[Role Playing Game] [Freelancer] Story writter

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Hello everyone,

I am an old member on these forums and my main participation to modding is by writing stories. This week I have some free time so I decided I would help anyone in need of story content. I can help with hero portraits, general story, quests, etc.

If you think you have need of me, reply here or send me a message inbox.

I will post here a some of my previous work, a lore/history type story (excuse the rip-off names as many were placeholders and I never got around changing them). If you need to see more proof of my work I will gladly send you a PM with it.


The Humans


The war between the High Elves and Wood Elves was so powerful that it scarred the land deeply. Fearing the destruction of their creation, the Gods decided to answer the prayers of the Elven Demigod and intervened in the battle between the two Elven nations, which reached it's apex. The Gods warned the Elves that if they would continue the senseless war, they would all be eradicated. Fearing the power of the Gods, the Elves agreed to peace. In an attempt to remove any bad blood between the two races and to celebrate the peace, the Gods offered a gift, reviving all the corpses on the battlefield. Although the corpses still looked like Elves, their immortality and memories were lost forever. This new breed of two-legged creatures we're named Humans.

While the Wood Elves took it upon themselves to heal the land, being guilty for starting the war, the High Elves were appointed to take care of this new race. Thus the Humans learned the art of craftsmanship, however they were not taught the art of magic use. Although descended from Elves, the Humans weren't fond of living into the forests, so after several human generations, they left the Highlands in search of a land of their own.

After leaving the High Elven lands, the numerous human leaders lead to numerous directions for the Human race. It is when the Human Parted.

Only one human party choose to stay in the fields nearby the Highlands. The first village they built was Callahan, named after their leader. After a few other human generations, Callahan was no longer a village, it was a city surrounded by stone walls, heavily guarded by soldiers with sharp swords and thick shields. Callahan was now the Capital City of Laerdon Kingdom.

As generations passed, the Humans changed their physical characteristics. Their ears grew shorter, their skin lost it's fairness, their bodies became more robust. However one day, a woman gave birth to an abnormal child, who would change the fate of the Humans of Laerdon. As he grew, the abnormal child looked more and more like a High Elf. When the Human King found out about this boy, he called for him. Although still young, the boy looked exactly like one of the Elves. Immediately the King saw the opportunity, that the Humans could learn one of the most sacred secrets of the Elves, controlling magic. So the king said to the boy, that if he would infiltrate both the High Elven and the Wood Elven societies and learn the art of magic, his family would be moved to the royal courtyard, and he would be made one of the kings councilors, a high rank in the human society.

Having a chance to save his family from poverty, the child immediately accepted the kings offer and after three days the boy made his way toward the Highlands. No one knows what happened to the boy, until 56 years after. When he returned, only the ring he received from the Human King indicated that he was the Elven boy born in the poor human family. Sadly, his parents have already died of old age, never to know what became of their only child.

After several days the mage was called forth by the king. It was time to uphold his end of the bargain. The mage explained that not only that he could now teach a ordinary human how to wield magic, he also discovered a new art: Necromacy. This new magic would ensure a longer lifespan, making the humans almost immortal. This new perspective troubled the Kingdom of Laerdon. Fights suddenly began between the peasant population and the high society. The Lords supported the project, but a last word upon adopting this new art was told by the Kings generals. They extended the Kings horizon to a place where human wars would be swiftly won and with lesser losses.

Drunk with words like power, immortality and supremacy, King Arthur took up his sword and became the very first immortal human, the very first Undead.
At that point, when word of the kings decision got out, The Human Civil War started. The kings brother, Theodis, refused to become an Undead, instead he left the Capital City and traveled to the major villages of the kingdom, encouraging people to not forsake their human blood and that he will ask the aid of the Elves and return with hope.

Several weeks passed until Theodis returned. The Undead seemed to be invulnerable, stopping at nothing. When Theodis returned he claimed to have the solution for winning the war. A magical hammer which would be used in forging weapons powerful enough to defeat the Undead. And so it happened, armed with magical weapons, the humans threw back the Undead. The King of the Undead, Arthur, sworn to return one day to conquer what once was his kingdom.

After exiling all of the Undead from the human kingdom, Theodis took up the crown and was named King. Fearing the return of his brother, Theodis created the Order of Paladins, a military organization which would wield Holy enchanted weapons with the aim of defending Laerdon of Undead or any other threats.

And indeed, the day know as "The Return of the Dead King" finally came. Vastly outnumbered the human kingdom fell in matter of days. Seeing his people slaughtered, Theodis ordered the evacuation of the population from the entire kingdom. They would now retreat towards East.

Obtaining his throne back, Arthur stopped the hunt for humans, but the Elven Lich (the small elven look like boy), the one who created Necromacy, had other plans. He wanted to exterminate the Humans. Thus he overthrew Arthur who became ”The King of No One”.

Having now the control of all the Undead, the Elven Lich tracked down the Humans and found their encampment in the Great Forrest. There Theodis realized that he needs to sacrifice some of his people, so the human race might still have a future. Thus Theodis and a band of loyal men charged into the vast army of Undead. Miraculously, Theodis and his company succeeded in delaying the Undead for more than they expected. But exhaustion took its toll and the brave defenders of humanity fell in battle. It is known as being one of the saddest days of the Human civilization.

