- Joined
- Nov 26, 2006
- Messages
- 11,136
Trax.
Plot Structure...............9/10
Character Development...7/10
Overall Flow..................9/10
Description/Detail.........10/10
Introduction seemed to switch between 3rd person omnicient narrator to first person. Odd. Very good descriptive language, thourough. The Sentence fluency needed a bit of work, (used the word "I" to start off a lot of sentences), but overall a very good story. well written. Storyline was coherent if a tiny bit slow in some parts. I would have liked to see the secondary characters "fleshed out" a bit more if you'll pardon the pun. Would have been nice if you broke this monster up into paragraphs. I'll admit that i was a bit intimidated by this cinderblock of text
TOTAL: 35/40
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Silly Lil Ant
Plot Structure...............5/10
Character Development...5/10
Overall Flow..................4/10
Description/Detail...........6/10
Too many simple sentences, it felt like i was reading a children's "see jane run" book at times. I am a little confused as to what the heirloom is, the necklace or the sword. Sometimes a simpler story is better, too many sub-plots can distract a reader and confuse them. You seem to interrupt action sequences with flashbacks of descriptive language, i find this distracting and it pulls the reader out of the story when you should be trying to immerse them in it.... not to be nitpicky, but i found a bit of a plot hole, the necklace had this long, very specific engraved message on the back of it. either the necklace was huge or the writing was small... a letter would have been more efficient, in addition to the necklace.
TOTAL: 20/40
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Tails96
Plot Structure...............2/10
Character Development...3/10
Overall Flow..................3/10
Description/Detail...........2/10
... Are you serious with this? or are you trying to troll us? Dont.Use.Leet-speak.... ever. SO many spelling and grammar errors, my english teacher would have a heart attack. Too many simple sentences, a lot of dialogue, not very much descriptive language. No real explanation as to why the protagonist so readily accepts a half orc as a companion. Alliance and Horde were enemies last time i checked..... also "hyper-super evil plan".... ya
TOTAL: 10/40
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Ghoulrush
Plot Structure...............7/10
Character Development...8/10
Overall Flow..................9/10
Description/Detail...........9/10
Looks like someone has been watching transformers... "Allspark", lol. Beginning had a few minor spelling/grammar errors, but as the story progressed, it picked up momentum. Engaging storyline and great descriptive language. My only concern is that the heirloom was not really the main focus of the story. almost put in as an afterthought. Certainly a riveting tale...if you'll pardon the pun, but im not sure that it really got the contest theme across.
TOTAL: 33/40
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Idodik
Plot Structure...............4/10
Character Development...4/10
Overall Flow..................5/10
Description/Detail...........6/10
Technically an heirloom is passed down a family's lineage. A special item from one's Chieftain does not an heirloom make in the traditional sense...(on a side note, a demon-tattood arm of immense power sounds a lot like darkhorse's "Hellboy"). I'm probably looking too far into this, but how could 1 arrow bring down a demon-crazed orc? In most Warcraft Lore, orcs are considerably tougher, able to take multiple bow shots, stab wounds etc. I found the ending dissapointing. Garthul did not complete a task using the supposed heirloom. he was rescued at the climax of the story by his friend Moojis. Overall, a fairly descriptive story, it went off topic in some parts, and the overall premise wasnt really in keeping with the contest theme.
