Echoes of Darnassus - Part 1

Moderator · Nov 1, 2013

^Orcnet

^{21:29, 21st Nov 2013}

Echoes of Darknasus - Part 1 (Tested Version 1.2)

Rate	Score	Percent	Letter
	5/5	91-100	A

Rate	Score	Percent	Letter
	4/5	81-90%	B

Rate	Score	Percent	Letter
	3/5	75-80%	C

Rate	Score	Percent	Letter
	2/5	70-74%	D

Rate	Score	Percent	Letter
	1/5	50-69%	F

Overview:

Gameplay

"The story was a more different angle, a parallel universe perhaps, although the story relies more on a intro of the night elves already faced the burning legion yet a second wave is coming. No much expansion of the story spread through part 1 though, but somehow the dialogues and how each of the character's attitude are like teenagers especially on how Furion Stormrage sounds like a perv in the first scene."

Terrain

"Terrain looks very decent and well exposed on the story, no much blockages and bad placed doodads are on placed."

Management

"Overall map can be useful."

Total Score: (Gameplay[x/5] + Terrain[x/5] + Management[x/5] / Total Score[15] * 50 + 50)

Rate	Score	Percent	Letter
	9/15	80%	C

NourmeusXL · Nov 1, 2013

Forgot to mention that this cinematic series will not follow the wc3 or wow lore,some parts will be similar but the rest of the story line will be purely made by me.

polardude · Nov 3, 2013

well i think is okay m8 i just think that the text gos a bit fast iam also missing a bit of action but maby it will come in part 2 (also i think there is a bug in the last conversation. the cam dont on to the next ones there has the last conversation but other the that i think it is okay m8. some nice terrain ;D

NourmeusXL · Nov 3, 2013

Yeah well,i was too bored to make some action,also sleepy i made in 2hrs perhaps even less.But you are right,the part 2 is gonna have action,im trying to light this one in the best but im worried about the battle,ill have to do some reasearch on how to make good battles since its gonna be War of the Ancients

Binsu · Nov 10, 2013

The Hive Workshop Official

Map Reviewer: Hell_Master
Map Name: Echoes of Darnassus
Map Author: Sawcawar

Originality
The map looks much original and it was decently interpreted fom the original lore. Nothing much to say here and this gets a decent score.

Score: 59/100

Presentation
A really great improvements from the Presentation though you could fix some little grammatical errors that looks noticeable.

Score: 49/100

Design
Some changes were done, it is a nice move adding an introductory part at the Loading Screen though my suggestions for the change of the minimap image still stands for I see the Minimap quite simple and unappealing.

Score: 48/100

Terrain
Terrain had greatly improved through the changes though the area with Tyrande and Shandris could still be improved by some grasses like what you did at the first scene area which for me is decorated well. Outland part needs alot of improvement by more decorations.

Score: 63/100

Triggers
Some changes were done though my suggestions for removing the unecessary waits stands because I find it useless and also you could have just use the Set Time between each transition, it saves space and does exacty what these waits does also.

Score: 55/100

Object Data
Changes are all done and nothing wrong anymore, model choices are great and fitting for the scenario

Score: 100/100

Gameplay
Overall, I can see you changed much of the story and it looks more ineresting than the first one though some suggestions, you could have set up an SFX like of an exclamation point appearing at Furion's head while the earthquake happened in the scene, I find it fitting also. Also, you should fix some spelling and grammar errors there. If you like, I can offer fixing them up for you, just do tell me.

Score: 61/100

Hive Presentation could be better if there would be less grammar errors or best if no errors.
A more suitable and beautiful minimap image could be replaced with the current one for I find the Minimap quite unappeaing to be honest.
Improve the terrain at Outlands for it looks empty and some little improvements at some other parts.
Don't use waits on the cinematic for they are useless, remove them because you could have just set the time between each transmission.

