The Lone Orc.

[Cyper95]

this is my story the lone orc i was considering making for a campaign or something or maybe just for the fun.

Prologue

It was a horrible a weather it stormed and the lightning striked at their men. The warchief just got out in time to avoid execution as the rest of my ancestors ran he and some of the other soldiers decided to stay back and give my ancestors time to run. They looked back our city was one big fire.
Soon the warchief and the rest of the soldiers were dead you could hear the scream everywhere it was painful.

Chapter 1.

I dont remember the day i was born the only thing i remember from my childhood is the execution of my parents. As they sacrificed for me to live was a bad idea because now i was the only orc left.
My ancestors contacts me while im sleeping to learn me the meaning of being an orc. I must slaugther every human that exist to revenge the orcs if i fail i will be banished from the orcs spirit world.
As i woke up i saw a human a human girl she looked funny at me then she said something i didnt understand except the word guards so i ran behind some trees to hide several minutes later i saw a big army of humans marching as far as i have heard they was about to destroy the undead or well try. When the army was gone the woman came back and told me something i didnt understand again but she made signals for me to follow her i did very carefully maybe good humans exist but is that possible i asked my ancestors the following night. Since i didnt get any answer i decided to continue very carefully. We were in a cave full of different stuff food and some other human things. When i laid down on a blanket i fell asleep. I was once again transferred to the spirit world i saw unbelievable things now there was different highlights in the story of orcs the time Grom Hellscream defeated Magtheriodon with Thrall by his side, Thralls escape from prison and atlast Thralls death it was horrible but after a while i saw that Thralls death reminded of the story i was told by my ancestors. Now the it all turned black i was alone i was standing on a little pillar that could fall any moment alot of humans standed on the safe side they all had different stuff to throw after me, i saw a sword coming it was aimed for my head i quickly putted my arm up in front of my head to block the sword. The sword was repelled somehow i decided to then run forth and back to make the pillar fall to one of the sides when it was about to crash i jumped in the last minute and catched the side i was not catching the side at the top i was almost down at some flames that were on the bottom.i started climbing up ignoring everything that was throwed against me. I was almost at the top but the longer i got up the more light there came i reached the top and started getting up standing the minute i got up it all ended the dream ended.
I saw that lady infront of me again she pointed that i should go somewhere in that cave then she led me in i saw orcs different kind of orcs green,red and brown orcs i tried touching them at their head. The moment my hand felt their forehead i felt one thing only. Pride the pride of orcs from all over suddenly i felt the pride come right through me like a arrow trough a heart.
I saw their axes and swords all marked with a different sign depending on their color i decided to take the axe from the green one since i was green.
Now i was led out of the cave ready to face whatever is gonna happen.

Chapter 2.

Back in the spirit world i saw Thrall again this time not his death nor escape this was different it wasnt really anything special but he was actually in the spirit world after a couple of minutes he asked who i was i started screaming i was scared nobody have ever talked to me in the spirit world only signs were left for me. He told me to calm down since they may be able to hear it out in the normal world i started calming down but it was still scary. He asked me again what my name was i said that my name was the lone orc. He thought i was kidding and started laughing abit but then he realised that i was never named he decided to name me Torantas The Revenger and he asked me how it sounded i loved it. Now when i was Torantas The Revenger i had to start living up to my new name i told him that i would be back the next night. I woke up seeing some humans in a little grassy tree protected area they made some tents they was making a guard post i decided to kill them no not kill them slaughter them. I decided to wait until it was dark. 7 hours later. The moon were on the sky 2 guards patrolling the guard post luckily they werent walking to together i took my axe and aimed but i missed the guard didnt see me but i looked out again he was coming over here to check out i prepared to strike him down i was standing behind a tree when he came over and said what the hell a orc i hitted him so hard that his helm had punch marks. I took his sword and sliced over his throat. I made his helmet look abit normal took his armor on too it didnt fit that well but i was able to live with it i went down to get my axe the moment i got it i threw it on a tree so i didnt forget it.
10 minutes later. I went into their guard post they didnt notice anything i heard them talking about orcs wasnt destroyed totally yet and that the army i saw marching was a scout team to scout the world for orcs all of them were marked with a little Sword and shield on their shoulderpads as soon as the guard who were at the general came out i grabbed him and hold my hand in front of his mouth as i took out my sword and stabbed him in the back. Now i carried his corpse away thinking about how i must have hurted his family by doing this like humans executed my family after that i got the courage to slaughter them again i went into the generals room and threw my sword after him he avoided it but he didnt have sword on him so i tried to punch him but he avoided and hitted me instead i felt a crushing pain in my stumach but i couldnt give up i kicked his legs while trying to punch him he broke his knee as he fell down i started kicking his head. After his neck broke i ran back to my forest. I fell asleep once again. Back into the dreamworld Thrall waited he had been waiting for hours i started explaining to him why very detailed but as soon as he heard that i kicked the general while couldnt do anything he got angry very angry the weather in the dream world changed it turned into stormy weather though it was very silent i asked him why he got that angry then he explained to me that orcs dont fight unfair like humans. Humans fight when they are five against one not like us we fight one on one or one on two if we have too. He told me other stuff about the orcs traditions and fighting methods.

Chapter 3.