TOTAL: 19/40
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Whatever
Plot Structure...............3/10
Character Development...4/10
Overall Flow..................6/10
Description/Detail...........5/10
Fairly descriptive story, wasnt that long so there isnt much to talk about. I found it a little unsatisfying to tell you the truth. The Orc, Gol'Tak, won the battle with the elf so easily that i wouldnt even bother calling it a "task". It was a very one-sided fight. I was also dissapointed that the orc's battle axe, the heirloom, was so... one dimmensional. I would have liked to see some more backstory on the axe, or at least on the orc protagonist, like explaining how he acquired his "freedom"
TOTAL: 18/40
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The World is Flat
Plot Structure...............6/10
Character Development.10/10
Overall Flow..................7/10
Description/Detail...........7/10
Sooo... is the tree like... an ENT, or something? The badger Quirdly seems to have a very unique way of speaking. You gave Quirdly depth in character by writing his dialogue in more frenetic pronounciation. Great character development, but... where is the heirloom? this entry completely disregarded the contest theme. Unless you were implying that the ivory horn was the heirloom, but such was never explained to the reader. Overall, the story seemed... unfinished, and it was a damn long story to begin with! The story was entertaining to read, but lacked any real direction. It was mostly dialogue centered around a single, rather disjointed event.
TOTAL: 30/40
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Solecompanysole
Plot Structure...............4/10
Character Development...5/10
Overall Flow..................3/10
Description/Detail...........5/10
Interesting how you use the word "delicate" to describe an orcish clan... Now, i know that i am not really suppose to give too much weight to mispelling and grammar errors. But if the reader cant understand what you are trying to tell them, then what is the point of the story? I found myself stumbling over every other word trying to figure out what you were trying to say. Fairly descriptive, Character development was satisfactory. The story was very cliche, predictable. It would have been nice if you gave us a little more background on the 2 clans, other than the fact that they were mortal enemies. Was this on durotar? Azeroth? One clan had shamans and the other clan had warlocks, what period of time was this?
TOTAL: 17/40
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CrazyCow
Plot Structure...............4/10
Character Development...6/10
Overall Flow..................5/10
Description/Detail...........7/10
Great descriptive language, but the plot is hard to follow, you keep switching between the tauren and the centaur point of view quiet frankly, its very confusing. The fight scenes are engaging but i lost track of who was swinging their axe and who was being hit. You need to work on setting the proper mood in your story. Example-"Honicora had shed the blood of a fellow Tauren. On a more pleasant note..." What is this? She has just killed a fellow tauren. It was a horrible mistake made in the heat of battle. And you segue by saying "on a more pleasant note"? You need to work on your transitions. It would have been nice if your story had a bit more closure. Yes, Honicora did avenge her tribe, but what happened to her afterwards? Did she join the Grimtotem whom she had sescribed as fierce but not noble warriors? or did she continue living alone in the wilderness?
TOTAL: 22/40
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CaoSong
Plot Structure...............6/10
Character Development...5/10
Overall Flow..................6/10
Description/Detail...........7/10
Your story seemed to switch from a 3rd person to first person nattative. Very good descriptive langauage. I cant really connect/relate with the main character though. I would think that a member of the silver hand would be more concerned with justice than vengeance. Magnus wants to kill Arthas because arthas dishonored his father? Magnus wanted to kill Arthas before he became the lich king. He is more concerned with his petty revenge than he is of doing the right thing. Althought i do appreciate the symbolism of the grey hand replacing the silver hand. Symbolically thesilver hand of justice is tainted by the evil of personal vengeance. Good ending, it has closure while leaving a sense of the trail and battle yet to come.
TOTAL: 24/40
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Cthulus
Plot Structure...............5/10
Character Development...5/10
Overall Flow..................3/10
Description/Detail...........7/10
Your run-on sentences are KILLING me! You have a LOT of descriptive langauge, but at some point, you arent describing the story so much as dumping a bucket of words down our... ears... It is too wordy, you need to get to the point quicker. This story is very hard to follow, mostly due to the overelaborate wording that gets in the way of any real story telling. There was too much backstory setting up for the real story that came in halfway through the text brick. Your story jumps around too much, First the story is about gnolls, then titans, then humans. I am confused as to why you think that humans have "tribes" and "clans". They never did before in any Warcraft Lore. And the heirloom isnt introduced until 3/4 of the way into the story.