Final Score: 62.143/100
3/5 Vote for Approval

Contact: (Visitor Message) / (Private Message) / (Map Reviewers)

NourmeusXL · Nov 11, 2013

Alright,since well ik its not shining cinematic,and hell no im not going to let it get rejected,so im gonna start updating it before i continue doing EOD 2,but my man,when i realease EOD 2 please just please watch it as i am working on it much more than the eod 1,and i have in that part what you want,beutiful enviroment and terrains,so after i finish this i will start working on it.
Now about the BB codes,im not sure,but it leaks everytime i use a Template Description,so dont judge me on that.

Binsu · Nov 11, 2013

Sawcawar said:
Alright,since well ik its not shining cinematic,and hell no im not going to let it get rejected,so im gonna start updating it before i continue doing EOD 2,but my man,when i realease EOD 2 please just please watch it as i am working on it much more than the eod 1,and i have in that part what you want,beutiful enviroment and terrains,so after i finish this i will start working on it.
Now about the BB codes,im not sure,but it leaks everytime i use a Template Description,so dont judge me on that.

You should not rush your way to EoD 2. If there are possible improvements that can be done to this, improve this first. Always aim for making your work much better than it is, it pays off I promise you. Also, maybe you forgot to put a [/color] so you are bugging at the COLOR code tags at the description.

NourmeusXL · Nov 11, 2013

Idk,ill just go google how to use BB codes...
also i dont rush to part 2 at all,i've been making it like for a week almost,not sure how much exsalcly,and i just got to like 20-25% mby even less,but i started to make it cuz i found out how to make reflections on water ^^ its beutiful

polardude · Nov 17, 2013

it semen's good . better then the last one

^^

NourmeusXL · Nov 17, 2013

thanks dude

Binsu · Nov 18, 2013

Much better from the last I reviewed, changing my rating to 3/5 and voting for Approval. See my revised review at my edited post above.

Orcnet · Nov 21, 2013

Map approved, see moderator comment on top.

knight26 · Nov 21, 2013

Many errors, typos in the dialog. I now have brain cancer.

NourmeusXL · Nov 21, 2013

knight26 said:
Many errors, typos in the dialog. I now have brain cancer.

Well tell me which are the errors so i can fix them...

Orcnet:thanks for the approval,i saw your preview coment,the thing is about furion that he and some others are in early age,so you shoud know what mostly younglings think off.
yeah im young lm like 15,so maybe i can change that if you dont like it :/

knight26 · Nov 21, 2013

Well, I seem to be doing nothing else productive so I just may do that.
Note though, these are only the ones I see on the screenshots, if you need help with the rest of the text you should VM or PM me the rest of the text.

Please note that I do understand you tend to be comical and funny in some situations, thus my suggestions. Also the use of characters such as coma and spacing between words or rows is ALSO wrong in your use.
And personally I think it looks much better with proper punctuation and pronunciation.

1. At this part I make the demon seem more serious and sinister.
How you wrote it:
Do this right,and you shall be handsomly rewarded.
Fail me,and suffer eternety.
Correct use:
Do this right, and you shall be handsomely rewarded. Fail me and suffer eternity!
Suggested use:
Do this right, and I promise a versatile reward.. But fail me, and you shall suffer for eternity!.

2. I make the sentinel look like a young naive person, and funny.
How you wrote it:
Yeah nevermind....
i wanted to tell you i met this guy Illidan,gosh hes cute...
Correct use:
Yeah never mind. I wanted to tell you I met this guy Illidan, gosh he's cute...
Suggested use:
Yeah, never mind. I just wanted to tell you I have met this guy called Illidan, and..yeah he's kinda cute...

3. I think you tried to make this a dramatizing moment, thus I exaggerated quite a bit.
How you wrote it:
Are you sure Young Druid?
Are you sure you saw the actually demon lord?
Correct use:
Are you sure young druid?, Are you sure you saw the actual demon lord?
Suggested use:
Are you sure young one?!.. Are you absolutely certain that you've seen darkness reincarnated, the lord of flame.. The demon lord?!.

NourmeusXL · Nov 21, 2013

knight26 said:
Well, I seem to be doing nothing else productive so I just may do that.
Note though, these are only the ones I see on the screenshots, if you need help with the rest of the text you should VM or PM me the rest of the text.
Please note that I do understand you tend to be comical and funny in some situations, thus my suggestions. Also the use of characters such as coma and spacing between words or rows is ALSO wrong in your use.
And personally I think it looks much better with proper punctuation and pronunciation.

