Is this really THAT bad......?

[Lichemperor]

Okay, to put it simply..... (cos things are way more complicated than this!)
Yesterday, after an exam I went to the pub with my mates.... stayed a bit longer.... got pretty drunk by about 10:00 and had a good time!
Then, at the end of the night my mate literally had rouble standing up.
So I walked her home and slept in the same bed as her... very innocently!
I even asked my girlfriend before I went back to hers 'Is it okay for you if I stay with my mate?'
But now my Gf is incredibly pissed off with me....

How in the wrong am I here?

 

[Tyranid]

You didn't buy any chocolate.

 

[Elenai]

Yes it is that bad, and you are very much in the wrong.

You slept in the same bed, that is not just 'sleeping' that is an intimate thing that should be done with your lover only. Even if it isn't sex. Especially considering that it was another female.

Look at it from her point of view...

Would you not feel jealous if she was drunk, and slept with your male friend? And you didn't see how any of it went down? She might be lying when she says innocent, she might not realize in her drunkeness if she had sex or not, she might have done this, or that, you just don't know, your trust is shaken, your comfort zone invaded by suspicion, your territorial instincts enflamed.

Alot runs through someone's head when they are faced with this kind of unknown, plus natural feelings of jealousy.

 

[Tyranid]

Yes it is.

You slept in the same bed, that is not just 'sleeping' that is an intimate thing that should be done with your lover only. Even if it isn't sex. Especially considering that it was another female.

In all seriousness, sleeping with another person in bed doesn't have to be all that "intimate". I've slept with quite a few people in the same bed (either due to there being to extra beds or anything else to sleep on), and in the end it isn't all that bothering. It doesn't necessarily mean that the 2 people are holding eachother while sleeping. Hell, you can just... turn you backs at each other and it doesn't feel all that intimate. It feels like sleeping alone... in a bed with another person.

Anyways, I don't think you did anything specifically wrong, except maybe perhaps saying that you're "staying with a mate". Now I don't know how you actually said it, but you could have mentioned that the mate in question here is a female. Some girls just get paranoid over these sorts of things.

 

[Lichemperor]

well the strange thing is that I have slept (I do mean just sleeping!) more times with this other girl than I have my girlfriend!

But good point still. = /

 

[Dreadnought[dA]]

LOL, I think that's pretty bad. First you getting that drunk and then thinking it would be ok for you to do that even after your GF said it was. Girls say one thing and mean another!

 

[Skudgemuffin]

If I were you, I would've slept on the couch. Or the floor. I mean, if you sleep in the same bed with another girl and don't expect your girlfriend to get mad, well... you get my point. She could have also thought that you would rather be with that other girl than her.

 

[Elenai]

Personally, I'd say stop getting drunk with this girl and spend more time with your girlfriend. From her point of view it probably does seem that you prefer your friend above her...and that isn't a nice thing for someone to deal with.

The very act of getting drunk with the girl alone is asking for trouble.

 

[Lichemperor]

She could have also thought that you would rather be with that other girl than her.

She kind of already thinks that!
She trusts me..... but she defo doesn't trust the other girl.....
But my gf is really paranoid sometimes too.

plus we were drunk, yes!It was a reward after all that hardwork and revision

 

[BlinkforFear]

dude skudgemuffin is right man take a spot on the couch and sleep man, your stupid by sleeping with another girl no offense, like why risk a break up when you dont have to man?

 

[Elenai]

But you need to make a choice and be intelligent about this:

Your girlfriend, and all that she means to you. Or a 'bit of fun'.

You can still be rewarded without taking such a risk...

 

[WILL THE ALMIGHTY]

Elenai, you're making too much of a big deal out of this. As if this is what should make him rethink his relationship. -.-'



You did nothing particularly wrong, I'd bet she's just suspicious of something. Try to not use "Slept with ...".

 

[Tyranid]

Ignore Elenai.

Seconded.

Seriously, while I do not know you I would believe that you spend enough time with your girlfriend. However if you don't, then you have to spend more time. Don't put her before your friends thought! Couples break easily, even if you put your whole effort to it. When this happens you fall on to the thing which you will always have: friends. However if you devote all your time to just your girlfriend you'll soon find your friends abandoning you.

Hope that made sense. REALLY sleepy right now.

 

[WILL THE ALMIGHTY]

In any case, speak to your friends about this before taking opinion from any of us.

 

[Lichemperor]

Cheers Tyranid!
Actually makes sense what you're saying! possibly +1 rep if I'm still feeling as nice when I've finished writing this message.

But Elenai is right in some ways.... and She can be pretty emmotional (she is Emo after all ) but especialy thinking about what I would feel.
I would hope I could trust her but maybe I wouldn't if I was faced with it.

But this girl mate of mine, well I'll just say my gf has very good reason not to trust her...

Also, I spend way more time with my gf.... like I saw her almost every day she was in hospital about a week ago and was on the phone to her most the time I wasn't!
But yeah, that makes sense.
It's actually only been today (or yesterday lookin at the time ^^') and the night we went out that I've really spoken to all my mates properly in a while.

Keeping everyone happy is just so awkward ^^

 

[~Void~]

Just tell your girl that she should trust you, or if you want to risk things, tell her to stop being so goddamn naive.

(You shouldn't have told her.)

 

[Elenai]

The point is WILL, that this is a little seed that if he doesn't deal with now, will cut his nuts off later.

 

[WILL THE ALMIGHTY]

The point is WILL, that this is a little seed that if he doesn't deal with now, will cut his nuts off later.

See? This is why I tell people to ignore his advice on relationships.

