- Joined
- Aug 16, 2009
- Messages
- 65
I still check back at the hive every once in a blue moon to see if an interesting cinematic comes around. I admire you for continuing to produce even if its only as often as you do.
I respect the effort put into this cinematic.
The voice acting was for the most part quite outstanding for a cinematic. Although unfortunately Borigard was a tad monotonous and slow.. and as for Marcus, I got the whole "mentally damaged" and whatnot persona, but his lines could have been enunciated better and at some points I could barely hear him. But Dutch, the guardsman Tim, Keyser and Vanesa were very, very good. And then the father and Ersted were down right amazing.
To be honest, I struggled to keep interest in the story. There was a lack of interesting and consistent conflict or issue in the cinematic. There were too many side stories laying around such as the guardsman with Borigard's wife, Ersted's whole scheme, Borigard being shady about the reason behind his debt, etc. Maybe that's why its titled "A Pile of Ugly"? (which by the way, I feel was a bit too colloquial a title for such a serious cinematic).
You wrapped it up with what seems likely to be the central event of the series, that is, the hauntedness of the house with the clown and the abomination and the blademaster. (Keep in mind, there's a fine line between mystery and throw-random-scary-visuals-at-the-viewer-and-make-them-guess-what's-going-on) So the way I see it, there was not very much storytelling except for right at the end. Well that's not true, there was a tremendous amount of storytelling but in seemingly irrelevant bits and pieces. And speaking of which, I was thoroughly impressed by the writing. When coupled with a good voice and great camera cinematography, it produced great, albeit potentially sidetrack, stories (the story about the trees, and Ersted's scheming come to mind).
I understand you are aiming for character development in this. A character best develops through how they go through conflict. And since there was little conflict, I couldn't really get a feel for most of the characters.. yet, anyways. Maybe in the future episodes. For character development, don't tell us about them, show them to us.
The camera work had nothing to complain over. Choppiness isn't something to pick at. Your first person angles were great, not going to lie, the clown in the window was good.
Terrain was also fairly good. Your indoor work is particularly detailed. And the use of sky and fog for outdoors was great. Overall, it worked. It definitely could've been better, but enough work was put into the terrain to make a convincing world.
Music was fitting. Great use of sounds.
So in summary. Presentation is good. Voices ranging from bad to fan-freaking-tastic. Writing is great, keep it up should you continue the story. Storytelling so far is stale and/or in bits and pieces. This is the biggest note since because of this, I could barely keep interest. It's possibly to telling an interesting story without action (especially with the help of GOOD voice acting), but action certainly helps keep the audience.
I respect the effort put into this cinematic.
The voice acting was for the most part quite outstanding for a cinematic. Although unfortunately Borigard was a tad monotonous and slow.. and as for Marcus, I got the whole "mentally damaged" and whatnot persona, but his lines could have been enunciated better and at some points I could barely hear him. But Dutch, the guardsman Tim, Keyser and Vanesa were very, very good. And then the father and Ersted were down right amazing.
To be honest, I struggled to keep interest in the story. There was a lack of interesting and consistent conflict or issue in the cinematic. There were too many side stories laying around such as the guardsman with Borigard's wife, Ersted's whole scheme, Borigard being shady about the reason behind his debt, etc. Maybe that's why its titled "A Pile of Ugly"? (which by the way, I feel was a bit too colloquial a title for such a serious cinematic).
You wrapped it up with what seems likely to be the central event of the series, that is, the hauntedness of the house with the clown and the abomination and the blademaster. (Keep in mind, there's a fine line between mystery and throw-random-scary-visuals-at-the-viewer-and-make-them-guess-what's-going-on) So the way I see it, there was not very much storytelling except for right at the end. Well that's not true, there was a tremendous amount of storytelling but in seemingly irrelevant bits and pieces. And speaking of which, I was thoroughly impressed by the writing. When coupled with a good voice and great camera cinematography, it produced great, albeit potentially sidetrack, stories (the story about the trees, and Ersted's scheming come to mind).
I understand you are aiming for character development in this. A character best develops through how they go through conflict. And since there was little conflict, I couldn't really get a feel for most of the characters.. yet, anyways. Maybe in the future episodes. For character development, don't tell us about them, show them to us.
The camera work had nothing to complain over. Choppiness isn't something to pick at. Your first person angles were great, not going to lie, the clown in the window was good.
Terrain was also fairly good. Your indoor work is particularly detailed. And the use of sky and fog for outdoors was great. Overall, it worked. It definitely could've been better, but enough work was put into the terrain to make a convincing world.
Music was fitting. Great use of sounds.
So in summary. Presentation is good. Voices ranging from bad to fan-freaking-tastic. Writing is great, keep it up should you continue the story. Storytelling so far is stale and/or in bits and pieces. This is the biggest note since because of this, I could barely keep interest. It's possibly to telling an interesting story without action (especially with the help of GOOD voice acting), but action certainly helps keep the audience.