the beast gripped in agony. It howled, and then plopped to the ground, dead.
Ivan stared in awe, fear, and astonishment, at how great of a foe it was, and began to ponder on where it came from.
I think one of our greatest battles is yet to begin, he thought.

Chapter 3: Me sem' Gatov! (We're all ready!)

It was early the next morning that Ivan and the survivors made it to the mighty wooden fortress of Islov. They had taken the precaution of speaking to the Tzar, Almanov.
"The battalion was slaughtered by... a WOLF? On two paws?"
"Da'(yes)," replied Ivan, who knelt in respect.
"If a group of Kausaks were defeated by a SINGLE wolf, there is a terrible danger amongst us," said Almanov with a chuckle. He did not believe Ivan's tale at all. But it was the barbarian's chieftain that changed his mind.
"Ye' be'er' listen ta' me an' ye' be'er' listen good. There are many a dangerous foe out there. M'folks' had ran into them a few times. They are huge Wolves that are very fast and very deadly, even for us barbarians. So ye' better get yer' men ready for a fight, cause' when they howl, they attract more o' the buggers!"
Fear gripped Almanov's heart, and he made his decision.
"Alright, sound the alarm! I want men lined up at their posts, spotters at the watchtowers! Get every able-bodied man armed and ready for an imminent fight! Create a barricade at the main gate! No one goes in or out!"
"Budet' z'dellina' (it will be done)!"
Ivan ran around the fort, checking the houses for men and boys that could fire a rifle and wield an axe. Barricades were setup by some of the other Kausaks, and spotters waited patiently at their towers.
"All men strong enough, willing enough, and experienced enough must fight to protect their home!" he shouted anxiously.
It took all night for the men to be ready, due to several complications (including some mothers and wives not wanting their loved ones to fight). But by midnight, they were ready. The men stood stiffly, patiently, proudly, and bravely. There are no cowards in the Kausakian army.
"Me' sem' gatov (we are all ready)!" they chanted, on and on. The battalions' morale skyrocketed. No one had ever taken their mighty Islov, and today would be no exception!
Midnight. The chanting did not stop, and when spotters reported a single wolf standing before the tower on his two paws, the men just cheered and taunted it. But when he howled and more joined them, they just laughed. Then the battle of Islov' began. Men aimed their rifles and fired, but to no avail. Just as last time, the agility of the wolves overwhelmed them. But the Kausaks were more then prepared. Cannons were mounted on the walls, and were being loaded. Before the wolves reached the gates, they fired them all, one by one. Just as the cannons discharged, a few wolves were flung up into the snowy air. But could they have enough cannon-fire for all of them?
The waves were unending, but they eventually grew slower and slower. Before dawn had risen, the wolves stopped coming. The Kausaks had won! But their victory was short lived, as a dark figure riding a horse as black as the sky rode forwards. He wore large iron platemail, and had a long blade that was made of... ice! Spikes had penetrated his helm, as if it was made for a king. A long cloak trailed him as he came up to the gates.
"You think that was it!?" he hissed, in a voice that chilled the air. "Oh no, the battle has just begun! My werewolves were just the begining... soon, your whole nation will be destroyed, and no one will stop me from my dominion over this land! "
Just as it was about to turn and leave, Ivan fired his rifle, right at the being's helm, were part of his shrouded face was exposed. He hit it, dead on the mark, and it hissed at him. The being rose his blade and the wolves that had been decimated by cannon-fire rose from the ground... the horseman was right, the battle HAS just begun.
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Third chapter, cause' brad likes it so much! And because I'm bored with nothing else to do... well I could roleplay, but I'm not in the mood. I took the concept of the horseman from the way the Witch King of Angmar was portrayed in Battle for Middle Earth 2: Rise of the Witch King. Rate and review, as before!

 

[brad.dude03]

Excellent stuff. It's about time we had someone around here who could write properly and, not only that, but skillfully!

Do continue.

 

[anetherond]

Well written story! It dosen't matter really, but one thing I did not understand: is this related to Warcraft or not?
And brad, should I take this as an insult or as severe criticism?

