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Short Story Contest #3 - Heirloom

Discussion in 'Contest Archive' started by SilverEx, Jan 12, 2010.

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  1. Phoonix

    Phoonix

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    then you haven't read The World is Flat's story... and if you call that a block well :/ then your stupid. (no offense)
     
  2. Silly Lil Ant

    Silly Lil Ant

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    My Draft! not quite 2000 words yet but here it is

    haven't got name yet
    Lordaeron was once a great Human continent, but today it is home to the Forsaken. Below the once great capital of Lordaeron lies the Forsaken capital named Undercity, here homes the Dark Lady, Queen of the Forsaken, Sylvanas Windrunner. As you know she was once an elf, not just any elf but a Ranger General for the city of Quel‘thalas. During the Scourge invasion she was killed by Arthas, the Lich King. He then turned her into a Banshee!

    However, not all high elves we quite this unfortunate. Some got the peace of the grave. One such high elf was Rivena Swiftwright. She was a rather slender, dark haired Elf. Her eyes shone bright blue. She was a Dalarani Sorceress. She was native to Dalaran and ironically that’s where she died at the hands of Arthas Menethil. Rivena had one close friend, Charlie Grape. He was a tall, blonde, blue eyed, well built human. He was very fond of Rivena, which made this even harder for him.

    Rivena was in her place of study. It was a rounded room with two exits, the walls were patterned with purple and orange in a High Elven style. Glistening blue shards moved gracefully around the room from the overly high ceiling to just above her head. Bookcases, which we carved with great care and to the standards of Antonidas, full of mystical books covered the base of every section of wall. In the centre of the room was a wooden table, a giant book was open on an enchanting page. There at the table was Rivena; holding a necklace, which appeared to be rather old, in her right hand. She was casting some sort of enchanting spell on it, at that moment Charlie ran in

    “ Rivena! We have to get out of here! Undead creatures have entered Dalaran!”
    Rivena did not seem affected by this at all and began another spell.
    “Rivena? We must go now!”
    Rivena finishes casting and says, “Perfect, Charlie I know you will object to this, but you have to take my necklace.” Charlie attempts to interrupt but Rivena doesn’t let him, “Take it to my daughter when this massacre has finished. I know my daughter will survive, she is a half-elf, she will strive to do her best! Go and hide, you cannot fail me. My time has come, the Prince of Lordaeron shall take my life but it will eventually be his undoing!”
    Charlie runs out the room, leaving Rivena behind. A horde of undead screeched, “Anar'alah belore! Vendel'o eranu!”, with that she began to conjour a fireball.

    “Here they come! Ready yourselves men!” a general shouted.
    Hordes of ghouls rushed round the corner, “Attack!” With that the archers at the back fired their bows, the spell casters began to cast their spells and the warriors charged. These ghouls didn’t stand a chance, the defenders survived with the minimal casualties. Luckily there were several priests which resurrected the fallen. One Warrior removed her helmet, swishing her beautifully ginger hair from side to side. However, this slim lady was not quite Human! Her eyes, they were a brilliant glowing violet. She was a Half-elf. Violet eyes are rare for normal High elves, it is even rarer for a Half-elf.

    “Adelle, that was some brilliant fighting just then!”, the General exclaimed, “When we have rid Dalaran of these foul creatures, I shall put you name down to become a General just like me!”
    “Oh my, I never really thought I was that good at fighting! Thank you, General Peterson!”, Adelle was so shocked she couldn’t even see how some of the other defenders where doing.

    Suddenly there was a massive cracking sound! The towers began to fall, it was then that the defenders knew they had lost. Chunks of rock fell above the defenders, they began to move but the General wasn’t quick enough. The rocks fell on his leg, crippling him. Adelle rushed to him with many of the other defenders. “Peterson, are you okay? We will move these rocks!”, Adelle said to him with distress.
    “Adelle, don’t worry about me!” Peterson coughs and then continues, “By the time you have moved these rocks, that tower will fall on us.”
    “Work faster we don’t have long!” Adelle called out to the others.
    “Adelle, take my sword…” he coughs again, “take it to my sister’s son Michael. He lives just North of here. The sword has been in my family for generations, I just want to continue the tradition!”
    “But, Peterson …”
    “Do as I say, this is my last order! As they say in Thalassian Anu belore dela'na! Take care.” The Tower began to fall, the defenders ran out of the area, Adelle took the Sword of Life. When she was out the area, she turned to see Peterson, He repeated those words again, “Anu belore dela'na!” With that the tower fell flat on Peterson. There was no noise, no sign of pain, no cry for help, not even a splat, just a big crash on the ground.

    Adelle turns to the other defenders, “Dalaran has been lost! We need reinforcements to regain and put this city back to its former self!”, she looks round at them all. “ General Peterson gave me one last order before he died, we are to take his sword to his nephew. I wish to respect his dying wishes and take this sword. However, I cannot do it alone, Undead roam our City and our land. Thus, to go out there alone will only bring death, but together we can purge this land of the dead and respect a general’s last wishes! To this I ask for your help, shall you join me, to send the dead back to their graves! Can you take arms with me?”
    Most of the spell casters gave Adelle a scornful look, High elf and Human alike. The warriors still had their helmets on so no reaction could be seen, the archers look very similar to the spell casters. Then one challenged Adelle, “ Why should we, the defenders of Dalaran, follow some half cast, a hybrid of both Human and High elf! She is not one of us! She doesn’t have a great race like ours to protect. She would rather fulfil a dead man’s last wish than help salvage what we have left here!”
    “If you do not wish to follow me, then leave. If you are here to protect, then go out and protect!” Adelle replies. All but three archers, four spell casters and two warriors left.
    “ We will follow you!”, a spell caster said.

