-Derp-'s Poems and Rhymes

[-Derp-]

Thank you for taking the time to read these, I appreciate it greatly.

I do like feedback, notably what you liked and disliked.
Not all poems are intended to rhyme, nor are they required to.
I do own these poems, please to not copy or distributed without my permission.

Dark Poetry / Need Major Refining

The poems would be considered 'Dark Poetry'.*

Design

I want to scream until my lungs give out.
A few more years and my life runs out.
Someone hold me so I may shout!
Tear my insides, rip them apart.
Drain the blood, ripen the heart.
Take these open eyes, golden bright.
Darken them with a little blight.
Savor these ears, drown them in guilt.
Tell songs about the lives we built.
Wring this tongue with flavors of doubt.
Shatter this mouth and ask if I'm devout.
Break this nose with a stench of despair.
And then see if I still care.
Throw me in an abyss of sin,
And ask if I have given in.

All I've got left is this soul.
I've just begun digging this hole.
I've dug this shallow grave,
Can I crawl out being this depraved?
A walking corpse, a ghoul at best,
There's nothing left for me but rest,
And as my soul walks in the void,
There's nothing left for me to avoid.
I look to my sins and regrets,
And hope that I may repay these debts.

Melody

Lucid dreams, worlds unite.
Create universes, become kings,
Where what you say is right.
Become a god of time, a savior, a Christ.
No worries, not a pillage in sight.
Not a cut or wound, nor may a demon hurt you.
Where darkness embraces, comes without light.
A time when a beggar may become wealthy.
A time when you may fall from any height.

Lucid dreams, you keep me awake.
As I continue on, until the end of each day.
Lucid dreams, when greed is no more,
A time when sins are washed away.
Lucid dreams, when demons exist.
Times when you visit depths to bays.
Lucid dreams, a power beyond measure.
Where you may swim in lava, sink in clay.
Lucid dreams, more fragile than glass.
Lucid dreams, so easily thrown astray...

Angels

As I take a kneel to pray
I stop to say,
"What have I done to live this way?"
A tear rolls down my lips,
I remind myself of all the trips
The mistakes I've drawn, and the whips that I've lashed.
The dying memories of my battered past.

As angels come and go,
But this is the only life I'll come to know.
I close my eyes to avoid the truth.
To avoid the images of my youth.
As every mistake I've ever made,
Comes back to stab me as a blade.
A blade that devours life,
I'm slowly dying in this strife.

I fall down, my knees break away,
I fall face down, and hope, for a better day.
A day when I wasn't dead,
A day when I broke free of dread.
Dreading the next breath,
I wish for a day when I wasn't death.
I hope to live past this sorrowing song,
And find a place that I belong.

Sacrilege

Shadows are what I cast;
Red is all I see.
Hearts are what I break;
Tears are what I create.
A mind of sanity,
is what I wish.
And a soul of vanity,
is what I have.
I'm dying
Forever dying
In a world I cannot live.
I'm crying
Forever crying
As I sin after sin.
Can you help me?
Can you ebb away the pains?
Can you take these horrors
And throw them all away?

Or must I live, in this empty shell, this battered basin,
Of a prison we call life
And endure this imprisonment
Until I am no more?
Until I am buried into the ground, or burnt to ash,
I am here, alive,
wishing to be gone.
I'll sacrifice my body, my life, my will.
If you'll promise me
That you will take away these horrors, my corroded memories, and regrets,
of not being the person I was supposed to be.

They say a life for a life
But what does it matter?
We will all die
We are all the same.
Immortals, power
The greed to be a god,
Is what they claim.
Yet they dream of dreams
And think of thoughts
That will never become true.
They cannot save themselves, so what is the point of trying?
Every second
Every breath
Leads us closer to dying.

I've given up,
I've given up,
I've given up.
Can you go on?
Knowing
That all you've done
Will be forgotten,
And quickly be gone?
We claim to rule the world,
Move mountains,
Destroy worlds.
Yet we are just a spec
In time.
And time after time,
They deem this progress
Worthwhile.
They look to greed
To own more
To live better
Yet every soul
And every life
They destroy
Slowly kills themselves.

