- Joined
- Dec 15, 2011
- Messages
- 1,423
Here are some awesome item flavor texts by Pourquoi. I laughed really hard. Now just imagine them with fitting icons 
Toy Sword: It's all fun and games until someone loses an eye. Then you get XP and gold.
Woodsman's Hatchet: A hatchetless woodsman is crying somewhere. I hope you're happy.
Magic Wand: Why is it when a stick has any magic at all it's suddenly a wand?
<A> of <B>: Is '<B>' a word? Maybe it's the brand name.
Training Sword: It's rounded off on the end. There's writing on the blade that says 'Stick 'em with the pointy end'.
Glowing <...>: Batteries included. Still doesn't seem right, though.
Brutal Axe: When killing something with a regular axe just isn't brutal enough...
Pirate's Cutlass: Because no self-respecting pirate stereotype would be caught dead with a straight sword.
The Rock: It's a massive stone hammer. It's called 'The Rock' because 'Dwayne Johnson' sounds less threatening.
Goth Staff: I think it's actually called Infinite Despair, but it's totally goth. It's got a skull and everything.
Hardcore Staff: Show off your awesome skills. Try not to hit the furniture or end up on YouTube.
Murderer's Axe: There's really no question about its use.
Forest Hammer: That is to say it's a rock tied to a stick.
Pike: Not a fish.
Unliving Sword: Not really that strange, given that most swords aren't alive.
Future Bow: It's from the future.
Crescent Staff: Maybe this is what they used to open those cans of tuna.
Ice Hammer: Using it is like hitting people with a really hard snowball that never breaks!
Venomous Fangs: Juggling these would be a bad idea.
<...>: Cuts through nearly nothing.
Woodsman's Hatchet: A hatchetless woodsman is crying somewhere. I hope you're happy.
Magic Wand: Why is it when a stick has any magic at all it's suddenly a wand?
<A> of <B>: Is '<B>' a word? Maybe it's the brand name.
Training Sword: It's rounded off on the end. There's writing on the blade that says 'Stick 'em with the pointy end'.
Glowing <...>: Batteries included. Still doesn't seem right, though.
Brutal Axe: When killing something with a regular axe just isn't brutal enough...
Pirate's Cutlass: Because no self-respecting pirate stereotype would be caught dead with a straight sword.
The Rock: It's a massive stone hammer. It's called 'The Rock' because 'Dwayne Johnson' sounds less threatening.
Goth Staff: I think it's actually called Infinite Despair, but it's totally goth. It's got a skull and everything.
Hardcore Staff: Show off your awesome skills. Try not to hit the furniture or end up on YouTube.
Murderer's Axe: There's really no question about its use.
Forest Hammer: That is to say it's a rock tied to a stick.
Pike: Not a fish.
Unliving Sword: Not really that strange, given that most swords aren't alive.
Future Bow: It's from the future.
Crescent Staff: Maybe this is what they used to open those cans of tuna.
Ice Hammer: Using it is like hitting people with a really hard snowball that never breaks!
Venomous Fangs: Juggling these would be a bad idea.
<...>: Cuts through nearly nothing.
Kite Shield: Kite Shields are often used by knights. Possibly because 'knight" and "kite' rhyme. But probably not.
Bronze Shield: A bronze squarish shield. Obviously.
Leather Helm: A leatherish helm to protect your noggin.
<...>: This is the <...>. Its name is stupid.
<...> Robe: A robe <...>. It has 'mind-enhancing' effects.
Crystal Ball: A clear crystal orb. It's probably magical. I mean, everything else is...
Runestone: A magical runestone that's totally not a potato.
Trousers: Generic grey office trousers, meant to prevent you from standing out. But at least they let you stand UP without shaming yourself!!!!
Shirt: A fancy pink shirt and brown tie that you think make you look like a man of good taste. You are deluded.
Flowers: A bouquet of flowers. They're a convenient way of expressing emotions if you lack the capacity to do so verbally, which you certainly do!
Brush: I think someone needs to invent a toothbrush that doubles as a hair brush and toilet brush so then you don't have to buy all three!
Bronze Shield: A bronze squarish shield. Obviously.
Leather Helm: A leatherish helm to protect your noggin.
<...>: This is the <...>. Its name is stupid.
<...> Robe: A robe <...>. It has 'mind-enhancing' effects.
Crystal Ball: A clear crystal orb. It's probably magical. I mean, everything else is...
Runestone: A magical runestone that's totally not a potato.
Trousers: Generic grey office trousers, meant to prevent you from standing out. But at least they let you stand UP without shaming yourself!!!!
Shirt: A fancy pink shirt and brown tie that you think make you look like a man of good taste. You are deluded.
Flowers: A bouquet of flowers. They're a convenient way of expressing emotions if you lack the capacity to do so verbally, which you certainly do!
Brush: I think someone needs to invent a toothbrush that doubles as a hair brush and toilet brush so then you don't have to buy all three!
