Murder Incognito

[Moderator]

Vengeancekael
Date: 2012/Dec/07 20:13:16

[Please do not send me a message, use Staff Contact] ​

Comment:

Kind of a funny cinematic, I like Detective Dick's attitude, but it does become annoying after a while, especially his pauses and "dude". You stretched out the funniness of his attitude too much. Making other characters funny would be an option.
The robotic voices are an ok addition, but they also start hurting your ears at some point. Detective Dick's voice acting is perfect, especially his joker laugh.
The camera work could use some work, try moving the camera constantly, not really fast, but quite slowly, zooming in or out of characters. And show the speaking character from the front.
The grammar needs work: "He might of..." -> "He might have..."
"Whos There?" -> "Who's there?"
etc.
The terrain also needs some work, it doesn't really look beautiful or natural, try adding custom models, the interiors could also use more doodads, especially the interrogation room.
But overall it can be really funny for some.​

Acceptable

[tr]​

Rules

17/05/12 - Vengeancekael: Approved.
15/05/12 - Vengeancekael: Set back to pending.

Old moderation

Date: 14:21:38 14-May-12
Map Moderator: -Kobas-
Map Status: Rejected 1/5
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Comment: Please fix some names and replace bad words.

 

[sonofjay]

Your images are broken.

 

[leventopoulo]

Not anymore!

 

[sonofjay]

Looks interesting I'll watch it later
~DL

EDIT: Here is my review

Bad:
Voices actors sounds like robots, you better not used any program for voice acting.
Scripts are also bad.
I don't really like the conversation, since the voices really ruined everything.
Camera movements is also bad.

Good:
Nice sound effects/music.

Suggestions:
Find a real person to do the voice acts.
Improve your scripts
Make the conversations realistic or more natural

I won't rate this since I don't really rate cinematics.

 

[CocaineFreak]

Wow? Is this map still pending?? WTF!?!?! approve! Its awesome! LOL
Nice voices! I also liked the plot twist!! I though michael did it. lolol

-Terrain is awesome
-Camera movement is really pro like
-Voices +++ cool
-Plot Awesome
-Music beyond awesome! I play LA Noire too!
5/5

 

[sonofjay]

@Cocaine, seriously...

If you want to watch real cinematics, find King Klear's work

 

[CocaineFreak]

Look. I watched one of King Klear's cinematics, Pact of vengeance.
Honest to god i think Murder incognito is better. Both cinematics have great terrain and Sh*t, nice music etc. But, I was entertained by this cinematic more.
1rst of all its longer and this dude must have put a lot of effort in to it
2nd You cant judge a cinematic because of its voice acting. Just cuz king klear has human voices doesn't mean its better. Also Detective Dicks voice was cool. I liked it. i think that wraps up my reply!
Cheers

 

[leventopoulo]

Thanks Cocaine. But seriously? Please don't compare me to King Klear. I don't want to step in to anyone's shoes or anything.

 

[ap0calypse]

Warning: may contain spoilers

I personally think King Klear's age-old cinematic Pact of Vengeance is better, but that's beside the point.

This cinematic is your best by far, the music really fit the scenes.

Though the AT&T Text to Speech has some nice voices, it's not meant for any voice acting (due to the obvious lack of emotion). I was laughing when I heard the robot-voice say "Words cannot express my feelings right now" in a completely emotionless manner.
But I'm not a map moderator anymore, so I don't have to have high standards! I liked that you put in the effort to add voice acting, instead of going for complete silence.
Your own voice acting was very good though, surprisingly good actually.

The hardest thing to do is probably work out a good detective script, considering the cinematic only lasts for about 10 minutes or so.
I felt that you gave away the plot twist way too early: when Jason was accusing Dick, it already became clear what was about to happen. From there on it followed the most logical course and ended the way I kinda expected it to end.
It's not something I accuse you for though, since 10 minutes is just horribly short for a really good detective story.

Lots and lots of lazy grammar (missing capitals, missing apostrophe's and all that) and some typo's.
Might want to fix those, it really helps your text to look better. ( I'm, can't, ... ).
Also: the voice says "foul", yet you always write "fool". Change it all to "foul"


The interview at the end is a nice addition, quite liked that. In fact: this may be your first cinematic I sort-of enjoyed watching.
Good job

 

[leventopoulo]

Thank you Ap0calypse! Your opinion really means a lot to me!

I wanted to add some misleading plot twist, but i failed so i decided to just get to the point and reveal the real killer!
LOL the "Words cannot express my feelings right now" is the Microsoft Sam voice. I thought it was funny too.

I'm going to start correcting the grammar right away! will update shortly!

Thanks again! And Be good!

 

[sonofjay]

@leventopoulo

If you want the story to be more serious find a real person to voice act, but if you want to keep the lolz just keep the voice act, but improve your grammar.

Even though I my review have many negative points believe me I watch this 3 times for the lolz

 

[leventopoulo]

Yeah, well i did try to add comedic elements in the cinematic, hence the "Joker laugh" and some of the funny Text to speech dialogue. But of course i want the story to have meaning and a pinch of seriousness.

I am glad you enjoyed it though. !!! peace!

 

[sonofjay]

If you want the story to be serious then I suggest to fix or change some of the lines.