TOTAL: 20/40
Locke's Legacy – Cthulus
5062 words
Structure
Description of the land
Coming of the gnolls and the discovery
The human town and coming of age
Battle
Summary
Great land of some evil, accursed place. Gnolls settle there and stumble across an ancient undead evil. They dig it up and worship it. At the end, the Humans go to battle it with the hero of the story killing one of the evil creatures.
Pros and Cons
Great descriptions. Explained very well. Interesting story, especially explaining what the gnolls are like, what they think like. Very elaborate descriptions, for example, while describing the undead creature. Descriptions as well as telling a story. Love the little ordinary conversations between the human boys. The mood change, I really liked. Complete difference between the dark of the haunt, the merriness of the bar and the terror of the beasts.
The end bit, the battle, is very lacking in comparison to the rest of the story. Almost anticlimactic. The involvement of the heirloom is very minor. Richer description would have fitted it. The actual hero of the story doesn’t really do much. Pedantically speaking, some of the sentences were very long, rather hard to read but that’s only a minor thing.
Final verdict in summary
Was it worth reading? For the majority of the story, yes. Very rich in terms of language and story. The only lacking it is the end. And very little involvement with the heirloom.
Plot structure 8/10
Character Development 6/10
Flow 7/10
Description and scenes 9/10
30/40
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Magnus' Revenge – CaoSong
5158 words
Structure
Opening at a castle ceremonial scene
Introduction of the hero
Knighting ceremony
Corruption of Arthas and fall of lodareon
Requiring the hammer
Duel
Summary
The hero is the illegitimate son of Uther. Ever since birth aspired to become on of his father’s knights, The Silver Hand Knights. Arthas becomes corrupt. Knights are ordered to disband. Uther leads the fight against Arthas but is slain. The hero and the band of knights become the Grey Hand Knights. The hero wishes to revenge his father and steals his hammer, the hammer of light, from the leader of the silver hand knights. They have a duel for the right to wield the hammer. The hero wins. Cheer goes up and they head to defeat Arthas.
Pros and cons
Very precise story telling. Set out clearly, explains the origin of the hero and follows through the rest of the story with the hero. The importance of the heirloom explained, for personal reasons as well as for revenge and honour.
Rather simplistic way of telling a story. Some things are not as descriptive. It’s a story; it’s a readable and understandable story but not a rich story. Also, a bit anti climatic. Through out the whole story, Arthas is seen as the main nemesis and the final goal of the hero, and yet, the story ends with the acquiring of the hammer. Doesn’t really fit with the title.
Final verdict in summary
Well, it’s a well planned story, it starts out with a hero, follows is rise, the tragedy and finally, a new brighter beginning. But not really rich in terms of language. Would I read it again? Maybe. If I wanted to remember the detail of the story, not for the art of the language though.
Plot structure 7/10
Character Development 3/10
Flow 7/10
Description and scenes 5/10
22/40
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Honicora – Crazy Cow
5028 words
Structure
Destruction of the wind rider clan
Journey towards the coast
Capture by Grimtotem
Revenge
Summary
The Windrider clan is destroyed by Khan the centaur. Khan kills the heroine’s father, the chieftain. The heroine inherits her father’s axe. Years pass and heroine stumble upon a wounded tauren. The tuaren leads her to his clan which happens to be planning to flee the land to the coasts to escape from the centaurs. Heroin join but during a night fight, she accidentally kills an ally tauren. Is imprisoned but escapes only to be captured by the grimtotem clan. They give a choice of death for trespass or assassinating Khan. Khan is killed.
Pros and cons
Very good descriptions and narrative of all the fighting and battle scenes and the graphic description of wounds and etc.
That’s about it really. The story was rather hollow, for instance, what is the significance of the first clan she meets? In fact, why have the Grimtotem clan? And to be a vengeance, there has to be a build up to the final battle. Not some random chance encounter which includes the vengeance of her dead tribe.
Final Verdict.
Not really a good story. Good descriptions but that’s all there was. The story was rather empty.
