- Joined
- Aug 23, 2007
- Messages
- 465
I wrote this pretty recently. I sent it to Josh who you'll read about to have printed for all of his friends and for the school that Tommy went to. I hope for others to enjoy the writing and think about the boy who lived his life like a car chase, no end in sight.
All life is worth living, no matter what the price. You could be a loser, a druggy, and alcoholic, or even be beat by your parents but your life is worth living. The world is full of pain and suffering and thinking that you have it the worst is sick. I used to be like a lot of people and think those thoughts. Thinking my life sucks, my parents hate me, and being into a lot of things like drugs and alcohol. I found a way to get over it though. Sure I still have rough spots but I pull through. Really it took the death of a friend to bring me out of my hypnosis. He surely lived a harsher life than me.
His parents got a divorce when he was 5. He was allowed to live with his dad who was always bringing new dates home. He got to see his druggy mom every now and again. He pushed through onto his teen years. By the time he was 13 he had already smoked cigarettes, drank whiskey and partied like a 21 year old right out of college. Onto his later years when he was about my age, 15, he got into drugs. He hated his mom for the choices she had made but once he started smoking and had that feeling that nothing mattered, he figured it wasn’t so bad. He started talking with his mom a lot more and even started buying weed from her.
He finally reached the age of 18. Still in high school he was soon to graduate. He was still doing drugs and had even moved up to bigger and worse things like multiple pills along with heroine, cocaine, and even meth a time or two. He surly put the high in high school. Everyone knew what he did. His parents, his teachers, his closest friends, and his girlfriend all knew but could do little to help.
I met Tommy A. Lynn in the month of June in 2006. He was 18 still close to turning 19 and still living the fast paced life that he loved. We became quick friends. When he was sober he was the most amazing person someone could talk to. No matter what the problem he was able to help. He could talk to someone and just make them feel better no matter what. He also lived by a saying he though up when his uncle died in the military. “Respect is just a word. You have to show it to mean it.” This phrase was something his uncle lived by but with just a slight twist in the words. Tommy made it his own. Tommy would respect you whether you were black, white, gay, or straight. He figured that as long as you lived by your own word and not by the leash of another that you were worth receiving respect.
I met his while my parents and I were on a vacation in Lincoln City, Oregon. I was in a Wal-Mart with my parents when he rounded a corner with a couple of his friends. They bumped into my parents cart and apologized. He then struck up a conversation with me. A little surprised and shy I wasn’t all that up for talking with the random guy I had just met. My parents grew to like the random boy from Wal-Mart and asked if he’d like to come to the campground we were at and hang out for a while. That day I really got to know him. He showed multiple sides of himself and become a true friend.
We kept in touch after that by phone. Later that year, I went back to Oregon and stayed with Tommy for near a month, this was when he introduced me to the drugs. I asked if I could try and he said only if it was because I wanted to not because he was doing it. I lied and ended up down a road of dark and sick times. Partying, fighting, selling, dealing you name it we did it. In a month I became pretty well educated in the effects of different drugs. Still compared to Tommy I was a light weight.
Around the winter of 2006 I got a call from Tommy. It was around midnight if I remember correctly and he was crying. I wasn’t used to the sound of someone as cool and collected as Tommy crying and was surprised. He said he was done. The first words out of his mouth were I’m done. I asked what, like and idiot and got a rough and quick response. He was done with drugs and alcohol. He said he proposed to his girlfriend Sandy and was planning on marrying her as a sober man, on his way to becoming a true dad as Sandy was pregnant. I talked with him all night. His plan was to go to rehab and stay as long as he had to. His life had been all about partying and getting high. He said he’d found a new high though the face of his loving girlfriend, and the idea of being a dad. He said he’d never been happier in his life and couldn’t wait to hold the baby in his arms. He told me he wanted me to go to rehab with him. He said he’d pulled me into a life of stupidity which would only lead to pain and heartache. He said he wasn’t going to let me turn into him. The summer of 2007 I left for Oregon for a three month stint in an Oregon state rehabilitation program. I held to it knowing that I didn’t want to have Tommy’s life no matter how great a person he was. He to held fast with everything he had planned. No booze touched his lips, no drugs found his body, and no cigarettes tarred his lungs. He became a new and changed man in his mind and was ready to take the world by storm. I left and he stayed for another two months, calling every now and again to check up on me.
