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my Book

Would you like to see a small take out of it?


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KBX

KBX

Level 4
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my Book has elements from Halo 2, star trek, warcraft and more but i will probably not release it or anything similar because of copyright purposes it basicly is just the captain of a ship saving another ship and going through a wormhole and ending up near halo and then killing truth and gravemind and then going to the world of warcraft and then defeating the scourge and just being a hero.
 

KBX

KBX

Level 4
Joined
Sep 30, 2005
Messages
68
Here's what it has to do with warcraft:
We got help from our good friends, the UNSC. We studied the earth through this gateway and discovered they were in a different age and had strange mythical creatures. We beamed down for a closer look and found that it had a total of eight main races, Humans, Dwarves, Gnomes, Night Elves, Orcs, Trolls, Tauren, and the Undead. The Seven living ones had formed an alliance against the undead scourge, lead by the lich King, Ner’Zhul. The UNSC and Starfleet had joined the great alliance, and fought in one of the greatest battles in the history of Azeroth. The Alliance won, but not without a price. Many of the races and nations took heavy casualties and losses. Many were crippled and had very little goods. Some broke out in civil war. Others had famine or drought. The UNSC and Starfleet tried their best to support and help these nations, but could not stop all the deaths. There were too many dead people. There were so many that the graveyards could not hold all of them. Many nations were so out of food that they had to eat the corpses, even those of their loved ones! Luckily, The Heroes had found many animals around a large lake. Many people came and camped by the lake and ate and drank heartily. The nation of Azeroth had built a city to honor the heroes and made Kyle (a.k.a. KBX) the King of it. It was named “New Stromgarde (pronounced St Like in storm, rom like you see it and garde like guard)” The people built statues in honor of these Heroes and gave them many medals of Honor and valor. Without them, the alliance probably would have lost.
By the way it is not the plot for my campaign, but i will base a map on it, my campaign does have much of the stuff, but not like this, my campaign will be about a militiaman eventually becoming king of New Stromgarde and meeting MC and meeting a great enemy, greater than the scourge. IT'S ALL ABOUT A WORMHOLE THAT MAKES THE PEOPLE THAT GO IN IT TRAVEL TO DIFFERENT REALITIES!!!
 
Level 25
Joined
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4,468
Do you want me to tell you what sucks about it?

Or should I instead give you a bit from part of my Anaska design document to study on how to write a moderate story?

The morning mist hung above the seemingly endless ocean, broken only by the occasional wave. Through it flew a zeppelin, its crew rather bored. On the edge sat Scheen, hanging her feet off the edge in boredom. “Does anyone even know if we’re goin’ in the right direction?” she yelled over her shoulder

“For the last time Scheen, unless there’s some sort of excessively powerful electric storm nearby, the compass should be accurate” sighed Nathanial. Even though he had initially accepted Jenita’s proposal to go on this quest, he was beginning to regret it due to Scheen’s impatient nature, Takk’s excessive moulting and the fact that he was the one piloting the zeppelin

“Scheen, you really need to learn to be more patient” said Xanvol. Beside him, Takk shock himself, attempting to get slightly drier, but only managing to drop a few more feathers

“Jeez, sorry mister ‘I know everything’, it’s just that waking up every day soakin’ wet isn’t my best way to wake up” said Scheen, still looking at the water beneath the zeppelin

“Scheen, you should be used to it, ‘little miss pirate’” said Ardian. Like Nathanial, he was at his wits end with Scheen, and they only kept her around due to her knowledge of many things. But when it came to flying, she was extremely annoying

Scheen turned around to glare at Ardian, before saying “Ships have a little thin’ called the inside” and returning to looking at the water

But really, your thing is a complete mess and sounds like a summary. You've left out most of the races of Warcraft. The concept of "Finding a big lake with many animals around it" and that somehow saving an entire nation from starvation is really... Yeah. And THEN you make it so your character gets to be the king of some random place named after a random human town that lies in ruins
 
Level 15
Joined
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406
This is what you people make me do

r3gag3ir.jpg
 

KBX

KBX

Level 4
Joined
Sep 30, 2005
Messages
68
Hey, guys! I'm back after a year! Well, my book now has five chapters, that was the first. I can't play warcraft 3 anymore, my cd broke. The story isn't focused on Warcraft, Star Trek, and Halo anymore. The last story explains everything, like why they went to Azeroth and Halo. It's because of reality's borders being destroyed.

KBX was king of New Stromgarde due to a misunderstanding; There's a KBX in every reality, and Azeroth's KBX was kidnapped. Star Trek's KBX was mistaken for him and was put in charge of New Stromgarde.