Plot structure 3/10
Character Development 5/10
Flow 7/10
Description and scenes 8/10
23/40
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Clan Wars:The Story Of Iksha - Solecompanysole
2556 words
Structure
Introduction
Father of heroine wounded
Weapon passed on
Orcs unite
Shaman killed
Summary
Heroine, Iksha, is an orc. Inherits her father’s powerful axe. Slays the shaman, who was aggravating the clans, and ends the war.
Pros and Cons
Interesting story. Lots of dialogues.
Mistakes here and there. Rather a very clichéd story
Final Verdict.
Felt that the story was rather empty but the dialogues at least added some detail. The general faults in grammar are understandable but spelling mistakes and using wrong words was rather annoying for me the read the story. Should have used spell checks as is should also fix some of the grammar mistakes as well. One small thing, the thing that bothered me was that the heroine, who is one of the good guys, wields and axe called Axe of Chaos. That didn’t really fit in, I don’t think.
Plot structure 4/10
Character Development 6/10
Flow 7/10
Description and scenes 6/10
23/40
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Tree – The World Is Flat
Structure
The introduction of the tree
The stream
The badger
Humans fight
The chimney
The End
Summary
Told in the point of view as a tree sapling, a stream and a badger. The story consists mostly of talking and narrative.
Pros and cons
Very good personification of the tree and the stream. The dialogue was very interesting and characteristic. The badger with his accent and the tree with its child-like innocence. Very interesting story. I didn’t really think it was going anywhere but I kept on reading nonetheless. I think there were small grammar mistakes and stuff but I couldn’t care less.
Rather poor application of the theme Heirloom. The ending is rather weak. And the description of the emblem was…very weird. A sudden increase in description on such small number of lines. Broke the flow and the feel of the story completely.
Final Verdict
The implementation of the theme was weak but it was very creative, unique and certainly, very creative.
Plot structure 8/10
Character Development 7/10
Flow 9/10
Description and scenes 9/10
33/40
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The Clouds Are Nice - whatever
1851 words
Structure
Introduction
Attack
Charge
Trap
Finish
Summary
Gol’tak is a free orc, living freely as any person could except all the people harassing him. An elf scout attacks. Too quick to catch, Gol’tak feigns to be dying from wound. Lures the arrogant elf close to him and them finishes him off.
Pros and Cons
Very good story telling. Talks a lot about what the characters are thinking and details every even to a good leve, not too little, not too much. Very exciting story, a story of cat and mouse so to speak. Its not a boring story where swing after swing and blow after blow is commentated on. kept it short and varied.
Rather small significance of the heirloom except for the fact that it is the hero’s pride.
Final verdict
Good story telling in terms of action. Very precise steps of actions as well as the character’s thoughts makes it feel real and lively. Not really heirloom related except for the fact that it represents the hero’s pride and skills.
Plot structure 8/10
Character Development 5/10
Flow 9/10
Description and scenes 9/10
31/40
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Battle of the Two Hills – by idodik
Structure
Intro
Intro of ring
Battle/slaughter
End of battle
Epilogue
Summary
The hero, an orc, has been given a demonic ring with unknown power. Using the power of the ring and the battle fury it enhances, the hero kills many human enemies until he is beaten by arrows. The friend, a far seer comes to save him.
Pros and cons
Interesting read. Lots of visual description and so one
Used a farseer and a blade master as a character of the story. Not very original. Also, except for the battle there wasnt really much as well as the ending being rather lacking.
Final Verdict
Great description, unoriginal characters, lacking story and lacking ending
Plot structure 5/10
Character Development 3/10
Flow 7/10
Description and scenes 6/10
21/40
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Master of the Scrapheap - Ghoulrush
Opening scene
Intro/explanation
Everyday happenings at the excavation
Contractors
Attack
Finish
The hero, a dwarf, is in charge of the reclamation of technology, created by a mechanical tinker. Shows some of the daily works the gnomes go through as well as the lack of progress which frustrates the hero. Hero makes a deal to sell unwanted parts. The next day, the operation is attacked by goblins who came to loot the place. They brought a giant machine which is only defeated by the hero with a lightning gun.