 

[brad.dude03]

Take it constructively. We do have a few writers (yourself included) that are fairly capable, but if you match your writing next to this, it doesn't really compare. Take it to heart, and use it to improve

 

[I)eadnerzhul]

Thanks. ALOT. I mean, I knew I was good at writing. But I never would have guessed to get props for my FIRST story I've ever submitted (not that I never wrote a story in my whole life, before). And to answer your question, this has NOTHING to do with Warcraft what-so-ever. Oh, and sorry about not responding. I'm a very big roleplayer on Warcrat n'stuff, so yeah.

I took alot of inspiration from the Russians in the movie "the Golden Compass". You know, those guys who spoke in a wierd language? It was Russian, and I felt inspired, having a Russian heritage and all. Oh, and I chose the name "Kausaks" because it has a similar sound to "Cossacks", the Russian folks from... Russia? (I'm not that big on Russian history, was born ere' in the States). But thanks again. I'll try to continue, like I said, when I get more inspiration.

 

[brad.dude03]

The Golden Compass is an excellent series of books, and in fact the Tartars are based on the Mongols that often invaded Russia throughout history.

Being of Lithuanian descent, I know a few things about Russia. I hope you continue writing, you have the ability for it. Chapter 2 was as great as chapter 1, and I expect 3 to continue to uphold such standards!

 

[I)eadnerzhul]

The Golden Compass is an excellent series of books, and in fact the Tartars are based on the Mongols that often invaded Russia throughout history.

Being of Lithuanian descent, I know a few things about Russia. I hope you continue writing, you have the ability for it. Chapter 2 was as great as chapter 1, and I expect 3 to continue to uphold such standards!

I didn't read the books, unfortunately. I only saw the movie. But I do recall that the Russian-looking men with the muskets and the wolves SPOKE Russian. And thank you for your compliment on my writing ability. You know something? I hate writing about Warcraft. I dislike the story and lore behind it. It's just so... so... weird... I mean, take the Night Elf lore for example. Do you know how Cenarius came into being? You know, the half night elf, half stag? He was the bastard offspring of-get this-Elune, the night elf, and a STAG. A STAG. Does that sound normal to you? I read it on the world of warcraft website.

 

[brad.dude03]

The WC3 lore is certainly strange, but it has much depth and has been quite fleshed out. Were not for WoW, the lore would be a much celebrated thing, with no retcons or inconsistancies.

Regardless, the Armoured Bears of Svalbard are the real Russians in the Golden Compass, while the Tartars are supposed to be Mongols. You are right though, in the movie, the Tartars are indeed Russian.

 

[I)eadnerzhul]

The WC3 lore is certainly strange, but it has much depth and has been quite fleshed out. Were not for WoW, the lore would be a much celebrated thing, with no retcons or inconsistancies.

Regardless, the Armoured Bears of Svalbard are the real Russians in the Golden Compass, while the Tartars are supposed to be Mongols. You are right though, in the movie, the Tartars are indeed Russian.

Speaking of World of Warcraft, I have lost interest in the game a long time ago. I will always prefer the world of Middle-Earth over World of Warcraft; of that I am certain. Tolkien has a way with writing that's so... so... different. Lord of the Rings is alot grittier and has a darker tone than Warcraft's cartoonish style (both in the games and in parts of the lore). I think Tolkien, being one of my favorite writers, was the platform for all other fantasy universes. He was the "springboard", if you will. The "launch-pad" of the rocket that will take you to fantasyland. If you understand my metaphorical riddle. World of Warcraft for me was the best only when I just started to play. Afterwards, it just got soooooo boring, and it was hard for me to find a good character to develop. In the end, it failed to do for me what it did to so many other people (including getting me addicted, but that's something else). Warcraft itself was the same thing. Now that it's not "new" and "exhilirating" as it was when I began, it's not as good. But Tolkien's novels are so in-depth and detailed that, as my teacher puts it, "You don't READ it. You LEARN it." Not that it's a problem, but I never get tired of watching the movies or re-reading the books (which is impossible, I'm still reading them).

 

[The_wand_mirror]

dark purple blood as evil as the sky dripped down it's chest, which the beast gripped in agony.

I don't get that, is the sky evil?

 

[I)eadnerzhul]

I don't get that, is the sky evil?