    Three days later, just outside the ruins of Dalaran. It had been a hard fight out of the city. They were down five soldiers, from the initial ten. They found themselves in probably the least corrupted patch of land. The grass was a lush green, the surrounding trees were thriving in colour. Although, it seemed that way because Adelle and the others had been fighting through a corrupted city for days. “ Miss Swiftwright, how far north in Lordearon do we have to go?” one spell caster asked.
    “I am not sure Zorias, although I do not think it is much further.” Adelle replied. She looked back at her home in ruins. “ I do hope my mother made it out alive.” she said to herself.

    The five of them entered the trees. This was probably a bad move, since many creatures would have hid in these very trees when they smelt the stench of death walking their way. This would mean both hostile and passive creatures would be present. It was not long before they heard some Thalassian, the five of them rushed over as he sounded distressed.
    “ Okay stay calm, it was not your fault, you couldn’t get there in time to warn them.” he muttered.
    “Excuse me! Mr…?”, spoke Adelle.
    “Oh, um… oh, I’m Mendell, Mendell Sunbow.”, Mendell replied.
    “So Mendell, who were you talking to?”, Adelle confusedly asked.
    “Oh, no one, just myself. Now what do you want miss?”, said Mendell.
    Adelle instantly replied, “ We need to find the home on Michael Fairgreen. Do you know where it is?”
    “Do I know? Do I know where Mike Fairgreen lives? Of course I know, he is my best pal! Here hold this while I stand up.” Mendell hands Adelle a book, it had a series of elven letters embrowned on it, none of which Adelle had ever seen before. As he rose Adelle handed the book back to him. “ Thank you miss! You are a half-elf aren’t you!”, he said out of the blue.
    “ Yes I am, Adelle Swiftwright is my name.” Adelle answered.
    “ Thought so, you looked Human, but then I saw those violet eyes, quite extraordinary. I’m a half-elf too.” Mendell was quite unorthodox even for a half-elf.
    “I see, but back to Michael Fairgreen!”, Adelle said changing the subject.
    “Oh yes, right this way Miss Swiftwright! We will be there by dawn tomorrow.”, Mendell said marching on. The others were speechless, they didn’t quite know what to make of him. “Adelle? Are you sure we should follow him?” Zorias quietly inquired.
    “He seems a little odd, but then what do you expect from a Sunbow?” The five of them laughed and followed Mendell.

    Being a solider is one of the worst jobs ever. Where ever you go you will find death, what ever you do will result in death. These six where no different. It wasn’t long before they found a village that had been destroyed by the Scourge. It was a small village, only about thirty residents. A well in the centre. Blight covering the village with dead trees, grass and other plants everywhere. Yes, that means the residents are zombies. “I think we should stop off at this village for refreshments.” Mendell stated.
    “Good idea!” Zorias replied.
    “Yuck! What’s that smell?” John (the Archer) asked.
    Eleanor(a spell caster) vomited. “ That smell, that is the stench of death!”, exclaim Thaddeus (the Warrior).
    “Prepare yourselves soldiers, I think we will be killing some zombies!” Adelle warned as she drew her sword.


    Please tell me if i got any big mistakes!
     
  3. TwistedImage

    TwistedImage

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    You know, if you fail to discern between "your" and "you're" and decide to go with the former for the sentence "You're stupid," you don't seem too bright yourself.

    Yes, it is a block, because people weren't splitting it up at all.
     
  4. Darkgamma

    Darkgamma

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    What about grammar?
     
  5. Crazy Cow

    Crazy Cow

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    Crazy Cow sighs
    Don't turn this into an insult fight, please.
    Now, reviews on stories:
    Reviews

    Solecompanysole

    It is better, but there are still things wrong with it. Things like
    "The story of the orcs is one that they only have been trough and they only could handle it"
    are abound. The above would make more sense as
    "The story of the Orcs is one that they alone could have lived through"
    and other things like that where the wording is just... awkward. There are parts where the wrong words are capitalized (War Wolf, for example), and you don't capitalize the right ones (Orcs, for example [Yes, I am guilty of that error too]). You still have fixing up to do, but it is much better than your previous draft.

    The World Is Flat

    I like the fact that your story is from the viewpoint of a tree. That is certainly unique, although the story is hard to follow (the badger, for example, seems a bit random). I also don't see any kind of heirloom in it. It's pretty good, though, and is certainly creative.

    Silly Lil Ant

    It seems like a good story. No noticeable errors and such, but that first part about the Forsaken seems unnescesary.

     
  6. The Panda

    The Panda

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    Added some new verses.