Pros and cons
Very interesting story, fun to read, explains the hero’s thoughts well. Interesting to see that the hero actually doesn’t really like his heirloom, smashes it around and use it as a weapon when he is not supposed to. Very interesting how he comes to appreciate his tool
The ending was rather weak compared to the rest. The machine was actually defeated in a span of 2 sentences. Lacked descriptions and was rather anticlimactic. Also, the lightning gun, it was a bit convenient that with a flick, he created a lightning gun.
Final verdict
Original story, interesting aspects, good descriptions, lacking ending
Plot structure 7/10
Character Development 8/10
Flow 8/10
Description and scenes 9/10
32/40
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Two races are better than one – silly lil ant
Attack of the scourge
Death of the general
Start of the journey
Zombie town
finish
Summary
See above
Pros and cons
Somewhat comic
Long and rather useless descriptions, very irregular story telling, hollow plot and storyline. Very lacking ending.
Final verdict
The story goes absolutely nowhere. You tried to liven up your characters by giving them names and giving them background stories but many were done in the wrong place at the wrong segment and some descriptions were plain pointless. The start of the story is a good example. You go on length to describe the bookshelf and the characters but they have no significance what so ever. All of this and so on would lead me to think that most of the lines are just a filler
Plot structure 3/10
Character Development 3/10
Flow 3/10
Description and scenes 5/10
14/40
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A daughter’s love - Tails96
Straight to the point…
A story composed almost entirely of dialogues?
Also, the story was rather lacking (due to lack of anything else other than dialogues)
Plot structure 2/10
Character Development 2/10
Flow 2/10
Description and scenes 2/10
8/40
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A family torn asunder - Trax.
Structure
Intro
Begin of war
Night attack
Flee and heading for the chapel
Ending
Pros and cons
Really good engaging story
Description on the abomination was a tad bit long. Should have explained it like how you explained the ghoul. The ending is a little confusing and I didn’t understand it. Could really use a proper paragraphing.
Final verdict
Really engaging story. Great details on where it mattered as well as the descriptions carrying the story forward. Emotionally engaging, could really feel the sadness, the terror and suspense. Especially more or so effective because of the first person narrative. The only thing I noticed was the longish abomination description and a weird ending.
Plot structure 9/10
Character Development 9/10
Flow 9/10
Description and scenes 8/10
35/40
-------------------------------------------
I would say the fav is Trax’s story for the most emotionally engaging.
Then next is World is Flat for his imaginative writing. The two came pretty close but I chose trax’s story. More engaging.
Trax 35/40
The World Is Flat 33/40
Ghoulrush 32/40
Whatever 31/40
Cthulus 30/40
Crazy Cow 23/40
Solecompanysole 23/40
CaoSong 22/40
idodik 21/40
silly lil ant 14/40
Tails96 8/40
5062 words
Structure
Description of the land
Coming of the gnolls and the discovery
The human town and coming of age
Battle
Summary
Great land of some evil, accursed place. Gnolls settle there and stumble across an ancient undead evil. They dig it up and worship it. At the end, the Humans go to battle it with the hero of the story killing one of the evil creatures.
Pros and Cons
Great descriptions. Explained very well. Interesting story, especially explaining what the gnolls are like, what they think like. Very elaborate descriptions, for example, while describing the undead creature. Descriptions as well as telling a story. Love the little ordinary conversations between the human boys. The mood change, I really liked. Complete difference between the dark of the haunt, the merriness of the bar and the terror of the beasts.
The end bit, the battle, is very lacking in comparison to the rest of the story. Almost anticlimactic. The involvement of the heirloom is very minor. Richer description would have fitted it. The actual hero of the story doesn’t really do much. Pedantically speaking, some of the sentences were very long, rather hard to read but that’s only a minor thing.