"It is because of something.. mysterious. A large citadel, made of ice stronger than any metal, rests at the roof of the world. This citadel is the resting place of an entity so powerful.. that even the sky fears it. That is why the sky left and this.. shroud of darkness took it's place."

It's metaphorical, but true at the same time. The sky is not visible near the Citadel, because of an entity living there. AND, the "sky" I'm reffering to is the dark mass that took it's place.

 

[brad.dude03]

Speaking of World of Warcraft, I have lost interest in the game a long time ago. I will always prefer the world of Middle-Earth over World of Warcraft; of that I am certain. Tolkien has a way with writing that's so... so... different. Lord of the Rings is alot grittier and has a darker tone than Warcraft's cartoonish style (both in the games and in parts of the lore). I think Tolkien, being one of my favorite writers, was the platform for all other fantasy universes. He was the "springboard", if you will. The "launch-pad" of the rocket that will take you to fantasyland. If you understand my metaphorical riddle. World of Warcraft for me was the best only when I just started to play. Afterwards, it just got soooooo boring, and it was hard for me to find a good character to develop. In the end, it failed to do for me what it did to so many other people (including getting me addicted, but that's something else). Warcraft itself was the same thing. Now that it's not "new" and "exhilirating" as it was when I began, it's not as good. But Tolkien's novels are so in-depth and detailed that, as my teacher puts it, "You don't READ it. You LEARN it." Not that it's a problem, but I never get tired of watching the movies or re-reading the books (which is impossible, I'm still reading them).

Warcraft Lore is really quite similar to Tolkien's, since i'm sure much of it was based off of it. Tolkien did not set out to write a book. He set out to create a mythology for Britain, since they had no such thing at the time. He gave them a creation story, stories of the first men, the fall of man, the resistance of man, and its eventual rebirth into splendour and hope.

It has all the details of a creation story, and when creating something as in-depth as an entire world itself, none must be spared.

Warcraft Lore, if you really delve into it, works much the same way. It's so expanded now that it's entire history, from the beginning of time to the days of WoW, are covered in great depth. Every character, every creature, every living thing, and many non-living, have backstories in the lore.

If it weren't for the retcons, WC lore would be bliss. The graphics may be cartoony, but the story behind them certainly is not.

 

[I)eadnerzhul]

Warcraft Lore is really quite similar to Tolkien's, since i'm sure much of it was based off of it. Tolkien did not set out to write a book. He set out to create a mythology for Britain, since they had no such thing at the time. He gave them a creation story, stories of the first men, the fall of man, the resistance of man, and its eventual rebirth into splendour and hope.

It has all the details of a creation story, and when creating something as in-depth as an entire world itself, none must be spared.

Warcraft Lore, if you really delve into it, works much the same way. It's so expanded now that it's entire history, from the beginning of time to the days of WoW, are covered in great depth. Every character, every creature, every living thing, and many non-living, have backstories in the lore.

If it weren't for the retcons, WC lore would be bliss. The graphics may be cartoony, but the story behind them certainly is not.

I researched Tolkien beforehand and found out that he indeed DID set out to make mythology for Britain. I didn't believe it until you confirmed it to me, so to that I thank you. On the terms of Warcraft's lore, I disagree. I believe that the Lord of the Rings has a lot darker of a tone. If you think about it, you know that it is absolutely true. Playing through the Warcraft 3 campaign and reading the Lord of the Rings books were very different (other than the fact that one is a game and one is a book). The battles in Warcraft are small-scale. Even in canon, there are never many cataclysmic battles in Warcraft's lore. In each three books, there were such things. I do think you know that the Fellowship journeyed through Moria and faced a demon, taller than perhaps Archimonde. A wizard, a plain wizard, faced him head on. If you think about it, it took alot of wisps to kill Archimonde, as opposed to Gandalf taking a Balrog one on one, mono-a-mono. In the Two Towers, a small group of defenders and militia, coupled by Elven Archers led by Haldir, fend off an invasion of super-ultra Warcraft-Orc butt-kicking Uruk Hai. In the Return of the King, an even SMALLER group of defenders fend off an invasion led by the Witch King of Angmar. Oh yeah, and some giant Mulmakil and Haradrim and perhaps even the Easterlings. Side-by-side Warcraft's lore, there are far more major and perhaps even more cataclysmic battles and fiercer creatures in Lord of the Rings.