After the battle, the Elven Lich dispatched scouts to once again find the humans. The human tracks ended at the edge of The Ancient Forrest. There fortune smiled at the humans once again, because they found new allies, the mighty Dwarves and the elusive Elves.

"But it's time that the magical secrets of the Hammer will be revealed. The Humans will triumph."


Happy modding!
 
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Level 14
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Grammatical errors aside, the story itself is actually really good. I like the explanation of the separate races and how they came to be. I also like how you explained why the undead became evil and that it all started with learning magic before twisting it into necromancy. Well done with the story. I don't really care about the grammatical errors since I'm assuming this is more about the lore than the actually story-writing.

Good work +rep
 
Level 14
Joined
Jan 2, 2007
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Thanks guys.

Well actually this story is 10 years old or so. Now when I checked it again, it had so many spelling mistakes, I just rushed to fix them. I know the grammar or wording style is poor but I had no patience to fix those.

It is indeed more about the lore or history than it is about being graphic or artistic in my form of expression. I much rather focus on making a story which you can relate too but also one which feels a little unique and most importantly it must makes a lot of sense.

Thanks for your appreciation, sorry to those who died because of my bad grammar :pir:
 
So I decided to do some proofreading for you, not just for the grammar but the general flow of the writing itself. My corrections and suggestions are in white. Notes are in blue. I hope I have helped.

The Humans


The war between the High Elves and the Wood Elves was so powerful devastating that it scarred the land deeply. Fearing the destruction of their creation, the Gods decided to answer the prayers of the Elven Demigod [maybe mention Elven Demigod earlier before suddenly name-dropping him all of a sudden :p ?] and intervened in the battle between the two Elven nations, which reached at it's apex. The Gods warned the Elves that if they would continue their senseless war, they would all be eradicated. Fearing the power of the Gods, the Elves agreed to peace a truce [changed the word 'peace' to 'a truce' to avoid repetition in the next sentence]. In an attempt to remove any bad blood between the two races and to celebrate the peace, the Gods offered bestowed a gift, reviving all the corpses on the battlefield. Although the corpses still looked like Elves, their immortality and memories were lost forever. This new breed of two-legged creatures we're was (breed is the subject, not creatures) named Humans.

While the Wood Elves took it upon themselves to heal the land, being guilty for starting the war, the High Elves were appointed to take care of this new race. Thus the Humans learned the art of craftsmanship, however they were not taught the art of magic use. Although descended from Elves, the Humans weren't fond of living into the forests, so after several Human generations, they left the Highlands [perhaps mention the state of the highlands to covey the fact that they were covered in trees. 'forested Highlands' or 'overgrown Highlands', etc.] in search of a land of their own.

After leaving the High Elven lands, the numerous human leaders lead their people in to numerous directions for the Human race to settle all over the world. It is when the Human Parted. [I personally would have written it something more like, 'This separation is known as The Parting.]

Only one human party choose to stay in the fields nearby the Highlands. The first village they built was Callahan, named after their leader. After a few other Human [If you are going to capitalise Human, do it everywhere :) ] generations, Callahan was no longer a village, it was but a city surrounded by stone walls, heavily guarded by soldiers with sharp swords and thick shields. Callahan was now the Capital City of Laerdon Kingdom.

As generations passed, the Humans changed their physical characteristics. Their ears grew shorter, their skin lost it's fairness, their bodies became more robust. However one day, a woman gave birth to an abnormal child, who would change the fate of the Humans of Laerdon. As he grew, the abnormal child looked more and more like a High Elf. When the Human King found out about this boy, he called for him. Although still young, the boy looked exactly like one of the Elves. Immediately the King saw the opportunity, that the Humans could learn one of the most sacred secrets of the Elves: controlling magic. So the king said to the boy, that if he would infiltrate both the High Elven and the Wood Elven societies and learn the art of magic, his family would be moved to the royal courtyard, and he would be made into one of the kings councilors, a high rank in the human society.

Having a chance to save his family from poverty, the child immediately accepted the king's offer and after three days the boy made his way toward the Highlands. No one knows knew what happened to the boy, until 56 years after. When he returned, only the ring he received from the Human King indicated that he was the Elven boy born in the poor human family. Sadly, his parents had already died of old age, never to know what became of their only child.

After several days the mage was called forth by the king. It was time to uphold his end of the bargain. The mage explained that not only that he could now teach an ordinary human how to wield magic, he also discovered a new art: Necromacy. This new magic would ensure a granted longer lifespans, making the humans almost immortal. This new perspective troubled the Kingdom of Laerdon. Fights suddenly began between the peasant population and the high society. The Lords supported the project, but a last word upon adopting this new art was told [told to whom?] by the King's generals. They extended the King's horizon to a place where human wars would be swiftly won and with lesser losses. [Not sure how the generals fit in here. What do they know about Necromancy?]