Final verdict in summary
Was it worth reading? For the majority of the story, yes. Very rich in terms of language and story. The only lacking it is the end. And very little involvement with the heirloom.
Plot structure 8/10
Character Development 6/10
Flow 7/10
Description and scenes 9/10
30/40
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Magnus' Revenge – CaoSong
5158 words
Structure
Opening at a castle ceremonial scene
Introduction of the hero
Knighting ceremony
Corruption of Arthas and fall of lodareon
Requiring the hammer
Duel
Summary
The hero is the illegitimate son of Uther. Ever since birth aspired to become on of his father’s knights, The Silver Hand Knights. Arthas becomes corrupt. Knights are ordered to disband. Uther leads the fight against Arthas but is slain. The hero and the band of knights become the Grey Hand Knights. The hero wishes to revenge his father and steals his hammer, the hammer of light, from the leader of the silver hand knights. They have a duel for the right to wield the hammer. The hero wins. Cheer goes up and they head to defeat Arthas.
Pros and cons
Very precise story telling. Set out clearly, explains the origin of the hero and follows through the rest of the story with the hero. The importance of the heirloom explained, for personal reasons as well as for revenge and honour.
Rather simplistic way of telling a story. Some things are not as descriptive. It’s a story; it’s a readable and understandable story but not a rich story. Also, a bit anti climatic. Through out the whole story, Arthas is seen as the main nemesis and the final goal of the hero, and yet, the story ends with the acquiring of the hammer. Doesn’t really fit with the title.
Final verdict in summary
Well, it’s a well planned story, it starts out with a hero, follows is rise, the tragedy and finally, a new brighter beginning. But not really rich in terms of language. Would I read it again? Maybe. If I wanted to remember the detail of the story, not for the art of the language though.
Plot structure 7/10
Character Development 3/10
Flow 7/10
Description and scenes 5/10
22/40
--------------------------------------------------------------
Honicora – Crazy Cow
5028 words
Structure
Destruction of the wind rider clan
Journey towards the coast
Capture by Grimtotem
Revenge
Summary
The Windrider clan is destroyed by Khan the centaur. Khan kills the heroine’s father, the chieftain. The heroine inherits her father’s axe. Years pass and heroine stumble upon a wounded tauren. The tuaren leads her to his clan which happens to be planning to flee the land to the coasts to escape from the centaurs. Heroin join but during a night fight, she accidentally kills an ally tauren. Is imprisoned but escapes only to be captured by the grimtotem clan. They give a choice of death for trespass or assassinating Khan. Khan is killed.
Pros and cons
Very good descriptions and narrative of all the fighting and battle scenes and the graphic description of wounds and etc.
That’s about it really. The story was rather hollow, for instance, what is the significance of the first clan she meets? In fact, why have the Grimtotem clan? And to be a vengeance, there has to be a build up to the final battle. Not some random chance encounter which includes the vengeance of her dead tribe.
Final Verdict.
Not really a good story. Good descriptions but that’s all there was. The story was rather empty.
Plot structure 3/10
Character Development 5/10
Flow 7/10
Description and scenes 8/10
23/40
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Clan Wars:The Story Of Iksha - Solecompanysole
2556 words
Structure
Introduction
Father of heroine wounded
Weapon passed on
Orcs unite
Shaman killed
Summary
Heroine, Iksha, is an orc. Inherits her father’s powerful axe. Slays the shaman, who was aggravating the clans, and ends the war.
Pros and Cons
Interesting story. Lots of dialogues.
Mistakes here and there. Rather a very clichéd story
Final Verdict.
Felt that the story was rather empty but the dialogues at least added some detail. The general faults in grammar are understandable but spelling mistakes and using wrong words was rather annoying for me the read the story. Should have used spell checks as is should also fix some of the grammar mistakes as well. One small thing, the thing that bothered me was that the heroine, who is one of the good guys, wields and axe called Axe of Chaos. That didn’t really fit in, I don’t think.
