The Ambassador

[Moderator]

[TD]

Moderator: StoPCampinGn00b version 1 The Ambassador by Tolist85 RATINGS [COLOR=white [COLOR=white Scores[/COLOR]] Story: 14/25 Visuals: 13/25 Total Score: 27/50 Explanation[/COLOR]]5 Stars: 47+ 4 Stars: 40-47 3 Stars: 25-39 2 Stars: 10-24 1 Stars: 1-9 CRITIQUE Story: The map has a follow-able and lengthy story. The enjoy-ability can be debatable for many, but I feel that it was half heatedly entertaining and actually a little unpredictable in a few parts. I can read it all of the lines, but your stretching it if people want to read out loud. Of course, I understand that changing the times for everything is a hassle and it's basically looking into every trigger involving sequences of events, but some people do read slower and it can be a pain for those specific people when watching this cinematic. Overall, the dialogue is understandable even though the grammar and spelling is questionable at times. 14/25​ Visuals: The visuals aren't anything special. The environmental forest areas look lushes and decorative, but the 'indoors' as stated by Shadow Fury don't look to pleasing with a low amount of doodads and unfitting tiles. Sometimes there is a little too much dirt tile in the urban areas. You did a better job with camera angles than in Copies. I loved the target ranged shot, I've taken a film class and that's a fun one to see . The map included included a wide variety such as first person, panning, etc. 13/25 ​ VERDICT The only way a map can be approved is if it follows the map submission rules that apply to the map type. - All rules cinematics require are followed, map approved! - You have a changelog, but you've taken some points from other suggestions and you didn't type the changes in. Update it. ​ NOTES You did a little better than in the last map I've seen from you. Feel free to contact me about this review on this map page OR message me about anything. (+2) reputation points for taking your time to upload this map to Hive.

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[WhiteFang]

Wow I'm impressed!great use of models and sounds.

You got a few typos:
In the scene where Faceless and Ambassador talk faceless says"go say him"it should be go tell him.

I also recomend:
Remove the ground texture from the torch the peasents build.
Make the king say "die you traitor"when attacking faceless,not after he dies.
At the beginning make The Ambassador appear after the presents.

Overall this is a good cinmatic. 4/5

 

[Shadow Fury]

Not really a good cinematic in my opinion for the following reasons:-

- The dialogue has some mistakes and is pretty fast sometimes that I cannot read it completely
- You have some problems with playing animations and resetting them. The villagers at the beginning of the cinematic play their attack animation but then they become still like statues and stand without moving at all
- The combat sounds are almost unhearable! They have a too low volume
- The fights were very boring and too quick. When the Ambassador faced the bandits, they talked more than they fought. The combat lasted about 5 seconds and it was all about normal attacks. No real confront between the Bandit Lord and Ambassador. Same thing goes for the "fight" between King Mael and Faceless. Only one hit from Mael and Faceless was dead. I expected something like a 1v1 battle but sadly it wasn't like that
- The indoor terrains were not good. Using Blizzard tiles to make indoor tiles is a bad idea. Importing a tile from the UTM would be better
- As this is a cinematic, some "magical" events like the Ambassador disappearing when he is in front of Faceless' residence or the sudden colour change from purple to teal should be avoided

Now here is what I suggest you to do:

1- You should use the "Queue animation" trigger to let the villagers play their attack animation repeatedly
2- The reason why the combat sounds are really low could be because you "setup all volume channels for speech". I'm not really sure of that because I never used such a command but it could be the problem of too low volume
3- You should make real fights between the Ambassador and Bandit Lord as well as for King Mael and Faceless, otherwise this cinematic is all about talking without any cool or interesting action
4- Import a tile from the Ultimate Terraining Map for indoor terrains. They'll have a really great effect
5- Try to make the cinematic as realistic as possible. Some supernatural events, like the ones I listed above, should be avoided
6- As Archimonde Supreme said, remove the ground texture from the torches, they are definitely unrealistic

I see hope for this map yet now the cinematic has nothing interesting or intriguing. I'll give it 2/5 and AWAIT UPDATE!

 

[tolist85]

Updated.

 

[StoPCampinGn00b]

Review finished!

[TD]

Moderator: StoPCampinGn00b version 1 The Ambassador by Tolist85 RATINGS Scores Explanation Story: 14/25 Visuals: 13/25 Total Score: 27/50 5 Stars: 47+ 4 Stars: 40-47 3 Stars: 25-39 2 Stars: 10-24 1 Stars: 1-9 CRITIQUE Story: The map has a follow-able and lengthy story. The enjoy-ability can be debatable for many, but I feel that it was half heatedly entertaining and actually a little unpredictable in a few parts. I can read it all of the lines, but your stretching it if people want to read out loud. Of course, I understand that changing the times for everything is a hassle and it's basically looking into every trigger involving sequences of events, but some people do read slower and it can be a pain for those specific people when watching this cinematic. Overall, the dialogue is understandable even though the grammar and spelling is questionable at times. 14/25​ Visuals: The visuals aren't anything special. The environmental forest areas look lushes and decorative, but the 'indoors' as stated by Shadow Fury don't look to pleasing with a low amount of doodads and unfitting tiles. Sometimes there is a little too much dirt tile in the urban areas. You did a better job with camera angles than in Copies. I loved the target ranged shot, I've taken a film class and that's a fun one to see . The map included included a wide variety such as first person, panning, etc. 13/25 ​ VERDICT The only way a map can be approved is if it follows the map submission rules that apply to the map type. - All rules cinematics require are followed, map approved! - You have a changelog, but you've taken some points from other suggestions and you didn't type the changes in. Update it. ​ NOTES You did a little better than in the last map I've seen from you. Feel free to contact me about this review on this map page OR message me about anything. (+2) reputation points for taking your time to upload this map to Hive.