They raise us up
The pick us up
When we are down
They teach
What they've been taught
Are we not slaves?
Are we not their pawns,
To continue what they could not finish?
Breaking nights, comes the dawn,
Shattered hope, all that I've drawn,
We are wolves when we are left alone,
Mindless children if brought undone,
Will sacrifice the price,
And all will be brought down.
Demons, dragons, and the mystic dreams,
Sacrileges of the mind,
Lingers of hope,
A new day,
A new tomorrow
But is it hope, or chaos
That keeps us going?
Chaos ensures that today will not be tomorrow,
A day of difference, a day of chaos,
As without chaos, we could not exist.
Chaos is unbiased. Chaos is chance
And chaos favors none.

Time is a human creation.
It dies when humans die,
As no word for it will remain.
If time cannot be reversed...
Then this means fate cannot be changed?
We continue to the end,
Working for a better day,
When we know that we will eventually end ourselves,
Run out of energy, run out of pleasure,
Run out of hope for another day,
And run out of life, to see that day.
We break,
We shatter,
But we still carry on,
Until our bodies and minds,
Can no longer be repaired.
No replacement
No savior
And life will eventually ease out its capsule,
As life does not wish to be contained.
But how long can we keep life here?
How long can we exist?

We can create universes with our minds.
Heroes, saviors, friends,
That others cannot see.
That others cannot imagine,
Because imagination varies upon others.
Some see darkness, some see light.
Some see abyss, whilst others see bridges.
If we cannot see the same, then how can we work together?
Ours dreams and hopes cannot be merged, we are forever divided.
Must we become one?
Is that possible, without countless lives lost?
Countless souls wasted?
For a goal?
Would it be worth it?

I hide behind empty smiles
A face of emotion
A brain of apathy.
And a dark, broken soul.
They say that tone is what causes offense.
But what of threats?
Beautiful sins, dark thoughts,
Demons of the heart, corrode our strife.
As would be better off, living a life,
Without these.
Mindless creatures, undaunted by simplicity.
Mindless creatures, a tale we cannot accept.
We find ourselves superior to others,
Yet we are the ones who cannot be content.
We are the ones that cannot be humbled,
By what we have.
We must have more, a greed for better,
A lust for power,
A hunger for more.
And we slowly, ever so slowly,
Destroy what we once called home.

Pathways

He said "Son we need to talk."
I sit down, and he begins to walk.
He circles around,
His face enveloped in frown.
He stares at me to say:
"How did I raise my son this way?"

I look up,
I stand up,
To face what I have become.

I say "Father,"
And he looks away.
"No son of mine was made this way."
His tongue rolls off words of hate,
But he knows he is too late.
He tries to drink away his fears,
As he knows he failed me all these years.

I walk backwards.
Yet I know not matter how far I run,
I cannot escape what has been done.
I crawl into the depths of my mind,
A place where I'm no longer confined.

Images surround me, they paint a story,
A story that ceases to end.
These wounds cease to mend,
And I'm slowly bleeding out all that I've done.
And realize that I am no son.

Thirst

Drink up,
Drink up,
Drink up,
Darling drink up all the tears you've dripped,
All the lives you've washed away,
And all of pain you've brought.
Darling, drink up,
Drink up,
Drink up these sins.
And may you now know what you are.

All this sadness you've caused,
All the lies you've said,
Cannot be repaid.
Yet you continue on, day after day.
To bring more pain to make yourself better.
You're enveloped in pride, but a pride of sadness.
A pride that grows with each tear dropped,
And every sin brought.

So drink up,
Drink up,
Drink up all that's said about you,
Every word, every thought that is against you.
And may you realize what you are.
No makeup can hide what you are in the inside darling,
Nothing can make you pretty on the inside.

So drink up,
Drink up,
Drink up each tear you shed,
As you think your life is hell.
Oh, but think of all the hell you've caused!
You bring about hate to others, so what did you expect in return?
But now, its too late for forgiveness.
As this karma is finally taking a turn against you.