Plot structure 4/10
Character Development 6/10
Flow 7/10
Description and scenes 6/10
23/40
------------------------------------------------------------
Tree – The World Is Flat
Structure
The introduction of the tree
The stream
The badger
Humans fight
The chimney
The End
Summary
Told in the point of view as a tree sapling, a stream and a badger. The story consists mostly of talking and narrative.
Pros and cons
Very good personification of the tree and the stream. The dialogue was very interesting and characteristic. The badger with his accent and the tree with its child-like innocence. Very interesting story. I didn’t really think it was going anywhere but I kept on reading nonetheless. I think there were small grammar mistakes and stuff but I couldn’t care less.
Rather poor application of the theme Heirloom. The ending is rather weak. And the description of the emblem was…very weird. A sudden increase in description on such small number of lines. Broke the flow and the feel of the story completely.
Final Verdict
The implementation of the theme was weak but it was very creative, unique and certainly, very creative.
Plot structure 8/10
Character Development 7/10
Flow 9/10
Description and scenes 9/10
33/40
---------------------------------------------
The Clouds Are Nice - whatever
1851 words
Structure
Introduction
Attack
Charge
Trap
Finish
Summary
Gol’tak is a free orc, living freely as any person could except all the people harassing him. An elf scout attacks. Too quick to catch, Gol’tak feigns to be dying from wound. Lures the arrogant elf close to him and them finishes him off.
Pros and Cons
Very good story telling. Talks a lot about what the characters are thinking and details every even to a good leve, not too little, not too much. Very exciting story, a story of cat and mouse so to speak. Its not a boring story where swing after swing and blow after blow is commentated on. kept it short and varied.
Rather small significance of the heirloom except for the fact that it is the hero’s pride.
Final verdict
Good story telling in terms of action. Very precise steps of actions as well as the character’s thoughts makes it feel real and lively. Not really heirloom related except for the fact that it represents the hero’s pride and skills.
Plot structure 8/10
Character Development 5/10
Flow 9/10
Description and scenes 9/10
31/40
--------------------------------------------
Battle of the Two Hills – by idodik
Structure
Intro
Intro of ring
Battle/slaughter
End of battle
Epilogue
Summary
The hero, an orc, has been given a demonic ring with unknown power. Using the power of the ring and the battle fury it enhances, the hero kills many human enemies until he is beaten by arrows. The friend, a far seer comes to save him.
Pros and cons
Interesting read. Lots of visual description and so one
Used a farseer and a blade master as a character of the story. Not very original. Also, except for the battle there wasnt really much as well as the ending being rather lacking.
Final Verdict
Great description, unoriginal characters, lacking story and lacking ending
Plot structure 5/10
Character Development 3/10
Flow 7/10
Description and scenes 6/10
21/40
-----------------------------------------------------------
Master of the Scrapheap - Ghoulrush
Opening scene
Intro/explanation
Everyday happenings at the excavation
Contractors
Attack
Finish
The hero, a dwarf, is in charge of the reclamation of technology, created by a mechanical tinker. Shows some of the daily works the gnomes go through as well as the lack of progress which frustrates the hero. Hero makes a deal to sell unwanted parts. The next day, the operation is attacked by goblins who came to loot the place. They brought a giant machine which is only defeated by the hero with a lightning gun.
Pros and cons
Very interesting story, fun to read, explains the hero’s thoughts well. Interesting to see that the hero actually doesn’t really like his heirloom, smashes it around and use it as a weapon when he is not supposed to. Very interesting how he comes to appreciate his tool
The ending was rather weak compared to the rest. The machine was actually defeated in a span of 2 sentences. Lacked descriptions and was rather anticlimactic. Also, the lightning gun, it was a bit convenient that with a flick, he created a lightning gun.