    Needing 1000 More Words
    [​IMG]It was in the morning, the sky had just began to sprout its wings. As Manadar and his troops have already started there journey towards enemy bases. Each of Manadar's soliders are very well trained and ready for anything that comes there way. As they advance through the wilderness towards there destination they encounter a band of creeps awaiting a fight. Running towards the enemy creeps, a archer unleashes his arrow and fires it towards a solider. The solider got his shield and protected himself from the firing arrow. Shortly after that, Mandar's army too over the band of creeps as they destroy them with every swing. Cleaning the blood off there swords, Mandar thinks were to hit next on his journey. As he thinks, a traveler in the mist arrives with a note. He gives the not too Manadar. It reads “Dear Manadar, this is your father speaking. I need you to come back home to take care of your mother, she is very il and I cant be there for her. Sincerely, Garoth.” At this time Manadar doesn't know what to do, go on his journey or help his mother. As he decides, his soldiers say “My lord, go to see your mother, well take care of the enemy bases” Manadar is shocked of what he is hearing, he says “My soldiers you are quite strong and ready for anything, but im not sure if your ready for what beholds in front of you.” As the soldiers say “As that may be true my lord, we are yours to serve and yours to control.” We shall move on with our journey as I will contact my mother when I hit a town hall near by. The soliders say “Right away my lord” Manadar's troops and himself restart there journey towards enemy bases. Each solider thinking about whats going to happen ahead, they see a undead ghoul in the distance. After awhile it disappears in the forest, As Manadar says “Stand high troops, dont let them scare you.” As the soldiers say “We will obey my lord.” The army moves on with there journey. Using there strength to get up the hill, each solider helps one another gain up the steep hill. Soon later, they have gotten on top of the hill. Continuing there journey towards the enemy bases, Manadar begins finding the location of the Town Hall to contact his mother. They see the Town Hall behind some trees ahead. Manadar says “My soldiers, wait here. I will return shortly.” The soldiers say “Right my lord.” As the soliders wait patiently, The king makes his way towards the headquarters in the Town Hall. He finds his buddy “La'krea” they both introduce themselves, as they sit and talk Manadar says “Sir id love to chat but I have to call my mother as she is very il.” La'krea says “Right my friend I understand I will see you some time.” After that, Manadar had called his mother. He found out shes doing fine and shes resting at home. He was very happy to hear such words. Shortly after he rushed outside to find his soliders awaiting him. As Manadar says “Soldiers stand high! I found out my mother is doing fine and she is resting, also I got word from my friend “La'krea” that the enemy bases we were going too where already overrun by the orc forces. So now we shall head towards the runic highlands an hour away too ambush the orcs.” The soldiers say “Right away my lord.” Manadar and his army advances towards the runic highlands for the ambush. Each solider is ready and armored for battle. 15 minutes away from where they are headed, in the distance they see an orc warrior chanting “Victory!” “Victory!” A soldier throws a throwing knife at the orc, missing him by an inch. That one knife had just started the War of Nazareth. Manadar's army charges upward toward the orc warrior. The orc warrior rushes away towards his army behind the forest. Both forces look at each other, willing to do anything to survive. Everyone is still, no one is moving. Awaiting the right time for that one attack. Each side staring deeply at each other, after that short dilemma the orc leader “Cha'cai” stared walking towards the human forces. Cha'cai says “So you humans think you can walk on our grounds? No no I dont think so.” Manadar says “You little orcs have no land of yours, this land is ours and will not be overrun by you dumb orcs.” Cha'cai says “Haha, your funny human. We orcs have much more power than you, we will take over anything we please.” Manadar says “Lets watch and see, shall we?” Manadar returns to his troops, as Cha'cai returns to his. After a split second each of the forces rush towards each other in raging hate. “Charge!” says Manadar and Cha'cai. As the skys fill with blood the ground trembles with agony. Swords flying, bodys falling. This day is coming to an end as each team is tiring down. As the battle still goes on, a creature of the name “Furion” appears in the distance. Furion says “Stop this mindless violence, this isn't anyones land but mother nature itself you will accomplish nothing by killing people.” The battle stops tremendously. Manadar says “Now how do you know that? This land is anyones for the taking.” Furion says “As you may not know I am the dweller of the land you stand on now, and as this battle goes on this land is being hurt by your little swords and blood spilled bodys.” Mandar says “This may be true my friend, as this is your land now but it is ours in battle.” Furion says “As you wish my human friend.” Shortly after the speech, the battle starts again.
     
  7. Adiktuz

    Adiktuz

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    hmmm...

    Idea

    After Arthas defeated Illidan at Icecrown, a young warrior that was wandering around the continent saw Illidan's body and obtained the glaives (does it have a specific name?)...
     
  8. CaoSong

    CaoSong

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    I just noticed that the contest runner hasnt been online in 12 days... dont even have any judges picked out... wonder what the policy for contest runners disappearing at the start of said contest is, if there is any such policy :p
     
  9. Phoonix

    Phoonix

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    there is none since he will come back... people can have a life besides The hive you know Oo (no offense again) but be sure he will return.
     
  10. Kercyn

    Kercyn

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    The Twin Warglaives of Azinoth? That's their WoW name, at least.
     
  11. KeLeNoR

    KeLeNoR

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    A question.
    The story refers in what happened after Warcraft III The Frozen Throne Campaign?
     
  12. Kercyn

    Kercyn

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    I think that's it -.-
     
  13. Pyritie

    Pyritie

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    I pretty much take over
     
  14. Crazy Cow

    Crazy Cow

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    Crazy Cow stabs his eye out with a spork
    Do you mind reading the rules? It clearly states that the story must be after the second game (Warcraft II). The three after 'Warcraft III' just might imply that it is the third game in the series. So no, it can happen before Warcraft III.
     
  15. KeLeNoR

    KeLeNoR

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    YAY! I wanted to do this in cinematic map but now! NOW in Book!
     
  16. The World Is Flat

    The World Is Flat

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    Thanks for some of the tips. its not nearly done yet but, its an ok first draft in my oppinion.

    And some of the grammar changes were to signify the trees own simplicity, and happyness.
     
