Brad's Poetry

[brad.dude03]

Written partially inspired by The Patient, by Tool, and His Dark Materials, a series of novels by Phillip Pullman. I don't draw too much from either, but there are references you should pick up if you're familiar with either of them.

The Hall Under God’s Mountain
I am The Patient
At least,
That’s what I call me.
I’ve forgot my true name long ago
I must be patient.
Over ten thousand days
I’ve been here, 27 years
For a crime I did not commit
A crime that I have no knowledge of
I must trust in God
I must be patient.
In the Hall under the Mountain
I am truly alone
God’s Mountain, His hall
I am the only one here.
But I’m still right here,
As I always was
Keeping faith, staying sane.
Or trying.
The gears, the unfathomably large
Machinery. The steam, the pistons.
They carry on endlessly, they
Remind me that I exist still,
That time is passing by.
Even under the Mountain,
Larger than a thousand eyes can see,
Time continues on, unimpeded,
Without me.
But this is God’s house
And I’m a prisoner here
There is no death for those
Who have died, long ago.
The orange light, the
Brown stone, it is
Unnaturally bright, in my
Cell and beyond.

A green book.

That was all they left me.
27 years ago, I wrote in it
Every day,
Keeping faith, staying sane.
But this has to be a
Test, otherwise
I can’t carry on.
Trapped in this cell, walls of
Stone, I tried everything,
Every cunning skill, every
Device, every prayer, but
The door, that wooden door,
With its tiny window,
Remained shut.
I haven’t seen the
Sun in so long.
My green book,
Carefully kept,
Brings forth memories
Of the trees, great
Evergreens I used to know
All I feel is the heat, the
Smell of metal, and the
Noise of the infinite machines.
I’ve been away for so long.
I’ve been alone for so long.
But I am patient.
I am The Patient.
And I wait on,
For my release.

There's a sort of epilogue/continuation called Skeleton that I'll post when I can be arsed to type it up.

THOUGHTS PLOX.

 

[WILL THE ALMIGHTY]

Freakin' Emo.







Yeah, seriously, that's all I got. Not good with poetry, though I liked it.

 

[brad.dude03]

It's not supposed to be about self-representation at all, it's not even an attack on Christianity or anything.

It just sort of came, like all poetry does. Glad you liked it

 

[bestoboy]

This is awesome, I wonder what happens to him...

 

[I)eadnerzhul]

Sounds like he's gone insane, being stuck in a cell and all.

Edit: But it was awesome. BRAD FOR THE WIN MAN!

 

[brad.dude03]

Skeleton
Oh these bones are so old
These bones are me.
Long ago I was prisoner
Now I am free
It happened, 27 years in
A man came and told me
God hadn’t made Sin
They say he was cast out
Not an hour later
I did not care.
To see, another face
Another person,
Was the peak of my existence.
When I thought I was alone,
Another came for me.
I exit the wasteland
Great beauty behold.
The air, the trees,
The stars.
And lastly, the wind.
The wind blew my
Face away, it
Carried me with it.
I returned to the
Earth, my home.
All that’s left are
These bones.
And they’ll be gone soon.
The Kingdom of God
Has power over me no longer.
I am free, returned
To the place I belong.
I grow in the soil,
I climb through the skies.
My existence
Is existence.

And so it ends.

 

[Elenai]

Its rather long winded for free verse. It doesn't 'hook' my imagination to it as I read.

Try for less, more powerful stanzas.

That is all the advice I can give currently.

 

[brad.dude03]

Each stanza is not supposed to be read in one big long breathe, a comma actually denotes a place to pause for breathe while a period signifies a little more finality.

 

[Elenai]

It is still 'lengthy' where as a rule of thumb for most poetry is "short and sweet". (not counting Epics and ballads)

 

[brad.dude03]

Well, it tells a story. I don't see why poetry only has to be a few lines long, lyrics can last 3 to 4 minutes and this is definitely a quicker read.

 

[WILL THE ALMIGHTY]

There are a lot of very long poems, Elenai. And not amateur ones.

 

[brad.dude03]

I decided to turn this into an all-purpose place for all my poetry. Here's another, unrelated to the other two.

The Calm After the Storm
The tension had washed out of the air
The rain had carried itself away
And I stood there standing in it, half waiting
In all its fury, the storm had bled itself dry
Things aren’t so bad after all.

That’s how I was feeling just now.
Like my storm had run its course.
The puddles were full, the air
Thick with humidity, but I was calm
I was free of that storm, and when I sat back
Things aren’t so bad anymore.

Oh, that storm had consumed me
Heat lightning, darkening clouds
I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t eat
I knew what was coming, and I couldn’t stop it
Nor did I want to. It had to come and it had to pass
So I let it, and it hurt me, but
Things weren’t as bad as I thought

Thunder, booming through my head
The lightning collapsed around me
For days, and days, I stood in the rain
The rain of my head, and I shouted at the sky
I didn’t shout for it to stop, no, I shouted for it
To pour it on harder, get it all out, my first release
For days, locked away, I struggled with myself, struggled
As the storm came raging through, raging through my mind.
Things were bad but they’re better now

To recover, took an equal number of days
The puddles must dry, the grass take in its nourishment
The sky, filled to the brim with its dark clouds,
Was suddenly clear, and so I could see once more
There was no sun in my mind, perhaps, but skies were
Blue once more, overcast a thing of the past.

Only one question filled my head
Where is my mind?
How different will things be after this?
No longer am I harboring some dark passenger
I got it out of me, clear skies ahead, and if not
Perhaps another storm will roll along, another release
One thing’s for sure, though:
Things will be better now.

 

[brad.dude03]

Yeah, double post. This my forum, so sue me. Ironically this is partially the topic of today's poetry.

Please Mister, Don’t Sue My Ass

These days are dark
But you still can’t
Censor me
I’ve still got
Freedom of speech
I exercise my right
To speak my mind
And express my desires

Can you keep a secret?
Can you keep a secret?

I don’t need to.
I wont let this build up inside me.

 

[bestoboy]

I liked the first 2 ones more And the Storm one was pretty nice too, I liked the ending

Please Mister, Don’t Sue My Ass just made me lol (I don't know why xD)