So drink up,
Drink up,
Drink up every tear you shed.
And may you one day, realize what you are.

Poison

...and know that we're going down,
We're falling, crashing from the sky.
Holding our breaths, prepared to die.
We're going to drown,
Drown in the tears shed by friends,
Hopefully we'll one day make amends.

But darling you could've prevented this.
You could've stopped all this hate,
You could've prevented this fate.
But as always, you followed your own bliss.
A kiss to the cheek, and you call us weak.
Yet you're the one calling for me as I'm falling off this peak.

Your love has been cut off from me.
It was once a sprouting seed,
But it has become an awful weed.
Now you have come to see,
What you truly loved.
But now, all you'll have is a show to watch from above.

Your tears drop from your eyes,
I've hit the ground,
My lungs have given out, I will never make a sound.
Hopefully you'll come true, and give up these lies.
A pool surrounds me, I can feel it as it drips.
My legs are mangled, they're shattered at the hips.
But instead of saying your last goodbyes, you run away, you ran away...
To leave me to die, to never see the light of day...

Haunt

Drain it all, give what you've got.
Give it all, all that you've got,
Until you are no more.

Love, such beautiful lies.
Darling, haven't you heard?
We're meant for the flies.
So give it up, your emancipated frames.
Hopefully you'll drain what remains,
It'll ebb the pains away,
It'll be the savior of the day.

So give it up, all you've sought.
Every bone, everything you've brought.
Each visionary dream,
No matter what they mean,
Give it all, give it all,
All that you've got.

You don't seem to believe,
But the evidence you see,
You're going to die,
But don't dare to cry.
Save this empathy for those that care.
For those that are still aware.
Of whats controlling our mind.
So give it all, till you're no longer confined.
Give it up, give it up.
All that you've got.

Till you've escaped,
You're damned to be a wraith,
A ghost, you've got no faith.
You were slain to be this way,
Yet you continue to pray.
So this hero you seek,
Wasn't meant for the weak.
So give it all, the soul you are.
You know you've gone too far.
So give it up, give it up,
All that you've got,
Until you are no more.

Evolution

Die, after what you've done.
What are we to become?
But I cannot deny,
By what I can rely,
So why,
Am I meant to die?

Are we getting stronger,
Are we living longer?
Does this life,
End any strife?
Or do we cause more?
So what am I to adore,
You, or me?
As from what I can see,
We're just going to die.
So is there a point to cry?

As I,
Cannot deny,
What we're seeing,
So continue believing,
As we're breathing,
But are we conceiving,
This evolution?

Its controlling what I am,
Does this still mean I am a man?
This animal is growing,
You know its loathing,
To get out.
We all know what its about,
But still why,
Are we meant to die?

As aren't we getting stronger,
But we're just meant to wander,
This empty home?
But even as we roam,
Our time is coming short,
We're ending this sport,
As we are meant to die.
So don't even dare to cry.

Comatose

...and I'll be there in the dark, when the sun goes down,
Till the animals calm, and your head lays down.
When our eyes stop looking, in the dark of day.
I'll be there while your breath calms, till your eyes drop down.

At the night while the moon rises,
Lights are out without a sound.
While the twilight fades,
I'll be there while your breath calms,
Till your eyes drop down.

I'll be in the dark, always waiting for you.
While daylight dies, waits for the moon rise.
While the dark pervades, and the light evades.
I'll be in the dark, always waiting.
I'll be there while your breath calms,
Till your eyes drop down.

...and even as the sun comes again,
I'll be here then.
While the dawn escapes,
I'll be here in the dark,
Even as your eyes open,
I'll be here, always waiting.

Trinity

My hands let go.
My memories flash
Like a saint's past
Holds such a vanity.
Dear Trinity,
Please save me.

The sky is gone.
My brain can't comprehend
What I've done to my friends.
My heartache
Could shake the morning wake
So daybreak,
Promise me you'll bring the brightest dawn.

