Wheel of Time: Prologue

[Moderator]

10:29, 24th Sep 2010
Cweener: Approved

 

[Darkzealot_128]

Gonna check.

 

[light bolt30]

Improve description, even for a cinematic it needs to be good and good to look at. Use these BB Codes to make it look better! Use tables, screenshots, colours, font, sizes, etc.

 

[-Kobas-]

Looks cool for first time created cinematic!
Here check this:
http://world-editor-tutorials.thehelper.net/cinconan.php
Maybe you can learn something new from there!

Also terrain was a little bad, we was able to see map bound (end of the world or whatever)!

Use fog and environment effects a little more!

Some special effects was created bad!
Example: That red lightning was on ground not above!

 

[Zealon]

I like your attitude, how you won't give up until it gets approved, thats one of the things that makes a good mapmaker/cinamaticer.
And it's pretty good for your first cinamatic.

 

[Cweener]

Interesting.
The terrain is in need of improvement.
Otherwise, not bad.
I'm going rejected (until updated).

 

[Blackhoof]

well, at least the comments are better and less things are wrong with it now. thank you for providing constructive criticism, unlike the people who commented on the first version of this, saying just that it sucked.

i will improve and update as soon as i am able. im a little busy so that may take a while.

also wondering, has this inspired you to contemplate getting the Eye of the World book and start the Wheel of Time series? cause if it has it wuld be really cool.

 

[light bolt30]

Your description is beyond messy now... Please put it in a proper format, don't put size font BIG mixed with small.. Don't put different colours at different parts of the description, its very messy.

 

[millzy]

you realy should make the decription better its hard to read with all the different text colours and sizes use some tables check the decriptions for the cinematics in my singature

well every one has already said it and yer the terrain is pritty bad use the UTM it has alot of dodads that will help you

also you need to make sure the camera is moving all the time it just makes the cinematic work alot better and look better

the story line is sort of boring in a way

2/5

 

[Acron]

At first I was interested because I'm a fan of the wheel of time series, but if it was rejected I'm not gonna watch it till it's approved.
And anyways I rarely watch cinematics so don't take it personal, and since its ur first one, you should try working with someone who knows the work and only then start doing yourself.

 

[Krl70]

*sigh* il never get the chance to say "uber facepalm"

this is lacking, but not too bad, it is quite good for your first one.

EDIT: better now =)

 

[Blackhoof]

Well.... how do i make the terrain better? i have no idea how to make it any better, can one of you please help me?

Im sorry if the storyline is a bit boring, but its Robert Jordans' fault, not mine. cant do nothing 'bout that.

I suppose that the use of rainbow colours wasn't very wise, i'll change that.


I will heed yur advice and try to make the description better.

Were there any notably good things about it?

Also, i dont know how to get lightning effects off the ground, do any of you?

 

[drakexx]

i mean to it is awesome nice movie 5/5
+rep

 

[Cweener]

Indeed this is pretty good.
Now, there's an incorrectly spelled word,
wracked -> wrecked?

Other than that, the first transition to when they are all in that room doing the ritual or whatever to make the Dark One, is pretty abrupt.
Slow it down abit.

Other than that, this is pretty good, and I'm looking forward to seeing a sequel.

Now, in the world editor...
your triggers leak with almost every leak possible.
It's almost a ridiculous amount.
But as all of these triggers only run once, it's nothing horrid.

3/5 Approved.

 

[WaremDarkslayer]

An intriguing plot.
Like Cweener said your terrain is in need of improvement.Also it would be good to have a sky at some of the scenes, like the one showing Lews Therin going home.
Ultimately it is a leap (yes, that's right not just a step) in the right direction and I think you should keep it up. 3/5 from me and +rep (liked the whole story).

 

[HaPpY sAdIsT]

While I congratulate you on a well done first cinematic, I have a number of points in regards to the plot (Sorry to those who have not read the series):

1: What was with Lews Therin? He sounded like a self rightous prat not a commander who had been leading troops for the last century and could have the deaths of millions of people laid at his feet? I sincerely doubt whether he would ever shout 'For the light' as he sealed in the Forsaken.

2: Miervin dies??? But she's Lanfear she can't die yet. It would be far more in character for her to run away and leave the others to die (Beidomon, I'm looking at you)

3: Yes there are 13 forsaken, but of them 5 are female, not 0.

