Fear of People who are "better than me"

[Bribe]

Is this a real fear, to be afraid of people who are "better than me"? I mean, in work, in conversation, in hobbies, people who are better than me in language, or just in general...

Is there a name for this?

 

[Magtheridon96]

It's natural. The solution is to take advantage of it
When someone is better than you, you should learn from him so that you can become even better than he is ^.^
How do you think I learned vJass so fast?

Islam tells you that fear is stupid.

 

[HFR]

I think that kind of fear is likely one of our built-in responses to instigate competition.


Basically, it's in our nature.

 

[-Kobas-]

So far I didn't find person that was better than me in all things I know, yes there are better students or better football players, guys who can drink a lot more, but as soon as I find something I'm good at it, fear is gone. Even if they have all better skills or something ask yourself do they have true friends, people around them who love them etc.

You will see that we are all unique and special in different way.
Don't worry that fear is key to success and advancement

 

[Bribe]

To shed some more light on it, I have this fear that everyone is simply better than I am, not that they are proven to be better, but just that I expect them to be better.

 

[Deleted member 157129]

I think it goes under fear of being insignificant.

Over recent years people around the world have been suffering from an increasing fear of their own 'insignificance', according to Dr Carlo Strenger of Tel Aviv University.

[Sauce]

I don't have this problem myself, because frankly I verge more on the fear that I am superior to everyone else. Quite the arrogant statement, I know, and I do not like it. Of course, this idea doesn't mean I think I'm better than everyone in all (or any) aspects, it is simply that I don't like being perceived as the best. This is supposedly derived off of loathing my past as a top student, because being a top student not only got me stamped as a nerd, but it made school incredibly boring. There was never anything to learn, because what the teacher was explaining I had already understood. So, fear of not having anyone to derive knowledge from is more appropriate. Oh, great, now I'm hijacking the thread, please proceed guys.

 

[Bribe]

I wouldn't say so much "fear of people I see on TV", actually for me it's quite opposite, I pity people who have to watch out for everything they do. Never mind the money or the attention. Tom Cruise, for example, will never have a normal life, and I don't mean because he has a screwed up belief but the fact that he will never be able to feel like he can walk into a store without a bodyguard and sunglasses.

I feel, when I am talking to someone, they know a lot more than I do. Like when I am at work and talking with a customer... just doing my normal stuff. I always have a feeling like someone else could be living my own life much better.

 

[Deleted member 157129]

Sounds like you're just being humble, and that's not necessarily a bad thing.

 

[Edhel-dur]

I feel, when I am talking to someone, they know a lot more than I do. Like when I am at work and talking with a customer... just doing my normal stuff. I always have a feeling like someone else could be living my own life much better.

Well, that may or may not actually happen.

I know for a fact that the life I want to have is better lived by people around me. Actually my closest friends live a life more significant than mine, the kind of life I would wish for myself. The only thing I can do is to learn from them. Accept myself for what I currently am, and strive to become better.

However you must realize that sometimes you might find yourself wanting something you don't actually want. For example, I am not one for driving, and if one of my friends comes to me and says "Oh yeah, I just won a driving competition \m/" that might impulse me to want to become a better driver, although I don't really want to. That's because of the competitive nature of man. Not only do we want what is best for ourselves, we also want what is best compared to everyone else. We want to be #1.

So you must firstly be able to know if it's something you truly want, or if it's something you want out of a competitive spirit. If it's something you seem to really want, such as some close friends traveled a lot lately, and their stories inspires you to go traveling as well, maybe you should do that, but you should travel where you are interested.

Also a lot of times, it's not about what people do, it's about what they are feeling about what they are doing. Maybe your customers are plain happy, either talking about traveling or making a pancake, he's way of talking might make you jealous on his happiness. I hope it makes sense.

 

[Daelin]

I don't know if it's unnatural or not, but I find it extremely destructive... and addictive. Been there, done that... hell, I still am there! Everything becomes a competition for #1 for me: let it be 1 on 1 games, job, hobbies, even minor stuff. I guess I personally tend to do that with everything that has significant meaning to me... or I especially enjoy.

Best places to avoid it and be able to relax are activities where there is no "unique winner", or "best winner". Social games help here a lot. People get to 'lose' or 'be made fun of' in turn, so to speak, it's friendly and everyone has fun.

Another solution is try to stay away from involvement in too many areas. How can you do that? Obliviousness. Simply avoid things you know you can't be good at (either due to lack of skills or 'starting too late') and focus only on a few things you really enjoy. You can also find someone to complement your skills and work in team.

I, for example, have come to terms with my obnoxiously horrible skills in 3d modelling. That doesn't mean I don't appreciate and admire what other people do; I just watch, praise, and that's it, no additional involvement.

Oh, you can also try to be a pioneer: find something you are relatively good at, and then figure out a niche nobody has discovered yet - and take advantage of it. Once the area becomes overpopulated (take JASS for example, in my case), find something else to explore. It's both productive and self-fulfilling.

P.S.: That paypal donor achievement looks awesome on your profile. If it makes you feel any better, not everyone has it, so it makes you special.