The glass shatters.
We've all been on the tallest tree.
For how long is what concerns me.
Self reflection
Helps until your perfection is an infection
Of what you're meant to be.

The car floods.
It takes a stone to kill the whitest dove.
It takes a knife to slash a heart's love.
From shadows
I've lived to hand my heart to the gallows.

The fish rest.
It takes weeping and sorrow
To sing for a tomorrow.
Ears deafen
Loud enough to soften the world
For tonight a mother's tears will sing
Like she still has hope in me.
Dear Trinity,
Please save me.

Ember

Like a cry from far -
From the trees -
To the stars
There's an ember in the dais of will.
The sanctuary it was is a char of ash,
As if leaves were meant to kill,
This lip's words are now rash.

A cinder lies in prayer -
Hope comes in time -
Yet with answers so rare.
A bliss is brought from suspense,
Eternity calls like these thoughts hang,
Yet no requiems will commence.
Sad songs charade but never sang.

An inferno shrieks in feat -
No matter how hard we try -
We shatter in defeat.
The shooting stars have crashed in dirt,
Yet no wish can turn away the hurt
That resides in what we avert.

Yet with persistence comes hope -
No ashened eye can solve -
That lined kaleidoscope.
Like pictures on the wall,
Of a family's bliss.
We forget and withdrawal,
From the assurance of a kiss.
If there was love in every heart
This wouldn't be an Earth.
This would be a work art.

​

Hope

I'm staring at the mirrors,
Haunched over in pain,
Asking if I'm still sane.
I must've gone too far,
As I turned these cuts into scars.

If only every witch of words I spoke,
Would melt away with every tear.
Like the ashing days I live
With the ones I hold dear.

If only doubt
Would rinse away with rain.
But with every storm,
I'm breaking free of shame.

This cat's luck is fading.
So here I stand,
With a foot in the past,
And a new card in hand.

​

*If you do not know what that is, this is a decent site that tells you what it is.

 

[Magtheridon96]

Mind = Blown

I really loved Sacrilege

 

[Jazztastic]

I loved the last stanza of Design. Those two last lines were especially powerful in evoking an image. The first part, was not quite so successful.

The rhyme scheme in Melody should be changed to ABA BCB CDC etc instead of just ABABABABABA BABABABABABA. It seemed to me like Melody was light, but with a touch of evil, and could be a really great poem, but it needs some revision.

I didn't like Angels much. The content didn't appeal much to me, and the rhymes were in no real order or design.

Sacrilege was full of small insights into your mind. It was . . . Interesting.

Overall, good job on these. I think Melody needs to be rewritten, and I didn't like Angels, but the other two were great. You have quite an advanced vocabulary, and you also possess the ability to create incredibly clear and defined images. I'd love to see you write in a more structured form. I'd suggest the Sonnet. The Sonnet, a 14-line poem about love, could be used to describe your love for the dark and gloomy. Without openly saying that you love those things, and using the Sonnet form, true poet conneissuers would grab the deeper meaning.

 

[-Derp-]

I loved the last stanza of Design. Those two last lines were especially powerful in evoking an image. The first part, was not quite so successful.

The rhyme scheme in Melody should be changed to ABA BCB CDC etc instead of just ABABABABABA BABABABABABA. It seemed to me like Melody was light, but with a touch of evil, and could be a really great poem, but it needs some revision.

I didn't like Angels much. The content didn't appeal much to me, and the rhymes were in no real order or design.

Sacrilege was full of small insights into your mind. It was . . . Interesting.

Overall, good job on these. I think Melody needs to be rewritten, and I didn't like Angels, but the other two were great. You have quite an advanced vocabulary, and you also possess the ability to create incredibly clear and defined images. I'd love to see you write in a more structured form. I'd suggest the Sonnet. The Sonnet, a 14-line poem about love, could be used to describe your love for the dark and gloomy. Without openly saying that you love those things, and using the Sonnet form, true poet conneissuers would grab the deeper meaning.