1. At this part I make the demon seem more serious and sinister.
How you wrote it:
Do this right,and you shall be handsomly rewarded.
Fail me,and suffer eternety.
Correct use:
Do this right, and you shall be handsomely rewarded. Fail me and suffer eternity!
Suggested use:
Do this right, and I promise a versatile reward.. But fail me, and you shall suffer for eternity!.

2. I make the sentinel look like a young naive person, and funny.
How you wrote it:
Yeah nevermind....
i wanted to tell you i met this guy Illidan,gosh hes cute...
Correct use:
Yeah never mind. I wanted to tell you I met this guy Illidan, gosh he's cute...
Suggested use:
Yeah, never mind. I just wanted to tell you I have met this guy called Illidan, and..yeah he's kinda cute...

3. I think you tried to make this a dramatizing moment, thus I exaggerated quite a bit.
How you wrote it:
Are you sure Young Druid?
Are you sure you saw the actually demon lord?
Correct use:
Are you sure young druid?, Are you sure you saw the actual demon lord?
Suggested use:
Are you sure young one?!.. Are you absolutely certain that you've seen darkness reincarnated, the lord of flame.. The demon lord?!.

Ah now i see!Well thanks for the reply ill update it as soon as possible,and the suggested ones are quite better thanks bro! :goblin_good_job:

foxx.assassin · Nov 23, 2013

NourmeusXL · Nov 23, 2013

foxx.assassin said:

lol xD.Why are you spamming goblin_boom?

Shadow Fury · Nov 30, 2013

Hmm not bad cinematic...
The terrain could be greatly improved. I had too few time to read the long dialogues and I couldn't finish reading some of them, while the short dialogues lasted for the eternity! The cinematic was also too short! Another issue is the cameras! I think they were too static in some scenes and could be used more efficently. To conclude, it was bad to find out that the cinematic ended so rapidly. I think it was too short.

Suggestions
- Improve ur terrain (I really can't help u with this issue because I am not that good in creating forests)
- The duration of some dialogues must be increased while others like "Tyrande"
must be decreased! Remember that people don't want very long dialogues becuase u get bored of just reading!
- Use more cameras and never let the camera be static for too long. Dynamic cameras r very great
- Make the film just 1 minute longer if u can!

Overall, I think this get a 2.75/5

NourmeusXL · Dec 1, 2013

Shadow Fury said:
Hmm not bad cinematic...
The terrain could be greatly improved. I had too few time to read the long dialogues and I couldn't finish reading some of them, while the short dialogues lasted for the eternity! The cinematic was also too short! Another issue is the cameras! I think they were too static in some scenes and could be used more efficently. To conclude, it was bad to find out that the cinematic ended so rapidly. I think it was too short.

Suggestions
- Improve ur terrain (I really can't help u with this issue because I am not that good in creating forests)
- The duration of some dialogues must be increased while others like "Tyrande"
must be decreased! Remember that people don't want very long dialogues becuase u get bored of just reading!
- Use more cameras and never let the camera be static for too long. Dynamic cameras r very great
- Make the film just 1 minute longer if u can!

Overall, I think this get a 2.75/5

Sure ill take on your advises,but first 2 things what do you mean by Static?and what do you dislike my terrain,so i can improve it?

Shadow Fury · Dec 1, 2013

With the terrain I cannot help u a lot, I am noob with forests! I can tell u to vary ur terrain. Add more leaves and vines and normal grass in some places. And with static camera I mean camera that doesn't move. Dynamic camera is a camera which constantly moves. Add more cameras to let the camera be more dynamic and less static.

NourmeusXL · Dec 1, 2013

alright thanks for your reply

Cassandra Jones · Jun 9, 2024

Here's my recording.
A short cinematic for a good start. Sadly we'll never get to see Part 2.

Echoes of Darnassus - Part 1

Echoes of Darnassus - Part 1 (Map)

Moderator

Moderator

Originality

Presentation

Design

Terrain

Triggers

Object Data

Gameplay

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