Chronicels of the Betrayer

Been working on this a 5-6 mounths now. It's a first person story, told from the eyes of Illidan Stormrage. It dose cover his hole life, but sadly it is not done yet. There is a bit of a gap in his early life, maily when he gets blinded, works for Sargarus, and such. The rest is done, and has some pics I took from WoW. It is currenlty beeing made into a movie by my friend and I. Hope you like it if you read it. =]


Damn... the file is to big to attach... well... you can download it here... It's attached to the first post on that thread.

err can u copy and paste it in a post? i think the linkis broken

Bah... dumb other forum made it so you have to register/log in to view anything... well, I can upload it here in two sections. I can't really copy and past it, it's 55 pages long.

Ok. I hope these will work.

Ok I'm not really going to read all of this, but first in your prologue...

Second sentence:

Me and my lieutenants

Click to expand...

Wrong! My lieutenants and I is correct.
Still second sentence:

sat outside our enemies hold

Click to expand...

enemy's. It's possessive, not plural.

Moving on to second paragraph:

“There must another way around my lord.” Said Vashj, the commander of my Naga.

Click to expand...

...my lord," said Vashj...
Use a comma like this when having dialog AND no capital on the said.

And you spelled Draenei wrong. That's ok, not many people get it right.

So, I've looked over your first page, and that's what I got. Other things..

Pics? It's a story, not a story book. Please, come on. Just give us the material. Let our imaginations do the rest.

As well, I refuse to read anymore until grammar is checked over. But that's just me and I'm a bit of a grammar nazi.

I don't have time to read yor whole post this second, but I made Illidan say "Me and blah blah blah" to show he thinks he is ruler n' stuff. I'll read more later, thanks for pointing that out =]

I read only the prologue and the 'beginning' and I am devastated from the number of the lore mistakes. From where should I start?

-Hellfire citadel was abounded after the battle of hellfire peninsula, and for many years no one settled in it. Only recently, after Illidan took control over outland, the citadel returned to be used.
-Akama first made contact with Illidan secondary lieutenants, Vashj and Kael after they saved his village from Magtheridon forces, and only then come to see Illidan.
-Illidan and Malfurion age was 15,032 when the third war begun, and the Kaldorei
Begun to settle around the well only at 14,000 before the first war. So Illidan was born before the Kaldorei begun to build their culture, not after it.
-Tyrande, Illidan and Malfurion were the first (ever) Kaldorei who made actual contact with Cenarius, and Malfurion was the first that was trained in druidism. before him no one knew about this class of magic.
- Illidan, Tyrande and Malfurion lived all their life before the conflict with the legion in Suramar, Not in Zin-Azshari.
- Malfurion never served as Moon guard.
-the moon guard was leaded by Lord Kur'talos Ravencrest, not by Jarod Shadowsong
-Illidan never met or served Azshara before the war of the ancients.
-the temple of Elune was in Suramar, not in Zin-Azshari.
-Illidan begun to use the war glaives only after he looted them from Azzinoth, he wasn't skilled with such kind of weapon before that.
- The 'Quel’dorie ' was called Highborn at that time, and they looked just like normal Kaldorei. They begun to look like the high elves of today only after they were exiled from Kalimdor, created the Sunwell and adopted the sun instead of the moon. And only then they changed their name from the highborn to the Quel'dorei ("children of noble born")
- The highborn wasn't the queen bodyguards. They were like royalty and lived with their queen in the city of Zin-Azshari.
- Actually, Illidan wanted to learn druidism, but Cenarius refused to accept him as apprentice because he sensed "there is much promise to him… but the promise lies elsewhere" (and he was right, in the end). He never said to Illidan something like: “You must have been one of my worst students I have ever had. I ban you from druidism, and from this glade, so long as I have control over it.”
- The arcane magic was well known among the Kaldorei and it was used not only by the Highborn (the Moon Guard is good example).

Perhaps this can be another version of the story, but since you mention that it based on Illidan real life, this is very wrong.

Look I failed english last year... stop with the grammar complaints.. what about the story, the style, all of that? -.-

The "grammar complaints" are simple grammar errors. I can understand a little bit of them, but dude..and if this is just a summary of Illidan's travels, stick to the lore for pete's sake, like anetherond said.

I must agree. The grammar is a minute part of what I really looked at, but seriously, when reading a historical summary of one of the most, if not the most well-known Warcraft antagonist, I want to hear the facts. Illidan is a character I would recommend in studying at a much higher experience of Warcraft lore. Even if you've played ROC, TFT and WoW you only have about 70% of who Illidan really was.

You mentioned that Illidan says things such as, "Me blah blah blah blah." It may be true that he's very arrogant, but even an egotistical demon like Mannoroth had good grammar. No, I'm in no way comparing Mannoroth to Illidan.

Please solidify the lore, and fix those grammar mistakes. Also, get rid of the pictures. They're all well and nicely framed, but like Undead_Lives said, let your imagination do the rest.

-the moon guard was leaded by Lord Kur'talos Ravencrest, not by Jarod Shadowsong

-the temple of Elune was in Suramar, not in Zin-Azshari.



WRONG!!!! there was a temple of elune in Zin-Azshari.

AND the moon guard was not lead by Lord Kur'Talos Ravencrest unless you talking about the first victory over the legion and even then Ilidan led them. And for god's sake! The High Elves ARE Night Elves. Read up on your darned lore man!