if u use like or as, it becomes a simile.
It should be: "My hands are fucked rabbits...or something like taht"
"I'm a bored pedophile in a retirement home."
"I'm going on the highway in my Vovlo, and my exit is not for a while, so I can relax." Is that even a metaphor?
btw, im a certified teacher from the school of hogwarts.