  17. Solecompanysole

    Solecompanysole

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    Thank you !
    That's was when i tryed to do it my self now i got a good english grammar (he will help me fix all the errors and so on)
     
  18. idodik

    idodik

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    My improved version of the story, this is! It fully explains how the story matches with the lore. It is around 3,200 words.
    Battle of the Two Hills

    Battle of the Two Hills
    By idodik
    The battle was at its peak, and Garthul Shadowblade swung his mighty blade and split three human footmen in half. They were pathetic for him, after all those years of training that he excelled in, and because of something else. Garthul nearly began to ponder how fortunate he was when more footmen came striding to attack. It was an old blademaster trick: he merely splits his image and lets them lunge at his copies while he strikes them from the back. It wasn't difficult; he was vengeful after what their leader, Silthar, did to the orcs after the death of his precious Admiral Proudmoore. Garthul spilled more human blood: His entire family went out to fight them but that human slaughtered them one by one… But he's not going to fail, not with what Thrall himself has given him.
    More footsteps at his back, and this time he turned to greet three knights charging at him, but this time he heard some friendly calls from the opposite direction, and Moojis, a Far Seer, smote them down with his chain lightning. He had been fighting for hours now and already adapted to the changing tide of battle. He jumped on Moojis's wolf and they rushed down the battlefield, joining tens of orcs that were fighting against the human treachery. As they rode Garthul smote down four footmen that jumped at them, and then he felt as if his hand was burning. He did not drop his blade but suddenly felt weakness, and swayed on the wolf as his hand rose in the air, uncontrollable, shaking and surrounded by strange red energy, and fired a bolt of scarlet: at first at nothing, but soon a mage appeared out of nowhere, screaming with pain, dropped to the ground, and was soon trampled to his end.
    Garthul regained control but was still shocked. He did not pay much attention to the awkward sensation that he had gone through, but thought: invisibility? He did not believe that Silthar allowed this; after all Silthar was known as a jealous warrior that never used magic and believed only in the blade. Few orcs had rumored about him calling mages to serve him, but he denied their words and claiming they were deceived. Now it turns out he has the one being deceived… He himself had participated in the assault on Proudmoore's castle so he remembered the foolish human general's face, but luckily for him Silthar escaped and claimed Theramore Isle as his, despite his cowardice in battle.
    It had been only a week, and Garthul forgot how unexpected Silthar was.
    Moojis stopped his wolf and called back to Garthul: "Who was it?"
    "Mages" Garthul grunted, still shocked from the incident.
    Moojis fell from his wolf, and shouted at Garthul: "Don't you say that word for nothing!" Moojis had been burned by one in his childhood, in the earlier battles for Durotar. It was the only thing he spoke unkindly of.
    Garthul stumbled and landed shaken on the ground. "I'm not joking, Moojis. I think that mage was about to kill us".
    Moojis paused fumbling for a moment, and stared at him. Garthul could read the deep anxiety on his face, and asked: "Do you think he knows about Garkarath?"
    Moojis returned to earth and said: "No, that's unlikely, but it's still dangerous – he probably just fears those fighting skills of yours and wants you killed to complete the series".
    Garthul looked thankfully at Garkath, the small scarlet-black ring that just saved his life. "If so, let him come forth. I'll crush him."
    "Don't let yourself fly into his arms; he may have an ambush waiting for you. He might not know about your ring but he probably has some scam waiting anyway".
    Garthul nodded. Sometimes bloodlust needs to make way for thinking ahead.
    "Let's split up: you help the troops and I'll follow deep behind. That way when the time comes I'll be able to show up and kill that stupid human".
    Moojis nodded. "Take care".
    "Go! I'll be waiting".
    He watched as the far seer mounted his wolf, encouraged it to charge and moved away from sight. He saved Garthul from killing himself in various opportunities: suicidal operations, helpless situations, each in another way. Moojis's wisdom was a one to behold, and even Thrall called him often to his throne to hear his advice. As he stood there alone he thought to himself, you bet that you can leave him alone to do his job well. And so, when he waited for the right time to charge, he looked down at his left hand.
    It was covered by blood-red tattoos and marks, some of them actually covered into his flesh. He had never understood the runes that were marked upon them, but he knew what they meant: demonic embrace. Garkarath, Shard of Darkness, was an orcish myth from the long gone days in which orcs marched into Azeroth through the Dark Portal, and was rumored to be an heirloom from orcs that became demons themselves, their power granted from this sacred artifact. The everlasting chain of owners that killed each other to gain its trust would have lasted until today, if Archimonde, that couldn’t put the ring on but feared its power, destroyed the orc that wielded it and caused it to fling through the dark portal into Azeroth, passing out of any knowledge for centuries. Now that the orcs had grown independent, they have mysteriously found the ring lying at the exact location that they planned to build the Orgrimmar fortress, and the first one that put it on enthusiastically was killed in screams of pain and blood. It was thought at first to be cursed, and the situation wouldn't have been changed if Drek'thar hadn't noticed the demonic symbols on it. He took to studying it in private, and when he understood what it was Thrall was quickly informed. Everyone thought that Thrall would wield it, but Drek'thar discovered soon enough that the initial physical strength and endurance requirements (the bloody tattoos and marks), which were made to be very powerful, are shamefully too demanding for Thrall and that he would not survive. Thrall said that he couldn't risk the price since he has to lead his nation, and so the searches for a fitting wielder begun, ending with him, Garthul Shadowblade. He was meant to be the secret weapon of the Horde, and none but Moojis and the orcs in high command truly knew what his tattooed arm meant.
    He suddenly stirred from his trance, and looked around him. Orcish troops were still passing by the masses to the main battlefield, which has advanced forwards, and he watched them go and let a last wonder about Garkarath loose in his head: the ring gave him tremendous strength and agility but made him somehow lighter, which explains him riding on Moojis's wolf without making it collapse or slow down heavily, not to mention the capability of firing bolts of scarlet, like the one that recently saved his life. Still, Garthul remembered Drekthar's words to him telling him that the full effects of the ring will only reveal themselves in time. He did not want to think what they would be, and what power and responsibility they brought with them. He focused only on the thought of his enemy waiting for him.
    Lightning flashed in his eyes, and he groped his blade. The nearby troops paused and looked at him, and he cried: "For Durotar!" and charged with them following him. He was yet again prepared to battle.