 

[brad.dude03]

Well, Warcraft's lore is based around the games, and up until recently, large scale battles just weren't possible. Since Archimonde was the size of the World Tree, if i'm correct (or at least large enough to scale it in no time) then he is certainly far bigger than a balrog, which, while large, is nowhere near that scale.

You also must take into account that Gandalf is not just a "mere wizard" he is a demigod. A demigod. Generally demigods can do things that other people can't, and since there are only 5 Wizards in all of Middle Earth, their powers are naturally extraordinary. You can't really make the comparison, because the characters in Warcraft juust don't have access to the magic ability that Gandalf did, furthermore, Archimonde is a demonic being of immense strength. We're talking about one of the most powerful beings in the entire warcraft universe here. A balrog, on the other hand, while powerful, is still only minor in comparison, and you'll also note that Gandalf did not kill him with his magical abilities (thus power really has nothing to do with this), but with his sword. You may be able to kill a Balrog with a sword, but Archimonde isn't that easy.

The only reason the Uruk Hai are better than normal orcs is because they are mixed bloods of man and orc, thus making a half-human-half-orc superbreed. Mordor orcs, if you recall, are bow-legged and spindly, and pale in comparison to the Warcraft orcs.

In the Battle of Helms Deep, the defenders were so enormously overwhelmed it's not even funny. They were merely trying to hold them off and survive while Gandalf returned with the remains of the Westfold army and a whole forest full of Huorns, who naturally leave none alive.

I assure you that when the Witch King attacks Minas Tirith, there is a far greater number of soldiers, as all of the armies of Gondor and Rohan are present. Plus, it is really Gandalf who fights the Witch King, leaving him out of the action.

You have to keep in mind that the quality of a lore is not derived from the number of battles, but rather from the details, the stories, and the interlocking pieces that hold the whole greater canvas together. Considering that each lore was designed for different mediums, one of them was imposed with limitations. In the Warcraft Lore, they could only really do things that could be shown in a video game, meaning that quarter million-soldier armies clashing over a 10 mile plain is just not possible. With Tolkien, the only limit is the imagination of the reader, he could have armies of 40 million fighting across an entire coast if he so pleased, because all he needs to have is the reader imagine it while reading.

I would not say that there are any fiercer creatures in Lord of the Rings either. In fact, from the creatures we see in LOTR, none are particularly extraordinary, while Warcraft has all sorts of different creatures with amazing different abilities, furbolgs, kobolds, treants, undead, etc, while LOTR only really has the standards: worgs, mumakil (which were really the only innovation in this department), flying beast riders, etc. If you step back in look, you'll see that the Warcraft beastiary is far larger, at least those we see in the medium anyway.

 

[I)eadnerzhul]

Well, Warcraft's lore is based around the games, and up until recently, large scale battles just weren't possible. Since Archimonde was the size of the World Tree, if i'm correct (or at least large enough to scale it in no time) then he is certainly far bigger than a balrog, which, while large, is nowhere near that scale.

You also must take into account that Gandalf is not just a "mere wizard" he is a demigod. A demigod. Generally demigods can do things that other people can't, and since there are only 5 Wizards in all of Middle Earth, their powers are naturally extraordinary. You can't really make the comparison, because the characters in Warcraft juust don't have access to the magic ability that Gandalf did, furthermore, Archimonde is a demonic being of immense strength. We're talking about one of the most powerful beings in the entire warcraft universe here. A balrog, on the other hand, while powerful, is still only minor in comparison, and you'll also note that Gandalf did not kill him with his magical abilities (thus power really has nothing to do with this), but with his sword. You may be able to kill a Balrog with a sword, but Archimonde isn't that easy.

The only reason the Uruk Hai are better than normal orcs is because they are mixed bloods of man and orc, thus making a half-human-half-orc superbreed. Mordor orcs, if you recall, are bow-legged and spindly, and pale in comparison to the Warcraft orcs.

In the Battle of Helms Deep, the defenders were so enormously overwhelmed it's not even funny. They were merely trying to hold them off and survive while Gandalf returned with the remains of the Westfold army and a whole forest full of Huorns, who naturally leave none alive.

