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UNEXPECTED ATTACK(Remake)

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「UNEXPECTED ATTACK(REMAKED)」

By Tolist85

Story
[tr]
There is one Human post which have under attacked by Undead Forces, leading by commandor. The goal of commandor is to destroy human post and make new base for Kalimdor. There are Human villager,Human soldiers, Human buildings, Human hero, Undead soldiers, Undead Hero at cinematic.

Screenshots
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226506-albums7405-picture90113.bmp
for screenshot[/IMG]
226506-albums7405-picture90114.bmp

226506-albums7405-picture90117.bmp

226506-albums7405-picture90116.bmp

226506-albums7405-picture90115.bmp


Features
[tr]

The map is not protected.
The cinematic is not long.

Credits
[tr]

Map - Tolist85
Stable - Mike
Wooden Tower - Shadow_killer
Kobas - Map Description Template

Changelog
[tr]
-Only this cinematic.
Map Description Generator 「By Vengeancekael」

Keywords:
Unexpected, Attack
Contents

UNEXPECTED ATTACK(Remake) (Map)

Reviews
10:18, 25th Aug 2014 Orcnet: I'm not really sure on how to rate this, but since the scenery is fast paced but fixated on a decent scale it somehow worth watching, the grammar though is kinda funny when reading each character from the...

Moderator

M

Moderator

10:18, 25th Aug 2014
Orcnet:

[img]http://www.hiveworkshop.com/forums/members/194715-albums6441-picture75028.png[/img]


I'm not really sure on how to rate this, but since the scenery is fast paced but fixated on a decent scale it somehow worth watching, the grammar though is kinda funny when reading each character from the cinematic, its probably based for it. Anyhow can be approved.
 
Level 7
Joined
Feb 16, 2014
Messages
322
There are many grammar errors and why are the Paladin and Commandor (should be Commander but why not give him a name) talking like buddies? This is hilarious.

I suggest you use more fitting dialogues. Here are some suggestions
K= Kill'Jaedan P=Paladin

k2p: Don't run you coward - Ah! Running like a dog. Then I'll make sure you die like a dog.
k2p: I am getting angry man - You human dogs are getting on my nerves.
k2p: You are really powerfull but I'm faster than you.(Laugh) - If u think u are holding your ground, I can easily overpower you.
p2k: You are talking very much- Shut up and fight! I don't need to listen to you demons. May the holy light be with me.
k2p: I'm bored and tired. Anyway, this fight will end and I will win.
[At this time i suggest playing lightning for infernal's arrival.]
It seems I have ran out of time. Say your prayers human. Time to die.

I suggest like in between the fight K and P to increase the morale of their armies like the P saying "the light is with us"
 
Level 7
Joined
Feb 16, 2014
Messages
322
I will fix my map but I think dialogues are normal. Maybe I will change dialogues.
I am not saying that map is not good. Map is ok but dialogues need a little work. It seems like the humans and the demons are buddys and are arguing and want to kill each other just to shut each other up. But they are fine just the way they are. I was just giving suggestions. I am not forcing u. Your resource, your right.
 
Level 8
Joined
Jul 8, 2014
Messages
433
I think you dont know english. In the first picture it says lets start my soldiers. You should have said Lets start attacking. And in the second it says this cinematic is end. You should have said This cinematic will end now.
 
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