Tommy stayed clean for the rest of 2007. I got a call from his dad Josh in January bearing bad news. He told me that Tommy and Sandy had gotten in a fight. They had been fighting over their new born Benny over whether or not they were raising him right. Tommy was starting to get headstrong thinking he was the perfect dad when Sandy saw all the mistakes. Josh then told me that he found Tommy in his room with a bottle of whiskey in one hand and his half burned joint in the other. Tommy had fallen from the top of the mountain to the bottom over a small fight. I only talked to Tommy once more after that and again got into a fight. He told me that he was better off like this. It was his life and the only way he knew how to live. I told him he was being stupid, that he had a family to think about and that he stopped once and he could stop again. It had seemed as though he calmed down when he told me that his life was falling apart. He was running in circles and no matter how hard he tried he could get out. Tommy A. Lynn cried again
Tommy said he needed more help. I promised to come down again that summer and we would take a vacation to someplace quiet and calm where we could think and talk, no drugs, no booze just the road and a truck. That promise was kept but in a different manner. On the night of March 14, 2008 Tommy Lynn was found in his room lying on his bed with a bullet in his head, his suicide note lying there next to him.
“My friends, my family you are my world. I’ve lived my life wondering and thinking how it would end, but doesn’t everyone. I can’t believe tonight I’m going to stop all that I’ve worked up to. All the friends I’ve got, all the love I’ve received and gained, gone. But remember everyone that I’m dying to help all of you. I’m taking a weight off your shoulders so that you will no longer have to worry about me. I’m helping everyone I know in the best way possible.
To my loving wife Sandy, I can’t say a thing. There is no way to describe how I feel about you and how I feel about never seeing you, holding you, or kissing you again. You have been the center of my life since the day we met and I hope you still remember that day. Was great fun.
To my son that I have only gotten to know. I love you no matter what. When you grow up don’t think I did this to leave you behind. I did this to get away. You don’t want a loser dad who can’t even take care of himself do you? I love you and always will.
To my dad and mom. I love you guys. No matter what I’ve said from the I hate yous to the I love yous. They were all true. I love you both and hate you both equally. Dad you’ve always been there for me and I could always depend on you. Mom I know you weren’t there much but I know you loved me no matter how hard you hid it.
To all my friends that I am leaving, I love you all as well. You were the glue that kept my life together. Always there with support and help when times got tough. Danny, Ron, and Jacob, you are the most amazing guys someone could ever know and I hope you live on to become famous or something like that. I’d love to go watch your movies as a ghost.
I do have a final regret as I write this however. Tyler I guess we’re going to have to put that vacation off for a while. I’m sorry man but it’s not going to happen. I’ve been trying my best but just can’t pull through. I love you, like the brother I didn’t want. You are a lot like me and I hope you stay that way, just make sure you lay off the booze and drugs. One day I hope you meet a girl like Sandy to. I’d love to see you with a wife and kids someday living the dream life I wish I could have.
Anyways my final goodbye, to everyone. I love you all. Remember this and please don’t forget me. I didn’t live this long to be forgotten so fast. Please don’t be mad or sad. Be happy. Be happy that I’m happy. I want you all to know that I didn’t die crying but I died with a smile on my face and a dream in my mind, of the perfect lives for you all. May my dream come true.
Love, Tommy”
That was the note left by Tommy A. Lynn, an artist to the end his dad called him. Needless to say we all still remember him. Me, his dad, his mom, and his friends. I keep in touch from time to time and can’t wait to visit. Me and Tommy’s dad Josh have become pretty close over the years and have hung out a bit. Tommy’s death his him especially hard. At the funeral we stood together out of the group of crying friends and talked. We thought back on all the stupid stuff Tommy and I did along with his dad. We laughed and quickly started crying. Not out of sadness but out of happiness. We knew Tommy was in a better place, and also knew that he was happy. We honored his last wish, pleasing him to the end.