4: What a strange thing for Ishmael to say, again not in character, think more of Rand and Moridin's meeting in Tel'aran'riond

5: Telamon is not a surname, it the age of legends, those who excelled in their field(s) were granted an honourary third name: Examples include:
Lews Therin Telamon / Lews Therin Kinslayer
Ilyena Therin Sunhair
Elan Morin Tenodrai (Ishmael to the rest of us)

6: I understand the falsifying of names for the relatives, but really Bobby? It would be easier to show him storming in an killing people while dueling with the femal Aes Sedai who were in residence.

7: The relationship between Lews Therin and Miervin could have been drawn out rather than, as mentioned Lanfear's untimely death.

8: Lews Therin's death was somewhat unspectacular. Dragonmount is meant to be the tallest mountain in the world, situated in the middle of a plain. Not a small hill in between other small hills. It would be better to show lightning hitting Lews Therin then the screen fading to white with the sound of rumbling. When the light fades Ishmael is there musing philosophically.

All in all, not bad for a first time cinematic. My quams are only with the broken plot.

 

[Blackhoof]

YES! FINALLY! I got it approved, yes!

I will improve the terrain immediately. Only problem is, how do you want me to do it? I dont know what you guys define as good terrain.

What do you mean by the triggers leaking? How do i fix that?

Now, Sadist, I am aware of all those inaccuracies but they were necessary to make the cinematic run smoothly and simply.

Allow me to clear them up:
1. Well, I had no idea what he did or said when he sealed the Dark One, as we are never told. I made the whole encounter up from what i know. I'm sure you realise why i didnt include all 125 Companions, the 10'000-strong back-up force or the hordes of trollocs and forsaken that were surely there.

2.Well, Mierin doesn't run off to leave the others to die in the story, the building she was in explodes. She might of, but I am of the opinion that she was sucked into the Dark Ones prison and converted to the dark side there. It was simpler to just kill her then and there than have a big, drawn-out thing with her and Lews.

3.I know how many forsaken there are, it was easier to have only 7 than the full 13.

4.I know it might be out of character, but I had to improvise, again for simplicities sake.

5.Good point, i thought that Telamon was his last name for some reason. Still, no need to change it.

6.There might not have been any Aes Sedai there to begin with, besides, i wanted to make the whole thing abstract.

7.Answered in number 1.

8.I tried to make Lews therins death as accuratew as possible, but i dont know how to make the Firelords' Volcano spell make a bigger Volcano. Even i was dissapointed about that.

But, IM STILL REALLY HAPPY!

 

[HaPpY sAdIsT]

Blackhoof,
Yes your cinematic work is good, and I understand your happiness with it. But some could be extended to make the plot far more interesting. In particular:


The betrayal of Demandred from one of the most trusted lieutenants of the light to one of the generals of the shadow.

Mierin's obsession with LTT (She was not sucked into the prison, she turned for her own selfish reasons, the only person directly touched by the dark one is Mordeth and perhaps Isam / Lord Luc (On that note Mordeth is now ridiculous with his instant kill fog))


The debate between Ishmael and LTT in the hall of the servants; the logic behind serving the shadow.


The other thing: The methods of battle, if you read, you find that the first conflict in the war of power used actual people armed with shock lances. As this resulted in billions of deaths, people then turned to using constructs such as trollocs and Nym (Shomashta / The green man) These had the advantage that if they died it didn't matter, but they cannot pass through gateways.

Next, LTT would have simply destroyed all the trollocs using arrows of fire or deathgates, he can kill hundreds at a time if necessary, fireballs are simply ineffective.

And in regards to the forsaken: Graendal isnt dead

 

[Blackhoof]

Well, the main reason that i didnt extend it is because i felt that it was getting too long. Isn't 10 minutes getting too long for cinematics or something?

Also, if lanfear wasnt sucked into the bore, (or had something similar happen to her) how did she survive the explosion of the big egg university thing? Presumably it happened as soon as she drilled the bore, so she wouldnt have had time to Travel out.

And also, i thought that simply using custom trolloc and myrdraal models was simpler than having lots of guys (who we vdont know the appearance of) armed with weapons (that wedont know the appearance of) fightning each other. I tried to make this as simple and clear to people who havent read the Wheel of Time.

 

[orcwar2]

lol i was told to wait for the movie i guess this is good enough

 

[deepstrasz]

2.5/5. If that's how the book is too, then it's not a good one.