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The Ash Tear

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Narrator- Dose ''Destiny'' really exist? Is it something we can change, something we can model or alter so that we may change our fate?
Narrator- Or is it something fixed in the great planes of time, something that whatever we do, we cannot alter?
Narrator- Hmm well, we will find the answer to those questions with the beggining of the journey of a unlikley young boy.
Narrator- His journey starts in a sunny summer day on Elmat's Fields.
*Daniel breaths heavily from all the hard work and the burning sun*
Grandpa- Daniel come on! Let's go fishing!
Daniel- Coming!
Grandma- Have fun dear, also try to leave some fish in the lake for your Grandfather!
Daniel- Haha I will Grandma, don t you worry!
Grandpa- Come then Daniel,no time to lose!
*They both start walking twords the lake and can be heard laughing and giggling on the way*
*While they both are fishing*
Daniel- Pa can I ask you something?
Grandpa- Sure son. Ask whatever you like!
Daniel- Could you tell me a bit more about my parents? I don't remember them very well.
*Grandpa Sighs*
Grandpa- They were good people, Daniel.. They were heroes! They gave their lives for the sake of others.
Daniel- Heroes? What do you mean, grandpa?
Grandpa- They single-handed protected an entire village, saving hundreds of lives in the process
but unfortunately the number of orcs overwhelmed them before reinforcements could arrive.. Their bodies were found
lying with thousands upon thousands of orc bodies.. They made the ultimate sacrifice!
Daniel- I wish I could join the militia to be like them.
*Grandpa suddenly snapped*
Grandpa- You don't need to join the militia to be like them, Daniel! You can do your part without
having to risk your life.
Daniel- But then how am I supposed to follow my...
*Grandpa stops Daniel's words*
Grandpa- You WON'T be joining the Militia any time soon and that's that! You re just a child!
Daniel- But!
Grandpa- NO EXCUSES, DANIEL! I don't want to lose you as well.Now lets get going, I think we have enough
fish for dinner.
Daniel- Alright...
*They both head back to the farm*
*Grandma greets them*
Grandma- Back so soon? Daniel honey did you leave any fish for your grandfather?
*Grandma laughs*
*Grandpa Sights*
Grandpa- My dear.. Our boy wants to join the militia..
Grandma- What?! But Daniel! You're too young, you don't have any training! You will get yourself killed!
*Daniel clenched his fists*
Daniel- I am old enough to take care of myself!
*Grandma gets spooked*
Grandpa- Daniel!
Daniel- Im sorry ma...
Grandma- Its ok dear,.. lets just go inside, night is almost upon us.
Daniel- Ma im sorry I shouted at you earlier.. it's just that..
Grandma- Its alright, deary.. we have more important things to deal with now.. don't let that bother you.
*Grandma and Daniel enterd the house while Grandpa stayined outside*
Daniel- Ma why won't you and pa let me join the militia to fight against the orcs?
Grandma- You are not ready Daniel, some day you will be but for the time being,you are just a boy.
Grandma- Try to get some rest, me and John will go for a walk outside.
*Grandma leaves the room and Daniel falls asleap*
*Daniel suddenly woke up*
Daniel- Okay grandma.. I'll be in my room if anything comes up.
Orc 1- HAHAHA PUNY HUMAN!
Orc 2- FILTHY HUMAN!
*Grandma screams*
Grandpa- Get back you savages!
Orc Warlord- GET OUT OF MY WAY, PIECE OF TRASH!
*Warlord strikes John*
Grandma- Nooooo! John! HELP! Have mercy! Please!
Orc Warlord- Mercy? AHAHAHA! END HER BOYS!
*Daniel leaves the house with the weapons of his parents*
Daniel- NOOOOO!
*Both orcs strike grandma*
*Daniel runs next to his Grandparents*
*All orcs laugh*
Orc Warlord- WHELP!
*His Grandparents whisper*
Grandpa- Save...yourself..
Grandma- Run...Daniel...
*Daniel starts attacking the warlord*
*The Warlord blocks and kicks Daniel*
*All the orcs start to laugh*
Daniel- I... Im sorry i failed you Ma, Pa!
*Daniel Gets up and starts to run away from the farm then turns back to see his grandparents living their last moments and the 3 orcs running after him*