Much love <3

I didn't like Melody's original rhyme scheme, I'll try what you're proposing. ^^

I too agree that Angel needs revising, a mix of freeverse with a rhyme scheme didn't turn out as well as I had hoped.

I'll look up the Sonnet, ^^






~Angels re-written

'Pathways' written.

 

[Jazztastic]

A swell of pity rises up.
The man raises a cup,

These two lines don't flow. Try adding a few more syllables to the second line.

Yet I know not matter how far I run,
I cannot escape what's been done.

You should write it as "What has" instead of "What's", it flows more naturally.

Pathways is a good addition. It is something relatable, because I can guarantee that at one point everyone has disappointed their parents, maybe not to the point of being disowned, but it's something readers can identify with, even those not into dark poetry.

As I take a kneel to pray
I stop to say,
"What have I done to live this way?"
A tear rolls down my lips,
I remind myself of all the trips
The mistakes I've drawn, and the whips that I've lashed.
And dying memories of my battered past.

This was a very, very good stanza. Only thing I'd change would be And in the last line. I'd change it to The, becase you shouldn't begin a sentence with "And" silly (you had used a period before.) The also seems like a better fit, to me at least. And the last two lines, most people don't make the connection that st rhymes with shed (when the E is barely pronounced), and it is good that you do.

I fall down, my knees break away,
I fall face down, and hope,
For a better day.

Maybe combine lines 2 and 3. It isn't something someone would notice when reading it out loud, but readers get a mental pause between lines. Usually keeping rhymes in the same form is a good thing, and a reader won't make the connection as easily if they aren't

All in all, Angels is a better re-write, the first stanza is killer but the second one kindof drops it, the third is fine. Pathways I liked, but it had some errors with the flow and it seemed like you switched tenses occasionally.

 

[-Derp-]

Jazztastic, you're amazing.

I'll update what I can, I'll try to fix the flow the best I can.
(The original poems I updated I made a few weeks before and had a longer to read them, so smaller errors I had fixed before.)


I love your feedback.

 

[Jazztastic]

Just lemme know whenever you update them, I'll be sure to take a look <3

 

[-Derp-]

I made a few changes, took Jazztastic's advice and it paid off. c:

'Melody' will be re-written soon.

 

[Jazztastic]

They are much, much better now. Great job.

 

[-Derp-]

Added 'Thirst', a free verse poem.

I wrote another, yet I found it too gory for this site and scrapped it.
It was called 'Beauty'.


When I re-write 'Melody', it'll likely be a free verse, sadly.




In the meantime, here's a pony.

 

[NunyaBuisness]

Don't change melody! It's my favorite, and I love it! Don't change a single thing about any of them! They are really, truly, great poems.

 

[-Derp-]

Don't change melody! It's my favorite, and I love it! Don't change a single thing about any of them! They are really, truly, great poems.

I thank you for your appraisal, and thus, if you find 'Melody' so appealing it shall stay...

 

[Brambleclaw]

Really like "DESIGN" Sounds like there screaming out but some errors

"I've dug this shallow grave" Doesnt sound right. too many syallables or something
And 2 lines down from that u have

"A walking corpse, a ghoul a best" Should be "At best"

Also this is just personal preference but avoid things like ending one line with "void" and then the next with "avoid"
Or 1 line with "Bite" And the 2nd line with Albeit.
Or "A swell of pity rises up.
The man raises a cup,"

The way the sound works it doesn't rhyme well. :L as its like ending 2 lines with the same word. All though that at least has emphasis due to repetition.

When i get home i'll read the rest. They look really good ^^ looking forward to it

 

[Zegaroth]

I read them all. It took a while.

Very depressing, but well done.

I wrote a poem too, called Mundusphage, which means something in Latin.

I guess I'll post it. Also, +rep

Wait... Did I already give you reputation some other time? Oh well... Whatever.

The Mundusphage

Far beyond an Ocean of Stars,
The Mundusphage lies mouth ajar,
Ancient lands crushed by teeth,
Consumed by the Lord of a Celestial Reef,
Owner of the Darkest Tongues,
Breathing with Unhuman Lungs,
Leader of an Eternal Life,
The source for eons of strife,
Masked in violet, foggy gloom,
His Shadow Ever looms.
The Mundusphage is Coming.

