[Short Story] The Little Ant (Hope You Enjoy It!)

[Miss_Foxy]

I really hope it's okay to make a story out of something related to everyday life, instead of just Warcraft Lore.

Well, out of boredom and the fact that I have to practice for my English Examinations tomorrow, I decided to write a really short and simple story, please do correct me and comment on my mistakes too:

The Little Ant

The classroom bell jingled like a silly elephant. Little Johnny (Typical simple story name) bolted out of the door and darted towards the school cafeteria as if he had just robbed a bank. That day, being French Fry Friday, he just could not abstain from settling his oodles of taste buds into the crunchy, golden texture of French Fries. When he arrived as the earliest customer queuing at the Western Food Stall, he discovered, to his dismay, that the vendor was still busy whipping up the final batch of fries. This left Little Johnny biding fervently in front of the stall, not knowing how to enliven himself.

At that very moment, something minuscule had caught his attention. It was a little red ant. On quotidian occasions, an ant would usually be of no significance. However, on this prosaic point of time, he noticed that the ant was making its way towards a platter of fries which were already done. At first, he felt like squishing it like any other bug (Due to the fact that it was attempting to steal fries he was about to pop into his mouth sooner or later), but the ant did something which interested him. It was attempting to carry a massive fry (Compared to itself), but couldn't seem to do so, it then started to communicate with some of its fellow friends nearby to aid him in his plight. The whole process was lucid, yet astounding, as Little Johnny watched helplessly while one of his soon-to-be-eaten-by-him fries was soon to be eaten by little ants. Thoughts flooded his mind. He was pondering over how even little ants seem to overcome everyday problems with some help and the fact that there were many people who assisted him while he was having trouble with the 'Fries' of life.

"Oh, It's you again Johnny. The fries are done, by the way." The vendor mentioned as she handed a plate of fries over to Little Johnny while he gave her the money.

"Thank you." Little Johnny uttered. The vendor was thrown aback at his sudden gesture of politeness, but later managed a smile.

The loud echoes of chattering from the hallway signaled for Little Johnny to grab a seat before the rest of the famished students do. He had just learnt something new, and it wasn't because his teachers forced him to.

- Miss_Foxy

Well, this is the first time I've ever posted a story online, and I really hope that some of you would review it and give me a grade. Please do tell me my mistakes and ways to correct them to, I'd love to be prepared for my exams

Thank you!

 

[Longi]

Well, i think it's pretty good story. It's simple, short and even quite interesting plot (nothing suprising, but it's not like every story have to suprise reader).

Im not really that good in English, so I cant point out mistakes, but one thing is bothering me.

the fact that there were many people who assisted him while he was having trouble with the 'Fries' of life.

He had just learnt something new, and it wasn't because his teachers forced him to.

I would say, that its more like he Realized that, more than Learn about it. It's just a fact that had not time to think about and then while waiting for french fries PUFF, magic realization.
Still it's nice story. I would give 5/5, I hope it will encourage you to post more stories online :]

 

[Vizel]

As Longi said. That's more of an epiphany (Which I believe is the word you were looking for, )

But it's a nice little story. I personally think there's a little too much description, but that's JUST me, (I think Dean Koontz and Stephen King go WAY overboard on description (Who wants to see two pages on the travel of a sweat drop?? I don't.)) it feels a little distracting to me in the first paragraph. The rest of it was perfectly balanced, however, imo.

6/5 for a wonderful tidbit of morality,

 

[Longi]

As Longi said. That's more of an epiphany (Which I believe is the word you were looking for, )

Yeah...Epiphany that's exactly what I was looking for <sarcasm>

About descriptions. I have opposite opinion about that and I've got to say that even Stephen King description are pretty nice to read (read Bag of Bones recently). Making mood, atmosphere is important, its easier to imagine whole situation

darted towards the school cafeteria as if he had just robbed a bank.

And I know that Little Johnny didnt "just" run, he has done some Zerg Rush to cafeteria, run like crazy (probably injuring someone in proces). That is my opinion xD