Largo for Strings

[CoBrA b]

Hey all,

A couple of days ago, I had a really weird dream where I died of some weird disease, but because of a new medical advancement, the doctors could transplant my mind into another body. From there on, the whole dream became about me missing my old body, and never feeling at home in my new body. When I woke up that morning, I knew that I had to somehow write down the emotions I had felt in that dream. This was the result.

This piece was heavily inspired by Samuel Barber's famous Adagio for Strings. It is in the key of f-sharp minor (although the key varies throughout the piece), and follows a vague arch form.

I definitely think that this piece has enormous potential, although it clearly needs some polishing. That's why I'm uploading it here, so that, hopefully, I can get some good feedback, and make this piece great. So, here you go. Enjoy, and please comment.

NOTE: The piece is rather long (about 9:40). Depending on what comments I get, I might shorten it.

 

[Waldbaer]

Nice piece, I think, congratulations.
Well, all these people here who are too lazy to listen to a nearly-ten-minute-piece should try to listen to some Mahler symphonies.
I have to admit that I don't know Samuel Barber's Adagio for strings at the moment, but thanks for the recommendation, maybe I'll take a look at it.

So to your piece:
My first thought after some seconds: Wow, this is not "Largo". Your BPM might be quite slow, but for me it's not really a largo-character, since you have many faster notes in there, largo for me is even heavier with more longer chords (I want to use the German word "Klangfläche"; word by word it might be something like "sound field"... ), every note is heavy on it's own. I feel your music still more in motives. I'd call it Adagio, or maybe even Andante, because I often feel this slowly, but still always moving character, it stands still just a few times. Maybe you even find a more characteristic title.
Next thing: the length. I think you handle this quite well. I listened to it just one time and I understood it. You don't make the beginner's mistake to try to put too much material in one piece, and it feels round in its whole length, there is a logical development that I can feel. This is not easy to do and you did this really well!
Some details I want to mention for "polishing":
- at about 1:55, there is a general pause before it continues with a short pizzicato part in the basses. This was quite surprising and for me, it did not feel exactly right. I just don't get the connection between the pizz part and the parts before and after. Maybe you'd like to add a small arco bass part there or even kill the part completely and continue just with a short general pause.
- The ending is not completely satisfying for me. It's too long and does not yet feel inevitable enough. The final phrase beginning at about 9:15 (higher strings) even feels completely unnecessary for me. Finally: I think you should work on the ending, it deserves to get better.

I have to agree to you, there is very nice material in here, I really like the beginning especially.
Maybe you'll find a possibility to get this to a better sound, but I know this is a completely different working field and I suppose you don't want to put too much time into that, do you?

Very nice work, I'm looking forward to see more works of you and maybe this one here redone. Maybe you already did so, but you should definitely try to get some time between you and the piece to get a more neutral view on it and be able to find the places to optimize easier.

 

[CoBrA b]

Thank you very much. I was beginning to think that this thread would die without so much as being glanced at.

Your critique was well-thought-out, in-depth, and easy to understand. I'll definitely, at the very least, think about what you said when I next listen to this piece. I probably won't work on it for a while (I tend to move on to new things after a while and then come back to things like this), but, when I finally get around to it, I'll definitely do what you suggested.

Once again, thank you for taking the time to listen to and critique this piece.

 

[Waldbaer]

... I probably won't work on it for a while (I tend to move on to new things after a while and then come back to things like this), but, when I finally get around to it, I'll definitely do what you suggested.
...

Exactly what I wanted to suggest. Good ideas need time. This piece is definitely a "good idea" and I'm looking forward to listen to even better versions.
Even now, I don't feel sorry for any minute I spent on it. Very nice one!