Adventure in Northrend: Dark Blade&Fire

[WerBackIII]

Night. The time for dangerous creatures to come out. The time of the Demons. The most dangerous part of the day in Felwood. Fel Gurads wander the possesed forests of Felwood while their minions show up from the shadows. Only the warriors of the Burning Legion are awake. Only them and Immodir Darkblade. The outstanding demon hunter seeking his hunt - the demons. But what he was infront of wasn't a demon, but a fire elemental.

-Who are you? - asked Darkblade
-I am the master of fire, the right hand of the Keeper.
-What do you want from me? Get out of my way!
-Wait, young Demon Hunter, my master wants to speak with you.
-I don't care about your master, I have more important work to do!
-Fool! No one talks that way to me! I am the master of fire! If you don't come with me by your will, I will take you with me!

A large centaur-like creature showed up from the shadows and quikly stroke Immodir. Then, while the demon Hunter was stunned, the fire elemental opened a portal and entered with the magnataur, who was carrying the body of the elf.

----

-Where am I? - asked the Demon Hunter. It was hot and he feeled strange.
-You are in My Master's halls, the Halls of Fire, young one! Now you serve us!
-I serve only to the Kaldorei, you scum!
-Fool! You are no longer a night elf! Your lord is my master, who converted you into something more powerful and unstoppable!
-No! There's no way! I can't be a demon! I can't be like Illidan!
-Stupid, my master hates the demons! My Master converted you into a Warrior of Ashes and now the powerful energy of fire lies in your body, young one!
-I don't care! Free me or die!
-It seems that you haven't learned your lesson. Try to walk, hunter, try to make a step. Try to make a single move!

Immodir tried. He couldn't.

-What have you done to me, you evil creature!
-No one talks to me that way! And not me, but My master and Your Lord done it to you! Now HE controls your body. While his real body lies exhaused in the Great Hall of his chambers, he needs a new one. He chose you and you should be proud!
-No!

 

[anetherond]

I don't like it... The structure is bad and the text is predictable and boring. Perhaps you should add more description about the environment and the characters before skipping right to the part with the Fire elemental, and between the dialogs. And if he is so outstanding in what he does, how did the Mangantaur surprised him like that?

 

[WerBackIII]

He is blind? If you play WC3 you should know that. And no, no explanation needed, like to explain what's an elemental.

Thanks for the other!

 

[anetherond]

This isn't obvious that he is blind. Although it is traditional among the Demon Hunters to blind themselves there are always exceptions. Agian, I suggest you add it to the character description, to help the reader to imagine the picture. Perhaps I am wrong but I think that although the demon hunters are blind they are still full aware for every thing that happens around them, sometimes even more than others that can see.

 

[WerBackIII]

You're right.. they blind themselves so that they can see the demons (or the aura around the demons) better.


TNX again.