- Joined
- Mar 10, 2008
- Messages
- 147
Okay so Oziris asked me to help him with his story for a campaign he's making. Here is the draft he gave me. Below is my version. What do you guys think? Is it intersting enough? It took me like 20 min so it's not amazing but it does the job i think.
Oziris version
Thousend years ago when people diden't even knew magic!ther was only streanght...no one knew magic exsept the dark wizard.Ther were only 5 islands.Fire(Dark orgment),Ice(Ice storm),Earth(Rocky edge),Water(Deep sea) and Nature(Worlds life) those were the names of the islands and there elemental streanght every island had his leader:Fire-Firesen,Ice-Frozy,Earth-Earthquicky,Water-Sight sea and Nature-World tree! four islands guarded the one and only island Worlds life!Ther is a great tree that guards the earth from Darknes.Ther is a dark portal in the tree that is closed...that is why those islands protect them! 1200 the gate was opend to the dark portal...it was all most the end of the world...everthing started to die...in the last few seconds when the world was in the end a warrior went to the highest mountain to summon the Guardian of the 5 islands.The dark wizard was very happy but the guardian rushed(looks like a dragon)to the tree the warrior was on the guardians wings.The guardian stoud in front of the dark portal the dark wizard traped the guardian he was confused the warrior rushed to the portal he had a sword that closes the portal givend by the tree it self he stabed his sword in the portal closing it and killing the dark monsters that were on the planet the dark wizard teleported him self to his underworld.When the warrior stabed the portal he died and went to that world of dead...his sword was ther left no one to wield it.The sword disapeard we dont know how and we dont know were...all we know that the world is safe thanks to the warrior.
Now u play a character that will find the sword...
[Okay so that your original text.]
My reworked edition:
Thousands of years ago, when the world was still in it’s infancy, men lived harmoniously with nature. They believed in, and respected, the nature and it’s 5 elements: Fire, Ice, Earth, Water and the supreme Nature Element. The world as we know it was divided in different islands, each with it’s own governing element.
Yet unknown by most of the early earth-dwellers, the Supreme Nature island was home to the earth’s most precious possession: The World Tree. This tree was rooted deep into the hard and cold soil of the world, and it’s branches reached into the golden skies. Yet few knew that in reality the world tree possessed a much darker and sinister element in it. There was a portal that lead to the realm of the Dead, where tormented souls and sinister deamons lived, ever awaiting the chance to create destruction and disturbance in other realms.
Each element has it’s leader. They alone knew the secret of the world tree and the importance to saveguard it’s integrity from an evil will. Yet, [insert your name for the Dark wizard], also the former guardian of the Earth element was jealous of the Supreme Nature’s Leader and his prominent role as guardian of the world tree. The earth guardian abdicated his title, and went into retreat. He seeked to overturn the Nature Guardian and claim his title. He spent years tapping into unholy powers, and learning dark teachings that none before him dared to investigate. One stormy night, at the brink of physical and moral destruction something inside him snapped. He became aware of the elements surrounding him without seeing them, but merely by feeling them. He had discovered magic. Armed with this knowledge he abandoned his mortal name and adopted the title of Dark Wizard.
You, born a young warrior in the province of [insert name] in the island of [insert element], must begin a journey to find resources for your village. As your begin exploring the young world, rumours of the One Sword and the mysterious appearance of the Dark Wizard become known to you. The more you advance in your journey, the closer you become to discovering the Truth, a truth that could shatter the existence of the world as you know it...
Will you be able to make a difference when the time comes?
Oziris version
Thousend years ago when people diden't even knew magic!ther was only streanght...no one knew magic exsept the dark wizard.Ther were only 5 islands.Fire(Dark orgment),Ice(Ice storm),Earth(Rocky edge),Water(Deep sea) and Nature(Worlds life) those were the names of the islands and there elemental streanght every island had his leader:Fire-Firesen,Ice-Frozy,Earth-Earthquicky,Water-Sight sea and Nature-World tree! four islands guarded the one and only island Worlds life!Ther is a great tree that guards the earth from Darknes.Ther is a dark portal in the tree that is closed...that is why those islands protect them! 1200 the gate was opend to the dark portal...it was all most the end of the world...everthing started to die...in the last few seconds when the world was in the end a warrior went to the highest mountain to summon the Guardian of the 5 islands.The dark wizard was very happy but the guardian rushed(looks like a dragon)to the tree the warrior was on the guardians wings.The guardian stoud in front of the dark portal the dark wizard traped the guardian he was confused the warrior rushed to the portal he had a sword that closes the portal givend by the tree it self he stabed his sword in the portal closing it and killing the dark monsters that were on the planet the dark wizard teleported him self to his underworld.When the warrior stabed the portal he died and went to that world of dead...his sword was ther left no one to wield it.The sword disapeard we dont know how and we dont know were...all we know that the world is safe thanks to the warrior.
Now u play a character that will find the sword...
[Okay so that your original text.]
My reworked edition:
Thousands of years ago, when the world was still in it’s infancy, men lived harmoniously with nature. They believed in, and respected, the nature and it’s 5 elements: Fire, Ice, Earth, Water and the supreme Nature Element. The world as we know it was divided in different islands, each with it’s own governing element.
Yet unknown by most of the early earth-dwellers, the Supreme Nature island was home to the earth’s most precious possession: The World Tree. This tree was rooted deep into the hard and cold soil of the world, and it’s branches reached into the golden skies. Yet few knew that in reality the world tree possessed a much darker and sinister element in it. There was a portal that lead to the realm of the Dead, where tormented souls and sinister deamons lived, ever awaiting the chance to create destruction and disturbance in other realms.
Each element has it’s leader. They alone knew the secret of the world tree and the importance to saveguard it’s integrity from an evil will. Yet, [insert your name for the Dark wizard], also the former guardian of the Earth element was jealous of the Supreme Nature’s Leader and his prominent role as guardian of the world tree. The earth guardian abdicated his title, and went into retreat. He seeked to overturn the Nature Guardian and claim his title. He spent years tapping into unholy powers, and learning dark teachings that none before him dared to investigate. One stormy night, at the brink of physical and moral destruction something inside him snapped. He became aware of the elements surrounding him without seeing them, but merely by feeling them. He had discovered magic. Armed with this knowledge he abandoned his mortal name and adopted the title of Dark Wizard.
You, born a young warrior in the province of [insert name] in the island of [insert element], must begin a journey to find resources for your village. As your begin exploring the young world, rumours of the One Sword and the mysterious appearance of the Dark Wizard become known to you. The more you advance in your journey, the closer you become to discovering the Truth, a truth that could shatter the existence of the world as you know it...
Will you be able to make a difference when the time comes?