*Daniel Daniel started heading into the forest and finds himself at a deadend near a abandoned stable*
Daniel- No! Get back! IS ANYONE HERE!?
Orc 1- NO ONE CAN SAVE YOU NOW FILTHY HUMAN!
Orc 2- PREPARE TO DIE, SCUM!
*Suddenly a bunch of people come out of the stable*
*The people manage to kill 2 and injure the warlord*
*The injured warlord turns to the people*
Warlord- I WILL BE BACK HUMANS!
*The warlord starts running back into the forest*
Daniel- wow.. Thank you! Who..who are you people?
*One of the people aproaches Daniel*
Jayson- Don't worry we are not your enemies.. we've come to help!
Daniel- B-BUT.. the orcs.. how on earth did they get here?!
*Another one of the people came near Daniel*
Jack- The war was lost, my friend. Our empire has burnt to the ground. No one helped us and the orcs overwhelmed us!
Daniel- M-My Grandparents, the farm...
*The girl from the group aproaches Daniel*
Nova- Were sorry for your losses.
Jayson- Come inside with us. We have food, water and a shelter.. We'll tell you what happend with the empire once we are in. No one is safe in these woods at night anymore.
*Daniel nodded and followed*
*The group of people went into the stable and went down some ladders to find himself in some kind of dungen.*
Alex- Well here we are, home sweet home.
Josh- We didn't take any precautions! What if there were more orcs? We could have all died!
Alex- What do you mean!? We couldn't have left him! What if it was you!?
Josh- It COULDN'T Have been me, I am not a idiot to wander the forest at night! Besides...
*Daniel intrerupts them*
Daniel- He is right...You all took a risk and i am greatfull for it, Thank you again for saving me.
*Josh grinned*
Josh- Finnaly someone agrees with me.
Alex- You're an asshole Josh.
Josh- What did you say!?
Alex- You heard me!
Josh- Im gonna...!
Jayson- Stand your ground Josh, save your strenght for the orcs!
Nova- Stop it guys no need to fight, besides we have a guest and didn't even introduce ourselves to him.
Jayson- Thats right, excuse us Mr....?
Daniel- Daniel...Daniel Elamat...
Jayson- Nice to meet you Daniel my name is Jayson Rigarm also these are, Nova, Alex, Josh and Jack.
Nova- Nice to meet you, my name is Diana Elm,but all my friends call me Nova.
Alex- Sup.My name is Alex Rogers, by the way don't make Nova angry or you will find out why she's got the name Hehe.
Nova- Alex!
*Alex starts sweating*
Alex- Just joking!
Josh- Welcome,I am Mr.Josh Reborvich but you may call me Josh.
Jack- Hello,all my friends call me Jack ,so just call me Jack.
Daniel- Nice to meet you all...I'm sorry can you excuse me for a moment...
*Daniel enters a darker part of the dungen*
Jack- I hope the lad is alright.
Nova- He looks like he went through alot.
Jayson- Then we must be by his side,in the darkest hour of the Azathon Empire no one should be alone.
Alex- Then im gonna go after him and make sure he doesn't get lost.
Josh- you should do that, finnaly make yourself useful.
Alex- Screw you!
Jayson- Alex, Daniel.
Alex- Alright,alright.
Josh- Hmph.
*Alex follows Daniel*
Daniel- This isn't happening... WHY did it have to happen to me... WHY?!
*Daniel starts crying*
Alex- Hey bro are you alright I came to check you.
*Daniel whipes his tears*
Daniel- Im alright...I just need some time to realise what just happend to me.
Alex- Alright I'll leave you then, but don't venture into the darkness too much or you will get lost okey?
Alex- Oke so if you need me or any one of us just give us a shout, and don't venture into the darkness any further oke?
Daniel- Understood.
Alex- Then see later.
*Alex leaves Daniel and returnes to the group*
*Daniel returns to the group after 5 minutes*
Daniel- Sorry for that its just that... The orcs killed my grandparents, my only fammily since i was a boy,they burned our farm, my only home since i was a boy... Its too much for me.
Jayson- Its alright Daniel.. We all know what its like to be in your place now, we all lost someone or something dear to us at that hands or orcs.
Daniel- If its alright with you all...in the morning i will return to the farm and bury my dead grandparents...