Now that i have learned the way of the orc as well as i could i decided to seek out a place Thrall called "Shamánistum" when you entered that place you would be able to obtain magical powers if you were one of the chosen ones like Thrall was. As i ventured there i started thinking why Thrall was one of the chosen ones well he led the clans together and led them to Kalimdor for survival but still i wonder. I wonder if i were one of the chosen ones i would like to be able to control the power of lightning,fire or ice. As i ventured into Shamánistum i felt a weird power coming aside me it circled around me i got abit dizzy as i almost fainted but now i felt the feeling Thrall described a mix of fear and power it was frightening though comfortable as i fell asleep and entered the spirit world i saw Thrall infront of me he had made a training program for me to use my power first was to see if it was lightning he told me the words for a lightning ball it failed.
I tried alot of stuff fire,ice,earth even death. He came to me and told me that there were one thing left i could try it was called Mystoran which means then he stopped he told me that i must find out myself. Then i left the dream world in anger at Thrall for hiding the special power i have from me.
I decided to leave the land of Arathi and take a boat to Kalimdor. As i killed another human to take his armor and other clothing i ventured into their city to go on one of their scout boats that was going to Kalimdor so i had to get over there to see the rest of the orc citys i left with the earliest boat i got over there in 7 days. When i arrived i left their camp immediatly dropped the armor, took my axe and i searched for the so called city of Ogrimmar. I went abit to the east as far as i heard it was near water i arrived at a goblin city called ratchet at a old map i found there wasnt much except from alot of mechanical things made by goblins. I left it after a few minutes talking with a goblin about the city of Ogrimmar. Then he told me to leave immediatly else i would get executed by those humans that tried to take over Ogrimmar. Then i left by the water i was told about a small passage that would lead me to Durotar. I followed it i saw some trolls trying to defend themself against humans. As i arrived i was allowed access to their cave. They had corpses of orcs in it i asked them why on orcish they understood me it was a common language here. They said that we used to live together as they were hunted from The Barrens to Durotar and we came with boats we decided to share. They told me to get some rest they could easily see i was exhausted from my "little" trip.

 

[Cyper95]

if you guys read it plz comment

 

[Agrias]

First off, I'd recommend that you don't double post so soon.

You only posted your idea for the campaign yesterday and are pleading for people to comment.

First off, the intro seems a bit... Out of place. It's hard to understand and I'm going to assume English is not your first language.


The story has some potential but I doubt one orc would survive but it is possible... I've rewritten your intro to correct some mistakes and to help you out a bit with my minor writing skills.

Hidden

The huddled clouds had loomed over the city long enough and as many times before, they had begun to strike in anger, ending lives in a gruesome yet beautiful spectacle. The warchief had just fled in the nick of time, avoiding his execution. As their escape had just took off the man and the few brave soldiers stood their ground to buy my ancestors little but precious time to escape. They looked back only once, the grand Durotar, once the gem of the Desert, now a blazing inferno. They ran and Durotar became all but one giant flame, the sound of thunder still ringing in their ears...
Soon, they heard a sound louder than the bellows of the gods themselves, the cry of dying warrior. As if it were a choir, many more screams were to follow and with each step the heavier they seemed, the greater pain they felt. Each scream was a knife to their backs... These memories are a story I tell, a scar I must bear, a weight I am forced to carry. I am the lone orc and pray to the gods you are not in my way.

It's just a quick remake for you. If you'd like more help, I'm sure if you seem less like your begging for a response, you could instead improve and attract some needed attention!

I'd also like to note, seems a bit generic. Give it some flare and taste, better grammar and spelling, then a good story instead of borrowing Blizzard's story you could have a great campaign on your hands!


If you want any more of my help, just say, I'd be glad to assist you!

[Edit: By the way... Grom kills Mannoroth... Illidan, Kael, Vashj, and Akama kill Magtheridon... Uhm... Once again, I'm going to beg you to learn some better english because your story lacks heavily. It also lacks a huge amount of basic things like periods! The story is extremely hard to follow and I would never dare hurt the feelings or hopes but I'll be honest. I've shown the story to a few other people and I must say, they all think it sucks... And for a campaign this seems like a horrificly run down Thrall remake. Thrall lost his parents. He was raised by humans, et cetera. I can make a lot of connections and all of this seems like a mish mash of steaming garbage unfortunately. I hope you improve in the future and if you are going to use WC 3 as a reference or a world for your story, you will definitely need to improve. You can find a campaign on wc3c.net or some others on the hive that use the WC 3 world to their advantage. At the moment, it looks like you took WC 3 and shredded it saying FUCK THE ORCS. By making him the last orc, what happens now? Orcs die out or he mates with another race? Good Luck once again... Writing like this is just...]

 

[Cyper95]

ye i see the point and i like the rewritten intro and but i didnt say fuck the orcs i was just thinking that before orcs came humans was a great civilization big army to defend them and such so they could easily defeat the orcs(well not like a drinking glass of water lol) but that they wouldnt have trouble because of there terrifying army
i would also like if you could help with grammar and such

 

[Agrias]

Glad that you liked the rewritten one!


If you need any help with grammar or whatever, just send me your stories/writings and I'll point out a few things and rules, then see if you can correct the rest so you can learn a bit .

Anyways...