    Garthul advanced through the battlefield with the troops behind him, and as he approached the heat of battle he roared and leapt into the mass of soldiers. A blood-red flash and two were killed; five were knocked back and crashed to the ground. None of those stood to face him, and he turned to attack the other humans. He slashed them with growing fury inside him, and felt his left hand fill with sudden warmth. With a sudden determination inside him he stopped slashing for a moment, and stuck the ring in his opponent's eye hole in bloodlust. He screamed and shouted, tortured, but soon caught fire from the blazing hot fury of Garkarath. Garthul was beginning to enjoy this newfound way of killing when a fireball burned its way above his ear. With a fury that he hasn't experienced before Garthul withdrew his left hand from the burning human's eye, not caring if he will die or not, and punched with it in the air towards the origin of the fireball, which appeared as another human mage that fell screaming to his knees. This time, he thought surprised, he controlled his movements, but in great speed. Garthul was beginning to grow impatient with Silthar and tired of his mages when a bright armored knight appeared at the top of the hill ahead, a noble horse carrying him.
    His armor was brandished as if he never fought a battle with it, although Garthul recognized it from the previous time he saw him immediately; golden shoulder pads and belt, blue boots and gauntlets and a banner on his cape. His helmet had golden edges and wings as a symbol of the Alliance. His sword shone in the sun as he pulled it out of its sheath and lifted it up, and all of the humans gave a sudden cry and gained their courage.
    He had forgotten how pathetic Silthar was.
    Garthul slashed five times and four footmen came falling down before him, one wounded twice; he wanted to end Silthar's life before his friends began to exhaust themselves fighting. He charged to the small space created by the death of the humans, and that's when Silthar noticed him.
    "Have at him!" He cried, "Let not this beast see another day!"
    Garthul raised his blade with caution as the humans caught sight of him and started advancing in his direction, and suddenly felt the bloodlust in his mind grow to a peak. His skull seemed to pulse with abnormal power and his body shivered but seemed to be more aware of its might than possible. His eyes grew bloodshot with fury as the images of his family returned to his eyes, screaming, fearful and tortured. Nothing remained of Moojis's advice to him.
    Today, my brothers, he thought, you will be avenged.

    Silthar Sacredmane saw the one enemy he truly feared before him. Thrall was no threat for now, and even if he came it would be an honored death, but this creature would surely torture him as revenge to what he did to his family. The creature had just killed three of his soldiers without a blink and now seemed to advance forward. This vermin cannot threaten us anymore, he thought. His raised blade seemed to be shimmering instead of glowing.
    "Have at him!" He cried, "Let not this beast see another day!"
    He saw his forces closing in on the orc and was pleased to see that many of the creature's allies withdrew at this sight, afraid that they might be also killed. He began to ponder in what way that creature will die when it became its eyes and left arm began to glow blood-scarlet, and its figure was blurred by a blood-red flash. He did not see its movement clearly but it was clear that his people were struck dead one by one. The closest row to him backed away fearfully but they were too late- soon their heads were thrown from the immense impact of the blade on their bodies. Silthar went pale and called for his mages, but soon he discovered the corpse of the mage that shot the fireball at Garthul previously, and was filled with fear. Whatever this was, he thought, it was not orc anymore.

    Garthul did not notice his allies and his enemies alike staring at him open mouthed and was not aware of the changes happening in his enemy until he heard him cry "Retreat! Spare your lives – we will fight them near the camp!" and headed down the other side of the hill. In a blink he seemed to fly there, and found Silthar on his horse, which was galloping in fright to the camp located near the faraway shore. He was alone, armed with but a blade and a ring, he thought. Nothing could make the death of this human more humiliating.
    He charged at the fleeing humans, striking every piece of flesh that he caught in range and left their owners dead or alive, only to maintain eye contact with that coward. They soon noticed him and fled to different directions, just not to let that monstrosity get any closer. Silthar was left alone at last, and the chase continued: through narrow passes between trees, down slopes and ledges they jumped, Garthul splitting every human that got in reach. Garthul pursued him without mercy and did not lose much distance; he knew only the horse in front of him. As they approached another ledge Silthar looked back at him, and something told him that Silthar was not a doomed man yet, but he did not know why. Silthar hurried to jump the ledge, and just then Garthul heard somehow the small sound of a bow's string being stretched to its breaking point, and he had enough time to let the word "Ambush" echo in his mind before he jumped off himself.

    Garthul rose in the air and saw the arrows being launched at him, and as time slowed down he swung his sword and hit two off their course. Suddenly he felt a stab in his lower body, and realized that one of the arrows had pierced him just when he thought he was invincible. Slowly time returned to normal and Garthul landed heavily on the ground and collapsed.

