More Prose

[Celaquil]

Not that I've been writing more prose's since "Perspective,"
but I've got some two or three ones I wrote a while back that I never published in this site.
- I reckon now I could. So here goes:

Rebirth of Nazrim is a short prose I wrote to describe the...
Well, rebirth of the main antagonist of the main story to Dawn of Life.

Rebirth of Nazrim


It’s so cold.
He opens his eyes and gazes upon the world: so peaceful, calm and beautiful.
The birds are singing and the flowers are blooming.
He can see trees standing tall and proud,
and skies filled with the most wondrous clouds one could ever imagine.
So tranquil, so wondrous, so disgusting…

He closes his eyes, whishing for it all to end.
He can’t look at the calm and peaceful world surrounding him.
Each happy bird song tears a scar through his soul.
His vision bleed as he gazes upon the flowers,
and his mind is constantly haunted by the image of the wondrous nature.
He is crying now, a small childish melody of weeping.
And as his crystal tears fall to the ground and freezes the mold under his bare feet,
he lifts his head once more.


He is trying to get up, standing on his feet, his new and fragile feet.

As he rises: his legs shiver,
As he stretches: his limbs creak,
As he imagines: The world changes…

He opens his eyes and gazes upon the world:
so horrifying, chaotic and strange.
The birds are no longer singing, and the flowers are dying.
He can see trees bending over in pain, slowly rotting into rubble.
And the sky is darkening with the darkest clouds one could ever imagine.
The world is dying and the dead is rising.
It’s so cold…

The Choir of Battle is, again, a short prose describing the brutality
of medieval warfare, seen from the eyes of a dying soldier.

The Choir of Battle

Fresh, hot, streaming blood blurs my vision as I gaze around me. The piercing sound of worn trumpets compliments the thundering boom of the war drums in the distance. Around me I can hear the sound of weaponry flying about like dreaded predators mixed with the piercing shriek of arrows taking to the ground. There is laughter and screaming, there is shouting and there is cursing, the ones who thrive and the ones who die. To my right I can see a man getting his head smashed by a great war-hammer; his head makes a sound crack when it is crushed against the rocks of the battlefield. And to my left I can barely see a man crying for mercy as his throat is split open by a blade from under his cheek, blood splatter is everywhere. At this point my vision is completely consumed by the dark blood pulsing from an axe wound that severs my head; I am dying in a battle of animals, this is war, this is slaughter... Isn’t it wonderful..?

Ominousity is a prose I just decided to throw into this mix, I reckon it really doesn't give the reader a lot,
but when I wrote it I had a very specific and personal matter to address, which is the transition from when
I was afraid of the darkness to when I chose to embrace it. Hopefully, it'll give you something

Ominousity

Night is like a black carpet that falls upon the world. And as it sets on the land surrounding me, its magnificent nature is shown in its grand and immersive form. The feeling that grips me isn’t fear, but respect: respect for this dark and mystical world, its figurative dangers. Even still I feel drawn towards the darkness, drawn towards the unknown. Curiosity is what drives me into this enthralling and magical presence, willingness to know what is beyond the strange shadows. I walk with uncertain steps, breathe with regret and fight the very urge to turn and run away. But I fight, because the evening is so wonderful, so quiet and so interesting. It is a world that I do not fully understand, a world that I want to be a part of, but do not dare. I am in a world beyond comfort, a world I cannot control...
I that fear, the darkness within.

Any form for feedback is, still, very much appreciated.

 

[DZerpic]

I don't know what kind of feedback I could give you but I wanted to post just to express my support, so Hey! Expressing my support! XD

I liked them. They are not the ussual tales. They are more description oriented than action oriented and I think if you woked on them a bit more they'd be a lot better. I get the feeling (at least for the 2nd and 3rd) that they're the first or second draft, that you didn't review/correct them much or many times.

Oh! and as for the first one, I think you should even out the lenght of the sentences. The format looks a bit chaotic.

For example,"He can see trees standing tall and proud, and skies filled with the most wondrous clouds one could ever imagine." You could cut the sentence in the coma.

Anyways, Keep it up!

 

[Celaquil]

It's curious you'd say that about "The Choir of battle," seeing as among the three that's the Prose I've likely worked the most on, both idea and body. Actually, the owners of thewritersforum.com even considered it good enough for their published collection, though of course, that's not to say it probably can't be improved, everything can.
- Simply be a little more specific about what your concern is and I'll adress it.

I agree, upon reading over "The Rebirth og Nazrim" I did notice it was rather chaotic and all over the place, making the reading experience come at the cost of simple line setup, my apologies. I've done some slight edits and I hope it'll flow a tad better now.

Yeah, Ominousity, I reckon, would strike you as a first or second draft, and it probably is. I have been of half a mind to rewrite it, so we'll see. Maybe I will.

Thanks for the reply, though, it's always nice to hear positive and constructive feedback.

 

[DZerpic]

Yeah. Upon re-reading Choir of Battle I regret what I said. I was mostly referring to Ominousity and the other one kinda got dragged with it. Rebirth now looks a lot better!

Despite my bickering I liked them. So, I'm sorry if I may have seemed harsh or negative.

 

[Celaquil]

I'd want you to be sorry if you WEREN'T harsh or negative.
- The soil needs to be dirty for my buds to spring into beauty.

In other words: No worries.

 

[neo_sluf]

Wow..good..prose their..

Anyway is that a mixture of a Poem and Storytelling?

 

[Ser_Fergus]

That third one. I realize for it may seem a little out of touch, but I think its actually quite amazing how well blended it feels.
Post more?

 

[Celaquil]

Really, don't go expecting I've got an entire arsenal of Proses just lying around.
- I'm no mass-prose-producing machine.

Thanks, though, I guess.