- Joined
- May 25, 2013
- Messages
- 52
Hello Hive,
I have here but a single paragraph, the first paragraph in a novel I am writing. It has no name yet, since I have only just finished the first chapter. What I need, is feedback for this first, fundamental paragraph of the story.
How does it make you feel? Is there anything you would change? Does it make you want to read-on? If not, how would you change it to make it so? Is it too confusing, or too sudden? And lastly, what genre do you think it will belong to?
Thank you for both your time and feedback/criticism.
Sincerely,
EclecticAcid.
I have here but a single paragraph, the first paragraph in a novel I am writing. It has no name yet, since I have only just finished the first chapter. What I need, is feedback for this first, fundamental paragraph of the story.
WHEN A MONSTER WALKS PAST YOUR DOOR AT NIGHT, STOPS AND STARES INTO YOUR BEDROOM window straight into your eyes, and walks on only to disappear into the thick forest underbrush behind your house, you must be worried. If you aren't, you must be older than regular monsters deemed believability. But Jason Burui was neither of these things. He'd seen the monster plenty of times before, and his parents had always been able to comprehend with his rantings of the monster. It was scary, sure, but not enough to make the eleven year-old boy sleep in his parents' room.
How does it make you feel? Is there anything you would change? Does it make you want to read-on? If not, how would you change it to make it so? Is it too confusing, or too sudden? And lastly, what genre do you think it will belong to?
Thank you for both your time and feedback/criticism.
Sincerely,
EclecticAcid.
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