Jack- Then we will come with you!
Daniel- I am greatfull but you don't have to...
Alex- Thats right!From now one we will take care of eachother and look after each other.
Jayson- A wise decision.
Nova- I agree.
Josh- Well this is the best solution ive got so il stick with you guys for now.
Daniel- Thank you guys... Also can you tell me what happend with the war? Why are orcs where?How did the Kingdom fall?!
Alex- Woah there, slow down cowboy one question at a time.
Jayson- I think Jack can explain to you better than all of us, since he was in the Militia.
Jack- Well lad...il just tell you the whole story...You know that big fortres built at the entrance of the Twin Grosh Peaks? Well I was a capitan there and was taking a break from my shift
, when all of a sudden the ground started shaking, we were under attack, but not from the orcs... It was some kind of Giant reptile thing... I was thinking its a ''Dragon'' from the old legends
but i had no time to think what it WAS, i had to start killing it or else it would destroy the fortress and let the orcs roam free through the land. My men and I fought it but with no result, its
hide was so thick even the balistas couldn't pierce it... and as soon as we knew it the fortress was destroyed... I was knocked uncountiend by some rubble that fell on me. When I awoke,orcs were all
over the place,i found the perfect moment and ran from there, my mission to warn the Capital that the orcs were freed, it took me 3 days and nights to get to the capital on foot, and when i arrived...
it was horrible.... Rivers of blood were pouring fromt he capital... mountains of bodies of citizens,militia-men and all humans alike...I ran away as fast as i can when i saw that hoping to find a horse
and get to the other cities and warn them,When I finnaly found a horse I was ambushed in the forest by orcs,they were about to kill me when all of a sudden Jayson,Josh and Alex just jumped from the trees onto
the orcs and killed them one by one,t hen they brought me here and took care of me... I owe them my life.. Well thats basicly the what happend.
Daniel- What?But why didn't the other kingdoms help!?Why didn't they respect the old alliance?!
Jack- Beats me...I hope their leaders rot in the deepest pits of hell for not aiding us.
Daniel- Also you told me that Jayson,Jack and Alex saved you but where was Nova?
Jayson- We found Nova some weeks later when we were scavanging for supplies,we thought she was dead but Jack made sure she would be alright.
Nova- I too was ambushed by orcs,one of them wounded me but Jack saved me.
Josh- Well I couldn't have let her die now could i?I was a respected field medic in my day and never did any one of my patients die at my hand.
Alex- Well kid you heard our stories, what about sharing yours?
*Daniel starts to stare at the ground*
Daniel- Well....my farm was...
Alex- Im sorry kid, didn't intend to bring back bad memories.
Daniel- It's ok... Well.. i think il go by the fire and go get some sleep...
Jayson- Nonsense use my tent, its the one in the middle ,i will be the look out in case there are any other orc patrols.
Daniel- Thank you Jayson...Well then good night.
*Everyone says ''Good Night''
*Daniel enters Jayson's Tent and goes to sleep*
Nova- I wounder what happend.
Jayson- He will tell us when he is ready.
John- Just a little suggestion, we too should go to bed if we are to help him in his little ''problem''.
Alex- I agree,''Yawn'' im also tired from that orc encounter.
Josh- But you did nothing!!!
Alex- I was there for visual support,do you know how tiering that is?
Josh- Bah you're such a chiald sometimes.
Alex- Likewise.
Jayson- Enough I agree with Jack, you all should get some rest,we have a long day tomorow.
Nova- Well then good night everybody.
Jayson- Good Night.
Jack- Night
Alex- Don't let the bed-bugs bite.
Josh- I hope they bite your ass tonight Alex.
Alex- Heeeeeey!
*Everyone goes into their tents except Jayson who goes on the surface*
*Daniel wakes up breathing heavily from a nightmare*
Alex- Morning Bro.
Nova- Good morning Daniel.
Josh- Morning
Jack- Good Morning.