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[Lord_Disasthorm]

Wow! This is a good map! A nice models and custom sound combined! I'm so impressed. Thats true that Archimonde said. 4/5 anyway!

 

[StoPCampinGn00b]

You've rated a three instead of a four

 

[creyzi4zb12]

I definitely give this a 5. Although the scaling of the buildings would need some improvement. The story and the use of models and voices definitely makes up for it.

 

[Gottfried]

This map is cinematic.King Mael, appointed to take on debts and taxes from the Faceless' based on his adventure is a cinematic.

Killing me... also the loading screen text is also savage!
Hmm... this is 3/5
Why? I will write it below.

Spoiler: Read it!

This story is simple... but really somewhere hard to predict, as it was written by the moderator. Though it has some plot holes and missed possibilities.
Let's see:
In the beginning we can see a training montage and the camera moves to the King's place. Here the King calls his treasurer-man in order to gain money? He told to his majesty, that (one noble?) Faceless owes him to a lot of money.
Plot hole 1: Who is this Faceless? I mean who are him? A count? A mere noble? There is nothing, which we know about him truely in the beginning.
The King then calls to his ambassador! We see a mage, while in training. And a Dwarf!
King Mael then send them to the Faceless in order to gain gold for him. He gives them troops too. This team went to the forest, where they find a resting place and after this (a moment) bandits arrived to fight them.
Plot hole 2: Really? Bandits? This is unoriginal, sorry. :/ If you want to make an update, please replace them with... spiders or brown sasquatches (or I do not know, just give you some ideas)
The team defeats the bandits so gorely, that even the Blade bowed to them. When they dealed with them, the group went to sleep.
Next day, they are reached the faceless camp.
Twist 1: They are not faceless! Only humans, what a cheap move! -.- xd
The Faceless, who is literally faceless (what a joke) meet with the ambassador and the dwarf. The Faceless seems disturbed and guilt for not paying taxes, but he quickly turns the table and attacked them.
One of the soldiers asked the guards about the AB, but they lied to him. Being suspicious... the man reports the events to the King. The dwarf and AB woke up and find themselves in prison. The King sent his men to find the ambassador with dwarf and bring them to home. The liberate group shows himself Faceless's men and after a short convo, they killed the Faceless guards and bring out the prisoners. After this Faceless's men showed up and attacked them, with the King! (what a twist)
Not so twist, but the King murder Faceless and after this he mourns the AB and the dwarf...
WHO WERE THE CLOSE TO HIM!
Missed shots (with in-universe theories):
Biggest: Faceless
He remained quite mysterious, we do not know about him too much. He is a flat, one-dimensional treasonous villain. His motivations remained unknown. Possibly he is a usurper, who wants the throne. Why? This is the question... he might be a better king or the king hurts his interests. Maybe he finds the king too greedy?
2. The Father and his son
It is okay, that the Ambassador is a plot key for a Vader-esque twist. But a king (father) who calls his own son to Ambassador all the time (the plot time) is quite weird. (He maybe just not too sensible, before the end, where he mourns greatly, and it is also to possible, that this second missed point is too wild.) However the whole thing may overshadows that King Mael somehow ignores his son maybe...

Technical review:
The environment is average! Although the tiles are somewhat substandard, try to use HQ tiles, if you can. :O
The camera shots are exceptional somewhere. That POV shot in the prison is the best. In the rest place, where the AB fought with the bandits, the terrain rising is cheap and looks very weird.

 

[Alireza Evil]

I'm impressed! Cool!

 

[deepstrasz]

Everything happens so fast as if it makes it look like random imagery.
Smart bandits attacking at night starting a conversation before engaging...
That was just stupid to let the soldiers go instead of fooling them to get inside the castle and kill them or lock them up too.
Where did the king's troops get armour and vestments like the Faceless' troops?
After the ambassador said thank you for being saved he just remained in the cell quarters until the fade to black and scene with them running on the road came up. Also, why were they going on the road? That's like the stupidest thing you can do trying to avoid not being spotted.
So, the ambassador's body could stay on the ground but not the Faceless'?
Credits text messed up.

2/5.

 

[tolist85]

deepstrasz, thank you for comment! You can find the answer to your questions better if you watch the cinematic.