I assure you that when the Witch King attacks Minas Tirith, there is a far greater number of soldiers, as all of the armies of Gondor and Rohan are present. Plus, it is really Gandalf who fights the Witch King, leaving him out of the action.

You have to keep in mind that the quality of a lore is not derived from the number of battles, but rather from the details, the stories, and the interlocking pieces that hold the whole greater canvas together. Considering that each lore was designed for different mediums, one of them was imposed with limitations. In the Warcraft Lore, they could only really do things that could be shown in a video game, meaning that quarter million-soldier armies clashing over a 10 mile plain is just not possible. With Tolkien, the only limit is the imagination of the reader, he could have armies of 40 million fighting across an entire coast if he so pleased, because all he needs to have is the reader imagine it while reading.

I would not say that there are any fiercer creatures in Lord of the Rings either. In fact, from the creatures we see in LOTR, none are particularly extraordinary, while Warcraft has all sorts of different creatures with amazing different abilities, furbolgs, kobolds, treants, undead, etc, while LOTR only really has the standards: worgs, mumakil (which were really the only innovation in this department), flying beast riders, etc. If you step back in look, you'll see that the Warcraft beastiary is far larger, at least those we see in the medium anyway.

You have a point. Maybe I did not research Warcraft as thoroughly. Although, it is possible to portray Tolkien's battles in a video game. Get Battle for Middle Earth 1 or 2, play the computer on the hardest difficulty. You get literally hundreds of units duking it out. You are absolutely correct on the matter, perhaps it's just that I like Tolkien alot better than Blizzard. Warcraft's got a great storyline and tons of great lore, but Tolkien just really blows it away.

Now that we got that out of the way, would you like to tell me how I could improve my story? I want your full opinion. Seriously. Pros and Cons are important to a writer, especially myself. Half the stories I write I trash later. I want to know if a reader likes what I write before continuing. It's a neccesity.

 

[brad.dude03]

BFME isn't quite the way it seems, since they cheat: By having 4 units in a group as one selectable unit, it gives the illusion that you are having a much larger scale fight than you actually are. If you think there are 500 units on the field, divide that by 4 and there are only 125

Now, on to the story. I think you know the pro's, it's well written, descriptive, etc, the con's: the dialogue is a little cheesy at some points, meaning that it is out of character and sounds more like what the reader would want to hear than what the character would actually say. That's something critical to keep in mind, you don't always please the reader, part of the captivation of the story is the reader seeing things go exactly the wrong way they should, sucking them in to see if things will be righted by the end, and at what cost. So, just because the reader would prefer a character to act a certain way (or you think they woyld) doesn't mean that you should write them that way. Select exactly the personality that you intend to bless a character with, and stick to it.

That's about it, good luck.

 

[I)eadnerzhul]

BFME isn't quite the way it seems, since they cheat: By having 4 units in a group as one selectable unit, it gives the illusion that you are having a much larger scale fight than you actually are. If you think there are 500 units on the field, divide that by 4 and there are only 125

Now, on to the story. I think you know the pro's, it's well written, descriptive, etc, the con's: the dialogue is a little cheesy at some points, meaning that it is out of character and sounds more like what the reader would want to hear than what the character would actually say. That's something critical to keep in mind, you don't always please the reader, part of the captivation of the story is the reader seeing things go exactly the wrong way they should, sucking them in to see if things will be righted by the end, and at what cost. So, just because the reader would prefer a character to act a certain way (or you think they woyld) doesn't mean that you should write them that way. Select exactly the personality that you intend to bless a character with, and stick to it.

That's about it, good luck.

Thank you for your words of wisdom, brad.dude. I think I might revise the story a little bit and give the characters "personalities", as you have said I should. Not that I didn't know what character personalities were, of course. I roleplay alot, and personalities make up a very important part of any character. I tried to give the Kausaks sort of the "eager-to-fight" kind of feeling. They strive for combat. It's their "specialty". I know what you mean about the dialogue, though. I made them sound a little too plain and too "good", as opposed to war-like and aggressive.

