Right off the bat a review, perhaps a bit later, but as they say, better late than never.
General
Overall, I'd have to say I like your cinematic, with the whole scene you made, 2-P beat you too it however (even tho his had no real story), so it wasn't something too new I am afraid, but your attempt is quite good.
I think you tried to make something refreshing, however, there were a couple of moments that I sat in my chair trying to stay enthusiastic about the story, but we'll get into that.
Terrain and Environment
Your terrain was quite well, perhaps it was a bit all of the same, but definitely didn't bore me.
I do think that you should pay a bit more attention to (how can I make this terrain not be so repetitive, meaning, what scenerio's can I built other than paths and large pieces of wood and grass ( a good exmaple would be to make small little mountain cave's that appear on the background, thats just an example) )
Your indoor terrain was quite alright, perhaps pieces a bits that were too empty, so I think you could take example of where you use allot of doodads outside to create a forest to make something more interesting for your indoor terrains.
Environment I was a bit disappointed about, you created a forest and indoor terrain, but it didn't give it the magical and final touch (skies, fogs weather effects etc), try to toy around with those to especially give your forest that final feel.
Camera and Cinematic Handling
I felt that you could have used some more closed up shots from time to time, specially when people are talking with one another, don't be afraid to use close by standing camera, what you can generate with a closer shot, is more background attention too, might sound awkward but if you place it well off the characters that are talking with each other viewers can get distracted by the piece of terrain that is in front of them, and forget the view that's at the back, also closing in on certain angles will create more background for you, cause you don't have the foreground, so keep that in mind with camera positioning.
Camera motion felt smooth, however it felt sometimes related to the action (which I will handle in that category as well) as if your camera didn't really bring that extra level touch to it, instead it didn't catch up with the actual action.
Your cinematic handling like dialogues and fades looked alright, so nothing to pin point there, the only notion was this small text displaying the years, instead of fading to black and letting them appear, use them in actual footage (short fade to black and let the text appear in the footage) this way you won't draw the viewers touch of the feel you are trying to create.
Story and Character build
Your story was nothing too refreshing in my opinion, it felt as if I was watching one of those movies like rome etc, where two legions have a grudge against another, and either there is one guy that rebels or 2 people from opposing factions fall in love.
Try to work out lore that spins new angles on your story, additional side stories, plots etc.
I loved Juile's character build, and I think that has partially to do with the fact that she was there in allot of scene's, advice would be to let her be a bit more dramatic or explosive, this will give away her behavior a little more quick.
Animation, (inter)action and Effects
First of all (as I have said to many) when people are making conversations make sure you use correct animations and not random ones, it's kinda awkward to see someone making a back-flip while she is talking.
Interaction wise people should look to one another when they are talking, you kinda forgot this at the mountain where Vaga, sharnea and yako were talking to one another (sharnea was still looking at her husband while her son was talking for example)
The actions you made should be better timed.
Slicing through the messenger where the sword didn't hit him is not accurate, and the spinning killing from Juile wasn't too accurate either, sounds, animations and camera's were all mixed up, leaving the viewer questioning, what really happened.
The effects, I really dislike the coming out of a sneak and using a blink? it would be cooler if people came from a mist cloud or fade in gradually via a trigger.
Music and Sounds
The music fades from one to the next might have been a bit more gradually, try to work with triggers that fade in and out your tracks.
Try to sync your sound effects a little bit more to your animations and happenings.
Last but least, don't be afraid to use some ambient sounds, for example the river stream behind vago, sharnea and her yako, that would contribute quite a little.
There are lots of things that you could improve on, but I am rating you with a 3.1 for this cinematic (vote = a 3)
overall good job, and episode 2 will get my review shortly.