Jayson- Good morning Daniel, did you sleep well?
Daniel- Morning... no i didin't... I had a horrible nightmare.
Jayson- I see... How are you feeling?
Daniel- Im ok, when can we get going?
AleX- We ain't going anywhere till we eat.
Daniel- But...
Jack- Alex is right you aren't going anywhere untill you eat, you look like you could use a good meal.
*Daniel sights*
Daniel- Fine.
*Nova passes Daniel his food*
Nova- Hope you like it! It was my turn to cook.
Josh- Explains the taste.
Nova- What about it!?
Josh- Nothing! Best food ive eaten in years!
Nova- I thought so.
Daniel- Tastes great! Can i have more?
*Nova gigles*
Nova- You can have as much as you want.
Daniel- Thank you.
*After they have eaten they went to the surface at the stable entrance*
Jayson- Alright Daniel, lead on?
Daniel- I think I came from the direction.
Josh- Is it wise to leave the camp unprotected?
Jayson- I doubt anyone would find it, besides Daniel's farm can't be far,if he managed to find us on foot.
*Josh sights*
Josh- Fine...
Alex- Cmon lazybones.
*Josh Facepalms*
Jayson- Alright group lets go, Daniel lead on.
Daniel- Ok.
*They arrive at the farm*
*Daniel sights*
*Daniel wispers*
Daniel- Im so sorry...
Jayson- Daniel don't worry were here.
Daniel- I just can't belive I lost them.
Nova- You didin't lose them they are still with you, watching over you.
Daniel- Thanks Nova...
Daniel- WAIT!Were are the bodies!?
*Daniel Runs twords the house*
Daniel- The bodies are gone! Did someone take them?
*The sound of somthing moving in the bushes can be heard*
Jayson- It looks like we have guests.
Alex- Show yourself!
*Jax comes from twords the Barn*
Jax- Woah don't kill me! I didin't do anything!
Daniel- Who are you! What are you doing here?! Did you take the bodies?!
Jax- Bodies? Do you mean the two old people? I burried them.
Daniel- Burried them?...
Jax- Yeah I burried them, i couldn't just leave theme you know.
Daniel- Thank you... thank you good sir...
Jax- Thank me? Why?
Nova- They were his grandparents-
Jax- Oh I see, Im sorry kid.
Jayson- What are you doing here and who are you?
Jax- Im Jax and I came here with my hunting buddies looking for supplies.
Jax- Since the orcs roam the land freele we can't really hunt or farm anything you know.
Jayson- How many are you?
Jax- About 10.
Josh- Where is your camp.
Jax- Not far, 2 miles to the east and you will find it.
Alex- Mind if we come along?
Jax- Sure why not, if you want I can take you now.
Daniel- Wait... Jax, go in the house and take everything you need.
Jayson- Are you sure?
Daniel- Im sure, My grandparents would have done the same.
Jax- Alright, thanks Kid.
Nova- Jax you should come with us back to our stable, we have some supplies that you can use there.
Jax- Sure me and my buddies will gladly take those.
Jayson- So it is decided then? From now on we stick together?
Jax- Yep, from now on we look after eachother.
Jax- Wait whats that behind you?
Orc Warlord- I TOLD YOU I WOULD BE BACK HUMANS!
Nova- That orc!
*The orc strikes down Jayson and Alex*
Daniel- Nooo! Jayson, Alex!
*More orcs emarge all around them and it appears they are surounded*
*A orc rushes twords Daniel*
Orc- DIE FILTH!
Daniel- Nooo!
*Nova wakes up Daniel from his nightmare*


More will come!
 
Level 36
Joined
Nov 24, 2007
Messages
4,404
Unless you're referring to a tear such as something that's torn up,
then you got the title grammatically wrong. It should be "The Ashen Tear" >.>

And it's does, not dose, in the first line.

With those two errors and no description whatsoever and very poor editing I don't
feel too enticed to read more. Add a decent description of what you're making and
then go over the text and decide what exactly it is that you're writing. Because if
this isn't a script for a play or a movie, actually, even if it is, it's very dull reading.

Instead of having a "narrator" being it's own "character" speaking with separate lines,
you might want to consider having the teller as merely a telling voice, with no particular
point of origin. You know, like most other written works.
 
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