 

[Vengeancekael]

Alright, while this cinematic has some weak points, it's still approvable.
However, you will have to tone down the language a bit, remove at least half of those swear words.
Oh and those typos are quite annoying.
Next, post the credits in the description here.
And afterwards I'll approve it.

 

[sonofjay]

^
My Melee map is pending for 3 weeks, >:C

Anyway agree with the swear words, try to reduce or maybe remove them all.

 

[leventopoulo]

Ok, I'm working on it! Correcting typos and toning down the language! Its gonna be ready the day after tomorrow or tomorrow afternoon!!!!

 

[xorkatoss]

Ctrl+Shift+N for Incognito Window, let the "fun" begin, if you know what i mean^^

ontopic:
wtf i thought this was a game xD
i doubt i could give good critism since i don't know much about cinematics my self but there are some things that IMO you could do to improve your cinematic:

-remove the "robotic" speeches and try to find ppl to do them for you
-wc3 doodads are simple and boring, it would be better to use some HQ trees, fences etc. (pm me if you need help with HQ models)
-wc3 units are also simple and boring, im pretty sure you can find some good police men with guns to use
-maybe you could add more eye-candy like for example the murderer setting the house on fire after killing the victim and a firetruck comes and shoots water on the house to put out the fire

 

[leventopoulo]

Interesting idea with the firetruck! I'll add it in my next cinematic

Thanks for the advice! Will take note for possible update and/or future cinematic projects of mine!

 

[AnonymousPro]

i like crime and investigation cinematic.
Should customize the map units doodads and so on.
wc3 defaults are boring.
Well i like robotic voice either.
the first scene, if possible, use nice looking doodads and unit.
users like me would choose to play games which are more eye-pleasing, with good visual effects. The first impression is important!
well it is good that dick talked about the camera.
a camera in a crime investigation would be weird.

was surprised dick actually died.
a normal cinematic would be dick solving the crime, instead.

 

[AnonymousPro]

Ok, I'm working on it! Correcting typos and toning down the language! Its gonna be ready the day after tomorrow or tomorrow afternoon!!!!

there's absolutely nothing wrong with the language, or it would be too boring

 

[leventopoulo]

i like crime and investigation cinematic.
Should customize the map units doodads and so on.
wc3 defaults are boring.
Well i like robotic voice either.
the first scene, if possible, use nice looking doodads and unit.
users like me would choose to play games which are more eye-pleasing, with good visual effects. The first impression is important!
well it is good that dick talked about the camera.
a camera in a crime investigation would be weird.

was surprised dick actually died.
a normal cinematic would be dick solving the crime, instead.

Thanks Mate! I appreciate your views!!

 

[AnonymousPro]

I think you should have a load screen too.

 

[San_Melon]

really nice 5/5

 

[StoPCampinGn00b]

Requested Re-moderation

I won't be using my review template here since it isn't a full review of the map, but here are the reasons why I'm keeping the moderator comment as a three star rating. No spoilers below!

1. The grammar and spelling is not proficient. There are lots of apostrophes, periods, spelling and capitalization errors in over half of the sentences. Refer to: http://www.hiveworkshop.com/forums/miscellaneous-tutorials-456/english-language-156761/#post1450816. For example, I as its own word should always be capitalized. No sentence should have no ending punctuation. You're trying to express the word foul but you spell it fool. It doesn't have to be excellent English, but at least to the point where it's not extremely noticeable that the quality of the English is bad.

2. Camera turns are too sharp. There sharp camera turns especially in the beginning of the cinematic. It makes me dizzy, and I'm sure others don't exactly like that.

3. The voices are sub-par. I wouldn't say they're bad, but they don't express feelings which makes the tone of the story very monotone. It is better than no voices at all.

4. There aren't any animations or special effects that stand out. Say you are a director. Say, Michael Bay, director of the Transformers franchise. Without the slow-mo, explosions, robotic leaping and other effects the movie has, would the movie goers have the same taste after the movie? To be frank, no, they wouldn't. Without any effects or unique animations, you'd have to hope viewers will enjoy the story. If not, there wouldn't be much a viewer would enjoy.

5. The terrain is above average, but of course it could definitely look better by adding more doodads that are fitting to the theme of the map. Just make sure not to spam.

 

[Arad MNK]

Warning: Might contain Spoilers
Weak cinematic. The camera Working was terrible. The Voice acting was done by a Application, that is bad because it was out of any emotions.
10 Minutes and a Detective story? Hmmmm...
The Ending was Wierd. I didn't get it. The Detective was the killer? Then what was the Motivation? The Story needed a Flashback. And If Somebody hit a Police, They don't shoot him, they arrest him and if he was killing someone they shoot him!

Overall, this cinematic deserves a 3/5.

 

[SirGareth]

Like this cinematic a lot. I think the AT&T voices do a good job, nothing to complain about.
Its not that usual to make cinematics like this, thats what i loved probably the most. Cool cinematic, nice idea.
5/5

 

[deepstrasz]

3/5. Nothing much to it apart from visuals. It's basically spoiling itself.

-it's pretty obvious the killer is the detective after scheduling meeting the deceased's friend the next day
-also, android voices