 

[Lichemperor]

Just tell your girl that she should trust you, or if you want to risk things, tell her to stop being so goddamn naive.

(You shouldn't have told her.)

I defo should have told her! would have been way worse if she found out some other way.
Though cos I was drunk I didn't tell her in the most conciderate possible way.
But I was honest and really sorry too when I was sending the texts.

But she also knows that she can be very Naive sometimes.....
I kind of ded tell her when I spoke to her today.

I said I'm not talking to you for a few days-so you get a few days to think about it (cos she had phoned me saying that we were broken up and then hung up) but that she could come and talk to me if she wanted.

She has just told me that she's not happy but she doesn't want us to break up over this.....

Also that I shoud never speak to this other girl again!

 

[BlinkforFear]

Cheers Tyranid!
Actually makes sense what you're saying! possibly +1 rep if I'm still feeling as nice when I've finished writing this message.

But Elenai is right in some ways.... and She can be pretty emmotional (she is Emo after all ) but especialy thinking about what I would feel.
I would hope I could trust her but maybe I wouldn't if I was faced with it.

um emo man fuckin emo? either get her to not be emo or dump her man. fuckin emos...

 

[Lichemperor]

um emo man fuckin emo? either get her to not be emo or dump her man. fuckin emos...

Sorry you feel that way.... = /
But she has only cut herself once since I've been with her.
Overall she is alot better now I'm with her or was with her....

But Emo or Chav?

Plus she also dresses gothic and I'm so into that!

 

[Kimbo]

I slept with my best friend for like, 5 weeks everyday long before I was intimate with him, same with my other good female friends. Honestly. What the heck is wrong with that?

BUT. If you are in a relationship with someone, you are to respect your commitment to eachother, and doing such things with another female who or you can take advantage of is wrong. Wrongs in terms of whats taboo in society and to eachother, not because its that logical or anything.




Also. if you judge someone over their stereotype and you dont even know them, im sorry. but thats being ignorant.

 

[Elenai]

Also that I shoud never speak to this other girl again!

Welcome to the world of dutiful obedience! lol.

See? This is why I tell people to ignore his advice on relationships.

Its funny how I'm usually right too.

 

[WILL THE ALMIGHTY]

Its funny how I'm usually right too.

Tell me one place where you were ever RIGHT about this stuff. Please, share your experience in love and relationships.

 

[Kimbo]

Its funny how I'm usually right too.

You want to know whats right? What im about to say:
There is no true wrong and right advice on a relationships. There only the more logical/sensible and the less logical/sensible.

 

[Lichemperor]

Well that's a problem.... I'm very logical and she is more emotional!
We can put up with eachother most of the time no problem though ^^'

Welcome to the world of dutiful obedience! lol.

But this is the second person I'm now not allowed to speak to since I've been seeing her!


And okay, I will take back the thing about the chavs ^^'
(though it is true with most of them.... you know one you know em all... )

 

[Bontrager]

Women are inferior. Show your authority and all will be set straight.

 

[Kimbo]

Well that's a problem.... I'm very logical and she is more emotional!
We can put up with eachother most of the time no problem though ^^'

At least you arnt both emotional. Thats WORSE.
When me and my partner both arnt on our meds, we clash. ALOT. BAD.

But this is the second person I'm now not allowed to speak to since I've been seeing her!

She should also respect your rights, when you commit to a relationship, you should only willingly pull down some privileges to protect your commitment for eachother, natural ones like seeing friends should NEVER EVER be barred down.

 

[Lichemperor]

Women are inferior. Show your authority and all will be set straight.

I'm sorry but I can't agree with that.
I m being firm with her and not just letting her rule....

But it depends on the individual person. Not their Gender!

 

[Lichemperor]

At least you arnt both emotional. Thats WORSE.
When me and my partner both arnt on our meds, we clash. ALOT. BAD.



She should also respect your rights, when you commit to a relationship, you should only willingly pull down some privileges to protect your commitment for eachother, natural ones like seeing friends should NEVER EVER be barred down.

Sounds like you've been around a bit ^^'
But yer that sounds alot like her and her ex actually.... both extremely paranoid and it must have lasted like only just more than a day?

But there is seeing friends and then sleeping with them... whichever kind...
I am an incredibly moral person. Also very trustworthy I believe.... even when I'm drunk which is why I was telling my gf that I was with this girl and asked my gfs permission to stay at her house!

 

[WILL THE ALMIGHTY]

Women are inferior. Show your authority and all will be set straight.

This is the truest thing said here.

 

[Lichemperor]

This is the truest thing said here.

Still disagreeable... = /
Though I will try to fo the whole assert my authority thing.

 

[BlinkforFear]

little advice i mean the whole authority thing has some truth to it but girls dont know that so um dont lay down the law too much on her. and um yeah asking to stay at a girls house and asking to sleep in the same bed with her are 2 different things unfortunately you asked if you could stay at her house and not if you could sleep with her... thats where your little plan faulted man your gl only gave you permission to be at her house not to sleep with her, thats why shes pissed no?

 

[Lichemperor]

little advice i mean the whole authority thing has some truth to it but girls dont know that so um dont lay down the law too much on her. and um yeah asking to stay at a girls house and asking to sleep in the same bed with her are 2 different things unfortunately you asked if you could stay at her house and not if you could sleep with her... thats where your little plan faulted man your gl only gave you permission to be at her house not to sleep with her, thats why shes pissed no?

No, for a start I had no plan! I was quite drunk but just wanted to tell her to let her know and all that!
She is pissed mostly cos she really doesn't trust this girl and with good reason! But she can trust me.....