Final verdict
Original story, interesting aspects, good descriptions, lacking ending
Plot structure 7/10
Character Development 8/10
Flow 8/10
Description and scenes 9/10
32/40
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Two races are better than one – silly lil ant
Attack of the scourge
Death of the general
Start of the journey
Zombie town
finish
Summary
See above
Pros and cons
Somewhat comic
Long and rather useless descriptions, very irregular story telling, hollow plot and storyline. Very lacking ending.
Final verdict
The story goes absolutely nowhere. You tried to liven up your characters by giving them names and giving them background stories but many were done in the wrong place at the wrong segment and some descriptions were plain pointless. The start of the story is a good example. You go on length to describe the bookshelf and the characters but they have no significance what so ever. All of this and so on would lead me to think that most of the lines are just a filler
Plot structure 3/10
Character Development 3/10
Flow 3/10
Description and scenes 5/10
14/40
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A daughter’s love - Tails96
Straight to the point…
A story composed almost entirely of dialogues?
Also, the story was rather lacking (due to lack of anything else other than dialogues)
Plot structure 2/10
Character Development 2/10
Flow 2/10
Description and scenes 2/10
8/40
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A family torn asunder - Trax.
Structure
Intro
Begin of war
Night attack
Flee and heading for the chapel
Ending
Pros and cons
Really good engaging story
Description on the abomination was a tad bit long. Should have explained it like how you explained the ghoul. The ending is a little confusing and I didn’t understand it. Could really use a proper paragraphing.
Final verdict
Really engaging story. Great details on where it mattered as well as the descriptions carrying the story forward. Emotionally engaging, could really feel the sadness, the terror and suspense. Especially more or so effective because of the first person narrative. The only thing I noticed was the longish abomination description and a weird ending.
Plot structure 9/10
Character Development 9/10
Flow 9/10
Description and scenes 8/10
35/40
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I would say the fav is Trax’s story for the most emotionally engaging.
Then next is World is Flat for his imaginative writing. The two came pretty close but I chose trax’s story. More engaging.
Trax 35/40
The World Is Flat 33/40
Ghoulrush 32/40
Whatever 31/40
Cthulus 30/40
Crazy Cow 23/40
Solecompanysole 23/40
CaoSong 22/40
idodik 21/40
silly lil ant 14/40
Tails96 8/40
((anarchianbedlam's score + Pyramidhe@d's score) * 0.75) + ((Votes / Total votes) * 40) = Final score
Trax: ((35 + 35) * 0.75) + ((23 / 73) * 40) = 65.1027397
Silly Lil Ant: ((20 + 14) * 0.75) + ((7 / 73) * 40) = 29.3356164
Tails96: ((10 + 8) * 0.75) + ((7 / 73) * 40) = 17.3356164
Ghoulrush: ((33 + 32) * 0.75) + ((3 / 73) * 40) = 50.3938356
Idodik: ((19 + 21) * 0.75) + ((3 / 73) * 40) = 31.6438356
Whatever: ((18 + 31) * 0.75) + ((2 / 73) * 40) = 37.8458904
The World is Flat: ((30 + 33) * 0.75) + ((14 / 73) * 40) = 54.9212329
Solecompanysole: ((17 + 23) * 0.75) + ((8 / 73) * 40) = 34.3835616
CrazyCow: ((22 + 23) * 0.75) + ((2 / 73) * 40) = 34.8458904
CaoSong: ((24 + 22) * 0.75) + ((2 / 73) * 40) = 35.5958904
Cthulus: ((20 + 30) * 0.75) + ((2 / 73) * 40) = 38.5958904
4th - Cthulus
5th - Whatever
6th - CaoSong
7th - CrazyCow
8th - Solecompanysole
9th - Idodik
10th - Silly Lil Ant
11th - Tails96
5th - Whatever
6th - CaoSong
7th - CrazyCow
8th - Solecompanysole
9th - Idodik
10th - Silly Lil Ant
11th - Tails96
Poll | Contest
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