 

[Skycraft]

I think it's because people are afraid that other people out there are superior to them and unless they continue practicing, they will always be better than them and they won't have something that makes them 'unique' from the average joe(-black).
The feeling of being insignificant and useless in the presence of others can develop into a fear, a lot more people have it than you know they do and they probably won't say anything about it.

 

[Pharaoh_]

The object of fear (psychologically known as phobia, because the object is not something that directly threatens your life, in comparison to fear) can be anything. It all depends on how you perceive things and what things triggered this phobia in the past. However, the most important factor is what retains your phobia to the present.

To be honest, throughout my studies, I've never come across with such a phobia. The way you state it makes me thing of the social comparison, which is applied on every person. You compare yourself to another; if the object of comparison is someone of "lower level" (depends on what you are comparing), you feel better and you shape your perception of yourself compared to others. If the object of comparison is of higher level, two things you should be considering, either it will boost your courage to reach higher levels of your own skills or become anxious that you can do nothing to reach them (first being the healthiest in psychological terms).

It appears that you are constantly seeking signs to prove yourself wrong: either you are highly confident or someone made you wonder about yourself. Be realistic, there are worse than you and there are better than you. The key is to handle it in a way that will be proved to be the healthiest to your self-image. In this current state, you flood yourself with anxiety. So what if those people are proved to be better than you (something that you cannot prove anyway, because the fear that they are better than you is not followed by evidence after all, which equals to an unrealistic fear (also known as phobia))?

 

[MGCǂSpectre]

I don't have such fear because I'm feared of better than others :>

 

[Direfury]

It all comes down to acceptance. I was chosen as one of the four best young writers in my province. Four. Out of who knows how many people, yet I acknowledge my weaknesses, of which I have plenty.

I know people out there are better than me, I know they're superior in other ways, so it doesn't bother me, until I let my ego get out of control.

 

[Wimbo125]

I'm sorry for freaking you out

But on topic, it's just a problem with your self-confidence...

 

[Ironside]

I don't have this problem either, I usually consider myself supperior, but that is because I have high interest for everything I can do and require very low study to learn things, if I can't do it, then I hate it.
If I do find someone better, then I just race to become better than said person.

 

[Bribe]

I like your thinking on that - it's how I learned vJass so quickly, because I was really inspired by Berb's Custom Projectile System and what his code looked like (really professional quality).

Talking about this stuff really helps, and the advice you guys gave makes sense to me.

 

[Vengeancekael]

If I do find someone better, then I just race to become better than said person.

Really? We have a new classmate this year and he's stolen my position as the best student this year and that has made me really jealous since that was my only reputation in my class, however every time I try to outdo myself, I only fail in the end. I guess I just have to ignore him and continue doing things they were before and maybe I'll reach him someday.

But it looks like it's a common thing apparently for people to get that jealous of someone, so that's kinda cool.

 

[Bribe]

A lot of times people just get ahead because they are kissing ass with the right people, or doing something no one else wants to do like enforcing restrictions.

The problem is I value an honest competition, and if someone here can get ahead just because they knew someone is completely screwed up, because there is no competition there.

For example there is a guy who knew someone and he became high up in the company really quickly, even though everyone hates him and he has nothing to contribute other than putting other people down and micro managing us more qualified people to the point where 90% of the people we started with have already left.

 

[MGCǂSpectre]

There is no fair and no honor, it's a competition and winning by any means, get over it.

 

[Bribe]

I suppose I should be happy that I can keep a job and retain my integrity. Apparently that's hard to do these days.

 

[MGCǂSpectre]

It is, and yes you should be happy about it. Im the one who feels dumber if I learn slower and (may) lose a job. But that's only my uncertainty, once I learn, I become Unstoppable!

 

[Direfury]

I suppose I should be happy that I can keep a job and retain my integrity. Apparently that's hard to do these days.

It is difficult, but if you manage to keep it up, and refuse to back down on your morals, other people pick up on it. It's one of the few things I can actually be proud of.

 

[Orcnet]

don't be afraid, everyone is equal. no level caps or level gaps

 

[Direfury]

Unless you're rich.

And talented.

 

[Hakeem]

I've never felt that way because I've never felt inadequate. If I ever failed, it was because I tried too hard, and in doing so, made a mistake because I wasn't focusing properly. Maybe it has something to do with not caring what others think outside of whether or not they like me. I don't care if you look down on my abilities or look up to them; all that matters is if you're a friend or not. Maybe it's because I just seem to be "naturally talented." With enough practice, I can get wherever I want. This probably comes off as arrogant, but I don't see it that way. I don't fear anyone being better than me because nobody is. But everyone is capable of the same things I am. The only difference between you and I is motivation. Who's to say I've made the right choice in terms of motivating myself? Who's to say I made it wrong?

It seems simple to me. If you want it, get it.

 

[Direfury]

Funny, I tell myself something rather similar. I can change the world, save or destroy it. I can surpass everyone else, I can do this or that without err or fault. I can achieve a form of perfection in what I do. However, I'm just like anyone else, and on a larger, more universal scale? I'm insignificant to a illogical extreme, though I still have my pride.