I'm gonna post that somewhere else too. Somewhere more official.

 

[-Derp-]

Hidden

Really like "DESIGN" Sounds like there screaming out but some errors

"I've dug this shallow grave" Doesnt sound right. too many syallables or something
And 2 lines down from that u have

"A walking corpse, a ghoul a best" Should be "At best"

Also this is just personal preference but avoid things like ending one line with "void" and then the next with "avoid"
Or 1 line with "Bite" And the 2nd line with Albeit.
Or "A swell of pity rises up.
The man raises a cup,"

The way the sound works it doesn't rhyme well. :L as its like ending 2 lines with the same word. All though that at least has emphasis due to repetition.

When i get home i'll read the rest. They look really good ^^ looking forward to it

<3 Much love.

I don't think I can shorten 'I've dug the shallow grave.', although I may look to an alternative line.

I've fixed the typo. I'm surprised it was there, I've read the poem several times.

Void, avoid, I can't really think of an alternative line for that. I was attempting to paint a picture of where a soul may end up, though I absolutely agree with you. I'll likely end up removing the line with another.

Thank you very much for the feedback, I will definitely take your notes into consideration. I hope you like the rest.

Hidden

I read them all. It took a while.

Very depressing, but well done.

I wrote a poem too, called Mundusphage, which means something in Latin.

I guess I'll post it. Also, +rep

Wait... Did I already give you reputation some other time? Oh well... Whatever.

The Mundusphage

Far beyond an Ocean of Stars,
The Mundusphage lies mouth ajar,
Ancient lands crushed by teeth,
Consumed by the Lord of a Celestial Reef,
Owner of the Darkest Tongues,
Breathing with Unhuman Lungs,
Leader of an Eternal Life,
The source for eons of strife,
Masked in violet, foggy gloom,
His Shadow Ever looms.
The Mundusphage is Coming.

I'm gonna post that somewhere else too. Somewhere more official.

Thank you, ^^.

I haven't found a place to upload them officially. (Reason: Haven't looked.)

I believe you gave me rep a while back from the spell that I made, but, I dunno.

If you'd like I can provide feedback on 'Mundusphage'. Its quite nice.

 

[Zegaroth]

Yes, I would enjoy feedback on Mundusphage. Tell me if you've figured out what his name means.

 

[Jazztastic]

Mundusphage sounds lime a dirty sexual practice

 

[Brambleclaw]

A Request for 2 new poems. one about cats and another about Mlp

Your poems give me inspiration
For the day has not yet dawned
My life is full of trepadation
As i am never warned

For your next poem is coming
In the darkness of rhymes
It is always stunning
And relevant to the times

Now i put forth an idea out of the hat
Please oh listen forth
My heart yearns for a poem
A poem about a cat

Please oh bringer of tales and rhymes
Give me this one wish
So master of magics farewell farewell

Take this into consideration
For the rhyme is nearly at an end
Farewell the master of magics
Farewell, Farewell

May i see you at the bend



My little pony, My little pony
Where doust thou trot
My little pony, My little pony
What has thou got

Lend me an ear a sparrows' hawk
Or maybe a quill from a owl's wing
Lend me the tale of the night
A hand without a ring

Twilight sparkle glistens
In the Friendship arms and braces
Her horn is all the blistens
The forlorn path that traces

The endless path to Pinkie pie
To Rainbowdash and Applejack

Give me some apples and a horse at night
And all my fears will end
Give me a night light in sight
Of my little twittering bed

So now i ask one more time
Maybe another twice

Please make a poem about ani-mals
And my hear shall call
For the hope that has aspired from your poems
Another to your collection

Oh master rhymes and magic
What i have been wanting to see
Is a poem about M.L.P.

 

[Zegaroth]

Derp, there's a 404 not found picture in your last comment.

Also, Mundusphage means World Eater or Universe Eater in Latin.