New Stromgarde was named after old Stromgarde, where KBX of Azeroth was from.

I'd post the whole story, but I don't know if I really want to. Here are som more excerpts;

Star Trek: Timelines III: The Ambience's Crusade
“Very good, young one,” said Palpatine, “But not good enough!” He leaped from his seat and drew his light saber. “I’m not bad with a sword myself,” said Kyle, “try me.” He drew his saber and then he and Palpatine fought. They had a “saber lock” and held it for a while. “Why do you use one hand, child,” asked Palpatine, “Do you think it makes you look good?” “No,” replied Kyle, “It’s because I know something you don’t.” “Oh,” said Palpatine, “And what might that be, fool?” “I’m carrying a blaster,” replied Kyle, smirking. Palpatine frowned, then was shot and killed. “Wow,” said Obi-Wan, “How’d you know?” “Watched the movie,” replied Kyle with a grin.

Star Trek: Timelines IV: On A Fine Day...
Feeling disoriented, they both looked around. KBX spoke to Kyle; “Kyle,” he said, “I’ve gotta go, you can handle yourself, right?” “Yep,” Kyle said, “You got any guns?” “Sure do.” KBX said, “P90’s, they’re old 21st century guns, but they should make it.” “Old?” Kyle said, “I’m from the 21st century!” “Sorry,” KBX said, “but right now I’ve got to go!” KBX handed Kyle the P90 and jumped at least 10 feet up to a ledge! Hmm, Kyle thought, I know I’ve seen this place before.
Meanwhile, country singer Toby Keith was in concert in Tampa, which was probably the closest he’d ever be to where Kyle lived. Suddenly, a man ran in and said Toby was needed on the USS Lightning. Since he thought it was a joke on a boat, he followed. The man knocked Toby unconscious and kidnapped him. What he didn’t know was that the USS Lightning was a starship, not a sea ship. He was taken aboard and the Lightning created a slipstream conduit and left.

Star Trek: Timelines V: A Hero's Last Stand
Kyle was still greatly respected. He decided to look for KBX, because this time, he didn’t return. He took some friends and left. Soon, they found themselves on a strange world, called Tawfret. It was a sad looking rainy world full of zombified mutant giant insects.
Kyle had his FNH P90, and was able to kill a few bugs so the rest of the gang could escape.
When they did escape, however, they were captured by none other than Mizar, an evil insectoid overlord, in the battleship Sekhmet. He threw them in a holding cell, but was attacked by another starship. The power was cut. Soon the gang escaped.
The gang found their way to some escape pods and got away.
They crashed on a planet (not Tawfret!) and saw the most unusual sight; Klingons, Borg, Cylons, Humans and more battling. They looked into the sky and saw starships of the previously mentioned peoples fighting. Suddenly, Sekhmet crashed too. “Wait a minute,” Kyle said, “I bet I know what this is!”
Just then, 10 more ships came in, including Imperial Star Destroyers. After them came several Battlestars, Sovereign-Class Battleships, and more to fight. It was an all-out war.
Soon, some Elites (from Halo) captured Kyle and the gang, and then brought them to the Prophet of Vengeance.
 
Level 25
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I'm not even going to comment on the many things I could about this, because I cannot read that without my eyes wanting to bleed

When writing, one uses a new paragraph for each speaker. It is not a choice if you do, it is something you must do because it makes it readable and not an unreadable blob

As my friend Deadborder says,

Deadborder said:
The Paragraph is your friend. You will repsect the Paragraph. You will Honour the Paragraph. You will accept the Paragraph's will. But, above all else, and I cannot stress this enough, you will use the Paragraph.

I hope this has been an enlightening message
 

KBX

KBX

Level 4
Joined
Sep 30, 2005
Messages
68
I have paragraphs, but when I copied and pasted they didn't show.

Why should I talk to you guys anymore? I don't play Warcraft 3 anymore and besides, you all never listen to me, make fun of me, and pretty much hate me.

Live long, Peace out, and have a good time dying.
 
Level 25
Joined
Mar 31, 2004
Messages
4,468
KBX said:
Why should I talk to you guys anymore? I don't play Warcraft 3 anymore and besides, you all never listen to me, make fun of me, and pretty much hate me.

We don't hate you. We just hate your story

Now, if it WASN'T a several-universe crossing Mary Sue fest of destruction, then we wouldn't hate it so bad!

Unfortunantly, it is. Oh, and did I mention the various author insertion stuff?
 
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