To the greatest friend a guy could ask for. I dedicate this to Tommy. May his memory live on in the people who knew him, and the story he leaves behind to possibly become help for others. I love you Tommy and always will.
His parents got a divorce when he was 5. He was allowed to live with his dad who was always bringing new dates home. He got to see his druggy mom every now and again. He pushed through onto his teen years. By the time he was 13 he had already smoked cigarettes, drank whiskey and partied like a 21 year old right out of college. Onto his later years when he was about my age, 15, he got into drugs. He hated his mom for the choices she had made but once he started smoking and had that feeling that nothing mattered, he figured it wasn’t so bad. He started talking with his mom a lot more and even started buying weed from her.
He finally reached the age of 18. Still in high school he was soon to graduate. He was still doing drugs and had even moved up to bigger and worse things like multiple pills along with heroine, cocaine, and even meth a time or two. He surly put the high in high school. Everyone knew what he did. His parents, his teachers, his closest friends, and his girlfriend all knew but could do little to help.
I met Tommy A. Lynn in the month of June in 2006. He was 18 still close to turning 19 and still living the fast paced life that he loved. We became quick friends. When he was sober he was the most amazing person someone could talk to. No matter what the problem he was able to help. He could talk to someone and just make them feel better no matter what. He also lived by a saying he though up when his uncle died in the military. “Respect is just a word. You have to show it to mean it.” This phrase was something his uncle lived by but with just a slight twist in the words. Tommy made it his own. Tommy would respect you whether you were black, white, gay, or straight. He figured that as long as you lived by your own word and not by the leash of another that you were worth receiving respect.
I met his while my parents and I were on a vacation in Lincoln City, Oregon. I was in a Wal-Mart with my parents when he rounded a corner with a couple of his friends. They bumped into my parents cart and apologized. He then struck up a conversation with me. A little surprised and shy I wasn’t all that up for talking with the random guy I had just met. My parents grew to like the random boy from Wal-Mart and asked if he’d like to come to the campground we were at and hang out for a while. That day I really got to know him. He showed multiple sides of himself and become a true friend.
We kept in touch after that by phone. Later that year, I went back to Oregon and stayed with Tommy for near a month, this was when he introduced me to the drugs. I asked if I could try and he said only if it was because I wanted to not because he was doing it. I lied and ended up down a road of dark and sick times. Partying, fighting, selling, dealing you name it we did it. In a month I became pretty well educated in the effects of different drugs. Still compared to Tommy I was a light weight.
Around the winter of 2006 I got a call from Tommy. It was around midnight if I remember correctly and he was crying. I wasn’t used to the sound of someone as cool and collected as Tommy crying and was surprised. He said he was done. The first words out of his mouth were I’m done. I asked what, like and idiot and got a rough and quick response. He was done with drugs and alcohol. He said he proposed to his girlfriend Sandy and was planning on marrying her as a sober man, on his way to becoming a true dad as Sandy was pregnant. I talked with him all night. His plan was to go to rehab and stay as long as he had to. His life had been all about partying and getting high. He said he’d found a new high though the face of his loving girlfriend, and the idea of being a dad. He said he’d never been happier in his life and couldn’t wait to hold the baby in his arms. He told me he wanted me to go to rehab with him. He said he’d pulled me into a life of stupidity which would only lead to pain and heartache. He said he wasn’t going to let me turn into him. The summer of 2007 I left for Oregon for a three month stint in an Oregon state rehabilitation program. I held to it knowing that I didn’t want to have Tommy’s life no matter how great a person he was. He to held fast with everything he had planned. No booze touched his lips, no drugs found his body, and no cigarettes tarred his lungs. He became a new and changed man in his mind and was ready to take the world by storm. I left and he stayed for another two months, calling every now and again to check up on me.