 

[-Derp-]

Added 3, tried my best to make a MLP poem about Luna that wasn't sadistic.


I need to edit quite a few of them, simply adjust their 'flow', and improve their overall... quality.

 

[Jazztastic]

Lolol jk

 

[Zegaroth]

Great new poems.

The Luna one makes me think of a monster that's waits for me at night. -_-

 

[Brambleclaw]

So it fits the most recent episode =D!

 

[-Derp-]

Welp, my motivation has gone down the drain. (as usual.)
I have a nice little condition called 'Neurotic Shame' which causes me to lack utter pride and sense of accomplishment with pretty much anything I do.
This is no exception.

So I ask, IS this worth continuing?

 

[Jazztastic]

Yes. Write more please.

 

[Zegaroth]

I think your poems are quite nice and well written. Most of the time I just don't have time for reading long things. Except a few PonyFics now and then...

 

[Brambleclaw]

read a few not all though i will need to get back to that due to hw . Like the evolution one especially the ending stanza and the last line was very sad and down tempo.

Would+rep but i have to spread some T_T


And yes you should continue writing them. If you find it fun ofc =D there really ...

To put into a single word

Depressing

So you give people there daily dose of FML

xP

Me like =D

 

[Edhel-dur]

Stupid poll.

If you like em yourself, keep doing them and keep improving. Where is the rush? Why would you not want to continue them? Takes a lot of patience to master any kind of art you know.

The question you should answer is "Do I have patience or I do I not have patience to carry this".

 

[Ken-E]

Awesome sets of poems, -Derp- I should've seen these before.
Also, the poll is ultimately useless indeed. Everything is worth continuing as long as you think its worth doing yourself.

 

[Mediumunwell]

My favorite is Angels. It is amazing. Other than the knife thing, I think that it is way more hopeful and positive than Hope. Not that the knife thing is bad. I can relate to that, too. Hope was more depressing than hopeful to me. I don't think I really liked it that much.

Thirst was interesting.

I liked Evolution a lot more when I read it backwards.

I wasn't a big fan of Design, Melody, or Sacriledge. They are all too dark for my taste. I can't relate to wanting to scream because I'm not very dramatic, nor can I relate to wanting to give up my mind, body, and soul to be rid of horrors. Horrors aren't even really real... are they? Anyway, Sacriledge has a grammatical mistake: "Tears is what I make," should be 'Tears are what I make.' I think there is some talent in those, but they do not fit my taste.

Poison was cool, but way too depressing for me.

I like Haunt, but I don't think it met its own standards. I understand that repeating things is part of poetry. "Give it all, All that you've got," is an interesting line to repeat, but I didn't feel anything. I wasn't scared. I just didn't feel as much as I thought I would. Its hard to explain. I dunno, maybe I was kinda scared. I think this one has potential, but it just doesn't seem perfect, yet.

I really, really liked everything about Comatose except for its title.

 

[-Derp-]

Thank you Ken-E, mr subs, and Edhel-dur.

---

mr subs, I have fixed the grammatical mistake you've pointed out. There's *quite* a few more of them that I need to fix. Melody was requested to remain unchanged - I'd remove it if I could.

There's alot to fix; I overuse 'ay' rhymes, Pathways' and Angels' first stanzas are fairly similar, Poison's last stanza is poor, I need to fix the 'void/avoid' rhyme, and there's enough grammatical errors to build a boat.

I have added one more, Trinity.

 

[Brambleclaw]

there's enough grammatical errors to build a boat.

I have added one more, Trinity.

Its poetry gramma doesnt exist unless you want it too =D

 

[Squads]

Very nice poes you have there mate. Deep and beautiful for eyes to read it.
Most memorable to me was "Hope". I cant get rid of image where a broke poker player is standing on a dry and abandoned field with a mirror infront of him and a Ace of Spades on his hand and there are big storm clouds in the sky, thinking if he should stop playing and start a new pure life or go on with game of luck and skill. Thats what I see when I read that poem. Probably not your vision, but hey, everybody has his/her own opinion

So and give us some more rhymes.