    Silthar stopped his horse and dismounted it, and turned towards Garthul in a tormenting gesture. Garthul attempted to swing his blade but his arm shook in pain and he seemed to shrink somehow. Silthar seemed marveled at his victory, or perhaps his cheat, thought Garthul, and was filled with desire to rip his face off his head, but was once again struck with pain.
    "So comes your end, filthy being," Silthar said, "You have ended many brave lives with your lust of slaying, but you shall wield a blade no more".
    He stepped forward and the archers gathered around him. Garthul felt lonely for an odd reason, like a part of him that had stormed earlier was now resting, and understood that the rampage that he had awakened earlier could not last forever. As Silthar neared with his archers ready to fire him if he resisted, he realized how much weaker and more vulnerable he was without the effects of Garkarath, his ring, but despite that decided that he would not give up without a fight. He saw his family before his eyes. Silthar was now at three arms' length from him, and Garthul desperately gathered the remainder of his strength in order to die as a hero, and then several things happened at once.
    Silthar was already beside Garthul, and as he rose his blade to smite the final strike Garthul focused all the energies in his hand and pulled out the arrow that pierced his waist, and stood up, completely ignoring the tremendous pain searing in his body. As he raised his eyes to look at his killer he heard the sound of lightning behind him, and in a flash every human collapsed dead to the floor. It took Garthul a moment to absorb this, and then he grunted and said "looks like I owe you another one, Moojis," and felt his strength waver, but what caused him to black out was the deep voice, much deeper than Moojis's, that said "Come, Garthul, we need to talk".


    Garthul was now sitting in the hall of Thrall, which was now pacing back and forth in the room, and which saved him from the wrath of Silthar, being a far seer himself. He felt very thankful and slightly confused, and also a little guilty. Moojis was also there, sitting in the corner and smoking his pipe thoughtfully. Garthul wanted to review the last events of the day again.
    "I wish to understand again… Moojis, you say you were the one that alerted the Warchief, but why?"
    "As I saw you burst in fury and striking every ounce of flesh in sight I thought perhaps it were safer if we kept you a secret. You don't know to control your power yet and you are a danger to yourself as well as to others, as we have seen."
    Moojis stopped smoking for a moment and looked at Garthul thoughtfully, then returned to his smoking.
    Thrall said, "I have no offense for bloodlust to be our main motive to destroy our enemies, but your case was exceptional. Would you have released some greater demonic spell that lies in that ring, the security of Durotar would have been risked: perhaps you would've summoned some fiend that you couldn't have controlled, or perhaps even summon demons."
    Garthul felt the guilt in his veins again. It was a sensation which he nearly and didn't meet, and better so, he thought. "I only did what I was instructed," he attempted to justify.
    Moojis smiled. "As the Warchief said, you are an exception. Whoever has to take the blame is not important right now, as he intend to keep you active… But in different ways."
    Garthul raised his look enthusiastically to confirm with Thrall the thrilling news, and Thrall nodded. He nearly feared a death penalty or that his ring will be taken from him, so the news was very relieving.
    Garthul asked, "How will I be serving you, Warchief?"
    Thrall turned towards him, and said: "As you know the battle has been covered in complete secrecy: The Alliance, that has claimed Theramore after Silthar's death, asked me to hide this shameful battle from history, and I agreed, since it would both ensure our Non Aggression Pact with the Alliance and hide the presence of you from history. Now that the fight with the Humans is over I have time to try and deal with the many other enemies we have, for example the centaurs, remaining scourge etc., and in this you will be very useful".
    Garthul looked both at his friend and his leader. They both were confident in his secrecy and in its usefulness, so I should play along, he thought. The life that expected him now could possibly erase the shame of the murder of his family, and, so he thought, a new beginning.

    Garthul Shadowblade's existence was wiped off the map, as was the entire battle's: the history books were to say that the alliance claimed Theramore immediately after Proudmoore's death, and many were to believe it. In the ten years that followed Moojis was mysteriously killed, some say by Garthul's vengeful hunger, and the constant contact that Orgrimmar had with Garthul had been lost. His story is counted as a legend to be told by storytellers, as is his destiny – perhaps he has devoted himself to his new purpose, and will stand against the cataclysm of Azeroth, or has been given a new one, like bodyguarding the Warchief, or perhaps he has been called by the demonic voice of Garkarath to his roots of Outland. Only time will tell.

    Please do not fear to respond and criticize my story!
     
    Last edited: Feb 11, 2010
  19. Solecompanysole

    Solecompanysole

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    The Finished Updated and Fixed Story
    Clan Wars:The Story Of Iksha


    The story of the Orc's is one that they alone could have lived through.
    Even though they were the same race, they came from the same place, they still were separated in clans which fight for the power. In the far woods of Ashenvale the Zabijan Woods two clans were fighting for glory and power.

    The Clans Raa'KtnoK and Se'ghor had allieded or conquered all other clans in that region.
    The Zabijan Woods were the final boarder between the territories of those two powerful clans.
    Clan Raa'Ktnok was leaded by the same named warlock Raa'Ktnok. The Raa'KtnoK clan was based on brutality and strength. The Se'ghor clan was a more delicate clan and their ultimate goal was to unite all other clans without fighting. Clan Se'ghor was a well prepared clan with a battle tactic for almost every situation. The two clans had fought ever since for the power over the Orcs in Ashenvale. Clan Se'ghor had been in possession and still was of the Blood Axe of Chaos , powerful axe that had been passed through generations to the male members of the Se'ghor family.

    But this time there were no male heir to pass the axe. The only heir was a female orc named Iksha . Iksha had been training her whole life to fight for the clan not to rule it. As a female she couldn't take the axe and rule the clan she should fight.
    She was determined to finish the war as there were to many blood losses on both sides.