Tommy stayed clean for the rest of 2007. I got a call from his dad Josh in January bearing bad news. He told me that Tommy and Sandy had gotten in a fight. They had been fighting over their new born Benny over whether or not they were raising him right. Tommy was starting to get headstrong thinking he was the perfect dad when Sandy saw all the mistakes. Josh then told me that he found Tommy in his room with a bottle of whiskey in one hand and his half burned joint in the other. Tommy had fallen from the top of the mountain to the bottom over a small fight. I only talked to Tommy once more after that and again got into a fight. He told me that he was better off like this. It was his life and the only way he knew how to live. I told him he was being stupid, that he had a family to think about and that he stopped once and he could stop again. It had seemed as though he calmed down when he told me that his life was falling apart. He was running in circles and no matter how hard he tried he could get out. Tommy A. Lynn cried again
Tommy said he needed more help. I promised to come down again that summer and we would take a vacation to someplace quiet and calm where we could think and talk, no drugs, no booze just the road and a truck. That promise was kept but in a different manner. On the night of March 14, 2008 Tommy Lynn was found in his room lying on his bed with a bullet in his head, his suicide note lying there next to him.
“My friends, my family you are my world. I’ve lived my life wondering and thinking how it would end, but doesn’t everyone. I can’t believe tonight I’m going to stop all that I’ve worked up to. All the friends I’ve got, all the love I’ve received and gained, gone. But remember everyone that I’m dying to help all of you. I’m taking a weight off your shoulders so that you will no longer have to worry about me. I’m helping everyone I know in the best way possible.
To my loving wife Sandy, I can’t say a thing. There is no way to describe how I feel about you and how I feel about never seeing you, holding you, or kissing you again. You have been the center of my life since the day we met and I hope you still remember that day. Was great fun.
To my son that I have only gotten to know. I love you no matter what. When you grow up don’t think I did this to leave you behind. I did this to get away. You don’t want a loser dad who can’t even take care of himself do you? I love you and always will.
To my dad and mom. I love you guys. No matter what I’ve said from the I hate yous to the I love yous. They were all true. I love you both and hate you both equally. Dad you’ve always been there for me and I could always depend on you. Mom I know you weren’t there much but I know you loved me no matter how hard you hid it.
To all my friends that I am leaving, I love you all as well. You were the glue that kept my life together. Always there with support and help when times got tough. Danny, Ron, and Jacob, you are the most amazing guys someone could ever know and I hope you live on to become famous or something like that. I’d love to go watch your movies as a ghost.
I do have a final regret as I write this however. Tyler I guess we’re going to have to put that vacation off for a while. I’m sorry man but it’s not going to happen. I’ve been trying my best but just can’t pull through. I love you, like the brother I didn’t want. You are a lot like me and I hope you stay that way, just make sure you lay off the booze and drugs. One day I hope you meet a girl like Sandy to. I’d love to see you with a wife and kids someday living the dream life I wish I could have.
Anyways my final goodbye, to everyone. I love you all. Remember this and please don’t forget me. I didn’t live this long to be forgotten so fast. Please don’t be mad or sad. Be happy. Be happy that I’m happy. I want you all to know that I didn’t die crying but I died with a smile on my face and a dream in my mind, of the perfect lives for you all. May my dream come true.
Love, Tommy”
That was the note left by Tommy A. Lynn, an artist to the end his dad called him. Needless to say we all still remember him. Me, his dad, his mom, and his friends. I keep in touch from time to time and can’t wait to visit. Me and Tommy’s dad Josh have become pretty close over the years and have hung out a bit. Tommy’s death his him especially hard. At the funeral we stood together out of the group of crying friends and talked. We thought back on all the stupid stuff Tommy and I did along with his dad. We laughed and quickly started crying. Not out of sadness but out of happiness. We knew Tommy was in a better place, and also knew that he was happy. We honored his last wish, pleasing him to the end.
To the greatest friend a guy could ask for. I dedicate this to Tommy. May his memory live on in the people who knew him, and the story he leaves behind to possibly become help for others. I love you Tommy and always will.