Aight', I fixed it up. Tell me your thoughts and opinions after you take a look at the handiwork I did to the dialogue! Note: some of the dialogue I kept, including the one in the end said by the man in platemail, just so that it makes sense.

 

[brad.dude03]

A few more things:

1) Some of the dialogue had me smiling along with it as I read it. This is good.

2) A few corrections: "lieing" is actually "lying" and for a pause it is three dots rather than 2... like that.

3) The only other thing you have to watch is changing the tense. If you look through your story you'll notice that you slip a lot between past and present tense. Determine which you would like to use and then change everything to fit with it.

Hope this helps.

 

[I)eadnerzhul]

A few more things:

1) Some of the dialogue had me smiling along with it as I read it. This is good.

2) A few corrections: "lieing" is actually "lying" and for a pause it is three dots rather than 2... like that.

3) The only other thing you have to watch is changing the tense. If you look through your story you'll notice that you slip a lot between past and present tense. Determine which you would like to use and then change everything to fit with it.

Hope this helps.

I thought it was "lieing" because I thought "lying" was the base of "laying". The pause thing I already knew, probably forgot a few times. Simple typo, I'll look into it. #3 was one of my biggest problems. I mean, I'm only in elementary school, and even though I have a capacity for writing, I need to sort of "tune" it. Consider the Kausaks as one of my "practice" stories I write for fun. If I'm lucky, I might expand the chapters or revise them to mesh together into one big one (in addition to adding more big chapters), since I understand big stories are a lot more interesting than not.

Back to the point of Warcaft. I still LOVE Warcraft. One of my favorite games. The story is a little strange for me though, and I stick with that opinion. In addition to this, I find the races a little odd. The only "normal" Tolkien-like elves were High Elves, but were turned into these weird short abominations that could rival even the Night Elves' creepiness! The Orcs are not barbaric or warlike anymore (the biggest ones, that is). They are actually smart, have no bad-### leader pushing them around, and are a lot less... I wouldn't say "brave", because that's an understatement... but they're not tough-as-nails. They don't have an insatiable bloodlust like Da' WAAAAGH! (Warhammer Orks) or some of their cousin Orcs and Uruk Hai.

By the way, I didn't read all of the books yet. I'm still on the first one, I'm reading the chapter "In the House of Tom Bombadil". So any details you mentioned I wouldn't know, all I know beyond what I read is from the movies.

Well, I think I might take a break from writing. It's a fast today for my people and I, and fasts are annoying. So I'll probably either play normal warcraft for a change as opposed to custom, play Dawn of Chaos, the Warcraft I in 3D mod, OR play Battle For Middle Earth. By the way, BFME DOES have alot of units per battalion. Try to count them. I got the anthology, but only installed 2, so I don't know anything about the prequel. Check em' out yer'self!

 

[The_wand_mirror]

Consider the Kausaks as one of my "practice" stories I write for fun.

So if you would do this for work you wouldn't write it for fun? I mean, isn't it fun to do whatever you want? I mean.. you have the characters and they're personalities but you can always make them change and twist things so the reader wouldn't expect anything like that. Anyways writing should be fun =p

 

[I)eadnerzhul]

So if you would do this for work you wouldn't write it for fun? I mean, isn't it fun to do whatever you want? I mean.. you have the characters and they're personalities but you can always make them change and twist things so the reader wouldn't expect anything like that. Anyways writing should be fun =p

That doesn't make too much sense to me... I like to write, but I also like to practice writing. But I don't get your point. Think about what you want to say before you actually say it.

 

[PainMoth]

I presume he's trying to state that if this story was NOT a practice story, that you wouldn't have any fun scribing it. I think he misinterpreted you explanation.

 

[I)eadnerzhul]

I like to write, practice or for something important. It's just very hard to come up with long-lasting stories, especially for me. I've had a lot... A LOT of tries at writing a good story that wasn't copyrighting, and I think this is the best one I did.

 

[PainMoth]

It's not so hard to come up with long lasting stories. Just focus on one ideology. After you come up with an idea, expand the possibilities in a manner that would make sense with your specified ideology.

In other words, just pick something you like or a specific timeline, understand the possibilities of the timeline, and just incorperate creative ideas.

