I know,you can create your world,your imagination,your mind.Your still young,still have much time,don't worry
it was always a dream for me to be able to create a super logical thing,but i prefer to do it in a program.
i always wanted to do many things but at every second of my life passing i realize that time is passing away and i haven't done anything,it is amazing how we think about things that may change the world things that others cannot see and things that we can barely think of but it is painful how we promise ourselves and not do it,and at that moment i just want to be alone and cry for myself not doing it and see myself wasting my time.
When im sad i want to be alone and when im alone and sad i want to just sit down and take a moment of my life and think about things...think about it...the world...my life and everything,that is why sadness is made.when humans have pain they believe in god and ask for help.and it is the moment that they think about it and findout.
i promised myself to do all the things that im supposed to,but i don't think i would even be able to do that.i just need to give my laptop/tablet/phone ect to someone for days and think about my life,be with my family and have some peace which would be good for me.
but even when i try to see it,i think about that its complicated and im not able to do that and i make myself sad because thats the only way to let it out,hit yourself or hit others,that is how people become depressed...
because that i lived a sad life from when i were born,and now it is ending but still there is that limit...
i wanted to suicide many times in my life,and i cry hardly and see that person come,trying to make you happy and stop crying and i realize about limit again and cry more.and sometimes i even had deathwish,which seemed like a fast way to become free of this pain.it happed frequently...
i used to enter my bedroom and close the door then wish (deathwish or get free from it) and cry so i could become calm.
Sometimes i just want a person who understands me to hug me and give me hope,but there never been one (well that is an angel perhaps >.>).Anyways im glad its ending.