Drunk with words like power, immortality and supremacy, King Arthur took up his sword and became the very first immortal human, the very first Undead.
At that point, when word of the king's decision got out, The Human Civil War started. The king's brother, Theodis, refused to become an Undead. Instead he left the Capital City and traveled to the major villages of the kingdom, encouraging people to not forsake their human blood and that he will ask the aid of the Elves and return with hope.

Several weeks passed until Theodis returned. The Undead seemed to be invulnerable then and stopping at nothing. When Theodis returned [avoid repetition] Theodis claimed to have the solution for winning the war. It was a A magical hammer which would be used in forging weapons powerful enough to defeat the Undead. And so it happened, armed with magical weapons, the humans threw back the Undead. The King of the Undead, Arthur, swore to return one day to conquer retake what once was his kingdom.

After exiling all of the Undead from the human kingdom, Theodis took up the crown and was named King. Fearing the return of his brother, Theodis created the Order of Paladins, a military organization which would wield Holy enchanted weapons with the aim of defending Laerdon of from the Undead or any other threats.

And indeed, the day known as "The Return of the Dead King" finally came. Vastly outnumbered, the human kingdom fell in a matter of days [Undead OP, nerf now. Paladins useless :( ]. Seeing his people slaughtered, Theodis ordered the evacuation of the population from the entire kingdom. They would now retreat towards the East.

Obtaining Winning his throne back, Arthur stopped the hunt for humans, but the Elven Lich (small elven look like boy), the one who created taught Necromacy, had other plans. He wanted to exterminate the Humans. Thus he overthrew Arthur who became ”The King of No One”.

Having now the control of all the Undead, the Elven Lich tracked down the Humans and found their encampment in the Great Forest. There Theodis realized that he needed to sacrifice some of his people, so the human race might still have a future [why did he have to do that? were some people slowing down the group? You should explain why, briefly]. Thus Theodis and a band of loyal men charged into the vast army of Undead. Miraculously, Theodis and his company succeeded in delaying the Undead for more than they expected. But exhaustion took its toll and the brave defenders of humanity fell in battle. It is known as being one of the saddest days of the Human civilization. [sadder than having to abandon their homes? :p ]

After the battle, the Elven Lich dispatched scouts to once again find the humans. The human tracks ended at the edge of The Ancient Forest. There fortune smiled at the humans once again, because they found new allies, the mighty Dwarves and the elusive Elves.

"But it's time that the magical secrets of the Hammer will be revealed. The Humans will triumph."
 
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[maybe mention Elven Demigod earlier before suddenly name-dropping him all of a sudden :p ?]

She is mentioned in an earlier 'chapter'. This 'chapter' is just one of many. For the purpose of this thread I only wrote one chapter instead of the entire story.

[If you are going to capitalise Human, do it everywhere :) ]

Truth is, many names are placeholders. I actually wrote it like this so my mind will have no problems making and remembering said connections. I do suck at actual writing. Anyway I guess you are right.

[Not sure how the generals fit in here. What do they know about Necromancy?]

They know that it makes a soldier stronger. Generals were just thinking from a warfare perspective.

[Undead OP, nerf now. Paladins useless :( ]

It's not mentioned here, but it's mentioned in the Undead chapter. Basically after being driven off the first time, the Undead went on a 'recruiting campaign'. They slaughtered various tribes in order to bolster their numbers. When they returned to Laerdon, they just overwhelmed by sheer numbers. I didn't want to mention in the Human chapter as I tried to be very minimalistic, will explain at the end of this post why.

[why did he have to do that? were some people slowing down the group? You should explain why, briefly]

Will mention at the end.

[sadder than having to abandon their homes? :p ]

It was meant for me to remember that Theodis grew loved by many and that many good knights died that day. It was sad for everyone because they lost the person who gave them hope.

----

Alright, so relating to the many things which seem to appear out of nowhere.

Basically when I wrote this short-story, I wrote it for myself to always remember everything. I had this story all layed out for 4 game tittles, including a background lore. So my goal in writing this was firstly to summarize everything as much as possible, and have each word trigger a hidden cache of information inside my mind. It was never really thought out to show anything artistic, or be in-game somewhere. It was just a story written so anyone who read it would get the basic idea of things.

This chapter represents the foundation, the structural walls and columns, the orientation of the story. But what happened inside... how it would be compartmented, where the light switch is, what color the walls are and other details were in my head and mostly adjust to the genre the story would be placed in. So just the part where humans talk about their exodus, from the moment they left to the death of king Theodis, that could be an entire cinematic. So I couldn't really spare a lot of time and writing space just to have something to remind me of how things were, are and play out.
 
Well my point is, when you're presenting something, people aren't going to know that whatever it is you're showcasing is part of something greater. If you want your story to have greater impact, you need to tailor it accordingly to fit it's summarised length. Polish is also important imo.
 
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Thanks for your thoughts. Overtime I tried polishing it, I think it's on one of my old HDDs. This version I actually got from THW mailbox, probably wrote it many years ago. This one might have been one of the first drafts.

Either way, I do appreciate you pointing out the flaws. +rep
 
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