    One night as she got back from training her father was on his mount and ready to go into the battle. "Father were are you going? You are not allowed to go into the battle!Who will lead the Clanif you die?" asked Iksha. "The axe is in the chest if i wont come back hahaha, you will lead the clan. I don't care what a oracle once told to our shamans, you have proven yourself as a
    good warrior and i believe in you. And do not be worry i will be back. Lok'tar ogar(Victory or Death)!" was the answer of the great leader of the clan. As he was leaving Iksha was standing shocked and thinking "What?I?No he will return. I know my father. He will win the battle and finally end the war uniting all the clans and stopping this madness. But....what if he doesn't return?What if i need to be the Clan Leader?I..." she was interrupted by Mothrun her friend and helper who was there from her birth "Child what are you doing still outside? It is getting cold" Iksha responded "I am worried... what if.." Mothrun interrupted her again "Get some rest and stop worrying it will all be all right, I am sure your father wouldn't go if he knew he would lose the battle. Now common in and get some sleep"

    After a sleepless night, in the morning the sound of the se'ghor horn had woken up the whole camp. Iksha looking through the window. She saw something weird. Her father wasn't leading the army of the hundred warriors and she couldn't recognize any of the orcs that entered in to the camp. She took the Blood Axe of Chaos from the box. As she had token the axe
    the big heavy axe become smaller and smaller so small that she could easy put it in her pocket without anyone noticing. Mothrun rushed in "Don't get out, please stay here. I think you are in danger." Iksha was shocked "What...who are thous grunts? I cannot seem to find a familiar face! And where is my father?" A silence of some minutes started in the small hut. Mothrun was filing the same as Iksha that something is wrong.

    Out of nowhere another horn had been heard. It was a horn of the Wolf Rider Thurg
    "Kagh!Kagh!(Run,Run)" That was the army of the Clan Raa'KtnoK , riding the wolf directly to the hut of Iksha and Mothrun. "We need to get out of here!Or we all gonna die" Thurg grabed Iksha and Mothrun and helped them to get up on the wolf. They then rode out of the camp in the forest. "Where is my Father?" Ikasha asked. "Your father is badly wounded and had been transported to Zoram'gar" Thurg barely breathing answered
    "Will he survive ? Answer me NOW!" Iksha replied furious about what happened "I don't know! My mission was to escort you" Thurg responded "What? How could you not know...." Mothrun " Iksha! He saved our lives you should thank him not yell at him"
    "But...but ah... we need to go to Zoram'gar to see if my father is safe" Iksha started to calm down "Shhhhh... i think someone followed us. Don't move" as they hid in the bushes Thurg sent his wolf to run forward. In that moment two orcs rushed towards the wolf. Iksha got angry again "Now its the time to use the Blood Axe of Chaos" she thought. She quickly got the axe out and as quickly the axe got back to its normal size. She jumped on to one of the orcs, cut him in half and other orc was killed by Thurg's "Blacksteal Blade" . "How did you do that ?" at the same time Mothrun and Thurg asked Iksha "I didn't do anything! The axe did all itself" "You got better since we last had our practice duel" Thurg added.
    "Well its no time for compliments on my fighting skills , we have to reach Zoram'gar to see if my father is safe" Iksha blushed even thought by orcs you almost cant see it because of the color of their skin, but this time was intense. They got ready and started riding to the nearest camp of the clan, to the camp Mor'shan .
    As they approached Iksha's old friend and her father couldn't believe that she finally came to visit him.

    "Iksha it had been a long since i saw you the last time . Eh, look at you! You became an Om'riggor(Adult in orchish)."
    "I am glad to see you Burwh'at..." Iksha responded in a sad way "I know why are your sad, I have heard the news, the clan is weakening. We need to start striking back harder"
    Iksha "I don't understand them! Why they want war? Those warlock thinks he cannot be beaten but as soon as my father recovers we will crush him! But for now we need a favor. We need a place to sleep, some food and to make supplies for our journey" "Everything for you Iksha" . After they had been invited to sleep at Burwh'at house and they ate the meal prepared by his wife, they stayed over the night. In the morning Iksha woke up Mothrun and Thurg, they packed and leaved leaving a note and some gold on the table.

    They left on their own mounts, Iksha with an Kobo, Mothrun a raptor, and Thurg with his wolf. They got to Zoram'gar in a few hours. They bearly made a pause.
    They arrived at the Camp of shamans. There two doctors and one shaman threated her father. "Iksha...you made it! ghuughughu...now i can rest...ahh..." The shaman cast a spell and the witch doctors gave him a potion that kept him alive "You now have to...ghuuuuu...lead the clan....i am to weak... Assemble the army and march to our boarders, if you have the axe that will protect you...ahh.. i wish i had spent more time with you..." Ikasha interrupts with him tears in her eyes "You will father you will survive and help me to win"

    "I will always be with you my child same as the rest of our ancestors that have use the axe, their soul is after their death transformed into energy for the axe that makes it makes it so powerful. Ahh...my child...i will always be near you aghghhh..." that were the last words of Racen Se'ghor "Father no..." Iksha started crying, Mothrun " Iksha you need to be strong, you are now the clan leader....You have to be strong to unite us so there wont be any blood baths." Ikasha" Snif...I will revenge my fathers death! Raa'Ktnok I course you for all times and i will hunt you until i will kill you. Lok'tar ogar(Vitory or Death)" . They remained in the camp for a couple of days. Iksha had sent an letter to each army leader she knew personally and to each from the list that she got from the witch doctors who threated her father.

