- Joined
- Feb 24, 2015
- Messages
- 50
Hey Hive!,
As some of you may know, I am creating a campaign. One of the primary focuses of this campaign is the storyline, which I want to be as unique and original as possible while still being believable and interesting.
I drafted up a quick first chapter of the universe's history. It's quite tough, but not too bad. I was hoping a few of you would read it and tell me what you think. And since most fantasy worlds begin with a creator, I decided to start there and turn it into something more or less new.
Jorgan gazed upon the planet before him. A shapeless, brown rock without any life. It would be a shame to leave it to waste, but he knew the Eternal Council would never allow the planet's Shaping. He had already raised the question, but the Council stated the planet would never survive without a star to give it heat. In his heart, Jorgan knew this. But to leave such a ripe planet empty would be a sin.
He knew what he wanted to do. He'd be removed from the Council, if not killed. But he couldn't see any other way. He wanted to show the Council that life wasn't impossible.
He reached up and tore out one eye, throwing it towards the planet. With his power, he engulfed the eye with eternal flame, and sent the planet spinning slowly around it. But he faced a problem. The eye did not rotate. Which meant he would be blinded for half a year.
How could he maintain a planet if he was blinded? His Council might let him back if he had an eye left, but then how could he watch over his planet?
His mind made, he tore out his second eye and created binary stars.
He sparked life on the planet and went to rejoin the Council. After he refused to tell them how he'd lost his eyes, they removed him and imprisoned him. The Council each took a thread of skin from themselves and fashioned a blindfold, which they covered Jorgan's eyes with. For eternity it would burn his flesh, piercing into his soul, for the blindfold was magical.
The Council left Jorgan in his prison, and never returned.
They never found out about the planet and binary stars until the effect of Jorgan's foolishness was too late.
As some of you may know, I am creating a campaign. One of the primary focuses of this campaign is the storyline, which I want to be as unique and original as possible while still being believable and interesting.
I drafted up a quick first chapter of the universe's history. It's quite tough, but not too bad. I was hoping a few of you would read it and tell me what you think. And since most fantasy worlds begin with a creator, I decided to start there and turn it into something more or less new.
Jorgan gazed upon the planet before him. A shapeless, brown rock without any life. It would be a shame to leave it to waste, but he knew the Eternal Council would never allow the planet's Shaping. He had already raised the question, but the Council stated the planet would never survive without a star to give it heat. In his heart, Jorgan knew this. But to leave such a ripe planet empty would be a sin.
He knew what he wanted to do. He'd be removed from the Council, if not killed. But he couldn't see any other way. He wanted to show the Council that life wasn't impossible.
He reached up and tore out one eye, throwing it towards the planet. With his power, he engulfed the eye with eternal flame, and sent the planet spinning slowly around it. But he faced a problem. The eye did not rotate. Which meant he would be blinded for half a year.
How could he maintain a planet if he was blinded? His Council might let him back if he had an eye left, but then how could he watch over his planet?
His mind made, he tore out his second eye and created binary stars.
He sparked life on the planet and went to rejoin the Council. After he refused to tell them how he'd lost his eyes, they removed him and imprisoned him. The Council each took a thread of skin from themselves and fashioned a blindfold, which they covered Jorgan's eyes with. For eternity it would burn his flesh, piercing into his soul, for the blindfold was magical.
The Council left Jorgan in his prison, and never returned.
They never found out about the planet and binary stars until the effect of Jorgan's foolishness was too late.