 

[Bribe]

Pride and ego are weaknesses that can be exploited.

The thing is that you are the only one inside your own head, everyone else's thoughts are isolated from you. You don't need this superiority complex to know that you are different, because for all you know you are the only one in the world who is actually alive and who actually has a soul.

I could say that I have a soul, too, but for you, I could just be another cog in the wheel and be leading you onto the illusion.

However, philosophy in general sucks. Have a beer every once in a while, and sit back.

 

[MGCǂSpectre]

If I ever failed, it was because I tried too hard

That doesn't matter in today's world. I also like doing things to perfection but that costs me time and employers don't like things taking too long to do even for a little quality sacrifice.

 

[Bond009]

lol i kinda skimmed through this stuff a bit and all i have to say is things could be worse..lol you could be a girl.
And i dont mean that to be mean to girls, i just mean they have it harder in the world. at every single age range.

Take high school, they never really have any real life time friends that wouldnt back stab them in a sec to get a guy etc. At college age they have way more stresses and worries for reasons im sure you can imagine, and in the work force its also harder for them to progress in a realistic fair way. Not to mention on average their overall logic and reasoning skills are not as high.

Just be glad you were born male

also we live in a dog eat dog world but live life like its a peaceful live let live world..

 

[Bribe]

You really have a bad image of women, Bond009. That's a pretty hardcore fail image, in fact.

 

[Magtheridon96]

Today, I learned that "thinking" decreases my test scores.
So, I decided to not think and use no analytical skills whatsoever.
And thus, I did great on my Physics and Economics tests :3

Thinking and Analyzing = Bad
Conscious Bot = Good

This could probably help a few people out there :3
Especially those who over-think things and/or over-analyze them like me.

Now, I'm off to be better than EVERYONE.

 

[Direfury]

You can over-analyze things as much as you want, as long as you keep perspective. For example, keeping blunt objects and other 'weapons' at hand in every room "Incase of intruders" is fine, but going on thinking "Someone will break in" without reason isn't.

Make a plan, consider all the possibilities, and prepare things so that if it does fail, any drawbacks are turned around and made into something beneficial, just don't focus exclusively on these back-ups.


There are other applications, which I won't get into, but I'm sure you see what I mean.

 

[Magtheridon96]

Did you know that during 10 years of school (since first grade), I've never studied for a Math test except once in 8th grade ... and that time, I got the lowest grade ever D:<

When I don't study, I do better (In Math and Physics anyway)

 

[Direfury]

I've actually never studied for any test, and I've never failed.

Hell, my last year of school, I arrived a month late. My first assignment? An exam, that I passed at the top of the class. After that, I slept through every class, and passed the final, and the only one to get a higher mark? The teacher who decided to take it with us.


Though most of it was all just common sense stuff. All it takes is some basic knowledge to make an accurate educated guess.

 

[Edhel-dur]

lol i kinda skimmed through this stuff a bit and all i have to say is things could be worse..lol you could be a girl.
And i dont mean that to be mean to girls, i just mean they have it harder in the world. at every single age range.

Take high school, they never really have any real life time friends that wouldnt back stab them in a sec to get a guy etc. At college age they have way more stresses and worries for reasons im sure you can imagine, and in the work force its also harder for them to progress in a realistic fair way. Not to mention on average their overall logic and reasoning skills are not as high.

Just be glad you were born male

also we live in a dog eat dog world but live life like its a peaceful live let live world..

Women do have a harder time in this world... until one kicks you in the nuts.

Now leaving all jokes aside, this is just so wrong. I mean of course, society is still inclined towards male figures than female, however, women weren't meant to be men, just like men aren't meant to be women.

Man was meant to think a product in the backstage, while the woman was meant to promote that product.

Ofc woman can be much much more and do a lot of stuff, but, really they aren't helpless kittens.

 

[Bond009]

You really have a bad image of women, Bond009. That's a pretty hardcore fail image, in fact.

lol no i know, i didnt mean i look at it that way it just is that way saddly. I have a younger sister in high school and know all too well how their friends are fake and nothing like my guy friends use to be back then. Also women in most situations have it worse in the world. Take a college party for example, they have to travel in packs so they are safe and dont get raped and cant even walk out at night around campus safely at late hours. Its just how the world is, and it sad.
I didn't mean I look at women in a lower way, i just meant its probably harder to be one, "as i wouldnt want to be one" lol

 

[Magtheridon96]

they have to travel in packs so they are safe and dont get raped

So the rapists would have to travel in packs as well.
And a lot of them do > (Where I come from)

 

[Direfury]

I do believe that this man has never heard of the term 'gang rape'.

 

[Pyramidhe@d]

inferiority complex?

 

[Mgeterno11]

You shouldn't have inferiority complex.
If someone is better that me two things i and you can do: 1.Ignore it and think about the things we are good, too.
2. Try to be better than him. This works well, too, and sometimes people is jealous about me, too.