nope, I don't really buy wheys or creatine or any supplements, no budget. I just eat meats <span style="font-size: 9px">(and fruits sometimes)</span>, don't really have optimum amount of nutrition, but still work for me since I can gain mass easily by just increase my food intake <span style="font-size: 9px">(and vice versa)</span>.
Why I'm depressed? It's quite deep, my depression already started around 3 years ago, it's just getting worse. Whenever I'm doing something, the only thing on my mind is like 'why am I even doing this... my life is just gonna end someday... why even bother trying so hard...'.
Also, I have this incredible hate towards human <span style="font-size: 9px">(including family, excluding the woman I fell in love with)</span>.
And then people around you keep breaking promises just make it even worse. Many more, and living through it every day is as hard as gasping for air in a closed box.
I tried to be kind to others, so that I can smile when they smile. However, my disease is slowly rotting my willpower.
But when it comes to lifting, it felt so alive. I thought to myself, 'finally I have something that I like and quite decent at it... finally...'. I just want to become stronger and stronger.