Story Improvement/Revision

[Switch33]

My project is currently hosted just in the project recruit section and i plan on moving it to the map development section but i want a clearer and more lore-rich story.
It's being hosted for recruitment at this link:
http://www.hiveworkshop.com/forums/...rpg-hack-n-slash-dnd-style-recruiting-203518/

Here's the base story i sorta threw out at first:
You are a traveler that is unknown by many except for legend. You belong to a group called the Brothers Grimm; a guild that never fears from a challenge even from urban legends and the supernatural. You embark upon a quest to find and defeat many enemies estrange. Among them you may find some things that are supernatural don't always match the theology on them. Your job is to find a way to defeat these unknown or befriend some while building a name for yourself and choosing a side to fight on.
Possible Quests:

Clicky

A dragon that hunts other dragons.
A lockness monster that eats more than fish.
An group of hectics that sacrifice themselves for monsters from inside another dimension.
A witch that feasts on the souls of the living stealing the souls of youth.
A scientist that studies the dead to resurrect his wife.
A forest that seems to be alive which has a mind of its own.
A globe that tells your fate.
A ghost that haunts even the dead.
A man that is cursed to live forever.
A spider that eats its young.
A vampire that cannot control his ghouls.
A train that never stops for it's passengers.
The 7 deadly sins.
A seal that has been broken.

You can either improve this story or make your own somewhat but I want something fitting of an rpg that will be a drawn out battle with choosing sides(good or evil) and some form of epic questing. In the game the choosing sides will determine not so much who you fight as much as how your hero dies and some certain abilities.

 

[ltkp]

Last wind of hope

Fell in the vastness of the desert, nothing looked old,everything apperead to be new,
I watched the sand being carried by the breeze, and it seemed that it took my memories too.
Layed next to a tree, looked for something to clear my mind.
Nothing seemed to recall me. But then, I saw a dagger in the sand, i looked at with an air of remembrance,
but it was only blur. I took it, a simple dagger, while handling it,
I realized that something was carved in it: Brothers Grimm.
Curiosity made ​​me get up and search for the meaning of that word.
I walked toward the moon. At each step, the agony increased,i didn t
endured so many questions unanswered. Then I saw a light surrounded by buildings, a hope in the pitch black.
I entered this place without difficulty, and headed to the bar without realizing it.
When I putted the dagger on the table, a bartender asked me if I was a rookie.
I realized that here I would have some answers, then chatted with the bartender during all night.
After the conversation, I found out that Brothers Grimm was a guild that never Fears from a challenge even from urban legends and the supernatural.
Then I knew that if I wanted my memories again, I would have to make a name in this guild.
So the wind would take my name everywhere, so it would, finally, bring the answers...

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That was something that came on my mind , i dont know if you ll like but it is something =D (i may have some errors, just tell me then)

 

[Switch33]

Well that gave me some ideas. I'll include some parts of that i guess. I'm not a huge fan of all of it. Like for example:

Fell in the vastness of the desert, nothing looked old,everything apperead to be new,
I watched the sand being carried by the breeze, and it seemed that it took my memories too.
Layed next to a tree, looked for something to clear my mind.

Is kind of like wait what a tree suddenly? I thought it was about a desert?

, I saw a dagger in the sand, i looked at with an air of remembrance,
but it was only blur. I took it, a simple dagger, while handling it, I realized that something was carved in it: Brothers Grimm.

I like the idea of a carving like an ensign (or symbol) for maybe either the enemy or the Brothers Grimm guild but the whole coupling of a dagger and sand just makes me think way too much Prince of Persia(the video game for x-box and some other consoles).

I entered this place without difficulty, and headed to the bar without realizing it.
When I putted the dagger on the table, a bartender asked me if I was a rookie.
I realized that here I would have some answers, then chatted with the bartender during all night.After the conversation, I found out that Brothers Grimm was a guild that never Fears from a challenge even from urban legends and the supernatural.

This part is really good aside from that strange dagger remark. I really like the idea of hearing stories of legends at a local pub cause that is where you would usually hear strange stories for sure. Also seeing the Brothers Grimm in the story i'm not sure I like the idea of it being explained in such a corny way. I might go for something like --
Through the lengthy discussion there was a strange yet familiar phrase that stuck out. The words "Brothers Grimm" struck like a hammer to the head.

Could work for now. : D


Heres my new current idea;

I fell in the vastness of the desert, nothing looked old,everything appeared to be new,
I watched the sand being carried by the breeze, and it seemed that it took my memories too.
Was it all a dream? Or did i hit my head on something?
I awoke back near a pub in town unable to reconcile my last few actions.
I entered the dreary pub with a long face and ordered up a few rounds.
The barkeep kept pouring and explained the recent defilement and poor of the town that seemed to be at no end.
A strange drunken old man who smelled of nothing but drown sows approached and joined a table in the corner of the bar.
He told the strangest stories of fictional tales of fairies, witches, and even dragons.
No one believes in dragons anymore; they have been extinct for years the other people laughed him off.
And for a while I thought nothing of such a drowned out soul of a man that old man was, until he said something that rung threw my ears.
He explained there was one creature with the ability to erase memories and the ones who lived to tell it often were unable to even tell about what had occurred.
So, I followed him outside the bar to ask him about this creature that erases memories.
But as I approached this man in an dead end alley before I could ask this man he disappeared in thin air as if he was a creature himself.
Where he left lay a book though. On the cover was strange emblem with the etched title-- Brothers Grimm.

Also if anyone else has any ideas/additions to add or wants to write a different story feel free to post.