My story

I haven't quite found a name for it. I only have chapter 1 so far.

Chapter 1

It was very cold that night, as he walked up to the house he shivered slightly. The dirt felt rough on his bare feet as he trailed across the yard. He slowly approaches the door being as silent as he can. He grasps the knocker in his shivering fingers and lightly taps it against the door a few times. He lets the knocker go and swiftly reaches into his pocket; he lifts a small silver blade from the pocket and holds it firmly in hand. The night was so silent, as if the world were stopped as time slowly passes the boy is on edge, finally; the door opens.

A small old man appears at the opening greeting the boy and inviting him into the home. He just stands there, staring at the little man. After a few moments he walks into the home. Waiting for the old man to recede into the home as well, he pockets the knife. The old man motions for the boy to follow him. They walk down a rather long hallway until finally it opens into a small lounge. He offers the boy a seat. The boy sits down without a word. The old man sits down across from him. “So what brings you here at this hour?” He says.

A tear trickles down the boys’ cheek as he tries to speak. “H- He sent me… To-“ he was cut off by his tears. He quickly got a hold of himself hoping the man didn’t see him cry. The boy begins to speak again, “He sent me here… To kill you.” The old man’s expression changed to a concerned look. “You are still in contact with him?” the man said. The boy nods wearily as another tear comes trickling off his cheek. “I must do what he says.” He says in earnest.

He slowly tries to get the knife from his pocket. The old man notices his attempt to reach into his pocket. The old man lunges at the boy tipping his chair over. He tries to wrestle the boys’ arms to the ground but he seems to easily throw the man off. He quickly grabs the knife from his pocket and holds it to the man’s neck. “Why?” he asks, “Because I have to” says the boy. The man struggled to get the boy away from him. The boy pressed the knife slowly into his neck until the struggle stopped. He sits there for a moment, just staring at the man. After a few moments he stood up and left the house despondently.

Hertis quickly wakes up in a cold sweat.
More will be added when i get bored again.
Level 9
Aug 23, 2007
ARG the waking from a dream events! Hate them so. haha not saying this isn't well written however. I like the suspense as the boy says he has to kill the man. It grabs your attention and definitely gets you wanting to read more as a lot is left unexplained.

Only thing I see is a few grammatical errors and missing commas. Other than that good job, could be a good short story.
Level 7
Aug 27, 2008
Well that's better than anything I've ever written in my life. I give it a 4/5 'cause there's no more for me to read. I'm not on her much.