[Cinematic] [WIP] A Path to Take(Needs better name)

[Total_Warrior]

A Path to Take is a cinematic series about a man named James Sullivan who is a rebel against a kingdom ruled by a man that wants to conquer all lands that oppose him. James' father works for the king and James wants to free him from the king. But the question is: Does he want to be freed?

James is found hiding in a small town and flees via boat to the main land. He was told by a spirit he summoned to find the guild/clan of Sarathnar where he will acquire advanced training and magic. He meets a woman named Katrina and they set out to find the people of Sarathnar and put an end to the king's terror.

-The cinematic is still a WIP and needs a better name-

Tips on how to improve and criticism appreciated.

What Part 2 will contain:
-James and Katrina travelling
-The general and his army marching
-James training
-Sarathnar scout reports the enemy heading their way
-Scenes of preparation.
-Cinematic ends with 1.5/4 of the battle scene

 

[Pharaoh_]

Ok, this is too stolen, I'm sorry, but the story so much reminds me of Bloodline I.. The father and the son, the strange archer woman that kills the guards, who are about to kill the main hero, the "superior" forces who want the main hero executed, the troops, tracking down the main hero, the landscape from a high cliff offset.. Even the title in the end is the same way Bloodline's is.
I wouldn't even direct you at the Bloodline thread, because I'm 1000% sure you've already watched it (and imitated it), but I'll let the others know: http://www.hiveworkshop.com/forums/cinematics-268/cinematic-bloodline-153829/

Sorry if I clip your wings, but it's almost the same story; you really need to find something more original, even if you didn't try to imitate anything at all.

Things to change:
- Story (Well, yeah, that will remove the meaning of your wip, but since there is even one person that has the Bloodline in mind, when watching this, you should change it a bit.)

- Terrain (Too bland I'd say. The only one I liked is the landscape. The castle's terrain is so overused).

- The ship - a) remove the "Load/Unload" sound, it's so warcraft (go to the ability and change the Sound field).
b) Don't stop the ship, when he is supposed to get some rest.
c) Reduce its movement speed and the Animation - Turn speed, to make it smoother.
d) The scene with the dream doesn't really look like a dream scene; have the dream filter placed all over the scene, until the "nightmare" ends.

- Add some sound effects?
- Using "Lordaeron Summer" tileset is too cartoonish, even for gaming. For a cinematic it's a fail. Change it to Ashenvale or Village Fall. Use terrain variation.
- The custom trees you're using kind of blend with each other, creating flashes, which shows how poorly the models are made; try a different model instead (either way, they are not very realistic).
- When I press "Escape" button, let me exit the map, not the cinematic only (Use Game - Victory Player 1 (Red)).
- Don't make the spirit (Antonidas) call James, "James". Let him call him "young one", for example (it sounds wiser )
- The scene starts too abruptly. You should make the captain and his troops move towards the gate, instead of having them stand and start chatting.

 

[Total_Warrior]

Thank you,as I said it's a wip and and i'm just testing it out to see if it's a good idea but if it's too stolen then i will change the story AMAP

 

[thedeathunterxx]

im gonna watch this.

ill be back with a review .