An example is my Feremuntrus's Destiny, renamed as the "Dusk of Betrayal" (Thank you brad for that). I took some WC3 lore I understand and added characters with their own individual personalities. I have a great storyline for the Dusk of Dawn in a way people would not guess to predict so just keep in mind to Brainstorm a very mysterious plotline that the reader can't possibily predict.

This may include as well using secretive forms of foreshadow to make them think something else other than what the story will reveal. I find this tactic astonishing from what stories reveal.

 

[I)eadnerzhul]

This may include as well using secretive forms of foreshadow to make them think something else other than what the story will reveal. I find this tactic astonishing from what stories reveal.

Sort of like the stories that follow the "epic" storyline. So and so is a peasant, the lowest of the low. Through one tragic event in his life, he goes on a journey (usually with one or more companions, including someone wise who will become the main character's mentor later throughout) to right the wrong. Midway, through a tragic conversation, he learns he is the (pick one) descendant of a great legend/someone chosen by a special power to do so and so/is destined to save the world/etc. He eventually goes to some dark evil fortress to slay some dark lord that had to do with the first tragic event and becomes a hero. This plot-line, however, is overused. Which is why I like stories where everyone is the same. The Kausaks, for example, only won because of cannons. In the second chapter, the Strelets were ambushed by a SINGLE wolf and half of them were decimated. See the difference?

 

[PainMoth]

How does your explanation refer to the quote you brought up? In what forms does foreshadowing consist of in your explanation?

If you're trying to inference the lore and background of my story than I must say it's flawed and completely different than the one I have brainstormed.

Clarify your statements before enacting them. Your tendencies will only result in widespread community confusion.

Edit: Now if I assume my interpretations are correct, I presume you're describing stories that follow the same similar background and plotine. This is an irrelevant hypothesis. Of course I must agree, this type of "epic story" as you call is commonly used but take heed for several differential criteria that may irrevocably be used for real epic stories to gain birth.

Firstly you don't need the same peasent scenario. You may change this. You can also change the medieval atmosphere to another atmosphere. Your example of a peasent becoming a hero is found more ironic imo.

Let me give you a small example of a possible story that could be unpredictable.

A girl is doing regular apple picking for her mother. As she walked back to her home, her feet got stuck by something metallic. She looks and finds a lever. She pulls the concealed lever and waits untill the tree she was picking from grows and grows taller. As the tree grew taller, a large hollow pierced through. Through this came hundreds of plant-like organisms. The organisms sprout the grass and make the area grow green and plentful. In a shocking instance, a flying nymph begins talking to the girl. The girl hears their history of how the Drog (As I call it) are stealing their homeland from them. She tries to help them and goes to the Drog lair. Unpredictably she is thought in instance as their lost forgotten queen. Their provide her with royalty and she enjoys it but the nymph becomes confused and starts to argue with her. In the end of the arguement, war erupts and a nasty battle brews. The batte ended with many harmed casulties but the girl could not let this go on. She helped the Drog and the pople of the nymphs live in harmony. Along her way home at last after this unexpected experience, she finds something in a web and the web moved as if someone struggled inside. She opened and released the victim releasing a great nymth and another nymth. Apparently they were the King and Queen of the kingdom. The girl gets granted unending happiness and joy in their kingdom for the rest of their lives.

This little example is more of something you'd see in a childs story. I am no expert in writing these and I tried to reduce the corniness level as much as possible. This basicly is a summary. Nothing special, nothing really epic but a story other than the peasent one that has a surprising twist most importantly in the end where the King and Queen that started this conflict was found right in front of the girl's eyes.

 

[I)eadnerzhul]

What I meant to say was, that the "epic storyline" is where someone who is a nobody becomes great in one of the strangest ways possible. That is what I mean. The connection is that, in most of these "epic stories", the writer gets the reader (sometimes successfully and sometimes not) to believe that the main character REALLY IS pathetic (sometimes not pathetic, could be an ordinary person, doesn't matter), until a strange chain of events make him famous or legendary or heroic or whatever adjective you want to use. That is what I was saying.

 

[I)eadnerzhul]

What I meant is that the "epic storyline" I was explaining to you used this technique. The writer makes the reader think that the main character is not all important, but through a strange chain of events, he becomes great. It's a simple point I was trying to make.