    In 7 Days the biggest army possible to assemble for the clan had been assembled.
    As the army had got assembled Iksha stode on a big rock and started to speach..
    "Fellow orcs , Honorred warriors of the clan, Our great leaderRacen Se'ghor died and has chose me as the new leader!"
    "But that's unpossible! A male had been always a clan leader" said Har'Gham the leader of the tar orcs from the north.
    "How can you be the clan leader? Where is the Blood Axe of Chaos?" asked Narand the leader of the south orc army Lok'waz
    "I do not care if you are a women or men I just want you to lead us to victory" said Hag'Losh te leader of the west Amon'nathal army.
    "I agree with Hag'losh. We need a leader who will bring us victory no matter what" said Drog Tearshorn the leader of the East Tearshorn army.
    "SILENCE !Yours new leader is speaking" Thurg interrupted the discussions.
    "I will lead you to victory. Here is the Blood Axe of Chaos" She pulled out the axe"By the name of my ancestors and my father I will bring you victory Lok'tar(Victory)!Lok'tar Lok'tar Lok'tar"
    "Lok'tar" Everyone screamed ...After that the leaders came up with a plan on how to end this War.

    After 2 days the plan had been finished to perfection and should be carried out.
    The first thing to do was to distract the enemy. Hag'losh had voluntired to attack a base camp of the Raa'KtnoK clan near the Zabijan Woods. In the maintain the enemy sent reinforcements from the nearest camp which was the main camp Bazv'ok . Hag'losh was known for his ability to command small groups of wolf riders precise onto the most vulnerable targets of a camp or a city. The attack should destroy the main watch towers and in the same time the gates but only should damage half of the camp warriors so some of them can go for reinforcements.
    In the maintain the other forces would assemble in front of the Zabijan Woods where they would wait for a messenger.

    Some scouts would be posted in the woods in case of discovering the Clan Se'aghor forces in front of it. After a day resting and preparing for the battle, Iksha gave the command to begin the war.
    "Was it the right decision?" Iksha was thinking "Or will we all lose because of me? No i cant let that happen, and i never will. Its..yes the messenger "
    "They have fallen in our trap attack now" messenger.
    Iksha screamed the command "Attack !" On her right side were Thurg,Narand and on her left Drog Tearshorn, Har'Gham. In the main camp Alvanar the orcs were surprised. Even Raa'KtnoK was surprised to see such a big army.

    "Its impossible! I killed their leader....How could this happen?? Call the reinforcements back now" Raa'KtnoK saidto his soon Greenwall who was his right hand. As Greenwall rushed to get reinforcements Clan Se'aghor was getting the upper hand over the battle. Iksha was slashing through the enemy, determined to revenge her father. She got a blood frenzy she couldnt stop killing. Suddenly she screamed
    "Raa'KtnoK I have come to get you. You will pay for my fathers death and the death of thousands of orcs"
    "You will never win this battle stupid girl....my powers are bigger then anyone elses"Raa'KtnoK responded
    "Iksha the wolf riders are coming to us" Thurg yelled. "What? What are they doing?" thought she.
    "What are you doing? You should attack the other camp!" Iksha told Hag'losh
    "We did but suddenly they all left so we joined you"Hag'losh responded.
    After an hour of battle there were many corps and many loses on both sides....
    The only way to win the battle for Iksha was to kill Raa'KtnoK. "But to kill such a powerfull warlock? How can i do it?" she was thinking
    "Use the axe my child! It is a powerful weapon that can kill everything if you have a good cause and believe in us"
    She looked up to her axe covered with blood of the orcs and there was the face of her father. "Thank you father. Har'Gham,Narand,Hag'losh,Thurg , help me get to Raa'KnotK now!"
    They started making a way through the massive army to the fearsome warlock. As they moved forward Iksha jumped over them and started cut a way through the orc masses like a knife through butter.

    As she got to the warlock...."You are strong but not strong enough" said the warlock .
    "I need only to be so strong to defeat you and stop this massacker" As they started fighting they didn't noticed anyone except their enemy.
    The warlock started casting shadowbolts on her injuring her badly. She felt....The Warlock came near her and as he got ready for the finale blow...
    "You will now perish like your father before you Iksha Se'aghor muahahah" She managed with her left strength to pull up the axe and hit the warlock...
    "You cant kill me with a normal weapon I have a power shield hahahaha!" on which Iksha smiled "This isn't a normal weapon it contains the souls of my
    ancestors!" as she said that on the Blood Axe of Chaos started to grow spikes and the axe itself started to grow passing trough the Power Shield of the
    Warlock. "How did you do it? Thats unpossible" Raa'Ktnok changed the look on his face from convinced to scared. He never thought that this would happen...
    "Little girl your still to weak to break my power shield...what the...." as he turned around Thurg and Har'Gham started to attack him.
    The shield started to lose his power. "Maybe a little girl cant destroy your shield alone but with some help I WILL UNITE THE ORCS!!!" the Axe passed through the shield and the warlock's head rolled.
    As the head of the warlock rolled the fight stopped... Thurg got to Iksha "We did it, I knew you can defeat him" Iksha "I couldn't done it without some help" Iksha lost her conscious....
    "Mothrun huh? I had the strangest dream...I had to fight a war..." Mothrun " Child that wasn't a dream you were unconscious for 2 days, but your wounds are healed all and you could now return to your throne" "What happened to the rest of them" Iksha asked "Everyone returned home and awaits your order, except Thurg. He is still here"
    Iksha jumped out of the bad and ran directly in to the arms of Thurg....
    "Iksha you are saved...I am so glad" Iksha interrupt him "Shhh.. now its all over..."
    "So a mighty hero like you Iksha sure has someone chosen to rule with her...."
    Iksha "Hihihi....well that is my least worry...."


    Thanks for all the tips :D I hope its more easy to read :hohum: enjoy reading
     
  20. TwistedImage

    TwistedImage

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    This here sentence makes absolutely no sense to me. There are others like it too, but I don't care to drag out a dozen examples.

    Aside from that, the only tip I can give you is to italicize what your characters think and put a comma at the end of every comment.

    Example: Drat, he thought.

    Example2: "He should've known better," said Bob.
     
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