Love Poem

[JetFangInferno]

Wisps of burning crimson
On my tender cheeks
Meetings can’t be undone
All those many weeks

Veiled in thick secrecy
Where is my loyal friend?
No I did not foresee
That we would soon contend

Every word breathes her name
Yet none dare to say I
She was the last who came
Who am I to stand by?

Morning birds fly swiftly
To get the golden prize
But I must disagree
For she’s not in my eyes…

*Critique, feedback, interpretations thx*

 

[brad.dude03]

I liked it a lot, you certainly have talent, and the rhyming did not feel forced at all.

 

[Gilles]

Agreed, that's pretty good work. Although I don't understand some of it.

 

[JetFangInferno]

Yeah it's kind of a way for me to vent my feelings but at the same time keep it ambiguous enough so that people can't pinpoint what i'm saying. And thx brad.dude03

 

[Tyranid]

I guess it's good. I'm not that much into poems unless they are epics about Vikings conquering lands and pillaging small villages and razing the churches to the ground and spilling blood on the cold winter snow.

 

[MySpaceBarBroke]

For future reference, keep in mind
The forum where this thread you'll find.

~ Thread moved to Screenwriting, Storyboarding & Concept Creation

 

[Gausslander]

Wisps of burning crimson
On my tender cheeks
Meetings can’t be undone
All those many weeks

Veiled in thick secrecy
Where is my loyal friend?
No I did not foresee
That we would soon contend

Every word breathes her name
Yet none dare to say I
She was the last who came
Who am I to stand by?

Morning birds fly swiftly
To get the golden prize
But I must disagree
For she’s not in my eyes…

*Critique, feedback, interpretations thx*

Disagree with what exactly? Love, marriage, intercourse?

 

[FamousPker49]

I think he is saying the real golden prize is the girl, not the sunrise. Very good poem though.