The Fate Love

[GaLaxY_256]

The Fate Love

Introduction

Mg Kaung

"Born as forsaken child, Mg Kaung was a half demon and half angel. After he attended Magic School on a strange forest to master teleportation, suddenly the power of curse made him evil. Leading to scourge path. By himself…"

Ma Su

"Ma Su is a grand mage of the Magic School. She was loved by Mg Kaung. She also learned Mg Kaung's time-based abilities but the curse inside her body made her unable to learn those…"

Part 1: The death of spirit…

"Mg Kaung always wanted to go to a strange forest. But his father, Magnis, the Grand Mage, didn't let him go. But one day...

Mg Kaung: Father, can you explain to me on why didn't you let me go to Magic School?
Magnis: "Stay here, son. I can see your future...
Mg Kaung: But!
Magnis: Enough, son!!! Go to sleep!

After 1 month...

Magnis: My son, can you gather these ingredients..?
*Suddenly, Magnis felt a great pain."
Magnis: Ah, this pain... ahhh....!
The pain made Magnis weak. He can't even talk.
Mg Kaung: What's happening, father!?
Magnis wrote a letter and gave it to Mg Kaung.
Mg Kaung: Dear son, I'll... be dead soon... I know it is too soon but I... give you permission now to go at Magic School.
While Mg Kaung is reading the letter, Magnis felt the pain. Suddenly, the spirit of a dragon spawned from Magnis and flew away.

Mg Kaung felt very sad while watching dragon fly away knowing it was once his father.
Mg Kaung read the letter, "But be careful son, the curse on your body can make you evil...".
<Mg Kaung torned the paper>
And he went to the Strange Forest."

This is story about love can posses people whatever… More parts coming soon!! Also can I ask if this is good? Pls comment

 

[Binsu]

The story looks too broken at least for me. To be honest, the grammar is quite bad and the way you tell the events and how you move the story is bad as well.

Here are the things which you can improve but I'm not sure if I corrected them properly seeing that the way you expressed the idea of your story is bad as I've said. Feel free to copy paste them:

"Born as forsaken child, Mg Kaung was a half demon and half angel. After he attended Magic School on a strange forest to master teleportation, suddenly..."

"Ma Su is a grand mage of the Magic School. She was loved by Mg Kaung. She also learned Mg Kaung's time-based abilities but..."

"Mg Kaung always wanted to go to a strange forest. But his father, Magnis, the Grand Mage, didn't let him go. But one day...

Mg Kaung: Father, can you explain to me on why didn't you let me go to Magic School?
Magnis: "Stay here, son. I can see your future...
Mg Kaung: But!
Magnis: Enough, son!!! Go to sleep!

After 1 month...

Magnis: My son, can you gather these ingredients..?
*Suddenly, Magnis felt a great pain."
Magnis: Ah, this pain... ahhh....!
The pain made Magnis weak. He can't even talk.
Mg Kaung: What's happening, father!?
Magnis wrote a letter and gave it to Mg Kaung.
Mg Kaung: Dear son, I'll... be dead soon... I know it is too soon but I... give you permission now to go at Magic School.
While Mg Kaung is reading the letter, Magnis felt the pain. Suddenly, the spirit of a dragon spawned from Magnis and flew away.

Mg Kaung felt very sad while watching dragon fly away knowing it was once his father.
Mg Kaung read the letter, "But be careful son, the curse on your body can make you evil...".
<Mg Kaung torned the paper>
And he went to the Strange Forest."


Remove the " from the whole text. Don't remove the " from your story though.

 

[GaLaxY_256]

Thx. Will fix that.

EDIT : Done! You can delete your whatever you want